ChicagoSparty Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 This Brandon guy she's seeing was the guy I caught her with cheating on me and she has been seeing him since. They have been dating for a month and a half now and according to her are pretty serious about each other. My question is what are the chances this relationship of hers will last? He just went through a divorce recently and we are still going through ours. Who cares? You shouldn't. That's her problem now. And his. Not yours. You need to focus on your life, your needs, finding your own happiness. The best thing you can do for your life is to walk away from her and don't look back. There's nothing to see there. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 You guys are right. I have put these things into perspective and am following them. I have not contacted her at all today and do not plan to. She came from an unstable family where she lived with her mom and step dad. Eventually at age 15 she moved to my neighborhood to live with her step mom and dad who were although more stable than where she came from but still her step mom and dad were alcoholics and fought all the time. They had more money and were able to take care of her better but her parents still weren't the perfect family. I do feel like she is trying to find her Prince Charming. I have been feeling a lot better I have been talking to some beautiful women and been having a really great weekend with my kids. Will update you guys. My lawyer said she will be getting everything set up for our final mediation.
m.snow Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 . My question is what are the chances this relationship of hers will last? He just went through a divorce recently and we are still going through ours. Mac this is NOT the question you should be asking. This simply translates "WILL SHE WANT ME BACK/ WILL SHE COME BACK?" its time to move on Mac. from what i see on your post your still so focused on her. please mac for the sake of your children and yourself, turn that focus on yourself. get her out of your mind. dare i say it, she no longer loves you as a husband. its time to let it go. my advice: its best to sell the house and divide the money. & also very important "get rid of the marital bed". (last thing i would want is for her to make a sex video with her lover on your marital bed and send it to you). +for your mental health get rid of the triggers "remove her from your face book or other social network. +i'm starting to think that she's the kind of narcissistic person who would try to get into your head. +and don't start with the "where will my children live". if she cant find a place of her own then the kids stay with you! dude last advice; just stay away from this bradon dude coz from what im hearing from you. your 3 seconds away from killing this dude, so stay away and stay clear. if you happen to meet him just back away & walk away. 2
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Yes snow you are right she is blocked on my Facebook. I haven't talked to her yesterday or today so far. I have been feeling better and accepting she doesn't want to be with me. I'm almost fully convinced I don't want to be with her anyways if she's going to always cheat on me and treat me the way she did in our relationship. I have been moving on so far, and so far so good. When I think about her I don't get hurt as much or cry. I only feel a little bit of sadness that what we once had is gone but it's not enough sadness to make me zone out or think about it too long or cry or have to talk to someone about it or anything. When I think about her now I just think about the bad things as well and it makes it not such a big deal.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 So day #2 and still have not had any contact, it feels really good. I need to catch up with my finance situation and get this divorce over with. I signed all the temp orders for divorce yesterday and will have a final date soon. Ready to move on. If she did ever try coming back I'm really not sure I would take her back, possibly hear her out but really not sure if I would. It would feel good to just tell her no. I'm talking to some really beautiful women and realize I can find someone I am really happy with. I also need to focus on my job I got hurt in my dirt bike and had 6 stitches in my arm and have lost a weeks worth of work. Time to get back into this thing and stand on my feet again.
dreamingoftigers Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Seriously, spend some time by yourself and sort out your feelings etc. Escaping with other women won't help the process and won't make your mind any clearer.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 I do a lot of that too. I am only talking to them on Facebook. Should that be ok? I don't see why that wouldn't be fine?
