Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 No to both. As long as she's clean, we're compatible and she believes in & practices monogamy, as I do, then I could care less how many guys she's been with in the past.
endlessabyss Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Can't turn a hoe into a house wife; hoes don't act right.
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Double-Standard? How? No one said a woman can't have a sexual past, but if her experiences exceed yours 20 times over you kind of have to ask yourself, "what am I doing here?" Same thing goes for a woman and her man, she can ask herself the same question. Jon, can you elaborate on this? I don't understand what you mean.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Jon, can you elaborate on this? I don't understand what you mean. What I meant was if she's had a lot of partners throughout her life, and then you've only had a few that you can count on your hand, it kind of puts you in a tough position because now you have to compete with all those men. You're stuck in the mindset of, "you've been with 10-15 guys and you chose me? Hmmm idk". At least that's how I would think of it. How would I know she's not going to flake once the sex gets boring? Sex just means something different to me than it does to other people. Edited July 17, 2015 by Jonp219
2.50 a gallon Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Advice For The Men are Looking to Marry a low Count Woman. Don't! It is almost a guaranteed heartbreak! It has been my observation that a good many women will eventually suffer through a mid-life crisis, beginning in their mid-30's and into their late 40's. My count is very high. The number of divorced 30 - 40 something women that I have shared my bed with, numbers into the triple digits. And most of them had married as either virgins, or having had only one or two bed partners before they married. They hit their 30's, and sex with their husbands drift into the same ole same ole, and begin to wonder what they missed out on by having less than a handful of sexual partners. They also realize that their beauty and sexuality is fading, and act while they still have some attractiveness to work with. The majority of women now work, so they come into lots of contact with other men outside of their homes. All it takes is one smooth talker to get her confidence, become her friend and confidant and next think you know she is having an affair, and the worst part thinks she is love with her OM. The poor husband does not suspect a thing until it is too late. He gets the ILYBINILWY speech. In most case by that time the marriage is over and to make matter worse they have kids. 2
Male Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Does it hurt you to know your woman has had more sexual experiences than you? Does it bother you that these experiences come by a lot easier for them than they do for us? I've never asked any woman about her sexual history. I wouldnt expect a honest answer anyways, so whats the point? Think about it...when would you ask the woman the question, when you first meet or after you are serious with her? If you ask when you first meet, good chance shes going to tell you what you want to hear, if you wait until you are serious with her, and she does tell you the truth then what does it matter at that point since you have already been dating her so long? I think the question is irrelevant no matter what. Only insecure people would worry about such a thing.
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 What I meant was if she's had a lot of partners throughout her life, and then you've only had a few that you can count on your hand, it kind of puts you in a tough position because now you have to compete with all those men. You're stuck in the mindset of, "you've been with 10-15 guys and you chose me? Hmmm idk". At least that's how I would think of it. How would I know she's not going to flake once the sex gets boring? Sex just means something different to me than it does to other people. I think you're probably overestimating sexual competition. Or let me put it this way - the type of woman who might rank you or judge your performance based on the performance of those who came (lol) before you isn't the type you'd be compatible with anyway, knowing your psychological makeup and your stated preferences. BUT, your type of girl isn't automatically a low number girl either, bc a high number doesn't necessarily translate to the sexual competition outlook. There are plenty of 'good girls' who have what you're considering high numbers. ~20 isn't really indicative of a ONS specialist, bc in today's world a casual sex enthusiast can rack that figure up quickly. Genuine casual sex practitioners will likely be up there around the dozens to a hundred and up in all honesty, while a woman who's simply had 20 partners can easily have had them through relationships (however brief) and - gasp - yes, maybe even a few ONSs. But that doesn't make her a superficial person who only sees you as a penis and only judges you on how well you can get her off. To be frank I've been with women who had little experience but were freaks, as well as more experienced women who were looking for sth more than just sexual gratification, so I don't think the premise really holds water to begin with anyway - at least not in any more meaningful way than a very general guideline. The world is made up of individuals, not cattle. 5
