Jonbones Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 So I've been on a date with this girl. We had a great time. We were both laughing the entire time. She never texts first though. She is always responsive quickly and puts effort info the the convo. Me and her raced in swimming in which she won. However I said we should do best 2 out of 3 in di efferent things other than swimming. She agreed. Also she does know that I like her. We work at the same college gym just in different areas. And everyone has been teasing me about it. I don't know how they know. So essentially she has agreed to spend more time with me one on one. Would you do this with a guy you weren't interested in?
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 So I've been on a date with this girl. We had a great time. We were both laughing the entire time. She never texts first though. She is always responsive quickly and puts effort info the the convo. Me and her raced in swimming in which she won. However I said we should do best 2 out of 3 in di efferent things other than swimming. She agreed. Also she does know that I like her. We work at the same college gym just in different areas. And everyone has been teasing me about it. I don't know how they know. So essentially she has agreed to spend more time with me one on one. Would you do this with a guy you weren't interested in? Take it at face value. When a woman is responsive and wanting to spend time with you, go with it until it becomes clear what her interest is in you. She could be romantically interested or just wants to be friends. You haven't spent enough time talking with and spending time with her to start making any assumptions one way or the other. If you are spending enough time with her and it's unclear, you can have a casual conversation with her about what you want for yourself and what she wants for herself. Be patient for a bit and let things unfold naturally. Enjoy the time for now. 1
toml Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I disagree with the advice above. I thought the advice normally is you go in with romantic intentions otherwise youl get friendzoned. Also a girl knows within 5 minutes if they like you as a friend or more
RoseVille Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 So I've been on a date with this girl. We had a great time. We were both laughing the entire time. She never texts first though. She is always responsive quickly and puts effort info the the convo. Me and her raced in swimming in which she won. However I said we should do best 2 out of 3 in di efferent things other than swimming. She agreed. Also she does know that I like her. We work at the same college gym just in different areas. And everyone has been teasing me about it. I don't know how they know. So essentially she has agreed to spend more time with me one on one. Would you do this with a guy you weren't interested in? Totally unclear. When I was your age, I interacted with platonic friends that way, as well as guys I was interested in. You're not making your own romantic intention known. You gotta ask her out on a date.
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I disagree with the advice above. I thought the advice normally is you go in with romantic intentions otherwise youl get friendzoned. Also a girl knows within 5 minutes if they like you as a friend or more He can and is going into it with romantic intentions. It's not clear to him what her intentions are at this point.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Does the girl in question know that it was a date or did she think it was a friendly hangout? Obviously there's a difference. I think some guys make the mistake of assuming they're on a date with a girl, when in reality she thinks she's just hanging out with a friend. When a girl likes you romantically and you had a successful date, you know it. You wouldn't be wondering if she was interested. That's why I'm curious if she knows that you thought it was an actual date. Plus, did you attempt to kiss her at all?
Author Jonbones Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Does the girl in question know that it was a date or did she think it was a friendly hangout? Obviously there's a difference. I think some guys make the mistake of assuming they're on a date with a girl, when in reality she thinks she's just hanging out with a friend. When a girl likes you romantically and you had a successful date, you know it. You wouldn't be wondering if she was interested. That's why I'm curious if she knows that you thought it was an actual date. Plus, did you attempt to kiss her at all? We did go on a date and she knew it was a date. She told someone I am friends with we were going going on a date. We were both laughing the whole time and it seemed like she had fun. I didn't go for a kiss as I didn't see a good opening. Like I said though I made sure and specify date. And she told my friend we were going on a date.
Toodaloo Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 We did go on a date and she knew it was a date. She told someone I am friends with we were going going on a date. We were both laughing the whole time and it seemed like she had fun. She likes you. Go on another date. As soon as she stops responding quickly to texts and phone calls that is when her interest has waned. For now though she wants you. So continue good fellow and keep us posted. 2
smackie9 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Stop over analyzing everything....if it happens it happens. If it doesn't you move on. keep taking her out on dates and don't be afraid to kiss her. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 We did go on a date and she knew it was a date. She told someone I am friends with we were going going on a date. We were both laughing the whole time and it seemed like she had fun. I didn't go for a kiss as I didn't see a good opening. Like I said though I made sure and specify date. And she told my friend we were going on a date. Girls don't go out on actual dates with guys they're not interested in. So instead of doing swimming contests and acting like her gym/work buddy, you should be asking her out on another date relatively soon. In regards to kissing, always have the mindset that it's up to you to create the right moment. If you keep waiting for an "opening", you'll just end up over thinking and chicken out. Here's one way to look at it. The first date is when a woman accepts to feel you out and satisfy curiosity. The second date is when she makes a conscious decision to see you again based solely on interest. If she didn't want you to kiss her, she wouldn't go out with you again. So if you ask her out on a second date and she happily accepts, consider it a green light to kiss her on the next date.
