zramos13 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 She broke up with me a couple of weeks ago and started dating another guy and is already LIVING with him. It all happened so fast. I am currently trying to wrap my head around it. First of all here is my quick story. We had always had a very loving relationship. There was the occasional fights but nothing that couldn't be mended. We worked so well that we ended up living together for half the relationship and I thought we made a very good couple. Although, she had lots of self esteem problems and hated her self a lot of the time but I always saw the beautiful side in her. Looking back I deeply regret not comforting her more and not being able understand her feelings more. I myself suffered from slight depression and would seem unstable sometimes but this is because I could never find a good job to help and support her. It stressed me out and I took it out on her when I shouldn't have. Other than those things we always got along and loved each other deeply. Having said that, I finally ended up finding a job that paid very well but had to move away for awhile but promised to bring her up with me soon. She ended up moving into another apartment and it stayed that way for about a month. It was a month because my job demanded me to work three weeks without a day off. After that hell month, I went to visit her and she told me she feels like a "**** up" person and needs physiological help. She basically told me she was going to Florida with her dad to figure things out but still wanted to date me. She said she could handle the long distance relationship. She also said she loved me so much and hated herself that she made this decision but it needed to be done. Before she left she seemed so agonized to leave me. We practically kissed and hugged crying for I don't know how long. This drove me crazy but I loved her so much and decided that it was for the best and I wanted her to really feel better. I would have tried to help her myself but my financial situation wasn't so good because I was still saving money for moving her back and a wedding ring. Fast forward another month she said things were not working very well with her dad and he wasn't helping. She said one of her good Friends is a med student and knows physiologists in Philadelphia. She ended up telling me that she will probably go over there and get the help she needed. Another week later she broke up with me and said she couldn't handle the long distance relationship anymore. I was so shocked and thought I would give it some time to collect my thoughts before I called her again. I ended up finding on Facebook that she was in a relationship with the guy and already living with him. Here is the back story on the guy. He has always been her friend through high school and she always had underlying feelings for him growing up. I never thought anything of it because I didn't ever want to be a jealous boyfriend. They almost started dating but he chose a different girl then went to college. Anyway when I found out on Facebook I called her immediately to figure out what the hell was happening. All the things I said in the previous sentences is what she basically tole to me. She assured me that it all happened out of the blue and surprised her and that she felt like a coward for not telling me. She even called her self a "monster" But I didn't want to give up, I spilled everything to her about wanting to marry her and all the wrongs that I did and wanted to correct. She basically started crying and said that I was making her confused. She ended the call with, "I will call you in two days". The days passed and she made her decision to stay with him. I pleaded with her again but she told me if I told her before she left she would have come back. I even said I would fly over there so we could talk but she said she would just block my number in the most cold tone I have ever heard from her voice. She said she didn't love me any more and hung up on me. I have never regretted a decision so much in my life. If I only brought her back this would have never happened. Now this will haunt me until I die. I Should have just told her all my feelings the second she broke up with me but I am so stupid. Now she looks ridiculously happy posting everything on Facebook and talking to everyone when the whole time she said she was depressed and hated herself. I have never felt so confused and hurt. Is this a rebound relationship for her? Is she lying to herself not loving me when deep down she still does? Do I even have a chance anymore (No contact rule)? I strongly believe they are not a good match and this isn't my emotional side getting to me. He is kind of the opposite in a small way. But what gets to me is he is very rich and has the power to help her. I feel so defeated and alone. Can I get some advice from anyone? Sorry for all the grammar errors.....
54JA Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Hi there. I am so sorry that you are hurting. I know it's really tough when you find out that your ex already is with someone else. You might not be able to see this right now because you are in so much pain, but based on what I read, I think it's for the best. If the love between the two of you was strong enough, and more importantly, if she was strong enough, she would have waited for you. You were only going to be gone for a few weeks/couple of months, right? When you are in a relationship, both of you would need to be strong for each other. Oftentimes things happen (loss of job, transfer, military deployment, etc), and some couples need to be apart for a long period of time. If you two could not have survived the time apart, it wasn't meant to be. If the foundation was strong, the relationship would have survived despite all the odds. I understand that she sought help (I am assuming that you meant to type psychologist, and not physiologist) to get better, but it just that she was in worse shape than was ideal for the circumstances. Even if you get back with her, there is no guarantee that the life won't throw you a curve ball, and the odds of her staying by your side then aren't looking good. I know it's painful to hear this, but I think it's best that you stop thinking about what you could have done to keep the relationship alive. I feel what you did (trying to get a better job for the both of you) was admirable, and should have been enough. Know that you didn't leave her alone to go party/mess around. You left because you needed to make a living/save money. We all need to make changes in order to survive, save money, and/or make improvements. Couples would have to deal with the constant changes/adjustments. You wouldn't want to worry about your relationship each time a new opportunity arises, would you?