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 What I meant was if she's had a lot of partners throughout her life, and then you've only had a few that you can count on your hand, it kind of puts you in a tough position because now you have to compete with all those men. You're stuck in the mindset of, "you've been with 10-15 guys and you chose me? Hmmm idk". At least that's how I would think of it. How would I know she's not going to flake once the sex gets boring? Sex just means something different to me than it does to other people. So this isn't really about the fact she has had sex with other men per se, this is about your own insecurities. YOU are looking at this in a way that is always going to cause you problems. YOU are imagining that when you sleep with this girl, Her other partners are lined up in the bedroom as well and each one is being compared to you. Man one - bigger dick, I love big dicks Man two - orgasms galore I was in heaven. Man three - what a body, wow! Man four - so much fun, sooo sexy with it Man five - ****!!!! I didn't know sex could be that good. and along you come Jonp - well he is OK, I suppose. BUT what usually happens Man one - such a jerk. Man two - cheated on me with his ex Man three - Thought he was God's gift Man four - Treated me like I was a poor version of his mother. Man five - Control freak... Jonp - love love love:love: 7
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah the last two posts above mine basically just blew up the thread. Can't really say much more than that or any better.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah the last two posts above mine basically just blew up the thread. Can't really say much more than that or any better. I agree. Jen and Elaine explained their pieces beautifully. Probably to the point where I'm starting to understand this topic with more ease. The past doesn't matter as much as the here and now. I hope I can control my ego a little better and not things like this get in the way of meeting new people or getting over old ones. Thank you ladies. 8
deadelvis Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I thought I should weigh in here and mention something. In my experience, the problem with people who have a high number is that they often have a detached attitude about sex. I think somewhere around the 40-50 mark something seems to change in a person regarding their outlook on sexuality. My number is about 35. My GF's number I would estimate around 60 or more. She (and other girlfriends I've had with a high number) has an emotional detachment from sex. I had sex with women usually because they were hot and I wanted to experience having sex with them. Sometimes it was romantic and loving. Sometimes it was dirty and wild. But I still treat sex with my partner as a very beautiful and sacred thing. I've found that people with a really high number often view sex in a very unattached and non-romantic way. It's actually been causing issues in my current relationship. While we do have great sex and we share a lot of intimacy in other aspects of our life, her lack of connection in bed leaves me feeling empty and confused. Here's an example. I want to have romance, and sex as a part of the romance. I love things like having a romantic candlelit dinner, followed by passionate kissing, and deeply connected intimate sex. I want my love life with my girlfriend to read like a women's romance novel. I'm that guy. I love making love in the moonlight and looking into each others eyes. All that stuff. It's just magical. My girlfriend is not like that. She enjoys the candlelit dinner, but the passionate sex and romance are not part of her vocabulary. She treats sex like it's no different from having a beer with a friend. She will literally say things like "can we take a break so I can smoke a cigarette and check my facebook?" It's difficult. While our sex is great, she isn't emotionally connected to sex the way I am. It just doesn't mean anything to her. And it's pretty common to feel that way (for both genders) once you get to a high number. Here's an example. I took a lot of psychedelics when I was younger. I took acid about 400 times by the time I was 18. It started out as a beautiful and special experience... for about the first 20-30 times... mind expanding, memorable and special. After a while it became "just another acid trip" and stopped having meaning to me. I've had a few standout "memorable" acid trips since then, but usually it was just another day of getting high. It lost it's meaning and importance. Now if I were to take acid, it would be "just another trip" and not the magical experience it used to be. So I don't take acid anymore. It's just not special to me anymore. By contrast, people who have only taken acid a handful of times clearly remember each of those experiences and cherish the memories. When someone who has only taken acid a few times gets high, they have a "special" trip and it's full of meaning and magic. For me, it does nothing. I envy those people who can still have a deep and profound acid trip. I wish I hadn't destroyed the value of that experience by using it in excess. You follow my example here? After having sex with a ton of people it becomes like how taking acid is for me. I can't remember which people I've taken acid with. Most of those experiences meant nothing to me, and I don't get anything from taking acid anymore, so I don't even bother. My girlfriend is the same way about sex. It means nothing to her. And you could use countless examples. If you've only been to Paris twice, it's still magical and exciting... versus having been there 50 times. If you have been skydiving 50 times versus twice... etc. The more you do something, the less it starts to mean to you. The first few times you went skydiving it was special and unique. After 50 times, now you're just jumping out of a plane... Edited July 17, 2015 by deadelvis
