Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 So you tried it and got rejected? That didn't boost your confidence? I know it sounds counter-intuitive to say that getting rejected can boost your confidence, but it's true. That first rejection from a cold approach is a HUGE boost because you realize getting rejected is not a big deal. A lot of people are afraid to hear "no". And that doesn't just go for relationships. There is nothing wrong with getting rejected. Don't think that when a woman turns you down she is laughing at you when you're no longer looking. She'd probably feel pretty heady about it as long as you don't approach her like a sleazeball (you definitely don't come off as a sleazeball btw). It did give me confidence! But, I still feel like i'm not getting anywhere doing it. It's hard enough doing each one as it is lol
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 My mom and dad met on the street lol No but I know exactly what you mean. However, I see it working for other people I know (and they're not what you would consider great looking guys). I feel like my approach isn't good, maybe it's something I need to change. But the more I do it the more discouraged I become. Like I told you on your other thread, look for signs of interest. Walk around with your head up big smile on your face and look at women. If they look back, hold eye contact, go ahead and say hello. If she avoids you or doesn't acknowledge you, staring at phone. Don't waste your time. Lol 2
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You ever thought about joining an interest group? It's a totally awesome way to meet people. You don't have to worry about cold approaches, just let things play out naturally. At the least you get to meet people that have your same interests and perhaps expand your social network.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah but it's damn easy for you to preach this rhetoric when you're married to a virgin for crying out loud...I honestly don't think many men are going to take what you're saying very serious, but it's cat-nip to the ladies as you are aware, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what a woman wants to hear, most guys over the age of 25 have figured that out..it's just a matter of simply choice at that point. You can preach the perfect word to men, but you don't have much credibility in your situation...to men. That's the backlash to the idealistic picture perfect world you always paint on the forums. ........................ Are you saying that people actually have a right to expect/demand low count if they are high count? Or, that I have no credibility because my life is good? If I annoy you, please feel free to block me. I can't accommodate you on being jaded and unhappy. I guess I'm supposed to be negative and hate on women in order to be real or to have LS cred with some people here... Amused, Grumps 3
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This "partner count" talk is a little weird. Why is it a problem for someone if an adult woman wants to have orgasms with other people in a responsible manner? I feel like the people that really worry about this are the ones that think "well, she had 9 partners before me, so that means there is a 90% chance that she had sex with someone better than me!" The "slut" argument comes off as a cover up for what the guy really thinks IMO. 7
casey.lives Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 ive been what most people would describe as chaste for most of my adult life and i think it depends on your age and the life experiences you've had. i hit something like 20 at around 26 and im what one might call a self described "good" girl. i must admit that a broken relationship led me astray, on a sport f-ening spree which accounts for my choice. i won't lie, i had a great time. My life was super fabuluous, my youth was sooooo much fun, and i don't remember these people because there was no intimacy so.. for me i wouldn't judge a person harshly over past promiscuity but... a serial monogamist is more of a red flag for me because you reach intimacy but keep breaking it off.. hmmm.. eeeep.tsk tsk 1
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 a serial monogamist is more of a red flag for me because you reach intimacy but keep breaking it off.. hmmm.. eeeep.tsk tsk Times are changing. Guys are becoming more about monogamy while women are becoming more about exploring their sexuality with different partners. 1
Radu Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Does it hurt you to know your woman has had more sexual experiences than you? Does it bother you that these experiences come by a lot easier for them than they do for us? Ok, maybe two questions, but yeah lol. The men who do get plenty of sex from different women don't have this problem because they know they're not missing out. However, for the men who are relationship oriented they tend to steer away from women who have had multiple (between 10-20) partners, including myself. It sounds a little immature, but if you think about it it can damage your ego quite a bit. And yes, having an ego can get in the way of many things, but we can't ignore that it's there, and it will ruin whatever you have going on. Just imagine, you're girlfriend has had sex with 20 different guys and here you are on your 2nd or 3rd girl looking like a schmuck. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture in your head. All my partners up to this point have had more lovers than i did. I did not feel threatened by it. What i have a problem with, is how they had those partners. And as for experiences, that's not really a problem in this modern age for a number of reasons : - the internet is full of interesting information - even a more experienced woman than you wants you to lead; and if she is with you, the more experienced past lover [if he exists] is not with her because of other faults he had ... big enough for her to leave him. Being the guy, you have to be the initiator, the one who leads, who starts things most of the times ... they want things to be done to them. That's a lot of power. 1
regine_phalange Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You're mentioning that the men who have been with many women know they're not missing out... So you imply that you're missing out? And at the same time you have only meaningful sex? What is that you want? Experience many women or experience magical lovemaking with one woman for the rest of your life? Or both with the correct order?
