ICantStopLovinHim Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Here's the situation I ran into an old high school friend a couple of weeks ago at a night club. Someone who used to have the biggest crush on me. We had fun reminising and dancing and drinking. We exchanged numbers and have been in contact with each other every day since. It has been wonderfull and very stimulating conversation. We found out we have alot in common, both have kids been married and divorced. I have been looking forward to our talks, he has even slightly "touched" on the topic of being together as in dating each other...which i would consider....except one thing. He asked if he could see me again so i agreed to let him come to my job on m lunch hour to meet for lunch. I feel terrible saying this but with out the darkness in the club and the alcohol to match im not very attracted to him. He is the exact OPPOSITE of a man I would be attracted too, I am far from a vain person. Its just that he is real skinny and a little short. I dont know what to do mentally im there with him i enjoy our conversations but not im confused at the turn off his physical appearance has been to me. Please anyone have any suggestions? Before i let go what could very well be the man i have been needing in my life?
st8toftheheart Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 At the end of the day you need that attraction. The difference between a relationship and a good freindship is the erotasism. That doesn't mean you have to have sex hanging from the ceiling, but it does mean that you have to have an attraction to him, want to physically be with him whether that be holding hands or snuglging, to making love. Without that then your just friends. Its has nothing to do with vanity. Attraction is subjective. So if you have alot in common and get along well and but yet have no attraction. Great! you have a good friend. Happy Hunting.
Author ICantStopLovinHim Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 Thank you so much for your help. I guess my question should be how do i tell him that? It is obvious he wants more. I just feel bad that the attraction is there just on the phone. Just seems to disappear when we are face to face.
Merin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I Agree with St8... While Physical Attraction isn't everything... For Me personally I have to have an attraction to a Guy for it to become more than Friends... That isn't to say the Guy must be drop dead gorgeous... but yeah there needs to be something about him physically that I find appealing.
whichwayisup Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Thank you so much for your help. I guess my question should be how do i tell him that? It is obvious he wants more. I just feel bad that the attraction is there just on the phone. Just seems to disappear when we are face to face. Just tell him that you like him but don't have any plans on making the friendship go romantic. Don't say, let's still be friends, let him decide that...Be short, sweet and to the point. Hopefully he isn't going to be crushed. If he is, that is his problem, not yours.
st8toftheheart Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by ICantStopLovinHim I guess my question should be how do i tell him that? Just tell him what you told us. That you love your talks, that feel like you have somebody you can talk to and that he's a great friend, but that what you feel for him is friendship. Now of course if you lead him to think otherwise earlier, that's a little different. He'll wonder why the switch. It is obvious he wants more. I just feel bad that the attraction is there just on the phone. Just seems to disappear when we are face to face. Its nice that you feel bad for him, although probably unnecessary, but at the end of the day you need to be happy too.
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