Boyfriend disappeared after 6 months, really struggling to cope

[keebee]

Hi guys. I'm going through a breakup that is just about breaking me and I need help Sorry this is long, I am bad at determining what info is essential.

 

About a year ago, I went through a painful but expected divorce from a man I'd been with for almost seven years. I moved into my parents' house with my 4-year-old daughter to get back on my feet and save some money.

 

Back in January, I got on Tinder. I matched with a 23-year-old guy (I'm 27). He is from my city but moved three hours away, so we matched while he was visiting. We hung out when I was passing through his city and sparks flew, so we started seeing each other every other weekend, taking turns driving to each other's cities. He told me he loved me first, asked to meet my family, etc. so I felt comfortable with where we were headed.

 

His communication w/ me was never great, but I tolerated it. He'd forget to text for 1-2 days because of 12-hour shifts/video games/whatever, but he always seemed to be trying and getting better, so I waited it out. He had very little experience with relationships so I thought patience would be good.

 

About a month ago, we had our first real fight, which showed me his communication shortcomings. He had been in Europe for a month w/ friends, so we didn't see each other that whole time. When he came back, he told me he had to work his first weekend back. That weekend came and he was tagged on FB as being in my city. I texted him and called him out on it. He ignored my texts and eventually admitted that he had come up to my city to pick up a friend and go to another city 2 hours away for a concert, saying that he'd lied because he didn't want to hurt my feelings or make me think he was blowing me off, since we had a visit planned for a few days later.

 

We never talked about the situation and I figured I just had to get over it. Instead, I got anxious and the next couple weeks I struggled a lot but did not tell him about it. It came to a head on July 3. He sent me a normal text and I said something about "I've missed talking to you this week, would love to talk to/text you more :)" I panicked a little bit--gut feeling/trust issues--when I didn't have a reply by midday Saturday. I definitely overreacted and texted him wondering if he was disappearing on me/mad at me/whatever. No response so I called, no answer. Sent another message Sunday and one on Monday. No response.

 

He kept me on Facebook, which hurt because I could see pics of him when he traveled to see family this past week. After reading on here, I deleted him so I wouldn't have to see when he was online or anything.

 

It's been almost two weeks and I cannot stop thinking about him. I had NO closure and I had no idea this was coming. He told me he wanted to prove to me that not all men were like my ex-H, who was a pathological cheater/liar. I trusted him completely and since he never actually broke up with me, I keep hoping he'll contact me.

 

How do you move on from a breakup that never really happened? All I can think about is how much I love him, the good times I had visiting him, how easy it was to talk to him, and the hopes I had for our future. How does someone just disappear on someone they claim to love after SIX MONTHS? Will he ever contact me again? I feel like it was just a normal conversation but I pushed him away by freaking out Saturday. I so badly wish he would come back and we could try again.

 

 

Thanks guys.

[Eighty_nine]

Hi guys. I'm going through a breakup that is just about breaking me and I need help Sorry this is long, I am bad at determining what info is essential.

 

About a year ago, I went through a painful but expected divorce from a man I'd been with for almost seven years. I moved into my parents' house with my 4-year-old daughter to get back on my feet and save some money.

 

Back in January, I got on Tinder. I matched with a 23-year-old guy (I'm 27). He is from my city but moved three hours away, so we matched while he was visiting. We hung out when I was passing through his city and sparks flew, so we started seeing each other every other weekend, taking turns driving to each other's cities. He told me he loved me first, asked to meet my family, etc. so I felt comfortable with where we were headed.

 

His communication w/ me was never great, but I tolerated it. He'd forget to text for 1-2 days because of 12-hour shifts/video games/whatever, but he always seemed to be trying and getting better, so I waited it out. He had very little experience with relationships so I thought patience would be good.

 

About a month ago, we had our first real fight, which showed me his communication shortcomings. He had been in Europe for a month w/ friends, so we didn't see each other that whole time. When he came back, he told me he had to work his first weekend back. That weekend came and he was tagged on FB as being in my city. I texted him and called him out on it. He ignored my texts and eventually admitted that he had come up to my city to pick up a friend and go to another city 2 hours away for a concert, saying that he'd lied because he didn't want to hurt my feelings or make me think he was blowing me off, since we had a visit planned for a few days later.