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I thought I should weigh in here and mention something. In my experience, the problem with people who have a high number is that they often have a detached attitude about sex. I think somewhere around the 40-50 mark something seems to change in a person regarding their outlook on sexuality. My number is about 35. My GF's number I would estimate around 60 or more. She (and other girlfriends I've had with a high number) has an emotional detachment from sex. I guess your gfs detachment is more to do with her history of sexual abuse and rape than her high numbers alone. Of course women who have been abused in this way, tend to be promiscuous too, as they search for love in all the wrong places.. 1
StanMusial Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I never asked my fiance outright about a number and I don't even know my own. After you get to know someone you can tell if they are promiscuous or if they are more relationship material. If it bothers you then maybe you're not compatible. For me it's more about what kind of person she is than whether I am in some sort of competition. 2
SolG Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) I really like cake. It tastes good and it's fun to eat. And I don't see any reason at all to wait for my birthday to indulge. As long as I look after myself; watch my macros, exercise, don't be a glutton, wash the plates, etc... In other words as long as I'm safe and respectful, what's the harm? But that's just everyday run of the mill cake. Nice, fulfilling and fun in moderation. On the other hand... I remember my first ever time in Vienna many years ago and going to the Sacher Hotel for torte. It was divine! Firstly the surrounds, the way it was served, then the taste and the texture and the feeling! The whole experience... In an instant all other cakes were, still nice and worthwhile in their place, but now infinitely inferior. I loved that cake! Sex is like this to me. I enjoy sex in all its forms and permutations. The casual variety is good fun and has its place, but sex with someone you love and trust... there is no comparison. To me sex is always meaningful and respectful; because it does after all come attached to a person and entail a relationship of some sort however fleeting. Just because something is transitory and playful does not infer the right to play unfairly or with mean spirit. And just because I have casual sex, it does not automatically follow that I do not greatly value a committed relationship. In my experience this is where the BEST, most uninhibited and extraordinarily connected sex occurs. Of course it's everybody's right to set the parameters for the relationship they want. I certainly don't expect anybody to subscribe to my view. I would just caution that a number in and of itself tells you very little about a person. Edited July 17, 2015 by SolG 2
deadelvis Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I really like cake. It tastes good and it's fun to eat. And I don't see any reason at all to wait for my birthday to indulge. As long as I look after myself; watch my macros, exercise, don't be a glutton, wash the plates, etc... In other words as long as I'm safe and respectful, what's the harm? But that's just everyday run of the mill cake. Nice, fulfilling and fun in moderation. On the other hand... I remember my first ever time in Vienna many years ago and going to the Sacher Hotel for torte. It was divine! Firstly the surrounds, the way it was served, then the taste and the texture and the feeling! The whole experience... In an instant all other cakes were, still nice and worthwhile in their place, but now infinitely inferior. I loved that cake! Sex is like this to me. I enjoy sex in all its forms and permutations. The casual variety is good fun and has its place, but sex with someone you love and trust... there is no comparison. To me sex is always meaningful and respectful; because it does after all come attached to a person and entail a relationship of some sort however fleeting. Just because something is transitory and playful does not infer the right to play unfairly or with mean spirit. And just because I have casual sex, it does not automatically follow that I do not greatly value a committed relationship. Of course it's everybody's right to set the parameters for the relationship they want. I certainly don't expect anybody to subscribe to my view. I would just caution that a number in and of itself tells you very little about a person. Right, but after eating a certain amount of cake, you hit a point where cake doesn't even get you excited anymore. As a kid I was thrilled about any cake. It could be one of those store-bought cakes with the pink icing that tastes like sugar-infused plastic and I was still overjoyed. Now I've moved on to cream cheese frosting or chocolate mousse filling. But I still love cake. If you worked as a baker, and tasting cake every day was part of your job, I doubt you'd like cake very much. Just like anything else, moderation keeps things special. My girlfriend doesn't appreciate the cake I spent all day baking for her. Maybe because she worked at a bakery for a while, maybe because she was forced to eat cake when she was younger or maybe just because she spent ten years eating a different type of cake every day. Either way, when she doesn't want a piece of the cake I spent all day baking, it makes me want to throw the whole thing in the trash, or find someone who appreciates all the love I put into baking it.
deadelvis Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't even know what that means, but I think that might be the most depraved thing I've read on LS. I'm never going to look at a pie the same way again.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't even know what that means, but I think that might be the most depraved thing I've read on LS. I'm never going to look at a pie the same way again. Summer of 1999. YW.