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Day 3 of no contact Nothing has happened I still got the kids. She hasn't reached out to me and neither have I or plan on it. When I think about her now I think about how ugly and disgusted I am versus before I couldn't get over her for whatever reason. Something weird happened to me over the weekend that made me realize I don't need her and I can be happier with someone else. So I'm still going down this same path. Just thought I would update everyone.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Day 4 no contact I'm feeling good
hromo Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Keep up the no contact. When l followed the 180 with my ex and it felt amazing and then there was a moment of contact and instead of continuing with the 180. that contact gave me huge a set back. You will go through all emotions imaginable. what helped me was focusing on myself, going to the gym, seeing a counselor, support group, reading books. This is not an overnight process, no easy way except to go through it all so that you become stronger and stronger. 1
RightThere Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Day 4 no contact I'm feeling good Keep it up. Her other relationship is going to crash and burn and I can guarantee you she's going to come crawling back with a sob story and expect you to welcome her back with open arms. DON'T DO IT! She will know how to play you and play on your emotions, but it's simply because she realized her other man is a jerk, and that she can use and abuse you a while longer so she can get back on her feet and cheat on you some more. Good luck. 2
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Thank you guys for the reminders I needed that!!! Gonna make it to day 5!! 2
hromo Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 good on you. You will make it through this. l cannot express the importance of the 180 rules. you don't deserve this. When someone shows you who they are re first time, believe them. You got this. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 Day 5 no contact I had a dream about her last night, feeling lonely today. Weird how I can feel so good and confident one day then the next lonely. I think I can still do this though will continue no contact. 1
Clay Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Your doing great. Just keep up the NC and get out and do things that make you happy. Your life is going to be so much better once you fill it with good people. C 1
chew123 Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Mac, You are doing well but sorry to break it to you but you are going to cycle back and forth for quite a while. Don't let the feelings overwhelm you, they will disappear in time. I am 10 months into this mess and I still wake up in the morning and often the first thing i think about is my ex. Something about the wake up time. I forget about her quickly though. 2
RightThere Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Day 5 no contact I had a dream about her last night, feeling lonely today. Weird how I can feel so good and confident one day then the next lonely. I think I can still do this though will continue no contact. The cycle of up and down will continue for a while. Just take notice of how as you move forward, you'll have less down days and more frequent good days. I found it was changing on a week to week basis pretty drastically. 1
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Day 6 no contact still: Doing better today, I am talking to some extremely cute girls. I don't want my ex wife back, the trust will never be there, did I tell you guys she called the cops and told them I choked her? Yeah this happened a while back.. she then later called the cops and got the charges dropped because she told them she made it up, because she did make it up. My daughter told me just the other day she saw her choking her self that night she called the cops and when she went down stairs her mom told her "Look Kaylee look what your dad did to me" My daughter knew she was lying because she saw her choke herself. This is a person I cannot be with I know this, but it still hurts to be rejected by someone you were with for 10 years and by someone who you did not think could ever act this way. Anyways I am doing a lot better and have 6 days of no contact. I have blocked her on my phone so when she tries to text or call it will say she is blocked. So she has to e-mail me in order to communicate which I prefer anyways. She e-mailed me this morning asking if she is picking up the kids from daycare on Friday which she already knows she is so don't know why she can't just do it instead of asking me if she is.. but I figured I would not answer her right away and answer her tomorrow and tell her simply just "Yes", and that is it? What do you guys think?:sick::sick: If it was up to me I wouldn't talk to her ever again for the rest of my life.. but since we have kids I can't do this but I want to limit my contact as much as possible and not always be readily available to her if its not an emergency about the kids.
RightThere Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 but I figured I would not answer her right away and answer her tomorrow and tell her simply just "Yes", and that is it? What do you guys think?:sick::sick: If it was up to me I wouldn't talk to her ever again for the rest of my life.. but since we have kids I can't do this but I want to limit my contact as much as possible and not always be readily available to her if its not an emergency about the kids. Keep all conversation short and sweet. I would say don't seem too ice cold, only because she'll notice that you are being a total ice cold jerk and probably react. I had the same problem with my STBXW for a while. So I "nice-d" it up a bit just so that I wasn't just giving her one word answers and pushing that button. But I definitely didn't answer texts right away or ask her how she's doing. If she asked how I was doing, it was usually "Pretty good. Blah blah blah happened to me today which was good." Not enough to start a full blown conversation, but just enough so I wasn't coming across as a total jerk. Also kept it focused on me so she didn't have the chance to dump any of her ongoing problems onto me.
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 23, 2015 Author Posted July 23, 2015 Short yes, but sweet? I figured I would just reply with a simple "yes" **** being sweet to her..
A.Moscote Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Read that post again, it's not just to be sweet to her, but to ultimately avoid unnecessary drama and reactions, for your own good. One word replies, again & again, are really irritating, and make you look sulky. Better be neutral. Channel your anger and frustration of her towards other outlet, e.g. gym, sports, charity, house chores, writing, self improvement, etc. It's a massive energy, let it be beneficial rather than chaotic. Hope that is all helpful for your moving-on-plan. Be patient, and be optimist, you will keep finding it easier to forget about her, and the past, as the time goes on. Good luck. 1
bigman1 Posted July 24, 2015 Posted July 24, 2015 Waaaay too much thought on this issue. Short direct answers always. Never engage in dialogue or banter. If she asks the same question every week, you give short direct reply and keep it moving. If it's a new and genuinely important question, you give short as needed, direct answers. That's it. No thought on how she took it, how you sounded, nothing. F you put any more thought into it, then you are not detaching. 2
Author macmillerpwnz Posted July 24, 2015 Author Posted July 24, 2015 very true, I just responded with "yes", and you are right have to detach. today is the 7th day of NC/LC, yesterday doesn't count since all I said was "yes".
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