 

We never talked about the situation and I figured I just had to get over it. Instead, I got anxious and the next couple weeks I struggled a lot but did not tell him about it. It came to a head on July 3. He sent me a normal text and I said something about "I've missed talking to you this week, would love to talk to/text you more :)" I panicked a little bit--gut feeling/trust issues--when I didn't have a reply by midday Saturday. I definitely overreacted and texted him wondering if he was disappearing on me/mad at me/whatever. No response so I called, no answer. Sent another message Sunday and one on Monday. No response.

 

He kept me on Facebook, which hurt because I could see pics of him when he traveled to see family this past week. After reading on here, I deleted him so I wouldn't have to see when he was online or anything.

 

It's been almost two weeks and I cannot stop thinking about him. I had NO closure and I had no idea this was coming. He told me he wanted to prove to me that not all men were like my ex-H, who was a pathological cheater/liar. I trusted him completely and since he never actually broke up with me, I keep hoping he'll contact me.

 

How do you move on from a breakup that never really happened? All I can think about is how much I love him, the good times I had visiting him, how easy it was to talk to him, and the hopes I had for our future. How does someone just disappear on someone they claim to love after SIX MONTHS? Will he ever contact me again? I feel like it was just a normal conversation but I pushed him away by freaking out Saturday. I so badly wish he would come back and we could try again.

 

 

Thanks guys.

 

First, you did not overreact. Not responding for a full day, when he's your BF, is not OK.

 

I have a feeling there's someone else, but he doesn't want to 100% cut you off til he knows for sure what's going on with this other person. I'm sorry, that really sucks do not wait for him. Be glad it only took 6 months to find out what kind of person he is, and not longer.

[keebee]

I have a feeling there's someone else, but he doesn't want to 100% cut you off til he knows for sure what's going on with this other person.

 

You're probably right. I haven't even thought much about that because the idea hurts so much. But I feel like I was a really good girlfriend. I was pretty chill in situations that his ex girlfriend (the only one he'd had before) would freak out about. I was emotionally supportive and drove to see him a lot and so on and so on, I guess it doesn't matter if he doesn't want me. Is there any likelihood in this type of situation that he'll realize that he had it good and actually, really want me back?

 

His first girlfriend cheated on him multiple times w/ her exboyfriend when she was w/ my ex and ended up getting pregnant by the other dude when she was still w/ my ex. Even she got a real breakup from him. He called and yelled at her when he found out, but at least it was a breakup. Why didn't I deserve even that?

[mightycpa]

He called and yelled at her when he found out, but at least it was a breakup. Why didn't I deserve even that?

 

That reminded me of some other things you wrote

 

His communication w/ me was never great, but I tolerated it...He'd forget to text for 1-2 days because of 12-hour shifts/video games/whatever...He had very little experience with relationships...he'd lied because he didn't want to hurt my feelings...I didn't have a reply by midday Saturday....No response so I called, no answer.... Sent another ... No response.

You basically hooked up with a 15 year old in a 23 year old body. He'd forget to text? C'mon. If he lied to you about going to a concert because he didn't want to hurt your feelings, then there is no question he'd ghost on you if faced with an actual difficulty, like a breakup. If he's had one before, it was probably horrible, and if you're 3 hours away with a kid, chances are he won't have to ever look you in the eye.

 

No 27-year-old single mother should be dating a man-child for any reason other than for sex. If you think you want/need a man as a permanent fixture in your life, the existence of your daughter practically demands that the man actually needs to be a man.

[keebee]

Ouch mightycpa, I think I definitely needed some tough love. I really didn't purposely make a crap decision. I'd been out of the dating world since I was 20 and obviously I had/have no idea what I'm doing. I guess I thought, he was into me and was a genuine guy who really seemed to be trying, so I thought being patient/forgiving/not overly picky was the right move. Apparently I need to be more choosy.

 

I'm going to stay single for a good long while and figure out WTF I'm doing wrong. My ex-husband had no relationship experience, no financial common sense, and no real motivation in life. Now that I think about it, this guy is much the same. Why do I pick guys who seem to be stuck instead of ones who are making it in life??

[Fleur de cactus]

Sorry your heart is broken. That young man is no longer interested in you and does not want to be honest with you. Maybe he is avoiding confrontation or he wants to keep you on the hook for more sex in the future.

