BelatedTrick79 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, I've been subtly flirting and getting to know a girl at work for a while, I was playing cool, confident, a little distant and subtly sexually suggestive without going over the top. Mostly over emails sent throughout boring days at work. I have the a pretty fat crush on this girl and finally the long game started to pay off. I actually thinks she digs me. So, I got a text from her last weekend which I wasn't expecting asking if she could come hang out at my new place, she did, and we made out, I just made the move through the confidence of the emails we'd had going. I then tried to make a bigger move and she said she "wants to be good" and "one thing at a time" and I said that was cool, no worries, lets hang out again sometime, she agreed, and that was that. Rockin'! Great day. We laughed about me trying to go down on her. Feeling really good about the whole thing. I then thought "Don't wanna text her or anything now we had fun, i'll just see her at work, all good". So no contact for a few days, I see her back at work, she's cool with me, doesn't bring the weekend up but everything seems cool and good. I still felt kinda awkward that I tried to take her pants off and that I hadn't even texted her since, so me being me, I sent an email that in my view, was too long, and said waaay too much. I basically said "Didn't wanna text you straight after and sound like "wow we kissed holly shiiit!" but just so you know I had a wicked time hanging out, I knew we would!" and "I'm heaps sorry if I made you uncomfortable you dont have to do anything you dont want" blah blah blah, and then I said "If i'm forgiven and you dont think im a crazy sex freak, lets go out somewhere next time to XXXXXX, we can just have fun, would love another chance to impress you" or something like that. Holy hell it hurts to read that back oouucchh. Thankfully, she responded straight away with some normal small talk at first, then said "Haaahahaha s'all good. I don't think of you that way at all we can totally go to XXXXXX!! and "ssshh you don't need to impress me" Soooo... that's good, right? Or not? So, my thinking was to A) tell her i had a good time B) let her know i respect that she didn't wanna do certain stuff on the first date C) that we should hang out again. However, when I think about it, it was probably totally pointless to send that, and it's made me look like one kiss has sent me nuts and I've totally come across NOT confident after playing the long game of Mr You Need This. It was amazing she came up to mine in the first place, didn't spew when we kissed, and said she wanted to do it again, but then I had to go and put that stuff into a text and reference the kiss spoil the magic and aaaaghhhh.. So, give it to me straight, fatal mistake and I'm done or small slip up but she likes me enough and her response was positive that I should stop stressing and let it ride? What the hell do I do next??? HEEELPP! xx Edited July 17, 2015 by zer0entity
Versacehottie Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Stop stressing. It sounds very positive. Just do the most confident thing: set the plans for this next time you are going out! Try to set it up for fairly soon. 4
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Not sure why you think you made a *fatal* mistake, she responded enthusiastically and appears to be excited to go out with you again! Personally, I thought your text was great...honest, straight, VERY cool ..., without going overboard, gaga. Apparently SHE did too otherwise she would not have responded the way she did! Right? Who is advising you that it was a fatal mistake? Your player friends who think aloofness and douchebag behavior is the key? Pay attention to the chick's actions and how SHE responds to you..... 2
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Find out when she's free to go to XXXXXX, and plan the date. Keep it simple. 1
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Yessss I want to plan that date I just don't wanna come across needy after having this play out over a fair while. Or is it different now we've actually broken that ice? Is it too soon now to maybe set something up for this weekend over text? Or should I leave it to ask her until I see her again? And yeah there's a whole load of advice on dating sites saying exactly DON'T write things I did in an email/text to her. I think I might've made my email to her sound cooler than it looked when I read it back, so if you'll indulge me this is the whole thing: "I was like, trying to decide about texting you on the weekend to let you know I had so much fun hanging out together, but I didn't wanna sound like "OMG WE KISSED LET’S HANG OUT TOMORRROOWWW!" haha, but I should’ve said something, so you should know I kind of suck at this… but I really did have a great time with you drinking tea and smokin’ up! I knew we would Aaaaand I hope I didn't make you too uncomfortable, aahh I’m so sorry hahaha… but at least it gives us something else to laugh at right? Seriously you don't have to do anything you don’t wanna just coz I made you tea, you really don't. I don’t blame you for wanting to suss me out haha, I’m pretty sketchy But I actually prefer it like that and it's way more exciting anyway, so now I know, i'll be good too So if I’m