maryjaneholland Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 We've been together for nearly a year. We've already have had lots of ups and downs but we've pulled through. But recently we have argued A LOT. I went to his house last night to pick something up that I forgot. I didn't know what to do as I wanted to stay with him yet sometimes he makes me feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable if he doesn't want me there. He was fine with me yet it was playing on my mind that sometimes he treats me like crap and makes it obvious he doesn't want me there. So I started feeling awkward because of my own thoughts. I had a pretty stressful day. Things are getting pretty stressful for me recently career wise. I'm on my period and can hormonal at times. It's also coming up to the time when our baby was supposed to be due (I lost it a few months ago). I went to the bathroom to cry. Sometimes I feel I need to cry a little to let to feel less stressed. I then came out and he asked me what's wrong and I started crying again but told him I was going to be okay. He kept asking me but I assured him I'm fine I'm just being silly. He then starts acting really off with me. I ask him what I've done wrong and then he completely flips out. He starts shouting at me asking why have I come round if I'm just going to cry and that I've completely ruined his night now and it's not okay how I think I can sit there and cry and not tell him what's wrong. He basically rants about how pointless I am. So I tell him I've got a bad period, sometimes it makes me hormonal, our baby was due soon, I'm sorry. He still doesn't comfort me and basically tells me to get over it because our baby doesn't exist anymore. This morning he didn't act his normal self but he was okay. But he acted 'okay' with me just before when we broke up once before. The way he flipped out and the fact he gave me no sympathy or comfort honestly scared me. I never knew he had that side to him. Despite this I still want to be with him. I can't be without him. But I feel like I'm constantly messing things up. And when I try to fix them I'll say something and I'll make it even worse. I don't know how we can stop arguing. I don't know why he flipped out at me for no good reason. Every time I get upset he thinks it's because of him, when most of the time it's not. He also thinks I cheat on him. He brought it up a few months ago but then found out the guy I supposedly cheated on him with is my gay best friend. And he brought it up the other night because I went out with my friends and got drunk, he thought I must have cheated on him (?). I feel doomed. I just want everything to go back to normal. TL;DR: boyfriend flips out and acts aggressive because I cried when I didn't feel well, arguing a lot recently, been accused of cheating on him twice when I haven't given him a reason to believe that at all, I want to fix things but I don't know how
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I know what will help.....stop being with him. Girl, a true honest and healthy relationship doesn't have all these ups and downs. You have ups and downs because you are not meant to be to together.....you don't get along. End the madness and breakup. Seriously there are better guys out there to be with....he is not your prince charming. 6
Arieswoman Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 maryjaneholland, I didn't know what to do as I wanted to stay with him yet sometimes he makes me feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable if he doesn't want me there. He was fine with me yet it was playing on my mind that sometimes he treats me like crap and makes it obvious he doesn't want me there. ^^^ I have highlighted the pertinent bit in bold. You cannot fix this relationship on your own. You have no control over his behaviour, only your own. Is this what you really want? Please think hard about whether you want to stay in this relationship. I'm sorry. x 1
Author maryjaneholland Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 maryjaneholland, ^^^ I have highlighted the pertinent bit in bold. You cannot fix this relationship on your own. You have no control over his behaviour, only your own. Is this what you really want? Please think hard about whether you want to stay in this relationship. I'm sorry. x I'm not sure what to do. My family think I exaggerate when I say he treats me like crap. But a few times he has come home from work and hasn't talked to me and plays video games. He just looks at the screen and won't respond to me. In my eyes that's being treated like crap (?). I think it's rude. We haven't talked in nearly four days and I'm still not feeling any need to contact him at the moment. His behaviour the other night has kinda put me off. I've never been shouted like that off a partner before.
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 I'm not sure what to do. My family think I exaggerate when I say he treats me like crap. But a few times he has come home from work and hasn't talked to me and plays video games. He just looks at the screen and won't respond to me. In my eyes that's being treated like crap (?). I think it's rude. We haven't talked in nearly four days and I'm still not feeling any need to contact him at the moment. His behaviour the other night has kinda put me off. I've never been shouted like that off a partner before. The writing is on the wall....he wants you gone.....he is too much of a coward to breakup with you. 3
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 You don't stay with someone who makes you feel like that. You don't see someone who, instead of making your heart leap, makes your stomach lurch. You should feel butterflies, not sick.... Honey, ypou have to drop this like the toxic dysfunctional sickness it is. A guy should make you feel cherished and loved. Please, stop this insanity. Drop off his radar, disappear, ghost him and move on...... 2
Satu Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Just end it without drama. You "can't live without him," but living with him, is painful for you. This relationship is hurting you on a very deep level. Thats not what relationships are meant to be. Walk away, without drama. *No direct contact in either direction. *No sending or receiving of messages. *No replies if a message gets through. *Block any means he might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 1
wizer Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 He's got some serious issues, and he'll never give you the love and devotion you expect in a relationship. He doesn't understand your moods, he doesn't know how to be supportive, and he doesn't know how to resolve conflict. He also wants a heck of a lot more "alone time" than you do. Losing the baby might not have been the worst thing in the world. You just may find you don't want to be tied to this guy for the next 2 decades. 2
Author maryjaneholland Posted July 18, 2015 Author Posted July 18, 2015 The writing is on the wall....he wants you gone.....he is too much of a coward to breakup with you. But he said a few days ago he wants us to move in together and marry me? The way he shouted at me the other night definitely did not show cowardice. He has had plenty of opportunity to break up with me, like when he has accused me of cheating on him.
