Michelle ma Belle Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I definitively had my eyes set for "Prince Charming" my list was vast. Then, there was this whole passionate/chemistry thing that I wanted. A lover, like no other, who would make me scream in ecstasy. My list was unrealistic but I didn't know that when I was in my 20's now that I'm in my 40's sometimes I still don't know it. I've been here myself so I speak from experience. I've done a LOT of work on myself over the years to get to this point in my life where I have crystal clarity about a great many things in my life, particularly about relationships. That's not to say I no longer have my fantasies or revisit that long soulmate-check-list I wrote many years ago prompted by some bleeding heart self-help book I was reading on the subject that is buried at the bottom of my junk drawer, because I have. It has more to do with having a healthy perspective and learning to be forever grateful instead of putting so much focus on the things we're lacking. It really makes a world of difference. Edited July 17, 2015 by Michelle ma Belle 1
Brigit_1 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Never settle for less than prince charming. If it's not 100% all around, you will have regrets and feel trapped. I had intense dreams and waking visions about my current partner for 10+ years before we started dating and I always knew in my heart we would be together for the rest of our lives. We aren't perfect, but I can tell you already... she is the love of my life. I did marry prince charming but the chemistry/passion thing wasn't included in the deal. Some women wait forever for perfection and wind up alone. That wasn't going to happen to me.
deadelvis Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I did marry prince charming but the chemistry/passion thing wasn't included in the deal. Some women wait forever for perfection and wind up alone. That wasn't going to happen to me. You just hit the nail on the head. It's the fear of being alone that makes people settle. I'd rather die alone than settle.
Brigit_1 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I've been here myself so I speak from experience. I've done a LOT of work on myself over the years to get to this point in my life where I have crystal clarity about a great many things in my life, particularly about relationships. That's not to say I no longer have my fantasies or revisit that long soulmate-check-list I wrote many years ago prompted by some bleeding heart self-help book I was reading on the subject that is buried at the bottom of my junk drawer, because I have. It has more to do with having a healthy perspective and learning to be forever grateful instead of putting so much focus on the things we're lacking. It really makes a world of difference. That check list is hard to throw away. But if you can retrain your brain to focus more on gratitude rather than fault finding you'll be a happy person...or so I'm told. I'm still completely in flux. Trying to grow up.
Brigit_1 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You just hit the nail on the head. It's the fear of being alone that makes people settle. I'd rather die alone than settle. Then you're probably in your 20's.
deadelvis Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Then you're probably in your 20's. 33... but I'll never give up on true love. 1
Got it Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Never settle for less than prince charming. If it's not 100% all around, you will have regrets and feel trapped. I had intense dreams and waking visions about my current partner for 10+ years before we started dating and I always knew in my heart we would be together for the rest of our lives. We aren't perfect, but I can tell you already... she is the love of my life. While I agree I have no interest in settling, the above is just too emotional fru fru for me. I am hearing harps being played and people swooning. Just too much emotion for myself. Gawd, the energy! I do think there is some need to compromise. For example, I love my husband's assertiveness and perseverance. But when I am at the receiving end of a contrary man with those skills sets I am not singing their praises. That doesn't mean throw in the towel because its not all sunshine and roses 24/7. Means I am with a human that has his flaws just like I do. Most assertively like I do. 1
truncated Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I knew I had found "the one" ( so to speak) when I had found someone who was wiling to grow along with me, enjoyed the same things I did, and who made me happy. It's not about the "butterflies" at all. I've had those before, but the relationships never worked out. after they started to fade, there really wasn't much left. 3
Giggle Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 . When I met my husband & thought he was gorgeous & we had great chemistry. But hormones do not a relationship make. Gradually I came to love, respect & trust the man -- the person he was inside more & more. I felt safe. As I have often said, he is the kind of man who is strong enough to let me be weak (which is very hard for me). Over time the bond has grown stronger & continues to grow each day. I have told my honey that. That he is strong enough and male enough, that I can be soft. That is hard for me to do as well. Its amazing how we get along. I have never experienced anything like if before. It gets stronger and deeper. It surprises me. But I don't believe in the one. Everyone can teach you something about yourself. My friend would say she believes in the one. She and her husband knew right away. And she asked him to marry her within weeks of meeting. I wouldn't want her roller coaster relationship. 1
newmoon Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 the very first time i met my (now ex) boyfriend, I KNEW. it was like everyone always claimed and bells and whistles went off and i heard the voice of God, and i'm not even religious. seriously, God was in my head and said "he's the one." i just KNEW. it turns out that after three years together we weren't "the one" for one another, but you can have that knowing feeling about someone and it comes out of nowhere, just like they say. i wish everyone could experience that, it's phenomenal. it's not 100% accurate though, and "the one" might only be the one for a while and not forever. you do know though, you just know. 2
S_A Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 My current partner is the one. After 4.5 years I am still convinced she is the one. There are signs here and there. I'd probably need to start a whole new topic though to really touch on how I know, so you're going to have to just take my word for it Sorry I don't have any real substance to contribute to the topic. 1
Woggle Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 When your life is better simply because they are around and they get you hot. 1
HappyAgain2014 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) Weird as it sounds, I married my husband because being without him felt unnatural. It wasn't really as much of a decision as a realization. He knows everything about me, accepts all of my quirks and flaws, adores my children, and takes care of me. It's easy, natural, and is an absolute partnership based on respect and kindness. I knew when he told me he knew we both had been through bad marriages and divorces and realized I was fighting being happy. He then told me we were perfect for each other and our children. We were going to be happy and that's it. No one had ever exhibited such conviction, backed up by consistent actions, in being with me. Edited July 18, 2015 by HappyAgain2014 1
Author minimariah Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 not gonna make another thread but i do have another question -- how do y'all feel when someone says or when you read "we were meant for each other" - can you be meant for someone...?