 

I know you are still in love with him, and this is normal since you did not have the chance to end it, and he did not give you any explanation. Very much you are still under a shock wondering how could he do such thing to you. However, you have to face reality. He played you and he does not deserve your love anymore. There is not excuses for how he treated you. Don't even listen to him if he ever try to come back because whatever he will tell you will be lies.

 

Now you have to do introspection to find out what qualities you have that attract dishonest men. Those qualities are not necessarily bad. It maybe being too nice, or you trust others quickly. Think about your mental status, health, your circle of friends, family. See what those bad guys like in you and what you have to change in the future so that you will not find yourself in the same situation.

[foolinlove79]

He sounds like a jerk to me. You say some things in your post too..like you tolerated some of the things you didnt like. It sounds like you really need to take some time for yourself. Your marriage ended and then you get into another rs with someone who sounds like he has his own set of issues.

 

As far as closure goes..you only get that from yourself. You need to get it right in your own mind that this just wasn't meant to be. My ex ended our 6 year rs via email 2 months ago. No closure from him there. then he started dating someone else within a month. Why? Because he is a selfish wanker. Maybe this guy is one too.

 

Forget about that jerk. Do you think he is sitting around pining over you? Doubt it. So dont waste your time. You need to realise he is not worth it. You deserve more. And should he contact you again..which he probably will when he is bored or horney..tell him to d off.

[aloneinaz]

I agree with CPA. OP, when I read you post and you said he's 23, my thoughts were "here we go".. I don't know very many mature 23 year olds. They are still children trying to figure out life. You need to be looking for someone a couple year older than you.

 

 

After reading what you typed, you CLEARLY were ignoring all kinds of red flags from the very beginning. What made you over look them? Not many people would want a new relationship w/someone that lived that far away either. Most relationships require spending more time together to build a solid foundation out of the gate.

 

 

I'd chock it up as a rebound for you. Shake it off. You have a new opportunity to find someone in the same city that's a mature, older person with something going for them.

 

 

I think you'll get over this quickly and start dating again soon.

[keebee]

I hate how right you guys all are, but it is helpful in keeping me away from contacting him. Today has been a rough day with NC, but I haven't contacted him in 10 days and I really don't want to start over with it.

 

I guess I ignored the red flags because I was trying to be nice and accepting and kind. I don't want people to write me off beacuse I have issues with anxiety, so I try to be understanding of whatever flaws someone might have. It definitely bit me in the butt. Toward the end, I was asking my friends if I should break up with him because I was so tired of getting 0 contact for days at a time and having that be a normal occurrence. I feel like I got a little bit into the "sunk cost" thing too.

 

I have a hard time being alone, which is why I jumped back into dating so quickly after divorce. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt like I needed a guy to validate me or make me feel worthwhile. I'm not quite sure how to break that completely and utterly destructive belief system before I pass it on to my daughter

[mightycpa]

I have a hard time being alone, which is why I jumped back into dating so quickly after divorce. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt like I needed a guy to validate me or make me feel worthwhile. I'm not quite sure how to break that completely and utterly destructive belief system before I pass it on to my daughter

Maybe you do feel that way, but I can assure you that you don't. You asked a question earlier:

 

Why do I pick guys who seem to be stuck instead of ones who are making it in life??

Maybe it's the other way around. Guys who are going somewhere want confident women who don't need them, because needy people don't contribute - they consume, and it's only the guys who are stuck that don't really recognize that.

 

Take a thorough inventory of who you are, and go do something unusually productive for you that you'd love to do. Go get a win that you can feel good about, then go get some more. Get to know yourself, what you like about yourself, what you don't, and take some time to fix whatever's broken. If you can get to the point where you're happy with yourself without the external validation, then you'll start looking for contributors too, and they'll be very receptive. I promise you that.

[aloneinaz]

[quote=keebee;6438986

I guess I ignored the red flags because I was trying to be nice and accepting and kind. I don't want people to write me off beacuse I have issues with anxiety, so I try to be understanding of whatever flaws someone might have.

I have a hard time being alone, which is why I jumped back into dating so quickly after divorce.

 

 

Many people have issues w/anxiety and or depression. It's a sign of the times and the lives we lead. What I need to point out is how being involved in a dysfunctional relationship with a flaky person will not help anyone's anxiety. It will actually worsen the condition. Don't lose sight of that. If you find a guy that likes you, is mature and wants a relationship, it will be so much easier on you and your mental health.

