LookAtThisPOst Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Read this article online The Private Relationship vs. The "Secret" Relationship | MadameNoire Very interesting read...and this is advice coming from a minister. Seems to ensure the success of your relationship is to keep it on the down low. “Don’t let anybody around here know about your relationship until things are official and you guys have set a wedding date,” a minister from my church told me several years ago. " Until the wedding date?! That doesn't make sense, but I figured there'd be a point where I'd be alright to let people know your dating someone seriously, but until the wedding date? The article goes onto how celebrities have gone YEARS keeping a relationship secret...but, we're comparing celebrities to average Joes. So thoughts? Is it best to keep whoever you're dating on the downlow to ensure a successful relationship? Is it unhealthy to do so? Thoughts?
yxalitis Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Read this article online The Private Relationship vs. The "Secret" Relationship | MadameNoire Very interesting read...and this is advice coming from a minister. Seems to ensure the success of your relationship is to keep it on the down low. “Don’t let anybody around here know about your relationship until things are official and you guys have set a wedding date,” a minister from my church told me several years ago. " Until the wedding date?! That doesn't make sense, but I figured there'd be a point where I'd be alright to let people know your dating someone seriously, but until the wedding date? The article goes onto how celebrities have gone YEARS keeping a relationship secret...but, we're comparing celebrities to average Joes. So thoughts? Is it best to keep whoever you're dating on the downlow to ensure a successful relationship? