dangerbang Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Instead... I got home and cried. Man up, dude. Lol, says the man who cries over a Pharell song
Author ravfour4 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 How the tables have turned lol Last night at 11:30 she calls me, I answer having no idea what to expect. She's wasted, crying and lost at a big concert venue a few hours away. She starts begging me to come pick her up saying she'll do anything and wants to hang out. I tell her I can't pick her up and ask her if she had called/texted the group she was with - she hadn't... I'm pretty sure she was on some double date there and it probably wasn't going well so all drunk she emotionally called me. Either that or she tried calling other people first and I was like #5 on the list. As we continue to talk she starts migrating the convo to us. Asking if I love anyone else now or if I'm hanging out with anyone else and in a cute voice calling me a stupid idiot for not being perfect the whole time, sort of blaming me for our demise. I put an end to that since I'm obviously being super nice for even helping her find the group. She thanks me a ton, says she owes me one and then for all I know slept with the guy she was with. She probably doesn't even remember it, but hopefully she has a nice moment of panic when she sees she had a 20 min call with me that she doesn't remember lol. She also implied she was supposed to go there with some guy originally but he backed out. Then said something about how no older guys want to date her. Felt good to know that I didn't drunk dial her only to have her do it to me. In the past if she had done anything like this I would have been up all night worrying. It was yet another confirmation that I'm on the right path when I didn't. It's her life and she's no longer mine to worry about. I've accepted that.
dangerbang Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 How the tables have turned lol Last night at 11:30 she calls me, I answer having no idea what to expect. She's wasted, crying and lost at a big concert venue a few hours away. She starts begging me to come pick her up saying she'll do anything and wants to hang out. I tell her I can't pick her up and ask her if she had called/texted the group she was with - she hadn't... I'm pretty sure she was on some double date there and it probably wasn't going well so all drunk she emotionally called me. Either that or she tried calling other people first and I was like #5 on the list. As we continue to talk she starts migrating the convo to us. Asking if I love anyone else now or if I'm hanging out with anyone else and in a cute voice calling me a stupid idiot for not being perfect the whole time, sort of blaming me for our demise. I put an end to that since I'm obviously being super nice for even helping her find the group. She thanks me a ton, says she owes me one and then for all I know slept with the guy she was with. She probably doesn't even remember it, but hopefully she has a nice moment of panic when she sees she had a 20 min call with me that she doesn't remember lol. She also implied she was supposed to go there with some guy originally but he backed out. Then said something about how no older guys want to date her. Felt good to know that I didn't drunk dial her only to have her do it to me. In the past if she had done anything like this I would have been up all night worrying. It was yet another confirmation that I'm on the right path when I didn't. It's her life and she's no longer mine to worry about. I've accepted that. Ha. She called you because she knows she can, and you'll answer and listen to her bullsh*t. Why did you answer the call? I don't really see the point in this thread anymore. You clearly don't want NC with her. I know people who've gone down your route and it took them years to get over the said person, while remaining in touch as friends. 3 or 4 years probably until they were ready to be with anyone else. So that's the route you're going down from what I can see.
darkbloom Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I don't see how it felt good that she called you drunk because she needed something from you... STOP PICKING UP THE PHONE. You are like a lost puppy jumping at anything she throws at you. Even if it's garbage. You are on the verge of delusional in your thinking. I want you to find your self respect and your dignity and put them back in your body. Those two will protect you from the shame and humiliation you continue to put yourself through. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I don't see how it felt good that she called you drunk because she needed something from you... STOP PICKING UP THE PHONE. You are like a lost puppy jumping at anything she throws at you. Even if it's garbage. You are on the verge of delusional in your thinking. I want you to find your self respect and your dignity and put them back in your body. Those two will protect you from the shame and humiliation you continue to put yourself through. Agree.. Clearly the OP likes the attention he's getting from her and this board for doing the polar opposite of what people with strong self esteem, pride and confidence in themselves would be doing.
frigginlost Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Lol, says the man who cries over a Pharell song What's your point? I cried over a little girl who I considered my daughter. Sorry your intelligence couldn't follow that...
