hildagnome Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 This has happened to me a twice now with two male friends, so I'm wondering what gives. Is there some undercurrent desire to date? Or just plain annoyance? With these two male friends at some point in the friendship they have just become really awkward and argumentative. Just arguing over general / silly things, like over politics or whatever and always the opposite of what I'm saying. Is it like the little boy who pinches the girl he likes in the playground? Or do they suddenly just get totally fed up with the person and this is the only way to get rid of them? It happened a couple of years ago with a friend, but I didn't really care about him so I just ignored it and now see him rarely. Now it's happened with a really good friend and I just don't know what has caused this with two separate people. One of my (female) friends thinks it's because they both may have had crushes on me and I made no indication I felt the same way so it's some feeling of rejection. I'm not sure I buy that. This friend with who it's currently happening meets me whenever, and doesn't avoid me at all. But then when we do meet he's just a jerk and picks little arguments all the time. It's so annoying, why doesn't he just say he's busy and avoid hanging out?
carhill Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 If the male friends share a social group with you, how did/do you observe them interacting in groups? Do they interact in what you would view as a mature manner? Have these guys become consistently argumentative with you or do they vacillate?
phineas Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Here is a question. Who asks whom to hand out? If it's you OP, do they decline at first? If so do you bother them to hang out? I have a female friend right now who doesn't seem to grasp I have kids & have them at designated times & don't care to send them to my parents whenever she wants to organize a group night out. She will bug me to the point of annoyance wanting to know why or why I cant get a baby sitter or whatever. She also doesn't get that my lawn won't cut itself, my fence won't put itself up ect. When people get pissed at her for being so pushy she doesn't get it at all & thinks everyone is mean to her.
mrs rubble Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You do realize it takes at least two to have an arguement?? If you're so annoyed by it and it's only trivial issues refrain from joining in with the arguements. I don't for a second think that this is an indication that these guy's like you, in fact I'd be inclined to think that they were doing it to rark you up and possibly scare you off. 1
stillafool Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Maybe you shouldn't have male friends. Just hang out with females. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Genuine male platonic friends : 1) LONG TIME ties - childhood or family friends 2) Co-worker 3) A boyfriend of one of your girlfriends 4) Gay male girlfriend But..if it's a single straight guy in your social circle that you've known for a few years or less, there's a good chance he wants to bang you. They're either scared to admit their feelings, or you put them in the friend zone as a rejection and they're sticking around hoping you'll change your mind. Edited July 17, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 This has happened to me a twice now with two male friends, so I'm wondering what gives. Is there some undercurrent desire to date? Or just plain annoyance? With these two male friends at some point in the friendship they have just become really awkward and argumentative. Just arguing over general / silly things, like over politics or whatever and always the opposite of what I'm saying. Is it like the little boy who pinches the girl he likes in the playground? Or do they suddenly just get totally fed up with the person and this is the only way to get rid of them? It happened a couple of years ago with a friend, but I didn't really care about him so I just ignored it and now see him rarely. Now it's happened with a really good friend and I just don't know what has caused this with two separate people. One of my (female) friends thinks it's because they both may have had crushes on me and I made no indication I felt the same way so it's some feeling of rejection. I'm not sure I buy that. This friend with who it's currently happening meets me whenever, and doesn't avoid me at all. But then when we do meet he's just a jerk and picks little arguments all the time. It's so annoying, why doesn't he just say he's busy and avoid hanging out? Have any of them asked you out in the past?
Author hildagnome Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 In answer to the questions, they're both (or at the time were) single, and with each one we did have social groups but in both cases the two of us started hanging out alone. Which was fine up to a point and then they started becoming idiots. They are both mature professionals with loads of responsibility So hopefully they have a mature outlook on life - but who knows!!!!! Also, in both cases hanging out is initiated by both - first friend I would initiate the texts and contact and he almost always initiated the hanging out. And with my current friend, more by him to both. He used to call me all the time but last couple of months not so much. He even came to stay with me a couple of months ago. Which makes it so annoying. Why want to hang out with me, and then when we're having a nice dinner (like last week) start picking arguments. Last time saying 'Oh, you're not from X (country we live in) you're from Y(country my parents are from and I was born in)' When I argue that he can't define me, he says I'm being illogical. (this isn't rascist - his mother is from the same country my parents are from) And I know he doesn't believe it, he's basically picking an argument to get me annoyed.
S_A Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Genuine male platonic friends : 1) LONG TIME ties - childhood or family friends 2) Co-worker 3) A boyfriend of one of your girlfriends 4) Gay male girlfriend Definitely do not agree with Co-Worker and A boyfriend of one of your girlfriends. These two guys that I've bolded can definitely be un-genuine male friends. Edited July 17, 2015 by S_A 2
casey.lives Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) people get argumentative for two reasons: they are getting frustrated that you're not listening and because what they are trying to say matters to them. like example... please stop violating my privacy, it's rude and it's MY space to sort my personal issues out - and no you are not welcomed unless i invite you..so if you want in.. value me and my feelings and i might reconsider but right now you are upsetting me because won't listen and you keep violating me.. no matter how stress out i seem to get. my privacy matters because i NEED it . im shy and im private and that's what i need to express myself to me and to people who are dearest to me... most people don't fake being angry to say that it's not sincere Edited July 17, 2015 by casey.lives
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Definitely do not agree with Co-Worker and A boyfriend of one of your girlfriends. These two guys that I've bolded can definitely be un-genuine male friends. Well of course there are exceptions. Obviously guys cheat on their GF's and there are interoffice romances. However, if a guy is in a happy committed relationship with a good friend of yours, he won't want to have sex with you. Also, there are plenty of people willing to put their jobs ahead of their sex lives and keep things professional/platonic.
regine_phalange Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 There was this boy in high school whom I had knows for years and years... Anyway. Suddenly we started arguing a lot. We really annoyed each other. Until many years later I found out that this boy was into me and said truly nice things about me behind my back. I didn't expect that he liked me (I found out from a very unlikely common acquaintance) The same thing happened with someone else as well. We would call each other with an opposite sex name and a lot of quarrels in general. There was definitely an immature kind of attraction there, even my friend had noticed and was jealous (because she wanted that guy and he gave more attention to me - negative attention but attention).
joseb Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Genuine male platonic friends : 1) LONG TIME ties - childhood or family friends 2) Co-worker 3) A boyfriend of one of your girlfriends 4) Gay male girlfriend Fitness fan, that's so narrow minded. Can't men and women be friends? Hmm, actually, thinking about it, all my female friends are in one of the above category (well adjusted for my perspective) or I'm hoping to bang them.... oh well, never mind 1
Acacia98 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 But then when we do meet he's just a jerk and picks little arguments all the time. It's so annoying, why doesn't he just say he's busy and avoid hanging out? Maybe they're both just jerks. Sometimes people appear to be nice because they don't know you so well. They make an effort to be courteous and considerate because they learned that they had to put their best foot forward when dealing with strangers. Once you get close to them (romantically or as a friend), they relax and stop trying hard, and you get to see their true colors. They may very well expect you to understand them because they reckon you know them well. The cure for that problem is to call the person out on the stupidity two or three times. If the behavior persists despite your efforts, stop hanging out with them. 1
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 IMO a guy that invests his time in a girl is because he is interested in them.....not looking for "friendship"....especially when they start "hanging out" one on one....
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