mfa57 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Hey everyone, I haven't posted in a forum in a long time, Back in last august I started dating a college senior. We fell in love fast and started going out a week after meeting. I had just gotten out of the military was living in Nj, and she was going to school to finish her last year. We did long distance and had a pretty good relationship and saw each other once or twice a month. Then she graduated and the fourth of July rolled around we had gotten into a little fight the day before. She dropped a bomb saying she didn't know what she wanted to do in any aspect of her life and could give me 50% and wanted a break. So after a few days I couldn't take not talking to her anymore. So we met up and we talked in circles for a couple hours about how it wasn't fair to me that she wasn't giving 50 %and yet I still said I didn't care and that I loved her.Neither of us wanted to end it either (even though when I asked 'Do you even love me?' she said 'I don't know' all of a sudden ). Eventually she said its not fair to you and I cant bear saying goodbye, so Im just going to get up and leave, and "I'm Sorry". I told her I didn't want any communication even though she did( I was hurt and extremely upset). To get to the point two days later early in morning I sent a text to her pleading to understand why she did this to me and then she became the one who said 'I think we shouldn't talk'. Its been over a week since then and I love and miss her very much. I deleted her number but still have her on FB and am tempted to message her everyday. Every video on FB says no contact for 30 days but I feel like this is stupid and if we are both hurting then we are just both gunna drift apart and my worst nightmare is that she will hook up with someone in an attempt to move on. Also I cant remove her from FB it just seems childish. Our mutual friend also has a birthday get together coming up that she is going to. Should I just say Screw the 30 days and ask to speak with her? Is that giving her power? Or is she just as upset and not reaching out because she feels I am angry at her? WHAT SHOULD I DO ? I'M DEPRESSED AND MISS HER! Does she miss me or even care...
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Most likely, she only hurts when she talks to you.... other than that, she's fine. Can't you see the signs? I mean, you actually wrote them down: 1) She dropped a bomb saying she didn't know what she wanted to do in any aspect of her life and could give me 50% and she wanted a break. -- apparently she knew what she wanted in ONE aspect of her life 2) So after a few days I couldn't take not talking to her anymore. So we met up and we talked in circles for a couple hours about how it wasn't fair to me that she wasn't giving 50 %and yet I still said I didn't care and that I loved her. Neither of us wanted to end it either (even though when I asked 'Do you even love me?' she said 'I don't know' all of a sudden ). Eventually she said its not fair to you and I cant bear saying goodbye, so Im just going to get up and leave, and "I'm Sorry". -- so that is what is known as "ending it" 3) To get to the point two days later early in morning I sent a text to her pleading to understand why she did this to me and then she became the one who said 'I think we shouldn't talk'. -- that's because it is over. she ended it in #2 above. I think your time in the military has taken away your ability to understand wishy-washy communications. She didn't say Corporal! Terminate this relationship immediately with extreme prejudice!and so you missed it. But that's what she was trying to say.
Author mfa57 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Ok I get what your saying but how does not being sure about where and when she wants to go to grad school and worry about not seeing each other if she gets a full time job/ 6 days a week job translate into her feeling this way all of a sudden? I could be overwhelmed completely but at the very least I would still know I loved her that wouldn't change, so why did it for her? This is just bull**** its killing me.
Author mfa57 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Also she originally said "I don't want to go without talking". I originally proposed not talking until I opened my big mouth two days later.
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Ok I get what your saying but how does not being sure about where and when she wants to go to grad school and worry about not seeing each other if she gets a full time job/ 6 days a week job translate into her feeling this way all of a sudden? That school stuff just adds to the whole soft "I'm confused, I need space, I'm {insert trouble here}" narrative. It's excuses. I could be overwhelmed completely but at the very least I would still know I loved her that wouldn't change, so why did it for her? This is just bull**** That's my point. It IS BULL****, but not the way you meant it. The way I mean it. its killing me. I get that. Also she originally said "I don't want to go without talking". I originally proposed not talking until I opened my big mouth two days later.Well, more bull****. If you'd not opened your big mouth two days later to talk, then you wouldn't be talking. Same thing. See how that works? 1
guest569 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I agree that all the other stuff that is said is irrelevant, because she has chosen to end things and nothing she can do or say is going to make you feel better at this point, thats why 30 days is a good goal, so stick with it. The more time goes on the better you will feel although you might not believe it right now. The only way to do more damage at this point is by reaching out to her and getting hurt more and more, trust me as I have looked back on my breakup and it would have hurt far less without the post breakup conversations.
aloneinaz Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Here's what you need to do my friend. Yes, it's not going to be easy but it will HELP YOU. Leave her alone! She doesn't want to date you anymore and told you this nicely. You should NOT of contacted her again two days later. You're thinking w/your heart (which is 100% wrong in decision making thoughts in these instances) vs. your head. You need to vanish from her life. Block her on FB. She doesn't want you in her life anymore so why keep her on FB? You've blocked or deleted her on your phone. Good job. Understand, if you contact her further, it will make you look- desperate, clingy, un-attractive, no self respect, etc.. Contacting her again will only turn her off to you further. You need to do the opposite of what your heart is telling you. Ignore her, block her and move on. People don't end things without a lot of thought. This decision was not a knee jerk reaction. I'm sorry but I know it hurts a lot. I've been there my friend. Going NC for good is the only thing that will help you navigate thru this as quickly as possible.
hunk Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Yeah you gotta let this one die. She isn't hurting, she's relieved and right now wants nothing to do with you and does not wish to be in contact with you. She doesn't feel the way you do - I promise you this. She is very much done. Block her on every form of social media and never speak to her again and assume you will never hear from her again. When she first said she was unsure on the 4th that was her trying to end things, she has already checked out of the relationship and is much, much further along the healing spectrum than you. She is very much over it and moving on and you need to completely remove her from your life so you can do the same. Keeping her on FB is "weaker" than blocking her. I understand this is difficult to stomach but you need to basically see this as her dying. She's no longer part of your life and you need to treat her as if she is dead. It will hurt for a while, but soon you will be able to live with the memories you had with her without the hurt.
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 She's no longer part of your life and you need to treat her as if she is dead. It will hurt for a while, but soon you will be able to live with the memories you had with her without the hurt. I wish I would hurry up and get over my Ex already. I'm going through this right now. It's such a horrendous prospect. Yesterday I felt "alright", like I was actually getting better, making progress. Today I wake up in a panic and I'm tore up all day. Pining for my Ex, feeling extreme bouts of hopelessness.
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