Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Does it hurt you to know your woman has had more sexual experiences than you? Does it bother you that these experiences come by a lot easier for them than they do for us? Ok, maybe two questions, but yeah lol. The men who do get plenty of sex from different women don't have this problem because they know they're not missing out. However, for the men who are relationship oriented they tend to steer away from women who have had multiple (between 10-20) partners, including myself. It sounds a little immature, but if you think about it it can damage your ego quite a bit. And yes, having an ego can get in the way of many things, but we can't ignore that it's there, and it will ruin whatever you have going on. Just imagine, you're girlfriend has had sex with 20 different guys and here you are on your 2nd or 3rd girl looking like a schmuck. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture in your head.
carhill Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Does it hurt you to know your woman has had more sexual experiences than you? Not really. Probably ever lover I ever had did. I know my wife did. We each make choices in life. I was comfortable with mine. Does it bother you that these experiences come by a lot easier for them than they do for us? I think it did somewhat when I was young and dating as a virgin when most everyone else was long since into multiple lovers, spouses and whatever but by the time I hit my 30's, that had waned. Just imagine, you're girlfriend has had sex with 20 different guys and here you are on your 2nd or 3rd girl looking like a schmuck. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture in your head. For myself it was (wife) over 40 and #4 for me. I met two of them, a former husband and a boyfriend. They looked human to me so I shook their hand. I guess it depends on the person. I always viewed sex as an expression of love and accepted that other people viewed it the way they did. Their rules and/or perspectives weren't binding upon me nor mine upon them. If we got on, we did; if not, not. At the other end, no regrets nor feeling I missed out by not having the big numbers. Happy to be alive and healthy. 3
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I don't seriously date women who sleep around. If your woman's sexual history bothers you, you should break things off with her and find a woman with a history that you are more comfortable with. Keep in mind that many women these days under-exaggerate the amount of people they have been with. I'm not with anyone it was just a question. Ok, but what if she slept around while she was single and then fully committed to you. Would you still have a problem with it? And if so, would the amount of sexual partners you've had through out your life time have anything to do with that?
Phoe Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I've found that when it comes to aligning with a certain type of mindset, I've always been best suited to partners with low numbers. I imagine that many similar to me feel the same, regardless of gender. Folks who have differing mindsets on many partners or casual sex may encounter compatibility issues. Never a guarantee of course, but I find that unless both parties can be very openminded about potential differences, those differences in mindset just create certain difficulties. Neither party is wrong, they just like different things. 4
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't really wanna how many partners they've had. A number like 15 sounds bad, but if shes 30 and been sexually active since 20, that's less than 3 guys per year. So I'd rather not know and I definitely don't want to know any details. The last thing I need is a visual of 15 guys lined up with grins on their faces. 2
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Not really. Probably ever lover I ever had did. I know my wife did. We each make choices in life. I was comfortable with mine. I think it did somewhat when I was young and dating as a virgin when most everyone else was long since into multiple lovers, spouses and whatever but by the time I hit my 30's, that had waned. For myself it was (wife) over 40 and #4 for me. I met two of them, a former husband and a boyfriend. They looked human to me so I shook their hand. I guess it depends on the person. I always viewed sex as an expression of love and accepted that other people viewed it the way they did. Their rules and/or perspectives weren't binding upon me nor mine upon them. If we got on, we did; if not, not. At the other end, no regrets nor feeling I missed out by not having the big numbers. Happy to be alive and healthy. That's a very mature perspective Carhill. It's a good thing you see it that way, I believe most men don't, I certainly don't. I also see sex as an expression of love, but I also see it as something very sacred (i'm not even religious). I put a HUGE importance on it, especially since I've only had sex with one woman my entire life. But at the same time I just hate the fact that I can't get any, and a girl can ask any guy and have it right that night. It sounds like sour grapes, but i'm man enough to admit it. I'm not trying to bash anyone, it's just the way I see things. It's like you have an old china plate that your mother gave you before she passed away. But then your wife has 20-50 China plates from years of collecting. The china plate you kept from your mother means the world to you, but to your wife it's just another china plate because she has dozens of them. If your china plate broke your heart would be shattered to pieces, you would cry your eyes out because that was the last thing you had to remember your mother by. Your wife on the other hand might feel bad because you feel bad, but to her it's like, "it shouldn't be a big deal, I have plenty of china plates. I can just give him one". One see it as something common the other sees it as something special.