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Girls don't go out on actual dates with guys they're not interested in. So instead of doing swimming contests and acting like her gym/work buddy, you should be asking her out on another date relatively soon. In regards to kissing, always have the mindset that it's up to you to create the right moment. If you keep waiting for an "opening", you'll just end up over thinking and chicken out. Here's one way to look at it. The first date is when a woman accepts to feel you out and satisfy curiosity. The second date is when she makes a conscious decision to see you again based solely on interest. If she didn't want you to kiss her, she wouldn't go out with you again. So if you ask her out on a second date and she happily accepts, consider it a green light to kiss her on the next date. FF, you're always so rigid with these diagrams and predictive analysis etc. ....just let what happens happen, throw away the charts and live life. Kiss when it's right, not always and only on date 3. Etc., etc., etc. Women aren't fem-bots, we're all unique and individual with individual values, ethics and sensibilities determined by a lifetime of experiences and our own moral values, not cookie cutter shapes. Those aspects will determine how we react to things, not schedules and timelines.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 FF, you're always so rigid with these diagrams and predictive analysis etc. ....just let what happens happen, throw away the charts and live life. Kiss when it's right, not always and only on date 3. Etc., etc., etc. Women aren't fem-bots, we're all unique and individual with individual values, ethics and sensibilities determined by a lifetime of experiences and our own moral values, not cookie cutter shapes. Those aspects will determine how we react to things, not schedules and timelines. Haha.. It's not rocket science. If a girl accepts a second date, she does so because she's interested. No analysis required. But in my opinion, you should always act the same with all women you date because you're essentially going to attract the one that's right for you.
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Haha.. It's not rocket science. If a girl accepts a second date, she does so because she's interested. No analysis required. But in my opinion, you should always act the same with all women you date because you're essentially going to attract the one that's right for you. All women always have and all women always will accept second dates only bc they're interested and are ready to be kissed on date 3 after screening you on date 2, gotcha. Knock yourself out with that abacus FF.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 All women always have and all women always will accept second dates only bc they're interested and are ready to be kissed on date 3 after screening you on date 2, gotcha. Knock yourself out with that abacus FF. Hahaha.. Yeah so how many second dates have you go on with people you had no desire to see after the first date? BTW - I'm curious why you keep referencing kissing on date three. All my first kisses happen on date one woman. 1
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Hahaha.. Yeah so how many second dates have you go on with people you had no desire to see after the first date? BTW - I'm curious why you keep referencing kissing on date three. All my first kisses happen on date one woman. Sorry, someone was mentioning date 3 as the 'kiss date' or whatever in another thread and I thought it was you. There's a world of variation between "no desire to see" and "interested," and its those subtleties you ignore in your dating program. Interested why, interested how, interested how much, personal background and ethics/morals/sensibilities that could effect each type and degree of interest, etc. I get that cookie cutter dating seems to work for you and that's fine, but don't you think a more nuanced approach that acknowledges women's personal traits and identities would be a more responsible thing to recommend to others?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Sorry, someone was mentioning date 3 as the 'kiss date' or whatever in another thread and I thought it was you. There's a world of variation between "no desire to see" and "interested," and its those subtleties you ignore in your dating program. Interested why, interested how, interested how much, personal background and ethics/morals/sensibilities that could effect each type and degree of interest, etc. I get that cookie cutter dating seems to work for you and that's fine, but don't you think a more nuanced approach that acknowledges women's personal traits and identities would be a more responsible thing to recommend to others? Oh I definitely get that every woman is different. I've never disputed that. But what I am saying, is that a guy should find what's right for him and do that with every woman he dates. That way he's going to attract women that like him for who he is. When you change who you are and what you want to accommodate someone else, you're ultimately going to attract someone that's not right for you in the long run.
