XianErick Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Hey loveshackers, Just an account of some break up aftermath. Being the typical ex, there was a drunk text sent intended to take a stab at her actions, some people call it slut shaming. Her response was handing this new guy her phone to take a selfie; her in the background flipping me off. They didn't expect to see me at a party the following night. After some drinking my group relocated to another party. They both showed up and that is when things took a turn for the worse. Their group was already intermingling with mine, bumming cigarettes and what not. Took my walk up to them and apologized to my ex for the previous night.. Turned to the new man, offered him a chance to apologize for having left me a snide comment with the photo response. This guy decides to call me a "***** *****" and punch me! We had our little showdown, and after he realizes I'm stronger/faster/winning? he asks me to cease the violence. I sent him home hanging off her for support to walk. It was wrong for me to lose it like that. It's just the amount of disrespect in the air, mixed with the rum, I simply blacked out and dealt all the damage I could. TL;DR disrespected by ex's new fling; got sucker punched; settled the score
Author XianErick Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) An apology if this isn't the right forum for this thread. These events were approx. a month after the break up. Having had a case of insomnia since that night (about half a week ago), I just felt a need to share. edit: Maybe more suitable for the general discussion forum? not sure how to move this I'm not proud of how it went down. I practice martial arts and I didn't have the discipline to deescalate the situation. Edited July 17, 2015 by XianErick
Gus Grimly Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Took my walk up to them and apologized to my ex for the previous night.. Turned to the new man, offered him a chance to apologize for having left me a snide comment with the photo response Should have departed the party after your Ex and her new guy arrived. You caused a confrontation by approaching them when there was bad blood in the air. You provoked the guy thus creating unnecessary drama and violence in a public social environment. Next time, just walk away and send the apology via Text\Email. Apologizing to someone then proceeding to beating crap out of their date kinda makes that apology feel a tad, disingenuous.
Author XianErick Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the response Gus, I'd like to add that this was my first street fight and I'm not the type to go looking for trouble. I suspect I'll be seeing them around bc we have common friends. She is my ex of five years might I add. It doesn't seem feasible to me that I'd just leave every instance they show up bc I have tried absence and had little to no social life as a result. Edited July 17, 2015 by XianErick Deleted some restated points
LoveMachine67 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Thanks for the response Gus, I'd like to add that this was my first street fight and I'm not the type to go looking for trouble. I suspect I'll be seeing them around bc we have common friends. She is my ex of five years might I add. It doesn't seem feasible to me that I'd just leave every instance they show up bc I have tried absence and had little to no social life as a result. The best revenge is to move on, find someone new and be happy. Throwing punches will only lead to escalation / retaliation, and possible expensive legal problems.
Author XianErick Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 You're absolutely correct lovemachine, Her father is a criminal defense lawyer so that would be problematic. On the bright side there was a girl Got the pleasure of talking to an old flame after my opponent left. She was asking my friends about my drug habits which leads me to believe she was looking for red flags. Sign of interest much? I don't do drugs so this seems like something good to me, and she mustn't either if it's a concern of hers. Hopefully there aren't any other combative situations. Don't think ladies are into the look! 1
hotmrw Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I can fully understand your actions buddy, I think I would have acted the same, and clearly pretty tactless from your Ex I think, she just fanned the flames in my opinion Sometimes our emotions get the better of us ( Mine did yesterday ) I sadly have no answers, but I can fully understand why you did what you did, its OK everyone telling you " You should have done this or done that " much easier said than done when you are presented with a situation like the one you was presented with, maybe just try to avoid the same thing happening again, I kicked off at my Ex who dumped me for another guy, called her from a pig from a dog and an unfit mother ( we have a 13 month old child ) I now know it was wrong and have messaged her saying sorry about yesterday, so don't worry about it buddy, just mark it down as not one of your best moves.
Gus Grimly Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Sometimes our emotions get the better of us .... The main concern here is the use of violence to handle a situation. Now if his Ex's new fling attacked him on site without any provocation, by all means defend yourself. These situations can escalate rapidly beyond control to the point where someone could get seriously injured. Police, Jail, Prison time, Lawyer Fees, Bail Bond fees, fines etc etc. Is it all that really worth it? Over your Ex? F that.