babycakees Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 The way he shouted at me the other night definitely did not show cowardice. He has had plenty of opportunity to break up with me, like when he has accused me of cheating on him. Choosing to end a relationship is really hard for most people. Especially when they are long term relationships. It's a lot more convenient if you are able to get the other person to break up with you. Bottom line: This relationship is not healthy. There isn't much you can do to fix a relationship on your own because you cannot change his behavior towards you. You can only work on yourself. I'm sorry that you have to go through this, but there are much better guys out there. 2
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 But he said a few days ago he wants us to move in together and marry me? Really? And what exactly is he doing to make you feel comfortable, confident, secure and cherished? What, about his words, convinces you his actions will be believable....? The way he shouted at me the other night definitely did not show cowardice. Actually, that's about as cowardly as he could get. he is bullying you, and making you submissive, and controlled. He is abusive and hasno respect for you whatsoever? Try asking him: "How much do you respect me?" If he answers you as if you need your head examining, that will tell you more than anything could, just how little he does. He has had plenty of opportunity to break up with me, like when he has accused me of cheating on him.Why would he initiate a break-up? That's inconvenient to him. Where else would he get such a willing verbal punchbag...? 2
Redhead14 Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 We've been together for nearly a year. We've already have had lots of ups and downs but we've pulled through. But recently we have argued A LOT. I went to his house last night to pick something up that I forgot. I didn't know what to do as I wanted to stay with him yet sometimes he makes me feel so unwelcome and uncomfortable if he doesn't want me there. He was fine with me yet it was playing on my mind that sometimes he treats me like crap and makes it obvious he doesn't want me there. So I started feeling awkward because of my own thoughts. I had a pretty stressful day. Things are getting pretty stressful for me recently career wise. I'm on my period and can hormonal at times. It's also coming up to the time when our baby was supposed to be due (I lost it a few months ago). I went to the bathroom to cry. Sometimes I feel I need to cry a little to let to feel less stressed. I then came out and he asked me what's wrong and I started crying again but told him I was going to be okay. He kept asking me but I assured him I'm fine I'm just being silly. He then starts acting really off with me. I ask him what I've done wrong and then he completely flips out. He starts shouting at me asking why have I come round if I'm just going to cry and that I've completely ruined his night now and it's not okay how I think I can sit there and cry and not tell him what's wrong. He basically rants about how pointless I am. So I tell him I've got a bad period, sometimes it makes me hormonal, our baby was due soon, I'm sorry. He still doesn't comfort me and basically tells me to get over it because our baby doesn't exist anymore. This morning he didn't act his normal self but he was okay. But he acted 'okay' with me just before when we broke up once before. The way he flipped out and the fact he gave me no sympathy or comfort honestly scared me. I never knew he had that side to him. Despite this I still want to be with him. I can't be without him. But I feel like I'm constantly messing things up. And when I try to fix them I'll say something and I'll make it even worse. I don't know how we can stop arguing. I don't know why he flipped out at me for no good reason. Every time I get upset he thinks it's because of him, when most of the time it's not. He also thinks I cheat on him. He brought it up a few months ago but then found out the guy I supposedly cheated on him with is my gay best friend. And he brought it up the other night because I went out with my friends and got drunk, he thought I must have cheated on him (?). I feel doomed. I just want everything to go back to normal. TL;DR: boyfriend flips out and acts aggressive because I cried when I didn't feel well, arguing a lot recently, been accused of cheating on him twice when I haven't given him a reason to believe that at all, I want to fix things but I don't know how Don't discount that he has been affected by the loss of that baby. He is struggling with it I'm sure. He has feelings. Sharing a tragedy sometimes tears a couple apart and sometimes it brings them closer. I recommend that you take some time for yourself to heal. Spend less time with him. Keep in touch but back off some. Focus on your needs more than the relationship for a while. Let him reach out to you first for a bit. Yes it will be hard but this thing is in his face and yours too much right now. Men deal with tragedy differently than women for sure and they become unable to be the supportive partner she needs. They find it difficult to watch her struggle too. Give this one time. Do something's for yourself that distract and comfort you. He can't do that for you right now. You can't fix this. Time heals these kinds of things in it own way.
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