Author ravfour4 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 (edited) I don't understand how answering the phone and listening to my ex gf make a fool of herself is indicative of low self esteem. We talked the two days before that in a friendly manner so why would I randomly ignore her? I don't feel anger towards her anymore, you all want me to be fueled with anger, hate her, cut her out of my life and go NC. Why do you feel this is necessary? Just because she's a small part of my life at the moment? And yes she called me because she knows I'll be there for her, I'd expect the same from her and I believe she'd answer if I did the same. Show me another thread on here where someone's ex is as friendly as she has been the past month or so. Everyone else's shows them pictures of their new bf, ignores them or tells them never to talk to them again. I saw the drunk call as what it was...a drunk call. It means nothing other than that she was scared and thought about me at that moment. Most people on here say that you know you've hit indifference when you can picture them with someone else and not care and when you see them as just another woman rather than your ex. She talked about going on dates with people and it didn't hurt me, it was whatever. Yes, I still like her, but I'm not obsessed with her, our relationship is over and most likely permanently. When I'm out with friends I'm outgoing, confident and don't think about her at all. I am open to meeting someone new and I have been meeting new people. I don't think my ex is the "one" and I've taken her off the pedestal. If I was constantly thinking about getting back together with her and mopping around my house all day plotting to get her back, I'd agree, but that's not the case. It was a few months ago, but not anymore. She's like..5% of my life right now after being 100% for 4 years. I know where you're coming from, I just disagree with your assessment of my current state of mind. Edited July 27, 2015 by ravfour4
frigginlost Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I don't understand how answering the phone and listening to my ex gf make a fool of herself is indicative of low self esteem. We talked the two days before that in a friendly manner so why would I randomly ignore her? I don't feel anger towards her anymore, you all want me to be fueled with anger, hate her, cut her out of my life and go NC. Why do you feel this is necessary? Because it's healthy. Because you are in absolute denial, and because you are flat out lying to yourself. Just because she's a small part of my life at the moment? She is a *huge* part of your life right now, sadly you don't accept why. And yes she called me because she knows I'll be there for her, I'd expect the same from her and I believe she'd answer if I did the same. Why wouldn't she? She get's to screw other guys and then pull your leash when she needs an ego boost. Show me another thread on here where someone's ex is as friendly as she has been the past month or so. Dude. Just dude... How do you not get full of the bull**** you feed yourself? Everyone else's shows them pictures of their new bf, ignores them or tells them never to talk to them again. Perhaps they do that to keep the dumpee from looking like an absolute tool by hanging around like a lost puppy. I saw the drunk call as what it was...a drunk call. It means nothing other than that she was scared and thought about me at that moment. Most people on here say that you know you've hit indifference when you can picture them with someone else and not care and when you see them as just another woman rather than your ex. She talked about going on dates with people and it didn't hurt me, it was whatever. Yes, I still like her, but I'm not obsessed with her, our relationship is over and most likely permanently. When I'm out with friends I'm outgoing, confident and don't think about her at all. I am open to meeting someone new and I have been meeting new people. I don't think my ex is the "one" and I've taken her off the pedestal. That entire paragraph is utter and complete garbage based on the two words that are bolded. I'm beginning to think you enjoy/need the attention you receive from anyone, good or bad. If I was constantly thinking about getting back together with her and mopping around my house all day plotting to get her back, I'd agree, but that's not the case. It was a few months ago, but not anymore. She's like..5% of my life right now after being 100% for 4 years. I know where you're coming from, I just disagree with your assessment of my current state of mind. You don't to mop around the house because you keep hitting the crack pipe and getting your fix... 1
Author ravfour4 Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 What am I in denial over? I know we're broken up, I know she's been with other people, I know she doesn't care about me like she used to and that she hurt me badly during/after the break-up. I don't believe she's the "one", I don't think she wants me back just because she drunkenly called me last night, I know she's still pursuing other people. Seems pretty accurate. I've just been ok staying in some contact, especially when's she's been initiating more than half of it. I've been texting a girl I met recently more and more and have started to feel a connection growing with her, but I'm taking it nice and slow. My life is not on hold. What I said in my first post is true - my ex has some feelings, but certainly not strong enough and they're masked under layers of confusion. You don't drunk call your ex-boyfriend who you're 100% over when you're scared if you're so happy meeting new people. Earlier on in the day her mutual friend asked if we were going to get back together and was apparently disappointed when my ex said "Idk, I don't think so", I was probably on her mind because of that and it's why she called me. Whoopdie doo, who cares that I answered the call. It wasn't a big deal, it was just coincidental and funny that it happened the day after I was scared that I had drunk dialed her. It was ironic. I don't see any delusion in that thinking, it seems like the rational truth. You all just completely disagree that someone can stay in touch with their ex, EVER. Would it speed up my healing? Maybe. There's hundreds of people on here who are still miserable having gone NC because anytime they break it or see the person, they completely break down.
