Only seeing each other every two weeks

[Suit_up]

So we have been dating for about a month and a half now. She texts me every day. Each day she always asks me how my day is, tells me about hers.

 

She said she isn't ready for a relationship at this moment, and earlier in the year got out of an 8 year relationship, and has just sold her house. She said she is still devastated about that, and angry that ten months later she still feels so painfully sad.

She is back living with her parents, and said she wants to learn to depend on herself again, and not just tie her happiness to someone.

She says she likes me a lot, and could see it going somewhere, but at the moment she said her selfish feeling is that she just enjoys the dates and doesn't want to think about where it is going too much. It's highly unlikely she is dating someone else. The regularity to which she is in contact, and showing me her pics from her evenings and so on would suggest no other real guys on the scene.

 

We are very intimate together, we do sleep together every time we have a big night out. She touches me in ways i would say feel more intimate than an FWB. She rests her head on my arm when walking together, links fingers, strokes my hand. At a concert on saturday she took my hand from behind her and put it on her stomach for the slower songs.

 

So heres the thing, i am wondering if i am expecting too much. I asked her when we will next see each other, since most recent was sunday morning (she stayed sat sunday). Prior to that we hadn't seen each other for two weeks. She told me last night shes going on holiday with the girls on monday, so it will be August 1st onwards. Then shes going again on the 10th.

 

I'm not disputing the truth of these things, but can she really truly be as interested if she isn't offering up an hour to see each other here and there? We live 6 miles away. She texts me consistently, calls me "hun" "lovely" and so on, but i feel like theres a bit of a contradiction here.

 

She also has told me that she feels numb to the whole dating thing, as dated one guy earlier in the year who turned out to have a wife, and another that disappeared. I think i might be the first decent one shes encountered. She told me literally that her guard is up.

 

A month and a half in, am i just expecting too much too soon? I guess it feels like longer when she messages me every single day. Almost always her initiating, without much exception.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Radu]

When someone wants to be with you, they want to be with you.

When they don't want to be with you ... they don't seek you out.

 

The exception being massive introverts, and she doesn't sound like one.

 

Either she is seeing someone else [low probability], or playing the field for the best deal [some probability] or has emotional issues that stop her from connecting right [quite likely from what she and you said].

 

In all cases, you have to decide what is best for you, because you are not there to sacrifice your time and life for someone else.

You should not be held accountable for what her ex's did, nor should you be a white knight for nothing.

 

In your situation, i'd stop expecting anything, start treating this like a friends with benefits [which you are right now ... but not FOB in general, you are her friend and the benefits are hers ... big difference], and find someone else.

[d0nnivain]

She's giving you as much as she can right now. What else do you want? Perhaps see if you can shorten the interval to 1 every 10 days but she needs to re-learn how to trust & that means you go at her pace for now. If you aren't patient enough to do that you will spook her & ruin a good thing

[xcupid]

Nice that you've found someone. She's receptive, seems into you, has affection for you and there's chemistry - all good signs. She's not blowing you off or friend zoning you either.

 

I realize you're eager to see her - that's normal especially in the early stages of a relationship.

 

But I would suggest you let her pace things.

 

If you push it will scare her off. She's not ready in the true sense of the word and she's wary and guarding her heart. In fact, her heart is probably pretty much closed right now from her past hurts and dating experiences. She has to work on herself after these experiences.

 

So you will have to go slowly.

 

Maintain your contact the way you are doing. Show her how much she means to you. Romance her and woo her slowly. But don't overdo it or you will smother her and overwhelm her and that will cause her to pull away.

 

It will take time and patience from you. And you will have to control your emotions and frustration - because it will frustrate you because she wants to go slower than you do. Good luck and hang in there.

[casey.lives]

i think that you should just relax and make memorable times ending on a good/"high" note.. every time. surely this will make you unforgettable. don't worry.. use the time and distance to your advantage, let the summer pass and come back to it later.

[Suit_up]

She's giving you as much as she can right now. What else do you want? Perhaps see if you can shorten the interval to 1 every 10 days but she needs to re-learn how to trust & that means you go at her pace for now. If you aren't patient enough to do that you will spook her & ruin a good thing

 

We have known each other three months, right at the beginning she dated me and another guy. She told me she felt it could go somewhere with him, and didn't advance things with me. I wished her luck and disappeared.