 

 

When people "settle" for un-compatible partners, it can really cause havoc to their mental health. There's way too many people you can be compatible with. Listen to your gut and bail out when you start dating someone and red flags appear.

 

 

As CPA said, work on the issues you have and be a confident in yourself. No one likes insecure, needy, clingy people as you know.

[Toodaloo]

I have a hard time being alone, which is why I jumped back into dating so quickly after divorce. Ever since I was a teenager, I've felt like I needed a guy to validate me or make me feel worthwhile. I'm not quite sure how to break that completely and utterly destructive belief system before I pass it on to my daughter

 

This is what you need to concentrate on - not some man child.

 

Take some time out from dating. Read the threads on here read some books (Natalie Lue is fantastic).

 

Take care of yourself and learn how to love yourself. Eventually you realise that you are worth so much more and as a result you will a. be better placed to get into a relationship that has a hope of lasting and be fulfilling and b. start attracting the men who are also in that position.

[keebee]

Thank you everyone. This weekend was pretty good. I went to the next state over for a family reunion on my dad's side of the family and that helped tremendously. I spent time with my daughter, reconnected with some of my favorite people in the world, and started to see that I am a worthy/lovable person.

 

And I didn't cry when everyone asked if I was with the same guy! I explained what happened and everyone maintains that disappearing after six months is a cowardly way to go that I didn't (and no one, actually) deserves.

 

I had a few times where I almost broke NC, mostly when I was driving there and back home. I was lonely, my XH was harassing me and calling me names, and I just wanted to contact exBF and ask for support and tell him I missed him.

 

But I didn't. I know that the urge to break NC will keep popping up, but I know that I will feel 1000x worse if I contact him and he doesn't reply (like always), plus then I'll feel like I've lost some dignity again. It helps having friends that I can text whenever I want to break NC so they can remind me what I stand to lose.

 

I am getting back into working out hardcore (used to run/do/yoga/lift 2x/day). What else can I do to heal and find myself/love myself? Natalie Lue was a great suggestion, I felt like all the posts I read were speaking DIRECTLY TO ME and my relationship issues. It was almost scary.

[Eighty_nine]

Thank you everyone. This weekend was pretty good. I went to the next state over for a family reunion on my dad's side of the family and that helped tremendously. I spent time with my daughter, reconnected with some of my favorite people in the world, and started to see that I am a worthy/lovable person.

 

And I didn't cry when everyone asked if I was with the same guy! I explained what happened and everyone maintains that disappearing after six months is a cowardly way to go that I didn't (and no one, actually) deserves.

 

I had a few times where I almost broke NC, mostly when I was driving there and back home. I was lonely, my XH was harassing me and calling me names, and I just wanted to contact exBF and ask for support and tell him I missed him.

 

But I didn't. I know that the urge to break NC will keep popping up, but I know that I will feel 1000x worse if I contact him and he doesn't reply (like always), plus then I'll feel like I've lost some dignity again. It helps having friends that I can text whenever I want to break NC so they can remind me what I stand to lose.

 

I am getting back into working out hardcore (used to run/do/yoga/lift 2x/day). What else can I do to heal and find myself/love myself? Natalie Lue was a great suggestion, I felt like all the posts I read were speaking DIRECTLY TO ME and my relationship issues. It was almost scary.

 

Have you read Natalie Lue's books? They are totally wonderful. A HUGE help in getting me through a terrible breakup last year.

 

I read all of her books and some other books about 'unavailable' people. I also spent time alone, because I'm normally very social, but was just too tired and sad to attend all of the 'events' that were happening. I vowed to take care of myself. I watched The Bridges of Madison county a dozen times haha. My breakup survival advice is basically, do whatever you find comforting. If that's going to the movies every day or going out for ice cream 5x a week or hibernating at home for awhile, do it. I identified that going to the movies alone was a really comforting thing for me, for example, and did it as much as I could. Start there and when you can identify some healthy(ish) activities that make you feel good, do them.

[keebee]

Thank you lissvarna. I was wondering about her books, since I got so much info from her blog posts already, but I'll definitely pick them up since you said they're great. She definitely seems to have nailed what happened w/ me (me building a fantasy relationship in my head, him being emotionally unavailable). It's actually helpful to even see that these things are common--it makes me feel less alone knowing that other people have been on the same merry-go-round.