Mascara Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 You young 'uns are funny. Nobody over 45 cares about this numbers thing. That also goes for women who give it up on first and second dates. I just can't take her seriously if she's willing to do it so quickly. It's a big red flag in my eyes. Women aren't gatekeepers of your morality. It is not your job to push for sex and hers to control your urges. Do that yourself - or risk being dismissed by women for not being able to keep it in your pants without her control. 1
2.50 a gallon Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 When I was a young man, whenever I found out that my sex partner was far more experienced than I, I took the opportunity to pick her brain, to find out what women really liked in bed. Take my word for it, I had a lot to learn. But learn I did, maybe that was one of the reasons this short, skinny guy, with just an average face and a small wallet found the confidence to be very successful with the ladies. It also gave me the skills to seduce my Ex-fiancé on our first date. In her mind it wasn't a date. Just her chance to learn how to fish and to get out to the river for the first time and to catch some rays, for her important dates that weekend. In fact on the way to the river she reminded me that this was not a date, that we would never, ever be boy friend and girl friend. Me, I saw it as my one chance to win her heart. Before the night was over, her old boy friends were history. As for eating cake, I do not know what world you live in. I am long retired, and still love my cake. My neighbors, who are all also retired, still adore cake. And as for sex we still love it also, just that our bodies have let us down. 1
craw Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I think it is very important when dating to make it known right away what your preferences are. Preference aren't wrong, they are just preferences. And, no, It wouldn't have bothered me at all if my wife had had lots of sexual partners....her sexuality doesn't define her worth. She would have been worth just the same to me if she hadn't been a virgin. I'm glad she understood my sexual past, but if she hadn't, I would have moved on to someone more open, confident and mature. We simply wouldn't have been compatible. From these threads and most of the answers, I can certainly now understand why so many women lie about sex partner count. Seems there is still a double standard. G Nicely put. Quite interesting to read insecurities of men on here.
craw Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I thought I should weigh in here and mention something. In my experience, the problem with people who have a high number is that they often have a detached attitude about sex. I think somewhere around the 40-50 mark something seems to change in a person regarding their outlook on sexuality. My number is about 35. My GF's number I would estimate around 60 or more. She (and other girlfriends I've had with a high number) has an emotional detachment from sex. I had sex with women usually because they were hot and I wanted to experience having sex with them. Sometimes it was romantic and loving. Sometimes it was dirty and wild. But I still treat sex with my partner as a very beautiful and sacred thing. I've found that people with a really high number often view sex in a very unattached and non-romantic way. It's actually been causing issues in my current relationship. While we do have great sex and we share a lot of intimacy in other aspects of our life, her lack of connection in bed leaves me feeling empty and confused. Here's an example. I want to have romance, and sex as a part of the romance. I love things like having a romantic candlelit dinner, followed by passionate kissing, and deeply connected intimate sex. I want my love life with my girlfriend to read like a women's romance novel. I'm that guy. I love making love in the moonlight and looking into each others eyes. All that stuff. It's just magical. My girlfriend is not like that. She enjoys the candlelit dinner, but the passionate sex and romance are not part of her vocabulary. She treats sex like it's no different from having a beer with a friend. She will literally say things like "can we take a break so I can smoke a cigarette and check my facebook?" It's difficult. While our sex is great, she isn't emotionally connected to sex the way I am. It just doesn't mean anything to her. And it's pretty common to feel that way (for both genders) once you get to a high number. Here's an example. I took a lot of psychedelics when I was younger. I took acid about 400 times by the time I was 18. It started out as a beautiful and special experience... for about the first 20-30 times... mind expanding, memorable and special. After a while it became "just another acid trip" and stopped having meaning to me. I've had a few standout "memorable" acid trips since then, but usually it was just another day of getting high. It lost it's meaning and importance. Now if I were to take acid, it would be "just another trip" and not the magical experience it used to be. So I don't take acid anymore. It's just not special to me anymore. By contrast, people who have only taken acid a handful of times clearly remember each of those experiences and cherish the memories. When someone who has only taken acid a few times gets high, they have a "special" trip and it's full of meaning and magic. For me, it does nothing. I envy those people who can still have a deep and profound acid trip. I wish I hadn't destroyed the value of that experience by using it in excess. You follow my example here? After having sex with a ton of people it becomes like how taking acid is for me. I can't remember which people I've taken acid with. Most of those experiences meant nothing to me, and I don't get anything from taking acid anymore, so I don't even bother. My girlfriend is the same way about sex. It means nothing to her. And you could use countless examples. If you've only been to Paris twice, it's still magical and exciting... versus having been there 50 times. If you have been skydiving 50 times versus twice... etc. The more you do something, the less it starts to mean to you. The first few times you went skydiving it was special and unique. After 50 times, now you're just jumping out of a plane... Sounds like you're dating a dead fish. To say to take a break from sex to have a smoke n check Facebook? Bizarre. You're into passion and she's not. Since everyone is comparing sex to something. Scuba diving, every single time you decide to take the plunge the trip is always different. Usually it's an amazing surreal trip, sometimes the condition s are not good. Never mind. This is just getting strange.