Author zramos13 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 I guess I worded everything badly. Sorry I was a mess when typing most of that. When I moved it was permanently to another city. I had lots of opportunities to move her with me but never took it. In my mind I wanted to save a little more money but I blame myself for letting the relationship get this strained through the long distance. Also, I should have taken her being really sad on a psychological level more seriously. But everything was new to me in the field that I am working in. I put a lot of time into it trying to learn everything and being the best employee. This stressed me out greatly and I should have seen the way I was treating her on an emotional level. When she broke up with me she told me that she needed a more stable person and that hurt me greatly because I was trying so hard. So much was going on to stress me out that was bleeding into the relationship but there was never a time I didn't always think of her. It was hard but I wish I could have told her the truth about what I wanted, and brought her back earlier. This is why I said I will forever regret never brining her back. What also hurt the most was that she said I had the chance but it was too late. Does that mean there could be a possible chance in the future or deep down she still loves me? What I also want to know is her new relationship common? I feel like she took this new one way to fast. I mean she moves there and then the next day they are living together and dating? I get that they have known each other a long time but that doesn't mean you "REALLY" know them. They were just common friends. What are the odds that it might fail since it is going so fast. From what I read it is a high probability that it will. But the other factors worry me such as them knowing each other already. I know time heals all but it is driving me crazy. If she contacts me again what should I do or say? If it's for friendship, I don't know if I can do that. But if it is for more I might weigh out all my options. Right now I have deactivated all my social media and going cold turkey. I even bought a puppy to cope with the loss. Should I continue with this path go no contact like this? If so, for how long before I start getting back on social media. If I get through this and show that I am really happy will she be attracted to me again? I am really trying to heal here but some of these questions I just need to get out because it is hard to talk about this with some of my friends.
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I know time heals all but it is driving me crazy. If she contacts me again what should I do or say? If it's for friendship, I don't know if I can do that. I'm going through exactly what you are. I'm seriously distraught over losing my fiance. But I have read so many good posts on this forum. They all say to move on, go full NC and try to start over fresh. Work on yourself and do what you can to remove her from your life. It's over. I'm trying hard, but this rollercoaster ride of emotions is causing me such mental anguish. I miss her so much and there's nothing I can do about it. I must try to make it through the day. It feels impossible at times, like the whole world caving in on me. We must carry on. Stay strong. Post here as much as you can. It does help.
Morphine Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'm trying hard, but this rollercoaster ride of emotions is causing me such mental anguish. I miss her so much and there's nothing I can do about it. I must try to make it through the day. It feels impossible at times, like the whole world caving in on me. We must carry on. Stay strong. Post here as much as you can. It does help. This is exactly how I feel....the fact that she is falling in love with someone else does not help....I feel so desperate at times its unbelievable....I feel like I am not going to make it through....I know I will...but the thoughts of her and the moments we have spent together...amazing.
Gus Grimly Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I feel so desperate at times its unbelievable....I feel like I am not going to make it through....I know I will...but the thoughts of her and the moments we have spent together...amazing. You gotta get the other guy out of your head. You can really let your imagination run wild. That will compound your hurt like 50x. If I start thinking about my ex with some other man, the floodgates open and I'll start getting a panic attack. Thinking about your Ex and the tender, precious moments, will only lead you down a path of sadness and regret. Trust me, I've gone through it the past 2 weeks. It's over. The sooner we accept it the sooner we can move on and start to really heal. But, that's soooo easier said than done. I've been trying with no luck. I don't know what to do. Just wanna scream.
casey.lives Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 It doesn't matter.. he doesn't love you. he loves her. make peace with the end.
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