Qboro90 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 If you're asking for a opinion using the 20 partners number then I would have to say no. I couldn't personally date a girl who had been with that amount of guys. And it's not the number that bothers me because every girl I've been with has had past sexual relationships/partners so I'm not bothered by the people per say. I'm more concerned with the type of girl that she is. And just to stereotype and use the generalization card.... Girls who have slept with 20+ men are usually not what I'm attracted to on a deeper level. Now I know there are girls out there who are completely wonderful, date able, wife able material who have been with 20+ guys so I'm not saying that it's impossible to find that girl. Just that in my experience the girls who slept around with 15+ men tend to have other baggage or issues that go along with them that are more worrisome than the number of partners is to me. I also wouldn't like if a girl slept around and had a lot of partners and my friends or people I knew were aware of it. Yea i know you shouldn't care what people think but I like to date a girl who I can be proud of and have my friends think "nice job, you really got a catch with her". Instead of "yea man she's hot, a friend of mine slept with her in college tho". No thanks
dragon_fly_7 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Does it hurt you to know your woman has had more sexual experiences than you? Does it bother you that these experiences come by a lot easier for them than they do for us? Ok, maybe two questions, but yeah lol. The men who do get plenty of sex from different women don't have this problem because they know they're not missing out. However, for the men who are relationship oriented they tend to steer away from women who have had multiple (between 10-20) partners, including myself. It sounds a little immature, but if you think about it it can damage your ego quite a bit. And yes, having an ego can get in the way of many things, but we can't ignore that it's there, and it will ruin whatever you have going on. Just imagine, you're girlfriend has had sex with 20 different guys and here you are on your 2nd or 3rd girl looking like a schmuck. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture in your head.I don't know. Base on several posts on other sites, I'm realizing that the more promiscuous a man is or of the player type, the more selfish and hypocritical towards the female sexuality he is. It's not fair for some of us that want a low-count man too and have a harder time finding him. I mind to be honest. Even the tone of voice the overly experienced man has ''Oh, she's the town bike not worth it bro'' vs the conservative man that only wants a relationship is into wanting a woman having a similar sexual history to his is sooo different. The first is selfish and sounds more like a possession I would be to him base on my low number of 1 just for being a woman (I don't find this a turn on at all) while the second is really because he shares those values himself. Edited July 17, 2015 by dragon_fly_7
Grumpybutfun Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think it is very important when dating to make it known right away what your preferences are. Preference aren't wrong, they are just preferences. And, no, It wouldn't have bothered me at all if my wife had had lots of sexual partners....her sexuality doesn't define her worth. She would have been worth just the same to me if she hadn't been a virgin. I'm glad she understood my sexual past, but if she hadn't, I would have moved on to someone more open, confident and mature. We simply wouldn't have been compatible. From these threads and most of the answers, I can certainly now understand why so many women lie about sex partner count. Seems there is still a double standard. G 4
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Just imagine, you're girlfriend has had sex with 20 different guys and here you are on your 2nd or 3rd girl looking like a schmuck. It just doesn't paint a pretty picture in your head. My GF has had more partners than me. I wouldn't say the disparity is anything like the example you provide above lol, but she's had more. I honestly don't care that she's slept with other guys. What bothers me is how stupid some of those guys were to lose her? I know their blunder has benefited me, but how stupid can you be? One of the guys that "lost" her was her fiance at the time. He did one of the worst things a fiance can do and he's tried getting her back since, and that was years ago. I actually give her a lot of credit for ending it with him right there. She was very young at the time too, but she stood up for herself and did not let herself get brainwashed in to staying with him. Strong girl. It's funny you ask this question though, as I was thinking about this (how some of my GF's old flames just freakin' blew it) and how lucky I am because of it. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I think it is very important when dating to make it known right away what your preferences are. Preference aren't wrong, they are just preferences. And, no, It wouldn't have bothered me at all if my wife had had lots of sexual partners....her sexuality doesn't define her worth. She would have been worth just the same to me if she hadn't been a virgin. I'm glad she understood my sexual past, but if she hadn't, I would have moved on to someone more open, confident and mature. We simply wouldn't have been compatible. From these threads and most of the answers, I can certainly now understand why so many women lie about sex partner count. Seems there is still a double standard. G Double-Standard? How? No one said a woman can't have a sexual past, but if her experiences exceed yours 20 times over you kind of have to ask yourself, "what am I doing here?" Same thing goes for a woman and her man, she can ask herself the same question. 1