 

Had a couple rough patches yesterday, but overall feeling better than I was two weeks ago. The longer I go without seeing him/talking to him (it's been since July 6, so over 2 weeks now), the more I realize that he isn't who I thought he was/who I built him up in my head to be. The kind, loving dude who he was every other weekend that we were together was the minority of the time. The majority of the time, he ignored me, didn't respond to texts, didn't call when he said he would, and disappearing on me randomly. I spent SO much time obsessing over when his next text would be/checking to see if he'd been on FB since ignoring me for 24 hours/trying to calculate when he would text me next based on when he worked/etc. Super unhealthy stuff, I realize now. Though I still HATE that he broke up with me by disappearing (so cowardly and so cruel), maybe he did me a favor, because who knows when I would have developed the strength to call it off?

 

Thanks for reading my ranting here. Healing sucks and it helps to have people to talk to. After getting divorced, I didn't think any breakup could ever touch me since divorce is so brutal. I was wrong.

 

Kate

[keebee]

Oh, joy! The days are gradually getting easier. I have periods of sadness and even complete hopelessness (as I expect to for quite a while), but they seem to be getting less frequent and I get out of them more quickly.

 

For anyone doubting if NC is really effective, it *is* the way to go. Over the last 2 weeks (since I started NC), I've wanted to contact X a gazillion times. When something bad happened or when I got sad, when I saw something that reminded me of us and the places we've gone, when I knew he had a day off of work or something, when I thought of some new ridiculous theory that would explain a guy disappearing on his girlfriend for 3 weeks after six months of dating--so many times. Every time, after the feeling passed, I was glad I didn't contact him. I would have lost a little bit more pride and I would have felt even worse when he didn't reply, which I know is what would have happened.

 

I'm starting to wake up with hope again. I have a great circle of friends, and when I start feeling sorry for myself or missing, I can text them "I miss him!!" "Can I text him?" "What if he IS the best I'll ever get?" and they kick my butt and pull me out of my funk.

 

A six-month relationship isn't super long, plus he was a crap boyfriend when we were together, so I hope that I keep progressing and having more good days and fewer bad days.

 

For anyone who's been on the journey to finding self-love and finding joy/happiness/acceptance within yourself, how long did it take you to see progress? While I'm feeling better about the BU and doing more things I enjoy and being more productive at work, I know my self-esteem is still shot. When I think of a guy pursuing me, I feel yucky about it, because if a guy pursues me then what's wrong w/ him that he wants me? I need to be 100% out of that mindset before I start dating again and I need to learn how to.

[keebee]

Struggling today. I miss his stupid text tone because I'd come to get super excited when I heard it. I miss his accent and his stupid jokes and his apartment and his city, even though neither the apartment or the city were super cool. I was just so happy to get near his city and stay in his apartment because I was that happy to see him.

 

I'm also wondering if I knew at some level what was going to happen before it actually did. I visited him about a dozen times over six months and although I never liked saying goodbye, I was never super sad about it because then I just looked forward to our next visit. This last visit (which ended 5 days before he stopped talking to me and disappeared), I had the hardest time ever leaving. We stood out by my car and I found it so hard to say goodbye. I eventually did because I was starting to get tears in my eyes and I didn't want him to see me cry. When he walked back inside I cried for a good 1 1/2 hours on the way home (a three hour drive). It just felt more final than other visits. And I guess it was.

 

I desperately want to contact him and find out WTF he was/is thinking, if he knows what a lame boyfriend he was, etc. etc. but I know that it would be a shame to waste almost 3 weeks of NC. So, taking a page from someone else's book (or thread) I'm writing down the reasons that the relationship sucked and I don't want to be with him.

 

1. His communication sucked. Going two or three days without talking was not uncommon, no matter how much/if I texted or called. When he did text me, the conversation always ended with him disappearing and not replying, which always felt kind of crappy.

2. He lied. He knew I came from a marriage with a pathological liar, and yet he lied to me. I don't even think he was sorry, I think he was just sorry he got caught.

3. When he traveled, I became even less of a priority than I was when he was home. While in Europe + the Virgin Isles for a month, he barely contacted me. I could tell when he had Wi-Fi because he would go on FB messenger/go on WhatsApp/etc. but not reach out to me.

