True Gent Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 In the last few days I've found out my Dad has terminal cancer and has been given weeks to live. He's in hospital at the moment and heavily drugged for pain management. Seeing him in the state he is now is devastating. My Mum is disabled and an alcoholic, the news regarding my Dad has put her into a self destruct mode. She's getting seriously intoxicated and I'm trying to be the strong one. Right now I am missing having someone to lean on (my ex). I have an urge to reach out just because we spent almost a decade together and she knows me and my family so well. I don't think it would be a good idea, I only feel like I need some communication with someone who really knows me. No body else on this earth knows me as well as my ex. I just need that best friend right now and I'm not sure what to do.
GorillaTheater Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 That's horrific, Gent, and I'm very sorry for you and your family. Do you have friends or relatives you can lean on? 1
amaysngrace Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I'm sorry too. Do you have siblings? You should go yell at your Mum. She may need for you to give her a wake-up call right now. She can be sober for a few weeks, for crying out loud.
Itspointless Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 My Mum is disabled and an alcoholic, the news regarding my Dad has put her into a self destruct mode. She's getting seriously intoxicated and I'm trying to be the strong one. I am really sorry about this True Gent. As hard as it is you need to tell your mother that she is ruining the last moments that you three can be as a complete family. Of-course she is numbing herself as she cannot deal with it, but I am sure she does not want to life with the guilt she will feel afterwards if she continues doing this. All the best to you.
Morphine Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I was in the same boat. My mother was dying of lung cancer. Was dumped by a girl. I went back to get her support. She was still available. She helped me a lot. We got back together only to end it twice more in the following yeah, last time for good (now I am devastated). Moral of the story: if you think that she will give you the support you need without getting back together OR giving you false hope of getting back together - go for it. Otherwise, find someone else.
Amas5750 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Put the feelers out for support elsewhere as much as possible. Counsellor, friend, community member, other family... There might be people who will support you that will be surprises. What about psychologist. Bless u
Author True Gent Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the posts everyone. I have had strong words with my Mum about her drinking, it seems to make a difference for the short term. After a couple of days she tends to drop back again though. It's a shame because she has been sober all year until this. I do have friends and siblings. My siblings don't get the same amount of pressure from my Mum for help with her disabilities as much as I do. Although I am having a day off from the family today, I just need a break from it all. My friends have been really good, but I don't like to trouble them too much. One of my best friends is on anti depressants and he and his wife have recently had a baby, so the timing isn't the best. Also times like this just make you miss having a partner. The kind of connection that nothing else compares to. I've decided against contacting the ex since posting this thread. After what she did to me I'd be foolish to try relying on her for support. The best I'd probably get from her would be a pity email and I just don't need to go there. It was a moment of weakness and I posted here instead of contacting her. It's actually been really good to be single for a change, but times like this make you think. Thanks all. A sober mother would make this a lot easier. Edited July 19, 2015 by True Gent 1
IronZ Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Very sorry mate. I actually do know what you're going through. My dad has been fighting this disease off for the past 3 years. I don't think it's as bad as your situation but it is bad. And being that I can't seem to catch a break in the relationship department, it hurts that much more. I fully understand the need to reach out to someone. Do you have any friends you can talk to?
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