goldway90 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 I read THE REAL NC journey begins, then i find the OP answering phones calls, texting. I think this thread should be called " The REAL PATH to the friendzone begins". 1
Morphine Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Well...if you are truly over her and you have no hope left of getting back together...then I do not see a problem with tou talking to her. But you must be honest...are you 100% certain you are over her? Are you sure you are not having any thoughts of getting back together? Even once a day. Listen..you do not want to go through the heartbreak agakn, right? Maybe talking to her makes you feel better (it does make me feel better) but I know I have to go full NC soon otherwise I wont be able to move on and I will experience another heartachem 1
frigginlost Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 What am I in denial over? I know we're broken up, I know she's been with other people, I know she doesn't care about me like she used to and that she hurt me badly during/after the break-up. I don't believe she's the "one", I don't think she wants me back just because she drunkenly called me last night, I know she's still pursuing other people. Seems pretty accurate. I've just been ok staying in some contact, especially when's she's been initiating more than half of it. I've been texting a girl I met recently more and more and have started to feel a connection growing with her, but I'm taking it nice and slow. My life is not on hold. What I said in my first post is true - my ex has some feelings, but certainly not strong enough and they're masked under layers of confusion. You don't drunk call your ex-boyfriend who you're 100% over when you're scared if you're so happy meeting new people. Earlier on in the day her mutual friend asked if we were going to get back together and was apparently disappointed when my ex said "Idk, I don't think so", I was probably on her mind because of that and it's why she called me. Whoopdie doo, who cares that I answered the call. It wasn't a big deal, it was just coincidental and funny that it happened the day after I was scared that I had drunk dialed her. It was ironic. I don't see any delusion in that thinking, it seems like the rational truth. You all just completely disagree that someone can stay in touch with their ex, EVER. Would it speed up my healing? Maybe. There's hundreds of people on here who are still miserable having gone NC because anytime they break it or see the person, they completely break down. One more, and then I'm out of this thread. Your entire justification above is nothing more than verbal garbage. Why? I'll go back to your previous post: "most likely" People who are indifferent do not say that about a previous relationship being over permanently. You don't/won't get it and I'm content now that you need the attention. Quite frankly, my arm is getting tired of beating this dead horse. I hope yours eventually does as well. Best of luck to you.
goldway90 Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 How the tables have turned lol..... You're not over her, stop lying to yourself. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 OP, the bottom line is you're clinging to ANY possible hope of reconciliation with her. By maintaining contact w/her while you're still hopeful, you're only dragging out you healing and getting over her. You're like a cigarette smoker who says he quits but sneaks a cigarette a couple of times a day. You can't break an addiction until you stop smoking 100%. The same applies to relationships. As hard core an advocate as I am in NC, I don't think you have to NEVER speak to an ex again. That's simply ridiculous. Once you're OVER and I mean 100% over an ex, you can be on friendly terms w/them. It's usually YEARS down the road though. I have 2-3 ex GF's from 2-3 decades ago on FB. We chit chat a few times a year on there to catch up. It's nice to see how their lives are going and I'm glad they're happy too. Now, understand that MANY people NEVER have a desire to have any further contact with an ex once the relationship ends, whether they were dumped or did the dumping. You need to make a decision OP. Move on past this obsession you have with this ex or continue to do what you're doing and be stuck here until you do. Please don't post here how you're fine w/this situation either. Anyone w/a brain will throw up in their mouth.. 2
Author ravfour4 Posted July 28, 2015 Author Posted July 28, 2015 (edited) lol yes, the title of this thread is now a joke and completely meaningless. Well aware. I'll stop updating this thread as I'm tired of defending myself. Perhaps I'll update in a few months when I'm fully healed and have a new gf. Thanks for all your help along the way LSers. Edited July 28, 2015 by ravfour4
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