fractura Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Hey everyone. I am in a terrrible mental state right now, so any help would be strongly appreciated. Bachground info: I am a 21 year old male med-student, and my girlfriend and i started dating about a year ago. We have loved each other alot, i was perfect for her and she was perfect for me. We are attending the same university, so we get to see each other several times a week. We were both each others first love, and our relationship just felt magical because we shared the same values, same future plans, same interests etc. She really seemed like the one i would spend the rest of my life with. We really really loved each other alot, nothing could ever come between us... or so i thought. The problem: Lately, my feelings for my lady have changed. Actually alot of things have changed since we first started dating. First of all our dates arent the same, and let me elaborate: I just dont feel the thrill and excitement when we go out anymore. Our dates used to be filled with laughs, nervousness, crazy date ideas, lots and lots of talking. Now our dates basically look more like a boring meeting. We dont talk much at, to a point where both of us actually start to get bored! It is starting to feel like we dont have anything to talk about anymore. All we basically do when alone is cuddling and telling each other how much we love one another. Sure does not sound to bad, but i would love to have a normal conversation where we could talk about stuff outside our relationship. I have noticed this quite a while and tried to supress it, but ive come to a point where i almost cant take it anymore. I am scared because it feels like im starting to loose interest in her, she just isnt the interesting girl she used to be anymore. Breaking up is not an option, i could never imagine a life without her. She is the first girl who ive actually loved, and we have both sweared thats we will never leave each other. I really really want to fix this. Is this just a down period for me? And if not, how do i bring back the spark in our relationship? Its like a part of me still loves her, while another part is telling me its over, I just dont know what to do or think anymore anymore. TLDR: GF for a year, afraid im loosing interest, no excitement and thrill anymore. Solution?
bachdude Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I think you need to keep in mind that relationships go through stages. The first stage of a relationship is filled with butterflies and excitement but as familiarity sets in you need to work at the relationship more. There are many things you can do to keep your relationship growing and strong. Why not take the lead and start planning dates that are more interesting? Get a little creative. Show her some effort and planning. It usually goes a long way. Maybe something is bothering her and that is why she is quiet on dates and not talkative. Have you asked her? Have you talked to her about how the two of you do not talk as much as before? What are you doing to help the conversations? I don't really know the details, but it is normal that the excitement starts to wain after a period of time. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Step up. You're responsible for 50%. Stagnation sucks. There's a lot you can do to break the boredom. Live life, don't just exist. Make time for both of you. I could write a list, but many things would require staying up past midnight or breaking a few minor laws. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 You're transitioning from the butterflies and excitement of initial dating to a more stable and ultimately deeper relationship, IF you guys can survive the transition. Generally, this transition comes closer to two years in, but we're individuals, not drones, and every relationship progresses at its own pace. There was a very helpful journal article I read a couple of years ago on this topic. I can't find it, but I did come across this piece (Relationship Basics) in a quick web search. If you know any couples who have been happily married 40-50-60 years, have a chat with them and ask them for advice and tips. For me, those discussions were eye-opening. We have this Hollywood fantasy that everything just magically and effortlessly works out and couples are endlessly happy. Most couples who've been together for decades have gone through major crises, challenges, and times when they weren't sure they would make it as a couple. But they're glad they did, and ultimately much closer and more satisfied in their relationships than they ever were. It takes work and commitment, though.
Qboro90 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 There is a reason it's called "first love". Sometimes relationships reach their endpoint to no fault of either person. If you're at this point now, imagine how dull and boring things will be if you had 50 more years of this.
casey.lives Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 stay off the computer and tell her what you just told us
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 It's normal for the nerves and butterflies and excitement to die down, totally. It's not normal to be with someone where you don't feel like there's anything to talk about. With the right chemistry with someone, you never run out of things to talk about. Sure you will have times where you're both feeling quiet and want to just sit in silence. But to be going out for a meal and be actually bored because you can't have an interesting conversation? That's a death knell for a relationship. I understand she's your first love so you're tempted to hold on for dear life as you've invested so much into her and into having a partner for the first time but it sounds like novelty and nerves kept you going at the start, the excitement of a new relationship, but now you're finding out you're not actually that compatible overall. It happens ALL the time. You can't sustain this happily for the rest of your lives. I would think very carefully, at least have the option of ending it open to you. You don't have to do anything rash but holding onto 'breaking up is not an option' at the very young age of 21 is foolish.
Recommended Posts