bigman1 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 dear Lord that should be if you put any more thought. not f you
Chi townD Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 NC in the traditional sense can't really be followed if you have kids. You need to co-parent with her. BUT! any communication you have should be about the kids and ONLY the kids. Here's and example: Ex: "So, am I picking the kids up at daycare on Friday?" You: "Yes" Ex: "Okay, good. So, how are you doing?" You responded about the kids, but go silent on anything else. You don't respond to that. She gave up the right to know how you're doing. 3
elaine567 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Your priority now should always be your kids and to do that you may need to keep her sweet and not antagonise her. I know that is hard to do in the circumstances, but this about your kid's welfare here. One word answers, deliberate obtuseness and ignoring texts can come across as childish and give the impression you are sulking or unco-operative. You need to come across as an effective, caring, adult, co-parent, not Timmy the teenager in a strop. 2
chew123 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I do not put that much thought into the communication with the ex and have not through this whole ordeal. If she asks me a question I answer it. Unless it was specifically about me in which case sometimes I would answer and sometimes I would say well that's really none of your business. Not a big deal either way. I dont think the silent treatment is the way to go. When you have kids you have to have interaction. In my opinion no response signals that you are really hurting and leads to a breakdown in the communication that is needed regarding the children.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 I just hate her and don't want to talk to her at all for the rest of my life unless I have to about kids. She emailed me again telling me to talk to my lawyer about selling our house because the judge already signed the papers and I need to talk to my lawyer to confine she got the signed papers so we can sell the house. **** her I'm not responding to that. If she is worried about it she can ask her lawyer herself to follow up with my lawyer who will in turn notify me the papers have been signed by the judge allowing the sell of the property. I'm not going out of my way for her to find out. I hate her so much for cheating on me treating me like **** tearing apart out family and laughing at me the whole time like it's funny and blaming it all on me.. How can you be nice to someone like that or even want to talk to them at all??
RightThere Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 I just hate her and don't want to talk to her at all for the rest of my life unless I have to about kids. She emailed me again telling me to talk to my lawyer about selling our house because the judge already signed the papers and I need to talk to my lawyer to confine she got the signed papers so we can sell the house. **** her I'm not responding to that. If she is worried about it she can ask her lawyer herself to follow up with my lawyer who will in turn notify me the papers have been signed by the judge allowing the sell of the property. I'm not going out of my way for her to find out. I hate her so much for cheating on me treating me like **** tearing apart out family and laughing at me the whole time like it's funny and blaming it all on me.. How can you be nice to someone like that or even want to talk to them at all?? That is a prime candidate for the 180. Ignore any and all requests for information she can get elsewhere. "How do I fix the TV?" - Ignore. Google exists for that reason. "Can you ask your lawyer if ...blah blah blah?" - Ignore. She can cut out the middle man and ask herself. 2
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 25, 2015 Author Posted July 25, 2015 Day 8 no contact : She has reached out to me 3 times 1st time she asked if she was still picking up kids, I said yes 2nd time she asks if I talked to my lawyer yet, I did not respond 3rd time now this morning she told me I have all the girls clothes at my house which is not true, she has other clothes over there and she only has the girl today and half the day tomorrow and I'm picking them back up again for a whole week and weekend again...so I did not respond to this either.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 Day 9 no contact; I only feel anger for my ex wife I mean I just really hate her... I'm talking to this amazing really beautiful woman who has a 4 year old son but man she is extremely beautiful and I cannot stop thinking about her, we talk all day everyday and met through a mutual friend and we are also planning on seeing each other next weekend. I hope our first date goes well. She calls me babe and sends me bikini pics she's so cute. I pick up my kids today from my ex's house I'm going to have my mom get them so I don't have to see that dumb bitch. 2
Ms. Faust Posted July 26, 2015 Posted July 26, 2015 I think you are doing great. Sounds like a good attitude towards her considering the way she has treated you. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 26, 2015 Author Posted July 26, 2015 So I picked up the kids and my oldest one told me she has introduced this guy she has been dating for about 7 weeks who is also the guy she cheated on me and left me for to her parents now. On the third week of dating this guy she already had him stay the night and meet the kids. How do you jump into such a serious relationship so quickly? Does anyone else think this is kind of weird?
Friskyone4u Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Weird or not she is doing it so just ignore her. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Ok I know there is nothing I can do about it. I can feel my self slowly detaching and I feel like if me and this other girl were to become something then I definitely would not care about her at all.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Day 10 she emailed me yesterday wanting the laptop from me. I told her not to contact me unless it's about kids and those things will be worked it during mediation. I cried this morning not because I miss my ex but because I'm sad my kids have to go through this it's sad.
