Author JanieQP Posted May 7, 2005 Author Posted May 7, 2005 Thanks everybody for the support. I was really freaking there for a little while. I've since talked at length with the guy, and have a better idea of where he's coming from. I don't feel like he's dangerous any more, more like he's just not keyed in to how most people manage their emotions and social interactions. And I asked him directly whether his wife had killed herself, and bingo - I was right about that. I don't think he's worked through that really. He saw a child psychologist 3 times with his sons, and ostensibly she said she thought they could handle it. (I suspect that this was a routine required school thing, not something he sought out.) I've removed my profile from that internet site! Originally posted by gd1039 Is it worse for him to be outright about how he feels or for him to hide it from you? Really good question there, gd. Originally posted by kellyp1 He is way too into you without knowing you and that spells trouble! Yep Kelly, this is what gets me. Originally posted by whichwayisup So did you break up with this guy yet? Cuz you know that has to happen. OMG, WWIU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not WITH him. Originally posted by SummerRae Only usually I would attract the Dad's and believe me NOT SOMETHING I want to contend with. Where does this come from, do you think? I'm lots like my father in some ways, lots like my mother in others. Even just in the emotional realm, I can't say I'm more like one than the other. I tend to be impulsive like my father (and I hated that about him esp. when I was a kid, he seemed so unstable and like such a lousy protector), at least I see more of that in me than I would like. Um, maybe I chose my mother's approach to handling this - being distant - instead of finding a new solution that would work for me in my life. Originally posted by XNemesisX Seems like the guys I date pull this freak crap too. Nemesis, what do we do to bring these guys - or this behavior - out of the woodwork??? Originally posted by XNemesisX I think you just don't like this guy. Get rid of him. He sounds off kilter. That, or you just really don't like him that way so it makes him seem even creepier. After talking to him at length - he laid off the mails and messages, and then I called him - I think he's socially inept in the way my father is. Just doesn't get some basic behavioral/interaction rules. (Not like I'm the best in that area ...) He meets a list of requirements I have, but that's not enough. Did my list just get longer?
alphamale Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by JanieQP And I asked him directly whether his wife had killed herself, and bingo - I was right about that. I don't think he's worked through that really. if you start dating this dude you will always be competing with the ghost of his dead wife who committed suicide. you are forewarned to stay away from this dude, JANIEQP
gd1039 Posted May 7, 2005 Posted May 7, 2005 Originally posted by JanieQP Really good question there, gd. Well?
Author JanieQP Posted May 8, 2005 Author Posted May 8, 2005 Originally posted by gd1039 Well? Originally posted by gd1039 Is it worse for him to be outright about how he feels or for him to hide it from you? The social skills / sensitivity thing is important. This guy felt free to pour out all kinds of rash emotional impressons onto a near-stranger, and that raises a lot of questions for me about his judgement of what's appropriate in other situations. My ex, for example, was blindly naive about people's intentions - he really thought everyone was nice and he could just be himself, talk about anything, openly answer their questions and that they would all have his best interests at heart. This was disastrous when he came into contact with work associates of mine. He didn't understand the politics of paying for things, either - once we met a client of mine and the client's wife at a restaurant for dinner, and when I was at the toilet, the client paid for the meal. XH let him and thought it was nice to have a free meal. He also answered some of this client's questions about our personal situation a lot more directly than was comfortable for me. It was absolutely new to him that this could affect the relationship with the client. If I get into a relationship again, it's important to me that it be someone who I can take to work events etc without fear. So in a long answer to your short question, it's LoopyDude's lack of self-control around what he says and his lack of understanding that other people are DIFFERENT to him and have their own feelings going on that bothers me the most. Lots of people have wild emotions - and manage them. Originally posted by alphamale if you start dating this dude you will always be competing with the ghost of his dead wife who committed suicide. you are forewarned to stay away from this dude, JANIEQP No kidding. The competition thing has a sick twist to boot - he's convinced that every woman has psychiatric problems, and he's been the one to break up with every woman he's seen since his wife died. Chalk this one up to experience, I guess!
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