Worst relapse so far!!

[Seeker12]

Hey guys, so some of you may have read about the good progression iv had through the months, going through life, meeting new people etc., and iv hoped that that gives me and you some light to put at the end of that long tunnel.

 

But with all the positives there are negatives, 2 steps forward than 3 back, and although the road is straight its a bumpy one, and i hit a pretty bad bump today.

 

Today was an auspicious festival, one that most locals looked forward to, and as they were deciding the date, i prayed it didnt fall on the 17th. But it did, directly coinciding with my exs birthday, her first that iv spent without her. Knowing that its her birthday didnt left wing me, but it did affect my mood, i struggled to be happy, and i was down for a while. This didnt help with slight tensions in the house (typical house fights so no biggy).

 

I felt down and really upset, now in this festival its customary to give presents, my younger sister wrote me a poem (im a guy by the way). Up until this point i had been keeping a face, a mask on my feelings, suppressing them.

 

But all it took was this poem to break me down and i was a crying wreck, i sat in my room alone crying for like 10-20 minutes, until my older sister came to check on me. Shes knows about what happened and why, gave me words of encouragement but told me i need to move on.

 

After the crying and venting to my sister and her advice, i felt a lot, seriously a lot better, but realised that in 7 months of NC and moving on, i could still be affected by anything to do with my ex, whether thats knowledge of her or any contact with her, which i hate now.

 

Its crazy because not long ago i was complaining about how id get blanked and how itd be nice to just say hello, but clearly theres something more to it.

 

I didnt expect this nor did i want this, i want to move, i am focussed on moving on, but its times like this where i do question if i really am moving on.

 

I saw her new boyfriend (me knowing about her new boyfriend is a different story and was initiated by her friend), at the public celebration, but had no hatred, animosity etc. towards him, the only thing i could think of was i still think i look better than him, yes that is shallow, but i do admit he looked better than the guy she got with before him.

 

I seriously am just hoping this is a relapse and in typical fashion that time will heal all wounds, and that 7 months of NC hasnt gone down the drain. Iv got over the big bits i hope, now its all the nitty gritty details which need to leave my life.

Edited July 17, 2015 by Seeker12

[Gus Grimly]

This wasn't a relapse. Breaking NC would be a relapse. This was more in line with an unfortunate series of events. You have to live your life too. You can't go hiding around every corner in fear you might bump into your Ex. That's no way to live.

 

Recovery is a long process, could take months or years. You will never truly be "over" your Ex. You're doing great, and coming here to express your fears and frustrations is part of your healing.

[aloneinaz]

I'm just curious that at 7 months since break up, have you been dating or seeing anyone? It appears she's had at least two guys since you. How about you?

 

 

If you haven't been dating or had a new GF, what's holding you back?

[Seeker12]

This wasn't a relapse. Breaking NC would be a relapse. This was more in line with an unfortunate series of events. You have to live your life too. You can't go hiding around every corner in fear you might bump into your Ex. That's no way to live.

 

Recovery is a long process, could take months or years. You will never truly be "over" your Ex. You're doing great, and coming here to express your fears and frustrations is part of your healing.

 

Thanks Gus Grimly, i get emotions in waves sometimes, usually when im alone. It honestly was a series of unfortunate events and il look back and probably laugh at it. You have got a point, i do make it a point to avoid her still, even contemplating moving away until im over it.

 

As mentioned in other post by another user, this person couldnt care less about me anymore, so im not going to give her years of my life pining/whining over her, im frustrated iv given her months! Yup iv come to an understanding that with first loves, reaching indifference can be hard to achieve.

[Seeker12]

I'm just curious that at 7 months since break up, have you been dating or seeing anyone? It appears she's had at least two guys since you. How about you?

 

 

If you haven't been dating or had a new GF, what's holding you back?

 

Yup she has had two guys pretty quickly as well, she moved on well, but for me, i honestly couldnt take anyone on that early after the breakup because she was still in my thoughts, and doing so would definitely be a rebound and injustice to the girl and id end up breaking up with her. So me being alone, recovering after 7 years, being myself was priority for me. However, It wasnt until the fifth month of NC that i met a nice girl just randomly and we kicked it off, spent a month getting to know her etc. etc. did all the typical comments and wooing. Confessed we both liked eachother but i just havent taken it to the next level, yet. And as you can tell, i have reasons why i havent taken it there, shes a nice girl and i dont want to hurt her and i dont want her becoming a rebound, and for her, id be her first RS and id rather treat her properly with full intention of wanting to be with her, i havent seen her for the past month either as i gather my thoughts.

Edited July 18, 2015 by Seeker12

[Jonp219]

I'm right there with you my friend. Lately I've been in bad shape, and to think, I thought I was doing better just a few days ago. I've had 4 migraine this week, The last two days I've cried more than I have in the last 4 months. I'm losing weight due to lack of eating, and I haven't been to the gym in 3 weeks.

 

You're lucky you have such great sisters that love you, cherish that man. I haven't cried in front of anyone since my break up (my brother). Since then I've had to do it quietly in my home hoping nobody hears me.

 

Overall, you're doing great brother. These moments will come and go, I wish you the best of luck.

[Seeker12]

I'm right there with you my friend. Lately I've been in bad shape, and to think, I thought I was doing better just a few days ago. I've had 4 migraine this week, The last two days I've cried more than I have in the last 4 months. I'm losing weight due to lack of eating, and I haven't been to the gym in 3 weeks.

 

You're lucky you have such great sisters that love you, cherish that man. I haven't cried in front of anyone since my break up (my brother). Since then I've had to do it quietly in my home hoping nobody hears me.

 

Overall, you're doing great brother. These moments will come and go, I wish you the best of luck.

 

I hope you get better JonP, honestly time away from my ex was my greatest healer as well as socialising. Iv had what youve been through, crying, lack of eating, weight loss, lack of motivation all of that, it dips and then you rise out of it man.

 

My weights plummeted bad and im not where i want to be so am slightly self concious, but in time i can pull it back up. I hadnt cried in the past 7 months the way i did yesterday. Chin up my friend, we get knocked but we get back up again.

 

Yes, the experience has opened me up to the unconditional love that my family for me, regardless of what i do. JonP find a mate, a sibling, someone you can trust to vent to, honestly it helps just getting it off your chest and talking about it, or do it on here. I hate crying infront of people, especially my family, its not a sign of weakness, but i just dont want to be that vulnerable in front of them.

 

Yup, they will come and definitely go, i just hope that this ends quicker than what people say of a few years, months etc, thanks, i wish you the best in your recovery.