Morphine Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Hi Guys! I need an advice on my situation. I have read many topics on this forum, some of them were very useful, some not so much. I know what you guys wjll say: move on. But I just need to understand my ex-gf behavior. My background: in 25, recently graduated medical school. Starting my first doctor job in 3 weeks. My relationship: I met my ex at high school, we were both 18 at a time. We both live in England, but we both are polish. We both had many issues with coming to this country, we could not get enrolled to the school etc etc. We clicked on many levels. I supported her with her high school studies as she suffered from anxiety, which later subsided. Fast forward 3 years - we moved in together and went to the same university (she studied psychology). It was all good first year, we enjoyed our life together. From here thinfs go ugly 1) First "betrayal". I say "betrayal" because we went on a break before she went to Poland. I did not find out about this until year later, but when she went to Poland to visit her family (I could not because of my studies) she fooled around with a guy 3 years younger (snogging and almost sex - at leat she said she did not do anything). When she came back to UK, she seemed ok and was very supportive as my mum was very sick. We discussed this situation and we both said it will be better if we break up. However, I was in a very dark place and when my mum died, I begged ber to get back with me. Following year was as usual, nothinf exciting, simple getting by. 2) Second betrayal. She once again went to Poland. Met new people. I could not come because I was busy with studies. After coming back she announced she is noving out to a different town with new friends she met in Poland. During her graduation I found out she was talking to that guy she made out year ago and they are planning for him to visit her in the new Town to try the relationship. She denied all of this, but I knee. I once again agreed to break up, but because this was so unexpected and felt awful. Long story short: she had no money, problem with the job, new friends turned out to be not so great and somehow she crawled back to me and I accepted. Of course I promised to change, I gave her a talk that I wanted to change, they I will change my career goal for her. Anyways, that year I helped her financially, helped her found new job, helped her to move back with me. The first 3 months after getting back together were amazing. Then I became busy, she started new job and we both were tired to do much other than going out from time to time. Because it was going great I wanted to propose to her this July (on holidays, I already bought tickets and ring) 3) Third betrayal. I went away for 3 weeks ( work related) this time she went to Poland again, i was going to join I could not. We were talkig as usual, via Skype etc, all good. I Could not wait to come back and prep for holidays in Majorca (in here now...on my own...). She went out fo a coffee with a friend from Uni and were there from 8pm do 12am, walking around the town and talking. Whrn I came back day later, she was not so happy to see me as much as Id expect after 3 weeks of not seeing each other. She gave me a small kiss. I knew something is off. And then we argued. She said she is not happy bla bla bla. The following week was awful. She kept talking to that guy until 2 am in thr morning, hiding her phone, everyime I approached she dropped the phone face down etc. She has only done that once before - with that guy from Poland. So i had a feeling what is going on. And i was right - I once got drunk and saw her phone. I am not proud of it, but I read the msg...lets say I vomited and it was not the alcohol. They were talking about all long movie nights at home once I move out, she said she wished he kised her the other night, sending him photos that she used to send me, how that week was the best week she ever had in years....btw the guy is opposite of me : no fullt time employment, he makes music clips for some random unknown artists, takes photos, listens to hip hop...and he is black (not that it matters, but my gf had very strong views...she was raped by black person when she was 17 (she was a virgin)) She has changed so much so suddenly. 3 weeks ago we talked about getting married, buying house etc. 2 months ago she was thinking of doing medicine to become a psychiatrist.and now she blamed me for pushing her to do psychology degree (which is not true), that she should do art stuff (she is not that talented, i have seen her works). She started smoking, going out and coming back at 1M even though she had work the next day - she never done that with me, even if I begged to go out. She is also sending me mixed signals....she told me not to talk to my sister in details "in case if we get back together", she once called me crying to come and pick her up because "she is sad and wants to kill herself", gave me a hug and the next day she was out with her new "friend"...then the next day she called me where i am because she is feeling ill and she is so hungry, so what did I do? Bought her food and we cuddled. The next day she said she wants to break up, she is not going to holidays with me (that I paid for). Anyways, it has been a long post, sorry. I just want to know what is ur opinion on this. I still love her madly, but slowly it goes away as I can see clearer now that she does not love me...she sctually said "i dont love you, I think". But she said the same last year but we got back together. Shall I do everything I can to forget her? Or shall I improve to be her number 1 choice, not a back up? I know i need to implement NC for some time... But also, I wanted to know: is she having grass is greener syndrome? 25 is new 18 period? Rebel phase? (she never had it before...but now she is also fighting with her family and she was always very family orientated). I realised now that I wrote this topic just to get this stuff off my shoulders...but if you could reply, that would be amazing.
Ariess10 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 It's it unreal how people can change in so little time ? Look at it this way , she can't be trusted and you have to ask your self do you wanna live your life with someone that you will always be worried about ? Trust is a huge huge part of a relationship , wondering what she's doing all the time isn't any way to live 2
lil hoodlum Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I sometimes wonder if it's not that people change so quickly, more so they can't keep up the false pretense anymore. It took me a long time to realize how fake my ex was. She hid behind so many masks but underneath it all she wan't who she portrayed herself to be. Must be hard to hide behind all of those masks, I would think.
Author Morphine Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I sometimes wonder if it's not that people change so quickly, more so they can't keep up the false pretense anymore. It took me a long time to realize how fake my ex was. She hid behind so many masks but underneath it all she wan't who she portrayed herself to be. Must be hard to hide behind all of those masks, I would think. Yes, i think tou might be right. But I also think my ex has untsable personality of some sort of, she always was more "active" in summer and becomes quiet in autumn/winter. And i know the trust is a huge huge part of a relationship.
Author Morphine Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 I still cannot understand how much she has changed! She became so different, I no longer recognise her! She is no longer this sweet, caring, future driven person. She became this party obsessed person who wants to live by a day. 25 is a new 18 they say? I think she never went through a rebel phase in her life, never had proper partying life. I know people say this lifestyle gets boring really quickly. But still.
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