Brigit_1 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 33... but I'll never give up on true love. I'm not saying you should. True love is wonderful. Perfect love is unrealistic. 1
cocorico Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 how do you know your partner was and is THE ONE? you know, the one you'll love the most, the one love of your life... that one LOVE that every other love fades when compared to. everybody says you'll know when you know, LOL. but how? what was the moment when you realized and knew that your partner was the one for you, what was the moment when you knew that you'll last... (IF there was a moment like that)? can you ever really know or is it just a matter of luck... wild life gambling? Being "the one" for me is his life's work. 2
S_A Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 (edited) not gonna make another thread but i do have another question -- how do y'all feel when someone says or when you read "we were meant for each other" - can you be meant for someone...? Meant for each other in what sense? As if he/she is the best person for you? Or is "meant" supposed to mean that you are supposed to be with this person? My belief is that there is a perfect somebody out there for everyone, but that 99% of people won't ever find that perfect person because 7 billion people. Two people that were perfect for each other could have walked by each other on the street and not even know who they just missed out on. IMO, it takes more luck than anything else to find that person. Can't really prove or disprove my belief, but it's encourgaging to believe that there is someone out there whose brain and heart is wired in a way that is perfectly compatible with yours. I mean, with so many people in the world, there is bound to be someone who "fits" with you like a puzzle piece, right? Finding that person though, heh I dunno. If you're very lucky you may find that person. That person could be living in Serbia right now for all you know. Edited July 18, 2015 by S_A 1
Author minimariah Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Or is "meant" supposed to mean that you are supposed to be with this person? i was thinking in this sense. but that's more of a soul - mates & fate kind of discussion, i think. like when you end up with someone and have a (successful) relationship with that person, do you think it was meant to be? or is it a matter of luck + work? That person could be living in Serbia right now for all you know. this would be really great considering the fact that i live riiiiiight on Croatian border with Serbia, LOL. but i agree with you -- it's mostly about luck... you need to be lucky to actually MEET that person in the 1st place. 1
Author minimariah Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Being "the one" for me is his life's work. can you please elaborate, Coco? not sure i understood -- you meant, he loves you so he makes effort to be your The One every day? sorry, my English is kind of rusty these days.
jen1447 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 not gonna make another thread but i do have another question -- how do y'all feel when someone says or when you read "we were meant for each other" - can you be meant for someone...? I don't really buy into the platitudes, even if I do believe in LAFS. Life's too random and flighty for there to be some pre-ordained path we're all on. More like someone you happened to meet along your way would be good for you, not that random x on the other side of the earth was written into your ledger by god at birth. 3
SolG Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) Great questions Mini! Like others here I don't subscribe to the theory of 'The One'. But I do believe that there are absolutely some romantic partners in our life that touch us deeply. And there have been very few of these in my life thus far. To me at the root of it is the something about that relationship and that person that makes me willing to be truly vulnerable. It's that sense of love and 'safety' that makes me go, 'Here I am. All of me; the good, the bad and and the downright ugly. And I want to know all of you too.' Seeing and being seen and, despite not necessarily liking all facets of one another, accepting each other for all that you both are. Who you are together and apart. But not just that. There is also that sense of differentiation and change where you know who you are today is not who you may be tomorrow. That every individual grows and changes constantly. That sense of come with me, and take me with you too. Even when we go to different places (as we must) lets still share as best we can. And acknowledging and relishing the inherent challenges that this entails. Even knowing that in end it may not turn out as we would like. That vulnerability means the possibility of hurt. But doing it anyway because it's worth it. It's terrifying... and at the same time the most wonderful of things. Edited July 19, 2015 by SolG 1
S_A Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 (edited) i was thinking in this sense. but that's more of a soul - mates & fate kind of discussion, i think. like when you end up with someone and have a (successful) relationship with that person, do you think it was meant to be? or is it a matter of luck + work? I think most (if not all) good things in life are birthed from work. I don't think there is a fate component to relationships. I do believe that everyone's perfect match is out there, but again, an overwhelmingly large majority of people won't end up with this person. Maybe there is a fate component? I feel confident that when I was 12 or 13 ish, I had a dream about my current GF. this would be really great considering the fact that i live riiiiiight on Croatian border with Serbia, LOL. WOW. I never knew where you were from when I said that. Totally random! Edited July 19, 2015 by S_A 1
Author minimariah Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Maybe there is a fate component? I feel confident that when I was 12 or 13 ish, I had a dream about my current GF. i think it is. it's a very weird feeling... when i met my current partner and looked at him... i felt as if i had loved him for years. i felt familiar, like i've known him for years. just a weird feeling. and even though we just recently got serious... i still feel this weird sense of just belonging. like, calm. not sure how to explain it, i've never felt something like that before. It's terrifying... and at the same time the most wonderful of things. it is & that's how i know i REALLY care -- when i am absolutely terrified of losing that person but that fear isn't strong enough to make me stay away from him. 1
compulsivedancer Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 This is what I think every time I see your thread title: That's How You KNOW! 1
Recommended Posts