carhill Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 In my experience, the problem with people who have a high number is that they often have a detached attitude about sex. I think somewhere around the 40-50 mark something seems to change in a person regarding their outlook on sexuality. Having dated and mated with women generally in that range, I wouldn't say it's a 'problem', rather they enjoyed sex as a physical sport and didn't always connect it with love and bonding. Sometimes it was hard to know if they were just sport-fµcking or there was some real emotion involved. I just went with it since I had no control over their thoughts and feelings anyway. If things worked out to a meeting of the minds, they did; if not, not. I rarely met single women (generally divorced or single mothers) who didn't enjoy a lot of lovers. It was normal in my generation and the ladies I interacted with for decades in the same demographic. If I had to outline a negative, it was that they could be incredibly cruel in the bedroom, something I had no concept of since I equated sex with love and emotional bonding and the expression of it. That detachment felt sometimes led to some pretty mean things being acted out or said. I couldn't imagine doing the same to a woman; it simply doesn't seem healthy. I don't know if iterations bred that perspective or the perspective bred the iterations. All I know is it was sometimes shocking. All in the past now, though. It was what it was.
mightycpa Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 There's a different between the two? Hmm I would really like to what the difference is... People make love when they have sex so I call bull on that.No JP. This is completely wrong. The difference is the intimacy. There is a world of difference between poking some chick you just met in order to get your rocks off and having a communicative, meaningful lovemaking session with somebody you know, like, love and want to make happy. The former leaves you physically satisfied, where the latter can be both physically satisfying and personally fulfilling. A spiritual thing, if you will. It's hard to have that with a stranger. You know, and as to the skills, I don't know, I guess there is something to be said for a woman who has a few tricks up her sleeve and who ****s with enthusiasm, and I'd have to believe the same is true for a man. But when it's all said and done, if you've got the guts to give a new move or a new position a try, if you're enthusiastic and you're comfortable enough to ask for and receive some loving feedback, or respond to a request, it's really not rocket science. And if you have a partner that is willing to do the same, what difference does it make who has what number?
Poutrew Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Thing is, of all the relationships I've seen in my life, the most successful ones were where there was an equal balance of sexual power happening. Virgins to virgins, low numbers to low numbers, swingers to swingers. Myself, I'm a low numbers guy - you can count the numbers of partners I've had on one hand, and I'm hitting 50. Quality has always meant more to me than quantity. It was brought home to me when I *attempted* to have sex with a lady a decade ago. Every time I tried to do something, she basically stopped me, saying how someone from her past had already tried it, and she didn't like it. After about 3 tries, I just got out of the bed, and began to get dressed to leave. She seemed confused as to why I was leaving. I told her there were too many people in the bed and to call me when they were gone. Never heard from her again... Now, does that mean I would *never* date a high number woman? Nope, but it would mean we would have to do a lot of communicating so both of us knew what the expectations were. Problem is, I'd probably never even ask her out to begin with. Being human, I'm just as guilty of falling for a double standard as the next guy. 1
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