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 True we hate the double standard. Even for a low-count like me (I would be the female counterpart of the OP...I too only had 1 in my life), we're starting to catch up to their hypocrisy and as a result reduced the dating pool to only wanting men with similar low past. I'm finding out the majority of men with high past wouldn't be with me because of my personality and other things but mainly because of their fixation on either low-count or virgin women. The fact that they would get laid and then talk smack about her on something they participated too (a human being) to others is a truly horrible personality. That is the exact reason why I never talk about numbers. This isn't something I put a high price on personally (I'm not single but hypothetically, I'd take a genuine, competent, friendly handsome high number guy over a low number nut case, as an example) because whether we are compatible now, in the present, in every area of life and whether we agree on what a R means to both of us matter more to me than any exchange of numbers, but the double-standard is so hypocritical and a total turn-off, whatever the reasons. And that's saying nothing at all about my own number.
Shining One Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I personally don't care about a woman's numbers. I'm very open-minded about sex. In fact, I fully expect a woman who shares my views on sex to have a higher count than me due to sex being easier for them to get. In all but two of my relationships, the woman had the higher partner count. As for the double-standards that many men have regarding partner counts... I don't see it as any worse than all of the other double-standards I see in dating. Promiscuous man wants a chaste woman.Short woman wants a tall man.Old man wants a young woman.Low-salary woman wants a high-salary man.Unfit person wants a fit person.Why this specific double-standard gets so much hate (relative to the others) is beyond me. Perhaps someone can explain it.
Radu Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You assume that she is the one to leave him. Men often opt not to have a relationship with a woman they have sex with. The forums here are full of women who experience guys ghosting after they get laid. From what I have seen, if a woman has a lot of partners, that means a lot of men also thought she was not good enough for them to commit to her. No assumption, just a statement. If she is with you then and there, it's because she wants to be there with you. If there is any assumption, then it is that she has no past baggage of the type 'the one who got away'.
SSJROMANCE Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think sex is pretty much the most intimate thing you can give a person. If she gives it up to a lot of guys then for me it would diminish the value of it. Who wants to be with someone who has slept with 500 guys? Not many I would suspect. My counselor says there is a difference between sex and making love to make me feel better about my problems. I challenge that. I say it's just a degree of emotion you put into it but it's still all the same - intimate sex.
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 As for the double-standards that many men have regarding partner counts... I don't see it as any worse than all of the other double-standards I see in dating. Promiscuous man wants a chaste woman.Short woman wants a tall man.Old man wants a young woman.Low-salary woman wants a high-salary man.Unfit person wants a fit person.Why this specific double-standard gets so much hate (relative to the others) is beyond me. Perhaps someone can explain it. I haven't noticed this double-standard getting more hate than others, especially the short / tall one, if this forum is anything to go by; at a guess though, I would assume that it has taken decades for women to feel allowed to express their sexuality more freely, and it's a little annoying that some women are being called out for the sort of behaviour men have been praised for forever. The other double-standards on the lists have always existed (except maybe the low salary woman / high salary man one, because that's also fast changing in countries where women have equal pay).
Revolver Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 A lot of guys are forced to be "relationship oriented" because they don't have the options of just "hooking up". I think a lot of women would be surprised at the amount of males who have never had sex outside of a committed relationship 1
carhill Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Using personal experience as a guide, if a lady, like the one I married, had sex outside a committed relationship or marriage (in her case, three marriages, lasting the majority of her adult life), then necessarily the man she had sex with was having sex outside a committed relationship. IME, I don't see this as a recent thing. I'm in my 50's and have seen it going on for decades. Single women, married women, women in relationships...yep, men too. That's why it became known as 'free love' and 'the sexual revolution'. Casual sex was in, for both women and men. It's simply bandied about more now on the internet and cell phones and laptops. That's all. Any woman who had sexual fun, heterosexual fun, had fun with a man having fun. The numbers were equal. It takes two to tango. For the guys choosing not to dance to that tune, like myself, or guys who had two left feet and couldn't dance at all, yeah our numbers were less. That's not the lady's responsibility. They were out dancing the way they wanted to. That's what life's all about.