4. After being away for 5 weeks for the aforementioned trip, he didn't seem real interested in seeing/talking to me. No contact when he got home--I had to find out from Snapchat. The weekend after he got home, he lied about working and drove TO MY CITY and lied to me about it--a dude who cared would have wanted to see me.

5. Not good with confrontation/problems. When the lying issue came up, I was hurt and I was anxious. Instead of talking to me like I needed, he disappeared for three days and came back only when I apologized.

6. Not very responsible. Frequently talked about overdrawing and floating all the fees until the next pay period, week+ behind on rent, letting cable go for a month+ at a time being late. I am the complete opposite and that would have been so stressful if we'd gotten to the point of moving in together.

7. Seemed ashamed of me. Never introduced me to family or friends, seemed weird when I put a single picture of us on Facebook, etc. I'm no one to be ashamed of.

 

Feeling better now that I typed this out. Will return to it when I need a kick in the pants. I have definitely learned a lot through this process I guess--that putting up with someone's poor treatment doesn't make me a better person or make them like me more, that I need to have standards, that I need to love myself more before I invite someone else to love me.

 

Any other sage words to get me through this weekend?

[keebee]

Struggling like crazy today and would love some support to not break NC and not let anger get the best of me.

 

It's been almost a month since the ex disappeared on me. I was on Tinder last night waiting to get tired and suddenly, there he is, for me to swipe left or right on. He lives three hours away so I kinda hoped I'd never run into this problem, but he does have friends in my city so I guess I'm not so lucky.

 

My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach and I was SO ANGRY. How can he be on there trying to sound all cavalier and suave when he doesn't even have the courage to actually break up w/ someone when he's done? How can he be out there doing whatever with no thought of how badly he ended things and hurt me?

 

I WANTED to text him and ream him out for being a coward and not having the basic human decency to end things with me instead of leaving me hoping for so long that I'd hear from him. Obviously, I knew that would have been a terrible idea that I would have regretted (if I got a text like that I'd probably show my friends and comment on it, which I'm sure he would have done too--"Dude, look at what this girl sent me! Girls are crazy!")

 

But I'm having a hard time shaking it off because ugh, what a douche. HELP!

[aloneinaz]

Struggling like crazy today and would love some support to not break NC and not let anger get the best of me.

 

It's been almost a month since the ex disappeared on me. I was on Tinder last night waiting to get tired and suddenly, there he is, for me to swipe left or right on. He lives three hours away so I kinda hoped I'd never run into this problem, but he does have friends in my city so I guess I'm not so lucky.

 

My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach and I was SO ANGRY. How can he be on there trying to sound all cavalier and suave when he doesn't even have the courage to actually break up w/ someone when he's done? How can he be out there doing whatever with no thought of how badly he ended things and hurt me?

 

I WANTED to text him and ream him out for being a coward and not having the basic human decency to end things with me instead of leaving me hoping for so long that I'd hear from him. Obviously, I knew that would have been a terrible idea that I would have regretted (if I got a text like that I'd probably show my friends and comment on it, which I'm sure he would have done too--"Dude, look at what this girl sent me! Girls are crazy!")

 

But I'm having a hard time shaking it off because ugh, what a douche. HELP!

 

Ok.. I'll try and assist you. Here's what you'd accomplish if you broke NC and reached out to him-

 

 

1) You'd look like a pathetic, desperate woman.

2) You'd stroke his ego and make him think he's all that and a bag of chips

3) You'll further damage your own pride and self respect.

4) If he ignores you, it will make you feel even more pathetic

5) As you mentioned, he'll have a great laugh at your expense while showing all his friends you contact.

 

 

Stay NC. He clearly wasn't into you and then lost interest and did the vanish act. Who cares! It happens to millions of people. You can take it personal and let it tear you up or look at it rationally and say "crap, well, he was a douche bag".

 

 

Whether he dumped you in person, on the phone, thru text or did what he did, the outcome is the same. He doesn't want you anymore. Accept that it's his loss. The sooner you can let go of how you're feeling, the faster you'll move onto dating again and then finding a better guy.

 

 

The best revenge is to be happy and live your life. Don't give him any satisfaction of contact. With you vanishing on him, it knocks the chip off his shoulder and gives him self doubt. He'll think, "well, I guess she wasn't all that into me either"..

 

 

People get dumped all the time. They dust themselves off. The learn from the experience what they can and make adjustments if their behavior contributed to their dumping. They then accept that it's part of the dating process.