Clay Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Your going to have to show her instead of telling her. Dont respond to anything unless it pertains the kids. So just act like you never seen it. You have to take control back of your life and the best way to do that is to block her as much as possible. You can do it. C 2
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 Yeah I'm kinda regretting I replied. I didn't beg her back or tell her I love her or have feelings for her or anything stupid like that I just told her to leave me alone unless it's important... But you are right shoulda kept ignoring her. Does this technically mean I broke no contact?
aliveagain Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Friend, you need to understand that the woman you were married to isn't your problem anymore. She actively joined a dating site to meet your replacement, this was intentional and she dated several men including the one she's with now. There is no taking someone like her back. You put the house on the market when your ready to or the court tells you to. Protect yourself financially, everything she takes from you she is using to build a new nest with her new boyfriend. You are not her friend, friends don't intentionally hurt and humiliate you the way she did. Use your anger to stay no contact with her. Don't use your children for information because it puts them in the middle. Your children are scared, they need to know they are loved and safe when they are with you, look what they have to go home to. Get them counselling to help them through this. I know it hurts knowing you were replaced so easily, it also hurts to know she's having porn star sex in your bed with her new boyfriend but what she doesn't have is you. Your the prize friend, she's just easy and available, she no longer meets your standards so leave her at the curb with all the other garbage. 2
RightThere Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 So I picked up the kids and my oldest one told me she has introduced this guy she has been dating for about 7 weeks who is also the guy she cheated on me and left me for to her parents now. On the third week of dating this guy she already had him stay the night and meet the kids. How do you jump into such a serious relationship so quickly? Does anyone else think this is kind of weird? Don't bother trying to understand someone else's poor decisions. My STBXW does the same type of stuff. I used to let it bother me because I would think "That is something I would never do. How does she think that's OK?" Now I just realize she's full of bad decisions and I don't have to care about her poor decision making process anymore. Previously I would be her shoulder to cry on when she got hurt or stung from poor decisions. Now I don't have to do that so I don't care what she does. 2
hromo Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Always remember "when someone shows you who they truly are" believe them. Don't beat yourself up. just go back to no contact you will get through this 1
Chi townD Posted July 27, 2015 Posted July 27, 2015 Don't feel bad about responding to your Ex's last text. You set the boundaries right there. She now knows that you're only going to entertain texts about the kids. So, the next time she texts and it isn't about the kids and you don't respond, she'll know exactly why. Now, if you do respond to anything else but the kids, then I'm gonna blast you. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 27, 2015 Author Posted July 27, 2015 lol thanks guys!!! I am glad these forums are here.
m.snow Posted July 29, 2015 Posted July 29, 2015 Yeah I'm kinda regretting I replied. I didn't beg her back or tell her I love her or have feelings for her or anything stupid like that I just told her to leave me alone unless it's important... But you are right shoulda kept ignoring her. Does this technically mean I broke no contact? I'm not an expert but you need to use more AFFIRMATIVE WORDS and STATEMENTS rather than Aggressive or Passive. since i'm not an expert and don't know myself how to make those words affirmative. you can check with counselor for good responses to your ExW or ask help from experts in the LS community.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted August 4, 2015 Author Posted August 4, 2015 Well I met this really amazing woman and we have been dating and I don't ever think about my ex I'm always thinking about this new woman. I have dated about 4 women since all this stuff happened but never felt the way I feel now about this current woman. On August 10th we will find out the final dates for the divorce to be final. Can't wait.. And I hope something grows with me and this current woman because we both really seem to be into each other A LOT. 2
RightThere Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Well I met this really amazing woman and we have been dating and I don't ever think about my ex I'm always thinking about this new woman. I have dated about 4 women since all this stuff happened but never felt the way I feel now about this current woman. On August 10th we will find out the final dates for the divorce to be final. Can't wait.. And I hope something grows with me and this current woman because we both really seem to be into each other A LOT. That is some awesome news! I haven't actually started dating yet since my STBXW finally moved out, but it's so good to hear about life on the other side. Not to rain on the parade, but make sure you are looking at this new relationship with everything you learned in your previous one. Otherwise you'll be doomed to repeat the same mistakes.
bigman1 Posted August 4, 2015 Posted August 4, 2015 Glad that you seem to have moved forward, but SLOW DOWN COWBOY. A NEW WOMAN ALREADY?! Are you really serious?! Based on when you started this thread, your issues with NC and now you have this new woman and you want to see where this "relationship" goes?! Dude.....You need time alone. I mean alone and getting yourself fixed. This advice would apply to anyone recently divorced, but especially someone who is not legally divorced, who is coming out of a marriage with infidelity where they stayed and...pretty much YOU! The good news is that you can see yourself attracted to other women. Great. the bad news is that you are at this stage with another woman in light of the circumstances. You need to be alone. Not lonely, but alone. You need some counseling, and I hate that I just said that because it sounds so bourgeois and cliche, but it really does apply. Congrats, good luck, but SLOW DOWN COWBOY. 1
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