dragon_fly_7 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think it is very important when dating to make it known right away what your preferences are. Preference aren't wrong, they are just preferences. And, no, It wouldn't have bothered me at all if my wife had had lots of sexual partners....her sexuality doesn't define her worth. She would have been worth just the same to me if she hadn't been a virgin. I'm glad she understood my sexual past, but if she hadn't, I would have moved on to someone more open, confident and mature. We simply wouldn't have been compatible. From these threads and most of the answers, I can certainly now understand why so many women lie about sex partner count. Seems there is still a double standard. GTrue we hate the double standard. Even for a low-count like me (I would be the female counterpart of the OP...I too only had 1 in my life), we're starting to catch up to their hypocrisy and as a result reduced the dating pool to only wanting men with similar low past. I'm finding out the majority of men with high past wouldn't be with me because of my personality and other things but mainly because of their fixation on either low-count or virgin women. The fact that they would get laid and then talk smack about her on something they participated too (a human being) to others is a truly horrible personality. 3
dragon_fly_7 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Double-Standard? How? No one said a woman can't have a sexual past, but if her experiences exceed yours 20 times over you kind of have to ask yourself, "what am I doing here?" Same thing goes for a woman and her man, she can ask herself the same question.We're referring to men that has been around the block for years during their youth but a woman should either be a virgin or have a low-count in order to be in a relationship or get married one day....while smack talking about women with their similar past. Those are the hypocrites I want to avoid at all cost. I don't trust high-count men. Hypocrites like this guy: http://www.girlsaskguys.com/dating/q1587364-do-you-think-a-former-player-deserves-to-be-with-a-girl-who-has-high 2
Grumpybutfun Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Double-Standard? How? No one said a woman can't have a sexual past, but if her experiences exceed yours 20 times over you kind of have to ask yourself, "what am I doing here?" Same thing goes for a woman and her man, she can ask herself the same question. Jon, I wasn't referring to you. I was generally referring to guys who say....I have to have a woman who has much less partners than me because a woman is a slvt if she has more than me or such garbage.....and they are extremely or even moderately high count. Same for women who are high count and expects low. You are doing the right thing by having your standards and being fair about them by wanting someone low count as you are low count. Sorry if I was unclear, G 2
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 True we hate the double standard. Even for a low-count like me (I would be the female counterpart of the OP...I too only had 1 in my life), we're starting to catch up to their hypocrisy and as a result reduced the dating pool to only wanting men with similar low past. I'm finding out the majority of men with high past wouldn't be with me because of my personality and other things but mainly because of their fixation on either low-count or virgin women. The fact that they would get laid and then talk smack about her on something they participated too (a human being) to others is a truly horrible personality. Finally a women that gets it. Every time this subject comes up here all the Woman say "it's cool for men to sleep around, why not women?" That's like saying "men can smoke crack, why can't women?" 2
Robert Z Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 It sounds a little immature, but if you think about it it can damage your ego quite a bit. And yes, having an ego can get in the way of many things, but we can't ignore that it's there, and it will ruin whatever you have going on. That is your choice. You are saying you are a slave to your ego and there is no hope of outgrowing that. You might want to work on your confidence and worry less about your ego. 4
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 That is your choice. You are saying you are a slave to your ego and there is no hope of outgrowing that. You might want to work on your confidence and worry less about your ego. Unfortunately, I am a slave to my own ego. My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it lol Confidence isn't easy to build. 1
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Confidence isn't easy to build. Have you read that cold approach thread by Camaro Guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/535952-cold-approach-such-awesome-way-meet-girls
Robert Z Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Unfortunately, I am a slave to my own ego. My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it lol Confidence isn't easy to build. LOL!!! The trick is to not give a damn. Nobody else cares nearly as much as we would like to think. It is all in your head. 1
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 LOL!!! The trick is to not give a damn. Nobody else cares nearly as much as we would like to think. It is all in your head. Read the analogy I wrote to Carhill then you will be able to see where i'm coming from.
