Shotclock Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Long story short, getting divorced. Yes it is hard to go through but the possibilities in the future are exciting! I was not perfect, but I tried damn hard to be a good man and husband and I accept my mistakes. What's exciting is when I do something special for my new girl she will be excited about it. Obviously if she isn't excited then we have an issue. Case in point, for my fourth anniversary mouths before I planned a secret romantic getaway. I had everything planned from her having the day off (she went to work because she didn't know about the trip) I had grandma booked for our child, dinner reservations and activities planned. Even had her bag packed (that I accept as an issue because I obviously missed a few things, I figured the thought should count.) Needless to say when I surprised her at work to wisk her away, I saw the excitement in all the other ladies eyes only to hear from my wife "this is my worst nightmare coming true" . Not quite the reaction I was hoping for but looking to the future I will find me a girl that truly appreciates those things. That fact right there is exciting!
preraph Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 No woman appreciates you taking over her schedule without telling her and controlling stuff like that. Of course, you don't know how to pack for her. Of course, you shouldn't be taking her out of work. She's the only person who would know how and when to plan taking time off. Your plan was all about you. You didn't give her a say in it. You also hadn't been listening to her or you'd have known ahead of time this wasn't going to fly. A woman doesn't just become what you wish she would be. She is her own person. Next time, give your new girlfriend a say in the decision making. After all, she's going to be a part of it.
Author Shotclock Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I thought I was listening to her. She had commented after a commercial of a guy surprising his wife with plane tickets for the two of them at the airport where she thought she was dropping him off, how great that would be. She also felt being a mom to a two year old that life was busy and needed a break. Sounded to me that she would like to "just show up" for the fun. Apparently I was wrong. Didn't think I was being controlling, just trying to treat my lady special. Lesson for next time is to make sure she likes surprises.
angel.eyes Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I, for one, don't think you did anything wrong. You were thoughtful and tried to give your ex what you thought she wanted. Your heart was in the right place. Sometimes people react without thinking about the intent behind a gesture. Some people are just negative and overly critical regardless of what you do--glass half-empty types. Sometimes there's a disconnect between what people think they want and what they really do. Since she's an ex, the relationship may have been in such bad shape at the time you did this that anything you did, no matter how perfect, would have been viewed negatively and criticized. That's sometimes the nature of a relationship that is no longer salvageable. Folks often don't respond in the way we expect. That's a risk with surprises. It doesn't mean we shouldn't plan surprises. It just means a particular one didn't work with a particular person at a particular point in time. Change a detail and it may have been a great success. I'm glad that you're positive and optimistic going into your next relationship. I hope you find happiness with a great person! 2
AppleKakes Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 This thread reminds me of a call from my fav podcaster yesterday, where the guy was upset that his wife "dolls up" when she's out with the girls and does nothing for him - even when they go out with the kids...He approached her about it and her response was "take it or leave it". My fav podcaster told him next time they go out and she pulls that, for him to not get emotional and in a "matter of fact" tone/manner let her know that he changed his mind about going out and he and/or the kids are staying home AND, that she hurt his feelings. I don't get some women (and some men)...in dating, they are putting up with crap, always looking nice, etc to impress their SO. Then, after the ring, kids/responsibilities come, they you are literally "nagging" them if they get fat, lazy, etc. I mean one guy called in upset cuz his wife, one afternoon, decided to grab him by the hand and dance with him in their home...He was upset that he had work to do on their land. This upset him so much that he had to call my fav podcaster to gripe. When she suggested he hire some help, he got upset. So, she asked him what's more important - the marriage or the work? Look, life is too short to be all work and play. Sometimes you gotta mix things up, be spontaneous - like when you two were young and/or dating and were crazy about each other...It's not like the OP does this all the time and is a careless, reckless, irresponsible dude. And see, that's how people get seduced into affairs...cuz the marriage becomes bills/responsibilities and no fun. The affair is an "escape", eh, then they marry the OW/OM and are faced with another lapse into bills/responsibilities cuz they didn't learn to balance fun and responsibilities/kids when they were in their last marriage 1
No Limit Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I have no doubt that there are many women who would love meeting a guy like you. Personally I don't know anyone who wouldn't have given at least an exciting squeal before running into your arms and maybe getting teary-eyed. Best of luck for the future. And don't let the bag thing count as a reason why someone should react like "Oh no" when you surprise them this way; honestly, except for maybe medicine there's nothing you could have forgotten that cannot be bought along the way. 2
Author Shotclock Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I have no doubt that there are many women who would love meeting a guy like you. Personally I don't know anyone who wouldn't have given at least an exciting squeal before running into your arms and maybe getting teary-eyed. Best of luck for the future. And don't let the bag thing count as a reason why someone should react like "Oh no" when you surprise them this way; honestly, except for maybe medicine there's nothing you could have forgotten that cannot be bought along the way. Thank you for the kind words. This thread is kinda how our relationship was the next 6 years. It did a number on my confidence but I stayed because I wanted " a family" very much. Although, in hindsight most weekends it was my daughter and I and mom was "out". So I have an amazing daughter and I feel better about myself everyday. And now I get to find a girl that appreciates me. I'm looking forward to that! 2
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