forgiven and you don't think I'm just a sex crazed freak, wanna come to (random place I won't bother explaining) with me next time? We can just bounce around on things and be kids for an afternoon! LETS GO!" And then yeah, she replied straight away with her response, which was positive! But here I am at 1:48am stressing I'm gonna push her away with that one email. In my opinion it's gone from me being cool to doing damage control I don't need to do. I'm like almost 9 years older than her so I might think i'm being honest and mature and she's thinking I'm a d**k. But how can I know? If I go on what I know, all IS good, just like she said. This isn't normal for me I never usually worry this much but this girl's got me so hot I'm losing my s**t. Gotta chill, man! Edited July 17, 2015 by zer0entity
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Dude, calm down. As a woman myself, I will let you in on a secret. When a woman digs you..... REALLY digs you, a guy can do almost no wrong. Except maybe becoming whiny, overly needy, insecure and stalking her. Your email was nowhere close to that. Like I said, I thought your email was cool. It actually takes ALOT of confidence to write that. You expressed your interest in your own way....without going all gaga on her. I know guys hate the word cute......but it was cute! Made me smile as I am sure it made her smile too! Just don't send any more like that. You have expressed interest, she responded positively and enthusiastically...next step now is plan the next date. Chill out, manage your emotions, lower expectations and chill out. So far so good...... Edited July 17, 2015 by katiegrl 4
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This girl's awesome actually. On one hand she's a bit aggressive. Initiating a get together at your place.. that's hot. But she actually cares about what you think of her (that's why she slowed down) and she was sweet enough to let you off the hook for what you wrote. I mean let's face it dude. Only a girl that likes you would find that lame email endearing. My advice? Call her and ask her out on a public date. Something low key like bowling. Pick her up, roll a few games/have a few beers, and then let her invite you in when you drop her off. The rest of the night will take care of itself. But just make sure that you DON'T apologize anymore. Always have confidence in going after what you want. After all, she knew the score when she wanted to hangout at your place, so you had nothing to feel sorry for. 3
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This girl's awesome actually. On one hand she's a bit aggressive. Initiating a get together at your place.. that's hot. But she actually cares about what you think of her (that's why she slowed down) and she was sweet enough to let you off the hook for what you wrote. I mean let's face it dude. Only a girl that likes you would find that lame email endearing. My advice? Call her and ask her out on a public date. Something low key like bowling. Pick her up, roll a few games/have a few beers, and then let her invite you in when you drop her off. The rest of the night will take care of itself. But just make sure that you DON'T apologize anymore. Always have confidence in going after what you want. After all, she knew the score when she wanted to hangout at your place, so you had nothing to feel sorry for. Hey, who said it was lame? I thought it was awesome, genuine, authentic, funny!!!! Just don't send any more like that...cause THAT would be lame and overboard. Like I said, it made me smile and chuckle... there was nothing lame about it IMO. ff, as a man, you are in no position to judge, as a man YOU are not the recipient. A woman is.....so OP listen to the women, but more importantly, go by how SHE responded, and she appeared to like it too as she responded back immediately..... and quite enthusiastically! Go by that. That said, ff agree with your second paragraph. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 She responded very positively. Stop stressing. Now, you asked her about a specific dating idea already, and she said she was interested. Plan to do that rather than changing to something else midstream.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Dude, calm down. As a woman myself, I will let you in on a secret. When a woman digs you..... REALLY digs you, a guy can do almost no wrong. . ff, as a man, you are in no position to judge, as a man YOU are not the recipient. A woman is.....so OP listen to the women, but more importantly, go by how SHE responded, and she appeared to like it too as she responded back immediately..... and quite enthusiastically! Go by that. That said, ff agree with your second paragraph. Look at your first posted quoted. As you said, when a woman likes you, she finds a lot of things endearing. BTW - I'm allowed to have an opinion regardless of gender and in my opinion the email was lame. Just the way it is.
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Thankfully, she responded straight away with some normal small talk at first, then said "Haaahahaha s'all good. I don't think of you that way at all we can totally go to XXXXXX!! and "ssshh you don't need to impress me" This is the only thing that concerns me. She didn't just zone you, did she? Not trying to mess w/your confidence mojo, sorry.
