hildagnome Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 My cousin is freaking out over something, so I thought I'd ask on here for her. How do you let a guy friend know that he is now out the friend zone and he can make a move .... if he wants. They are both single, she thinks he likes her. She wants it to be clear, but she is way too shy and reserved to say it explicitly. The spend lots of time together so hanging out more won't do it.
Author hildagnome Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Oh and I had this exact problem a while ago. I did nothing, we're not even that good friends anymore and I so regret not doing something, anything ! I don't want her to make the same mistake. Even if it's a big fat no it's way better than the uncertainty imo.
preraph Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You don't say it because that's awkward. You show it. All she has to do is touch his arm or shoulder or leg when talking to him or taking his arm when walking to pick a rock out of her shoe. If he's interested, any form of touch will give him the message it's okay to touch. And if he isn't, well, she hasn't embarrassed herself.
FringeZone Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 There are a few options - but note that she may well be in his Friendzone: 1. She can make an aggressive move on him, such as kissing him 2. She can outright tell him that she wants to date him, or try going on a date 3. She can ask him out on a date 4. The long play, with less aggressive behavior, is just be super flirty and push to get together all the time...but it could still be viewed as platonic In the end, to get out of a platonic relationship and into something more romantic - she's going to need to do something that says romance versus friend. Obviously, if the guy doesn't respect her boundaries, he may make a move regardless, but if he's respectful to the boundaries that they've established, she'll have to be the aggressor...just being realistic. Moreover, she needs to realize that there is a non-trivial chance that she'll be rejected in doing so. It's a typical no risk, no reward type scenario if the guy is being respectful to the boundaries...
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Don't you think he's going to think this is weird? I mean, they've had a non-romantic relationship for how long now? He's going to think that she only ever pretended to be his friend. Creepy.
scorpiogirl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't think it's creepy. I think it's presumptious and a little insulting to be truthful. SHE is now ready to move him out of the friendzone? If someone had put me in the friendzone until they were ready to date me, I'd tell them to take a flying leap. 3
phineas Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't think it's creepy. I think it's presumptious and a little insulting to be truthful. SHE is now ready to move him out of the friendzone? If someone had put me in the friendzone until they were ready to date me, I'd tell them to take a flying leap. I'd sleep with them first then tell them "let's just be friends". LOL! except, I don't end up in the friendzone. I don't crush on women who don't want to sleep with me & sure as hell don't spend my money on them if they just want to be "friends"
kendahke Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 My cousin is freaking out over something, so I thought I'd ask on here for her. How do you let a guy friend know that he is now out the friend zone and he can make a move .... if he wants. They are both single, she thinks he likes her. She wants it to be clear, but she is way too shy and reserved to say it explicitly. The spend lots of time together so hanging out more won't do it. I'd say make the move herself, then tell the guy she really likes him in that way.
phineas Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'd say make the move herself, then tell the guy she really likes him in that way. Honestly, the ONLY time I've ever transitioned successfully from friend to more than friends was when we just ended up having sex one night after hanging out and she was the initiator by making sure we were alone, watching a movie or asking me to help her move something in the bedroom. I've had WAY too many women that were just friends say they want to date just to keep me paying attention to them and not anyone else then ended up getting strung along for months with the "take things slow" BS. so if a female friend tells me she wants to "date" then she better mean sex and be prepared to have it then & now because I can promise, we know each other better than any guy she slept with in the past.
scorpiogirl Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'd sleep with them first then tell them "let's just be friends". LOL! Well that would make you no better than her then. 1
guest569 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Why is he in a friend zone? She should just tell him she wants to date him?
Gary S Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 It could be worse than you know - you could now be in the freindszone. You would have to wake him up, shock him to be sure.... kiss him or at least touch him, or 'splain it to him. Yes, you face the possibility of rejection. No pain, no gain. Or you could just find a new guy. the choice is yours.
phineas Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Well that would make you no better than her then. I'm sure I will lose seconds of sleep dwelling on that also.
carhill Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 IMO, if your cousin is an adult, part of being an adult is confronting one's shyness and reticence and owning up to how one feels and putting it out there. If she's unwilling to do that, then just leave it alone. She has set the pace and the male apparently complied with platonic friendship. Did he initially declare any romantic intent in word and/or action and she shut him down? What's their sexual status? Are they experienced sexually, with other dating partners/boyfriends/girlfriends or is their dating and sexual experience limited or non-existent? Virgins? What?
Author hildagnome Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 So my cousin has limited experience, she's really pretty just unconfident with guys. I thought I was bad, but she's way worse. She's one of those people who comes across as super confident but actually seriously lacks confidence with men so I guess this could be confusing for them. She's dated a little bit with the kind of guys who don't need signals and just ask anyway, but not a ton. I just asked her about the guy and it seems he doesn't have much experience either. She doesn't think he's a virgin though. She says he has never expressed interest in her as more than a friend, but we went to school together and I've seen guys hit on her lots and she has not noticed - acted oblivious (which she was) and then they've taken it as disinterest. I can't explain it, she treats them as buddies even if she really like them. She then swears blind that they were never interested in the first place. So who knows, he may have tried to hit on her and she shut him down without realising. Anyway, she says she's going to drop a hint next time she speaks to him. I'm with the posters who say just ask him out.
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