batjokes92 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Ok, so I am 23 years old, very shy girl, very timid and I've posted a thread on here before called "should I ignore him or just forget about him". It was about a failed short term relationship I had with a guy who didn't like labels and just wanted me to be his "cuddle buddy" on lonely nights. I've moved on from him and started to look for a man who will treat me right and I believe I have finally found him! We went to college together 2 years ago. We were in the same 3 year program (graphic design) but we never talked to eachother while we were in school. (Mostly because he got into a relationship with another girl in the program 2 years in. I always thought he was cute but I didn't want to bother with a guy who had a gf.) recently I saw him on Facebook and saw he was single so I sent him a friend request. I wasn't expecting him to accept because we never talked in school but he did and he messaged me right away! We talked about how we've been since graduation and he eventually asked me out on a date! I said yes and then we chatted back and forth every day. Our first date was very nice but also very awkward. We went to an art gallery to see an Alex Ross exhibit because we both love comic books (he's a Marvel fan and I'm a DC fan) he seemed even more nervous than I was and that freaked me out a bit because I'm used to the man making me feel safe and at ease, we made for great conversation though. He even mentioned that he was nervous before the date. Our school was only a few blocks away so we decided to go in and get nostalgic together. We visited all of our old class rooms (we got extremely lucky because none of the doors were locked) and gossiped about our old teachers and classmates! Later on we went to a bar and had dinner. He paid for me and everything! We still wanted to chat some more so we went for a short walk downtown. We then headed back to my car and before I left he asked if I'd like to go out again and I said yes (a bit too enthusiasticly maybe) and I suggested that we go to a summer fest in my home town next weekend. He messaged me again that night with his phone number and said he had an awesome time! Ok, now here come my questions. Is it normal for a first date to feel extremely awkward? I've only been on two dates before and they were both very similar. This one seemed better but I was still very uptight (I have anxiety). I really like this guy but I don't want to seem needy. Is there an unspoken rule in dating that you have to text every day because I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with that. Like I said, I like this guy but I've been single my entire life and I really enjoy my freedom. Are you suppose to wait for the man to text you first all the time? How much interaction is too much and what's not enough? I also find it a bit weird that he never talked to me in college, if he liked me then why didn't he? Btw, physically he is a clone of my ex which is very weird! I still love my ex and I'm not sure I like this new guy as much as the old one yet... Any dating advice you can give to a late bloomer?
Rewan Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I'm really glad that things went well on your date, and he seems like a nice man so far. But now more than ever, I would recommend to relax and try to enjoy it. While there are no real "rules" per say, I've found that it's nice to just kind of play it by ear. If you text him first for two days, for example, maybe give it a day off. If he seems like his answers are short and like he's not talkative, maybe give it a day off. Unless he texts you first on that "day off" then just leave it go. A lot of people like space, yourself (it seems) included. Just make sure however you balance the communication with him that it's not always you making the effort and not always him making the effort. Go by what you feel comfortable with in your gut and what you believe would make him comfortable since you know him. I wish I could give you something more concrete in the way of advice for that, but it's not exactly a science. :S However, what I'd also like to focus on here is the end part of your post.. You mentioned that you're still in love with your ex, and while I know that you're attempting to get over him, jumping to the next man is not necessarily the best approach. Most of the time, I've found, it prevents you from focusing on the hurt and evaluating your own self-improvement. And if you're unsure of how you feel about this man, I wouldn't go too far with him for fear of leading him on. :S If it were me, I'd want some time to myself so I could heal and find peace. But that's something you have to decide for yourself about. Regardless of what happens, please be careful.. :S I hope this helps. 1
Author batjokes92 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I'm really glad that things went well on your date, and he seems like a nice man so far. But now more than ever, I would recommend to relax and try to enjoy it. While there are no real "rules" per say, I've found that it's nice to just kind of play it by ear. If you text him first for two days, for example, maybe give it a day off. If he seems like his answers are short and like he's not talkative, maybe give it a day off. Unless he texts you first on that "day off" then just leave it go. A lot of people like space, yourself (it seems) included. Just make sure however you balance the communication with him that it's not always you making the effort and not always him making the effort. Go by what you feel comfortable with in your gut and what you believe would make him comfortable since you know him. I wish I could give you something more concrete in the way of advice for that, but it's not exactly a science. :S However, what I'd also like to focus on here is the end part of your post.. You mentioned that you're still in love with your ex, and while I know that you're attempting to get over him, jumping to the next man is not necessarily the best approach. Most of the time, I've found, it prevents you from focusing on the hurt and evaluating your own self-improvement. And if you're unsure of how you feel about this man, I wouldn't go too far with him for fear of leading him on. :S If it were me, I'd want some time to myself so I could heal and find peace. But that's something you have to decide for yourself about. Regardless of what happens, please be careful.. :S I hope this helps. Thanks! I think that is good advice! My ex used to always text me first and it was everyday. I didn't really like it but after awhile he stopped texting everyday and that's when I got scared and became needy. I don't want that to happen with me and this new guy. I think texting every other day or just to make plans for the next date is what I'd be most comfortable With right now. Honestly though, I feel like I've given myself enough time to heal after my first love. We broke up almost 2 years ago and I haven't seen him once since last spring. I still had him on Facebook but his presence began to bother me because he would message me asking "what's up?" Only to not respond at all so I blocked him. It's been 3 months since I blocked him and in those 3 months I feel like I have control of myself again, so I feel that this is the perfect time for me to start dating. I will take your advice though and I will be careful Edited July 17, 2015 by batjokes92 Refining
mortensorchid Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I'm glad you had a good time and reconnected with this man from the past! However, here are some facts that you need to know despite what did/didn't happen at the encounter: 24-48 hours - If you have not heard from the man within the first 24-48 hours after the get together, you will not hear from him again. He may call you a few days later, you may even have a second get together with him, but he will be just a friend. Why? If a man likes you, he can't wait to call the woman again, even if it's motivated by sheer, unadulterated lust. You may be saying to yourself "he's shy" or "he's busy", but he's not too shy or busy to do other things (even if it's sitting in front of the TV and eating chips) rather than call you. And if he's one of those who says something like "I was waiting for you (the woman) to call me", well then he's REALLY a loser. I hope you hear from him again.
Author batjokes92 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I'm glad you had a good time and reconnected with this man from the past! However, here are some facts that you need to know despite what did/didn't happen at the encounter: 24-48 hours - If you have not heard from the man within the first 24-48 hours after the get together, you will not hear from him again. He may call you a few days later, you may even have a second get together with him, but he will be just a friend. Why? If a man likes you, he can't wait to call the woman again, even if it's motivated by sheer, unadulterated lust. You may be saying to yourself "he's shy" or "he's busy", but he's not too shy or busy to do other things (even if it's sitting in front of the TV and eating chips) rather than call you. And if he's one of those who says something like "I was waiting for you (the woman) to call me", well then he's REALLY a loser. I hope you hear from him again. I did hear from him again! He gave me his phone number so we are texting now instead of fb messaging and he said "I had an awesome time with you and I'm super excited to do it again!" I texted him today but he said he's working this evening (why we went on a date yesterday instead of today) so I think this is good Edited July 17, 2015 by batjokes92 Fixed a typo
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