kenmore Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 BLECH! I am so sick of it! Yesterday I was visiting businesses and went into this real estate office. there was this really attractive 40-ish woman there who greeted me with a beautiful smile. When she got off the phone we started talking. We seemed to hit it off, she seemed to like me a lot and I was very attracted to her. We talked for about 15 minutes but as the conversation went on and I mentioned my deceased wife (I wanted to convey I was not married lol) and how certain aspects of marketing have been, she slowly started changing her average expression from beautiful smile to "aww" looks. They just got more frequent and I was trying to get her out of pity mode but it just got worse and worse until I started to almost resent it. I liked her and sent a follow-up email. Nothing personal, just telling her how it was a pleasure meeting her and that I enjoyed our conversation and her reply was just "thanks." Today we had training at work and there was a guest trainer. A woman I met before. She's very attractive and I shook her hand and said it is nice to see you again. I could tell she was a little pleased by the fact I remembered her and I could tell she remembered me. All through training she kept looking at me. Of course I was looking at her, she's the trainer. Afterward, when I went to tell her how it was so nice to see her again, she asked how my career is going. I didn't unload but said it's ok, but getting off to a start in the industry seems to take a long time, so it's slow. We had a few more words and she came toward me with her arm out for a hug. Of course I'm not an idiot, I hugged her and it was awesome! Later I got to thinking it was a pity hug. Don't you think? I just hate it! I never know where I stand anymore. I go out of my way not to bring up anything personal in my life unless it's important or I'm asked, and maybe I put off an aura of pitifulness. It's the f*cking last thing I want in this life and it's what I get. The French lady never liked me, the one yesterday didn't like me and I just don't know about this one but I'm not putting myself in the position to find out anymore. I may be leaving the area anyway so just don't need any ties. I can't seem to get my life going where I want it to. I just want to be free from emotions altogether for awhile and not give a sh*t. Proofreading this, it cries out for pity, doesn't it? I'm leaving it as written so you all can see it and hopefully give some useful pointers on how to stop it! Ken 1
CarrieT Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I'm leaving it as written so you all can see it and hopefully give some useful pointers on how to stop it! Don't mention the things in your life that are immediate downers - only talk about the positive things in your life and present a happy, fortunate, face. You are getting the pity looks and reactions because you are fishing for them; if even unconsciously. I did that for years (and still fall back into it) because it is easier being the victim. 7
lgspot Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Part of the process Ken. It's newly divorced guy thinking. It passes. An experienced woman can spot it a mile away. Once through it, these same ladies will probably be all over you. 2
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Later I got to thinking it was a pity hug. Don't you think? Were there boobs? Pity hugs can be either church hugs (no actual physical contact at all except that silly mutual patting of the back) or partial boob hugs - specifically bc we know our boobs are comforting. But you'll never get any grind in a pity hug. Did her pelvis contact you at all? 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Oh honey, you poor thing, I feel for you! () I would echo CarrieT. Focus on the positive stuff in your life. Be upbeat, and don't give any hint as to anything being too recent. Shrug it off, "Yeah, I was married once... didn't work out, but hey, c'est la vie!" Given that you are moving away form the area to 'pastures new' you're not all that likely to run into familiar faces. So, Fresh Fields and all that.... 1
Author kenmore Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 Thanks everyone, yes I should have never mentioned the slow start nor my dead wife. At least I don't bother talking about the other one anymore. Were there boobs? Pity hugs can be either church hugs (no actual physical contact at all except that silly mutual patting of the back) or partial boob hugs - specifically bc we know our boobs are comforting. But you'll never get any grind in a pity hug. Did her pelvis contact you at all? Major boobs, close hug and ear to ear contact. I wouldn't say grind, but touching...of course it may have been promoted by me lol.
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