 

She messaged me 2 weeks later, essentially telling me it was early in dating and she feels like her judgement was wrong. I think this might have shaped my views early on and made me look for the first sign of trouble.

 

Since this happened, between a month and a half to two months of only good dates has occurred, no other guys, and i think we've grown very close. I suppose just what happened right at the beginning seeded doubt. Having said that though, we hardly knew each other after those first 2 dates when it happened.

[smackie9]

She's rebounding off of you....you are not in a very good position. Just because she seems to be focusing on you doesn't mean there's a committed relationship in the future.

[Suit_up]

She's rebounding off of you....you are not in a very good position. Just because she seems to be focusing on you doesn't mean there's a committed relationship in the future.

 

Usually i'd tend to agree. I am kind of a cynical guy, but when we have actually been together it really hasn't felt this way. She could easily keep things FWB and do just enough to try and keep me hanging on. It's not the overriding feeling i've gotten. Her reasons for her slow pace all ring true, if a little inconvenient. It may all blow up in my face of course, but i feel like assuming that it's all just blowing smoke and its a simple case of rebound could do too.

[coryreply]

It doesn't sound like she's misleading you at all. She has been very honest about where she's at emotionally.

 

She wants to feel loved but is afraid to commit.

 

How deep is her hurt and how much do you like her?

[Suit_up]

It doesn't sound like she's misleading you at all. She has been very honest about where she's at emotionally.

 

She wants to feel loved but is afraid to commit.

 

How deep is her hurt and how much do you like her?

 

From my side of it i guess i have been cagey too. I am quite worn from being on the wrong end of a few bad situations in the past. My cards have been quite close to my chest. Yesterday was the first time i guess i exhibited a bit of frustration at lack of time with her. She has told me that shes unclear what she wants, but is afraid of losing me. It can be so easy to mix up genuine fear and reluctance from leading on.

 

For instance, i know if i word things in a certain way, many would tell me i am being played and leave her. If i just tweaked the delivery i think the same crowd would say im expecting too much.

[lil hoodlum]

I also agree she is rebounding off of you.

 

 

She is using you for comfort and famialarity of a relationship.

 

 

Just got out of an 8 year relationship earlier this year? She isn't anywhere close to being over that.

 

Lives only 6 miles away? The two of you live close enough that you should be able to have more casual and frequent meet ups. Instead she is using you for her physical comforts.

 

 

My advice? Find someone who is ready to date and isn't carrying so much baggage.

[fitnessfan365]

Dude, you've got rebound written all over you. She just got out of a eight year relationship and has a ton of time constraints/baggage to deal with. So you're the guy that takes her mind off it when she feels like it. I mean she may be heading out of town starting Mon-Aug 1st and then again on Aug 10th. But she's been in town up until now, and only six miles away from you to boot.Yet, she's letting weeks go by in between getting together?

 

My advice? Scale WAY back on the texting. She feels no urgency to get together because you're always there to chat with her. You reward a woman with daily communication when she's actually invested in you.

 

1) Next time she reaches out, cut to the chase and make definite plans for after Aug 1st. Then exchange a few, say you have to run, and that you'll see her then.

 

2) After that let her do 100% of the initiating until the date. When she does text you, start taking WAY longer to respond. Sometimes let an entire day go by. Then when you do respond, only keep it to 2-3 max spread out and always end it with "I have to run, but looking forward to our date when you're back". She has to actually start missing you, and thinking about you. Being her daily text buddy communicates that you'll basically be sitting around waiting on her. So she'll continue to take you for granted and keep things on her terms.

Edited July 17, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[kendahke]

 

So heres the thing, i am wondering if i am expecting too much.

 

Yes.:

She said she isn't ready for a relationship at this moment, and earlier in the year got out of an 8 year relationship, and has just sold her house. She said she is still devastated about that, and angry that ten months later she still feels so painfully sad.

She is back living with her parents, and said she wants to learn to depend on herself again, and not just tie her happiness to someone.

 

You are the rebound relationship. She is not in any position right now to be in a relationship with anyone and to be fair to you, she should not have entered into this with you because she cannot be who you need for her to be. She still is not over her ex and/or the break up. And you know all of this going in.

