AppleKakes Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 **Pfft** I just feel so frustrated when it comes to dating. I think people are quick to make assumptions about you w/o communicating with you and/or taking the time to really get to know you. I am not your average chick. I am a combo of so many things that it's hard to put your finger on me and who/what I'm about. I "get" me...unfortunately, I think a lot of people - especially guys - don't get me. I believe communication is important/essential in a RL. Not fair to sit around and draw conclusions about people w/o even giving them a chance to communicate with you about your concerns about them and what you "think" you know about them.
misspond Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Is this something that happens in real life? Online? Or a combination?
StalwartMind Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This comes from a guy. I completely agree, communication is vital, and if you have a non judging partner/date, then life becomes a lot more simple and easy. To make things even better, the more open minded you are including not having bigoted views or beliefs, then you suddenly open yourself too many more opportunities. To top it all off, if you can "shake" off even having shallow values or strict requirements, then you basically have the recipe of a person who is an ideal candidate for a meaningful relationship. The last part is where perhaps the majority of the world population runs into conflict with others, because most do have very specific needs. This guy needs to be X tall, have this job and status and this girl needs to be this fit and look like that, and fulfill all my needs. I don't blame or care about what anyone wants, to be honest, whatever floats your boat is fine with me. I can understand your frustration because it can take awhile to find someone who just "gets you". I don't know what your requirements are, but there are actually plenty of really great guys out there, who to possess the patience and will want to learn you. Unfortunately a lot of people, even really great people, tend to assume. This is a dangerous path in my opinion, because assuming things about others can typically lead to wrong conclusions. Instead of doing that, use honesty, talk to each other, yep even speak about issues you may not feel "totally comfortable with". I'm of course not asking all this to happen on the first date, but anyone with keeping will know that a relationship takes time. I'm sure there are "perfect" dates happening when you just click from the get go, but more than often people do have to "work" a bit for it. This is where we all have different views too, because what is "effort". Some people will think effort is buying a a woman flowers grants him permission to bed her. Others will take the more patient route, get to know you, understand what makes you feel. I can't tell you why you are running into guys who don't try to understand you, maybe you are dating the wrong kind of guys, perhaps you are just unlucky, there could be many reasons, but most importantly don't give up. Even bad dates and relationships will lead you to the right one, it's all an experience of learning yourself and what you want and do not want. You should certainly try look for a guy who can show genuine interest in you, many of us have different qualities, which is why I don't even like labeling people or going by stereotypes. There's a lot more I could say, but I very much doubt you are "difficult" to get to know, I think that nowadays a lot of people just give up fast unless a person doesn't instantly fit their insane list of requirements that must instantly be met. If only just half of people knew that with time, they can probably make many of those things come true, but it may require a bit of effort. Either way patience goes a long way, sometimes the search can just take a long while.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 What exactly do you think men aren't "getting"? Nobody is going to know everything there is to know about you in a few dates/conversations, in reality that could take a few lifetimes. However, when someone usually says this, it's because they feel blown off too early and like they didn't have a "chance" with the person. In reality it's usually the person just didn't find you appealing/attractive or what not, in order to get underneath those other layers of who you are, or what you're all about. So to that person, it's irrelevant what you have to "offer" them. They just aren't interested in knowing more about you and aren't interested in getting to know you..and that you shouldn't dwell on and just move on. There's no "chance" to change their minds, they already made their up. Attraction comes down to some pretty simple factors at the end of the day for most people, beyond that...there's not much real reason to get to know someone, not on that level or for that purpose.
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