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Have you read that cold approach thread by Camaro Guy? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/535952-cold-approach-such-awesome-way-meet-girls Yeah I've been following that thread for the last week or so. I've tried cold approaches and it just doesn't work for me. The more I do then the more I feel i'm wasting my time lol.
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Jon, I wasn't referring to you. I was generally referring to guys who say....I have to have a woman who has much less partners than me because a woman is a slvt if she has more than me or such garbage.....and they are extremely or even moderately high count. Same for women who are high count and expects low. You are doing the right thing by having your standards and being fair about them by wanting someone low count as you are low count. Sorry if I was unclear, G Yeah but it's damn easy for you to preach this rhetoric when you're married to a virgin for crying out loud...I honestly don't think many men are going to take what you're saying very serious, but it's cat-nip to the ladies as you are aware, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what a woman wants to hear, most guys over the age of 25 have figured that out..it's just a matter of simply choice at that point. You can preach the perfect word to men, but you don't have much credibility in your situation...to men. That's the backlash to the idealistic picture perfect world you always paint on the forums. ........................ I think your sexual past...hell your past in general is a fairly practical way to assess someone and their values, it just makes sense. That's why law enforcement/government agencies look into your background, behavior and relationships to determine your "character"...in other words, you reaped what you sowed. And the psychologists advising these agencies aren't stupid, they know that there is a consistency in pattern that matters...now what that exactly means or translates into is up for interpretation. But I don't see anything wrong with someone of similar "values"...whatever may be in their opinion, which matters to them, seeks out a person likewise and yet has someone else lie to them in order to fit "compatibility". I think men and woman typically have much different opportunities in the dating world...but women nearly ALWAYS have options for sex if not always. Men on other hand, tend to need a special skill set or looks to even accomplish mildly similar results....not to mention men know what kind of men out there women generally choose to sleep with, and then cry wolf after they do. So it's not a surprise that low-count men would want nothing to do with those kind of women...why would he want that baggage or history on top of the incompatibility? Your sexual past may not "define" you solely as a person, but it at the least says or indicates something about, you are accountable for your actions in your life, any adult should realize that...it's a fine line of judgment between all these things, which everyone makes (judgment).
jay1983 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah I've been following that thread for the last week or so. I've tried cold approaches and it just doesn't work for me. The more I do then the more I feel i'm wasting my time lol. The thread was so positive that I didn't wanna jump in and say anything. Think about it, how many couples do you know who meet on the street or at the store? Apparently it doesn't work for a lot of people. I do admit that it worked a when I saw obvious sings of interest.
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Yeah I've been following that thread for the last week or so. I've tried cold approaches and it just doesn't work for me. The more I do then the more I feel i'm wasting my time lol. So you tried it and got rejected? That didn't boost your confidence? I know it sounds counter-intuitive to say that getting rejected can boost your confidence, but it's true. That first rejection from a cold approach is a HUGE boost because you realize getting rejected is not a big deal. A lot of people are afraid to hear "no". And that doesn't just go for relationships. There is nothing wrong with getting rejected. Don't think that when a woman turns you down she is laughing at you when you're no longer looking. She'd probably feel pretty heady about it as long as you don't approach her like a sleazeball (you definitely don't come off as a sleazeball btw). 1
Author Jonp219 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 The thread was so positive that I didn't wanna jump in and say anything. Think about it, how many couples do you know who meet on the street or at the store? Apparently it doesn't work for a lot of people. I do admit that it worked a when I saw obvious sings of interest. My mom and dad met on the street lol No but I know exactly what you mean. However, I see it working for other people I know (and they're not what you would consider great looking guys). I feel like my approach isn't good, maybe it's something I need to change. But the more I do it the more discouraged I become. 1
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