 

can she really truly be as interested if she isn't offering up an hour to see each other here and there? We live 6 miles away. She texts me consistently, calls me "hun" "lovely" and so on, but i feel like theres a bit of a contradiction here.

 

She also has told me that she feels numb to the whole dating thing, as dated one guy earlier in the year who turned out to have a wife, and another that disappeared. I think i might be the first decent one shes encountered. She told me literally that her guard is up.

 

A month and a half in, am i just expecting too much too soon? I guess it feels like longer when she messages me every single day. Almost always her initiating, without much exception.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Yes. Way too much, way too soon. She's not even dealt with the aftermath of her failed relationship. Until she's whole and not fragmented, this is what you should expect. IMO, she's being selfish and unfair, knowing that she's in no place to be with any guy until she's dealt with her issues. Proceed with caution--and relegate her to FWB while you look for someone who is emotionally whole and ready to be in a full time relationship and all it entails.

[smackie9]

Usually i'd tend to agree. I am kind of a cynical guy, but when we have actually been together it really hasn't felt this way. She could easily keep things FWB and do just enough to try and keep me hanging on. It's not the overriding feeling i've gotten. Her reasons for her slow pace all ring true, if a little inconvenient. It may all blow up in my face of course, but i feel like assuming that it's all just blowing smoke and its a simple case of rebound could do too.

 

 

rebounds can turn very passionate, almost obsessing....then it fizzles out quickly....."BOING!"

[Suit_up]

Dude, you've got rebound written all over you. She just got out of a eight year relationship and has a ton of time constraints/baggage to deal with. So you're the guy that takes her mind off it when she feels like it. I mean she may be heading out of town starting Mon-Aug 1st and then again on Aug 10th. But she's been in town up until now, and only six miles away from you to boot.Yet, she's letting weeks go by in between getting together?

 

My advice? Scale WAY back on the texting. She feels no urgency to get together because you're always there to chat with her. You reward a woman with daily communication when she's actually invested in you.

 

1) Next time she reaches out, cut to the chase and make definite plans for after Aug 1st. Then exchange a few, say you have to run, and that you'll see her then.

 

2) After that let her do 100% of the initiating until the date. When she does text you, start taking WAY longer to respond. Sometimes let an entire day go by. Then when you do respond, only keep it to 2-3 max spread out and always end it with "I have to run, but looking forward to our date when you're back". She has to actually start missing you, and thinking about you. Being her daily text buddy communicates that you'll basically be sitting around waiting on her. So she'll continue to take you for granted and keep things on her terms.

 

I'm quite ok to do this actually, as I do feel she likes me enough that she'd miss me badly if I did it, and it might clarify a few things. Here's the thing though, she already texts me a huge amount, and is always the initiator. It's quite difficult to do this without ignoring her or being conspicuously "off" ish.

[fitnessfan365]

I'm quite ok to do this actually, as I do feel she likes me enough that she'd miss me badly if I did it, and it might clarify a few things. Here's the thing though, she already texts me a huge amount, and is always the initiator. It's quite difficult to do this without ignoring her or being conspicuously "off" ish.

 

Her texting you, is more for her benefit. It serves as a distraction.

 

The fact is that she's told you straight out she doesn't want a relationship. So you need to stop acting like you're in one with her. Personally, I think it's selfish of her to be texting you daily, sending you pics of how she spends her evenings (without you), etc yet will never see you despite living six miles away.

 

My advice? Make her a FWB and start looking for other women to date.

[phineas]

Her texting you, is more for her benefit. It serves as a distraction.

 

The fact is that she's told you straight out she doesn't want a relationship. So you need to stop acting like you're in one with her. Personally, I think it's selfish of her to be texting you daily, sending you pics of how she spends her evenings (without you), etc yet will never see you despite living six miles away.

 

My advice? Make her a FWB and start looking for other women to date.

 

op sounds like the women who come here when a guy who tells them "I don't want a relationship" don't want a relationship.

 

When a woman tells me she doesn't want a relationship I only hit her up when I want some sex or she hits me up for sex.

 

I don't waste time texting her either in between.

especially when I only see her a few times a month.