SoThatHappened Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Screw all of this lovey-dovey PC crap. You got sucker punched and then settled the score like a MAN. Was it smart? No. Did you stand up for yourself? Yep. Now just stay completely away from them. 5
ZiggyZoo Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Not sure I'd call it a sucker punch, exactly. You said the whole situation started when you were texting your ex (this guy's CURRENT girl, remember) and said some nasty stuff to her? That right there would warrant an ass kicking in plenty of guys' books. And I'm sure the attitude of "allowing him a chance to apologize" that you were likely throwing off didn't help any either. Yeah, you should've left when you saw they were there. Sh*t, you should've stayed out of your ex's business altogether, but I'm totally with her current guy. I would've punched you too, you shouldn't have disrespected his girl like that. And your other old flame? I doubt asking if you do drugs was a sign of interest. Especially after seeing you lose your sh*t over another girl like that. Not a good look, and I would definitely pass on a guy who was obviously still so invested in what his ex was doing. I wouldn't count on her continued interest. 2
Author XianErick Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) hotomrw, you're completely right that it's a different thing in person. There was a good two hours of me restraining myself through sheer will. Really it was not my goal to show him what for but the disrespect thing really got in my head.. this guy actually writes back saying he'll respond after "I knock the bottom off of her." Clearly he has a smart mouth on him. How else do you make it known you won't tolerate that disrespect, bumping heads from here on out? Gus, I don't think legal problems were his or my main concern. There was a house full of people saying "he did throw the first punch." Not sure how the provocation plays in court but when he called me a "***** *****" I told him he needs to stop talking ****. That was my only goal, end the verbal swings he kept taking. Once again respect plays a huge role here. SoThatHappened yeah I hope he can keep his mouth shut if I run into them again. I'm more than happy ignoring them now that they are aware that actions have repercussions. ZiggyZoo, I called her a hoe cause she was leading me on while seeing the guy I fought. I'm sure he doesn't know bc new flings don't exactly check each other's texts. She likes to play games. Would he appreciate that? Probably not but it's his problem now. I'm glad that you have a defend the girl mentality, though. But there's standing up for someone and then there's being a smart mouthed kid who can't back his talk up. He simply could have said "just don't do it again, and I won't either," he had no respect at all. Old flame is irrelevant. Just pointing out that instead of forfeiting my night, he was the one to leave. When he pleaded for the fight to end I told him "one of us needs to leave and either we decide, or the owner of the house decides." He took the second option and clearly they preferred my company. Edit: but thanks all for the opinions, even if they disagree, you're all great people I'm sure. Helped to get it off my chest. Edited July 17, 2015 by XianErick
mightycpa Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 The main concern here is the use of violence to handle a situation.I think that the use of violence in response to getting punched is certainly appropriate. It might be different if the guy told him to **** off and turned his back, but that's not what happened. In addition, the violence ceased when the guy asked for it to stop. I think the martial arts training probably helped this not escalate. Had they both been untrained, maybe nobody would have backed down. If the surprised victim walked off a little scuffed up, well, then maybe it was a lesson learned on his part. I suspect there will be very little mouthing off in the future.
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I won't beat you up too much since you seem regretful and not really egotistical, but it does sound like you bscly forced the other guy's hand. When pride's at stake, a lot of ppl feel like there's nowhere to go but to fight, and I suppose you knew on some level that's what you were doing. Also if you're a martial arts guy you should know better, and it's no badge of honor going into a fight you know you'll probably win. That said, as far as the law's concerned, it's on him since he attacked you. (Law doesn't care about antagonism, etc.) One word of warning - you never know who might kick your ass when you think they won't. Believe me. Otherwise, go forth and sin no more.
chamachama Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Nah don't feel like you have to leave a place because or anybody, ever. The only thing I would have done differently is I wouldn't have contacted her in the first place. Texting her anything at all just looks pathetic and weak imho. Because you did that, she knows she got to you. I have WAY too much pride for such things. When I break up with someone, boom its done and over and I'm gone. Indifference my friend... its the broadest sword with the sharpest blade. Other than that, you went and apologized to her that night, which is fine (but again, contact of any kind is ill advised and just makes you look foolish anyway), and you weren't threatening to the guy and he struck you first. Basically he attacked you. If someone attacks me... welcome to my world mother f'er. And trust me when I say its not a world anyone would like to visit at any point at any time lol. You were well within your right to defend yourself with harsh counter aggression. If I were you, I would delete her number, defriend on all social media, and delete all pics and remembrance of her. She is memories now. Move on and make a better more satisfying life for yourself without her in it. And if you are forced to come in contact with her again.... she should get utter indifference every single time. That's the stuff that leaves a mark my friend. Anything else just validates her.
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