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Oh I definitely get that every woman is different. I've never disputed that. But what I am saying, is that a guy should find what's right for him and do that with every woman he dates. That way he's going to attract women that like him for who he is. When you change who you are and what you want to accommodate someone else, you're ultimately going to attract someone that's not right for you in the long run. But it's not all about "a guy." Everyone should treat everyone else like the individual they are, and that means adjusting treatment and behavior to accommodate personalities. It doesn't have to mean compromising who you are, it's respecting who the other person is. Easy example: All women must be kissed on date 1. Wrong. Sally might like being kissed on date 1. That works for her, bc she's Sally. Sandy might not like being kissed on date 1. That doesn't work for her, bc she's Sandy. Sally and Sandy aren't the same person, so "a guy finding what's right for him" does not at all work for those two women, and the focus/priority is entirely where it shouldn't be.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) But it's not all about "a guy." Everyone should treat everyone else like the individual they are, and that means adjusting treatment and behavior to accommodate personalities. It doesn't have to mean compromising who you are, it's respecting who the other person is. Easy example: All women must be kissed on date 1. Wrong. Sally might like being kissed on date 1. That works for her, bc she's Sally. Sandy might not like being kissed on date 1. That doesn't work for her, bc she's Sandy. Sally and Sandy aren't the same person, so "a guy finding what's right for him" does not at all work for those two women, and the focus/priority is entirely where it shouldn't be. What I was talking about has nothing to do with kissing. But let's say that Sally is playful and non conservative whereas Sandy is a buttoned up conservative. If the guy in question has a sexually playful personality, he's obviously going to appeal to Sally and not Sandy. But the only way to know that is if he acts the same with both women. In regards to kissing it should be - All women that are obviously into you should be kissed on date one. I mean it's not like I blindly go for a kiss on every first date I have. It depends on the situation and how strong the chemistry is. However, you hear too many stories where guys will say that she was totally into him, really strong chemistry, etc and they still go for a hug or kiss on the cheek because they're scared to take action. Fortune favors the bold and you don't get anywhere playing it safe. Edited July 16, 2015 by fitnessfan365
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Now you're changing your story - and your program. But if this is the real way you do it, that you do indeed gauge women independently and don't apply a stencil to every date, I'm very encouraged.
fred123 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Now you're changing your story - and your program. But if this is the real way you do it, that you do indeed gauge women independently and don't apply a stencil to every date, I'm very encouraged. simple end to this discussion FF and jen. jen: have you ever kissed a guy within the first date or a guy you have known only for a few hours? if yes then everything you say is invalid
fitnessfan365 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Now you're changing your story - and your program. But if this is the real way you do it, that you do indeed gauge women independently and don't apply a stencil to every date, I'm very encouraged. Haha.. Actually I'm not. This is the way that I've always been. IF the woman is obviously enjoying my company, then I always go for a kiss on the first date in that scenario. But if I'm not hitting it off with a woman, I won't try and kiss her just for the hell of it..LOL But I do act the same personality wise with every woman I get dates with. That way I attract the women who are right for me, and discourage those I wouldn't get along with anyways. ** In the OP's case, the woman obviously dug his company on the first date. So he should have gone for a kiss IMO. However, since she's hanging around him at work, she's basically communicating to ask her out on another date..LOL So when she accepts, it's a green light to kiss her on the next date IMO.
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Haha.. Actually I'm not. This is the way that I've always been. IF the woman is obviously enjoying my company, then I always go for a kiss on the first date in that scenario. But if I'm not hitting it off with a woman, I won't try and kiss her just for the hell of it..LOL But I do act the same personality wise with every woman I get dates with. That way I attract the women who are right for me, and discourage those I wouldn't get along with anyways. ** In the OP's case, the woman obviously dug his company on the first date. So he should have gone for a kiss IMO. However, since she's hanging around him at work, she's basically communicating to ask her out on another date..LOL So when she accepts, it's a green light to kiss her on the next date IMO. ....which takes us back around to the beginning, where you outlined for OP what the purpose of all the dates are cookie cutter style and to kiss her on date 3. I just realized it's always like groundhog day w/you FF - long elliptical arguments that inevitably end up back at the beginning with nothing gained.
Phoe Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Hahaha.. Yeah so how many second dates have you go on with people you had no desire to see after the first date? BTW - I'm curious why you keep referencing kissing on date three. All my first kisses happen on date one woman. Heh, FF, I agree with Jen that you are TOO rigid with this first date kiss thing. I've only had ONE first date kiss, and given the circumstances that we had been talking for months beforehand and knew that we'd end up kissing, it was expected. BUT, every other first date? No kiss. I dated a man for 2 months before he kissed me. After that, my most recent ex kissing me on the 2nd date seemed fast, and caught me off guard! The right moment is more fluid than you make it out to be.
Phoe Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 But what I am saying, is that a guy should find what's right for him and do that with every woman he dates. That way he's going to attract women that like him for who he is. This is very valid and a good practice, BUT... isn't it taking a bit too strict when the difference comes down to a woman who prefers not to kiss on the first date, but would be comfortable with it on the 2nd date? Isn't a slight bit of flexibility on that going to offer more options, while still not compromising on what makes you, you?
jen1447 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 simple end to this discussion FF and jen. jen: have you ever kissed a guy within the first date or a guy you have known only for a few hours? if yes then everything you say is invalid Sorry fred, your post didn't appear right away in the queue for some reason. I have kissed guys on first dates and within a few hours of knowing them, but how does that make everything I say invalid?
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