Phoe Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think that men and women should do what makes them happy when it comes to sex, whether that means a lot of partners or few partners. And I think that it's okay for people to have a preference for that when choosing a partner, and it's okay to try to pick someone that lines up with your own values. What's not okay, is trying to change someone, making them feel bad for their personal choices, and pretending to be okay with it just to turn around and hold it over their head saying "you know what, no, I don't like your past!".... kinda late for that. 5
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 It is individual taste, some men cannot cope with women who have had multiple sexual partners and some women cannot cope with men who have multiple sexual partners either. I think men tend to moan about it and get all obsessed about it. I guess their need for that hot, sexy woman versus the fact she has a sexual past, is a conflict they struggle with. Most women I guess go NEXT... Manwhores are not particularly prized like some men would have us believe, any man who treats women like objects and notches on his belt is NO prize for any women who is looking for anything else but casual sex. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 You assume that she is the one to leave him. Men often opt not to have a relationship with a woman they have sex with. The forums here are full of women who experience guys ghosting after they get laid. From what I have seen, if a woman has a lot of partners, that means a lot of men also thought she was not good enough for them to commit to her. That also goes for women who give it up on first and second dates. I just can't take her seriously if she's willing to do it so quickly. It's a big red flag in my eyes.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 A lot of guys are forced to be "relationship oriented" because they don't have the options of just "hooking up". I think a lot of women would be surprised at the amount of males who have never had sex outside of a committed relationship I think that really sucks. It takes something that's meaningful to us and makes it in child's play for them. There aren't too many woman that share the same values as those men. So it becomes harder for us to choose a potential mate.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I think sex is pretty much the most intimate thing you can give a person. If she gives it up to a lot of guys then for me it would diminish the value of it. Who wants to be with someone who has slept with 500 guys? Not many I would suspect. My counselor says there is a difference between sex and making love to make me feel better about my problems. I challenge that. I say it's just a degree of emotion you put into it but it's still all the same - intimate sex. There's a different between the two? Hmm I would really like to what the difference is... People make love when they have sex so I call bull on that.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 You're mentioning that the men who have been with many women know they're not missing out... So you imply that you're missing out? And at the same time you have only meaningful sex? What is that you want? Experience many women or experience magical lovemaking with one woman for the rest of your life? Or both with the correct order? I think it just sucks that I will have to settle for a woman who has experienced multiple partners for the sake of having fun. The distinction of what love making means to me compared to her will be different because of the number or partners we've had. She's competing with ONE girl I might have to complete with 5,6 maybe 10 guys. It's a lot of pressure for someone looking for a meaningful relationship.
elaine567 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 There aren't too many woman that share the same values as those men. Really???? Your opinion of women in general stinks and is no doubt affecting your success with women too. Seems like you didn't treat your ex too well either, from what you posted on here. I suggest you start trying to like women a bit better before you get into any more relationships 2
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Really???? Your opinion of women in general stinks and is no doubt affecting your success with women too. Seems like you didn't treat your ex too well either, from what you posted on here. I suggest you start trying to like women a bit better before you get into any more relationships Well until you step in my shoes I couldn't expect you to see things my way so idk what to tell you. That's your opinion I guess. I was taught not to like anyone that doesn't like me back. You can ask a lot of men and they might tell you the same thing. Its not as much as we don't like women, it's more about sex becoming a game to them and us having to accept it. You can continue looking at things in a rose colored lens but I prefer to be a realist. My opinion on women probably "stinks" to you because you're probably one of those women who have values. Well then congratulations on being a unicorn.
regine_phalange Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think it just sucks that I will have to settle for a woman who has experienced multiple partners for the sake of having fun. The distinction of what love making means to me compared to her will be different because of the number or partners we've had. She's competing with ONE girl I might have to complete with 5,6 maybe 10 guys. It's a lot of pressure for someone looking for a meaningful relationship. Would you rather a woman who has had 10 partners who were mediocre, or a woman who had 1 unforgettable partner? Nevertheless, why do you feel pressured? Chemistry is not in your control, it's something mutual. No woman would judge you personally, unless she's really clueless. 1
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