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) This is the only thing that concerns me. She didn't just zone you, did she? Not trying to mess w/your confidence mojo, sorry. jen, I interpreted her saying that ("I don't think of you that way at all") as meaning she doesn't think of him as a dick for attempting to make moves on her. I mean his text was basically apologizing to her for coming off like a dick (a "sex freak" according to his text)..so she responded, "no, I don't think of you that way at all." As a sex freak. Just my take. Edited July 17, 2015 by katiegrl
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 jen, I interpreted her saying that ("I don't think of you that way at all") as meaning she doesn't think of him as a dick for attempting to make moves on her. I mean his text was basically apologizing to her for coming off like a dick (a "sex freak" according to his text)..so she responded, "no, I don't think of you that way at all." As a sex freak. Just my take. Even worse! Now he's asexual in her mind, not a sex freak. j/k - thx for the clarification.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I can still be a sex freak! Look, I think the email was at least a bit lame, yes, but.. as long as it's not gonna totally turn her off me in one go then I'm ok. So, all things considered she's definitely waiting for me to call/text/email and set up the next date right? Like, straight away this weekend or next week back at work?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This is the only thing that concerns me. She didn't just zone you, did she? Not trying to mess w/your confidence mojo, sorry. I will admit, I thought this too when I gave it a quick glance. "I don't see you that way" = not as a sexual partner. But when I read the whole post more carefully, the context seemed to be that she didn't see him as a weirdo and is still interested. My advice OP is to send her a text saying - "I'll call u tonight to plan our next date. When's a good time?" Then let her respond and get her on the phone after that. A phone call is more sincere and shows more confidence than taking the easy way out through text or email. I mean since you have made out and spend time with her, you should feel fine about talking to her on the phone from now on. 1
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks so much for the advice guys, even just to be told to chill and that all sounds good is a huge help. I really appreciate it! Guess i just gotta decide if i call her this weekend or wait til i see her at work next week? It does feel like kinda maybe a bit forced to do it straight away, i already said "seeya next week!" to her at work on Friday so... Hmmm... Decisions, decisions. I dont wanna **** it up by doing nothing but could i also **** it up by being too keen?
Versacehottie Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I can still be a sex freak! Look, I think the email was at least a bit lame, yes, but.. as long as it's not gonna totally turn her off me in one go then I'm ok. So, all things considered she's definitely waiting for me to call/text/email and set up the next date right? Like, straight away this weekend or next week back at work? yes call her this weekend. whatever makes it look like you are not blowing her off or nonchalant or gameplayer with her. A guy who knows what he wants and confident about it without being clingy and needing reassurance is attractive. If you want a date with her, a confident guy with stuff to offer knows she will be excited to hear from him and won't second guess himself or play games so much so as to try to dial it back to super cool (uh yeah, i'll just talk to her at work). You now have a relationship outside of work; keep the momentum up. 1
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Amazing advice, thank you! This is what I needed to hear! I'm just gonna hit up her up with full confidence that she'll wanna go out, and hey if she's busy, at least I asked! I agree that we've got something going now so why start playing coy and aloof, she wants to hang, I wanna hang, we should hang! Haha, awesome.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) Alright! I texted to see what she was up to tomorrow and was pretty chill, just said you wanna hook up and head out coz there's a big footy game here tomorrow so everyone will be busy watching that, she replied straight away and said she'll be watching the game too sorrrrryyyy so I just said "No worries! Looks like I'll have the whole city to myself yess!" I was thinking about saying hit me up if you wanna watch it up here but hey, she's already busy technically, no biggie I'm stoked I asked anyway, I got this! Edited July 18, 2015 by zer0entity
Gary S Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 It normally takes at least a few dates for a women to be ready for sex. Sometimes they like to wait for marriage. You are doing fine except for the sex stuff.... stop talking about it and pushing her. Believe me when I tell you, nothing will ever happen until she's ready. And don't worry - when a woman is ready for sex, you will know. Being a gentleman is a long hard road of discipline, but patience pays. For best results, it should be their own idea. 2
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Hi thank you for your measured words and wise advice! I'm honestly just stoked that she wants to hang out with me, i'd wait another year to have sex with her if it meant the journey there was filled with exciting tension, definitely not gonna rush it or even bring it up again! Man, it's such a fine line between being a gentleman and letting her know when she's ready that I will rock her world haha, thank you again!
Gary S Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 That's the spirit, dude! Finally a man who gets it! Yes, if you are making out (kissing), you are there! Just keep making at least one date a week - everything else will fall into place, don't worry about. Women like sex just as much as you do - but primarily when they are in love - that can take a little time (guys normally fall a little quicker, that's the big secret to the mating dance everybody is missing). Good luck! 1
IronZ Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Maybe a slight mis-step but it sounds like she reacted positively. Don't mention it again. Just keep acting cool like you were before meeting. Go out with her again and don't be so thirsty with her. Let her initiate anything physical. 1
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Slight mis-step yeah agreed, but hey we all make those, I think things are positive enough that it shouldn't matter in the long run! Slight mis-step is way better than 20 people on here telling me i've ruined it haha. Thank you.
katiegrl Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Hi thank you for your measured words and wise advice! *** I'm honestly just stoked that she wants to hang out with me. *** , i'd wait another year to have sex with her if it meant the journey there was filled with exciting tension, definitely not gonna rush it or even bring it up again! Man, it's such a fine line between being a gentleman and letting her know when she's ready that I will rock her world haha, thank you again! Maybe I'm missing something, but when did she say she wants to hang out with you? Sounds to me like you asked her to hang out and watch the game, but she blew you off cause she was already gonna watch the game? Followed by "sooorrryyyyy." I'm confused...... what am I missing? 1
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