[Gary S]

She's on the rebound. You are the rebound guy. She'll probably break your heart.

[Perrier]

OP this woman laid out all her baggage at the start and made her intentions clear. It is up to you to take her at face value. Living six miles apart is no issue especially if you drive or have good transport links.

 

That she's off on hols here and there shows she's getting on with her life with or without you. A woman just coming out of a long term r'ship and house sale (moving on) is not in right mind for an r'ship.

 

You will be the transitional guy at best.

[Suit_up]

I took everything you all said in to account, and have dialed my approach accordingly. I have been fairly neutral in how I've handled communication with her since, kept it pleasant and wished her a great holiday. I said I am sure we would speak when she gets back. She was warm, i guess we mirrored each other.

 

Anyhow, shes been in Mexico with her friend for under 24 hours and messages me these.

 

10:41am (uk time) "Hey you. I can't get wifi here.I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you. xx"

 

11:20am "Like...A lot."

 

I'm taking a measured approach here, I won't let it change my frame of the situation. Although it did occur to me that on an exciting trip to cancun and miami with her friend who she hasn't seen in a long time, her immediate actions are to find ways of resuming contact with me.

 

Any suggestions for the response.

[Redhead14]

I'm quite ok to do this actually, as I do feel she likes me enough that she'd miss me badly if I did it, and it might clarify a few things. Here's the thing though, she already texts me a huge amount, and is always the initiator. It's quite difficult to do this without ignoring her or being conspicuously "off" ish.

 

she'd miss me badly if I did it -- She wouldn't be missing YOU, she's misses the past relationship.

[Toodaloo]

OK she is taking it slow and you are probably a rebound.

 

I wouldn't back off completely as she is clearly interested but I would back off a bit.

 

Relax. She is trying not to jump in with 2 feet so let her dip her toes and go off and do your own thing.

[katiegrl]

I took everything you all said in to account, and have dialed my approach accordingly. I have been fairly neutral in how I've handled communication with her since, kept it pleasant and wished her a great holiday. I said I am sure we would speak when she gets back. She was warm, i guess we mirrored each other.

 

Anyhow, shes been in Mexico with her friend for under 24 hours and messages me these.

 

***10:41am (uk time) "Hey you. I can't get wifi here.I just wanted to let you know I have been thinking about you. xx"

 

****11:20am "Like...A lot."

 

I'm taking a measured approach here, I won't let it change my frame of the situation. Although it did occur to me that on an exciting trip to cancun and miami with her friend who she hasn't seen in a long time, her immediate actions are to find ways of resuming contact with me.

 

Any suggestions for the response.

 

Remembering this one thing will serve you really well going forward in ALL your relationships.

 

WORDS MEAN JACK SHYT if not followed up with actions.

 

What were her actions before she left? She rarely, if ever, wanted to spend time with you! Every two weeks, come on dude...use your noggin.

[contel3]

"So we have been dating for about a month and a half now. She texts me every day. Each day she always asks me how my day is, tells me about hers."

 

She texts you so much because it feels good to have someone to talk to. That way you don't feel lonely and you don't dwell on the break up. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with you. You have to judge her based on how she acts when you two are together. That's when you see how she really feels about you. Texts are just texts.

 

She might very well be into you. But at the same time she's not over her break up. The worst thing you can do right now is rush things. That will only scare her away. Even if she likes you. So try to enjoy things and not think about the future.

[Suit_up]

Remembering this one thing will serve you really well going forward in ALL your relationships.

 

WORDS MEAN JACK SHYT if not followed up with actions.

 

What were her actions before she left? She rarely, if ever, wanted to spend time with you! Every two weeks, come on dude...use your noggin.

 

That's not technically true, although i cant blame you for seeing it that way as there would be so much to type, i would definitely have a few omissions.

 

In a month and a half we saw each other, once one week, 3 times the second week, one the following. Then it will be twice in 3 and a half weeks. Although there are holidays causing that.

 

I get what you are all saying, but i am hardly going in blind here. I'm weighing things up in a public forum and getting feedback as i know the invested person has trouble staying balanced. It always amazes me how some posts appear as though responding to my acting like a hapless fawn walking in to a wolves lair.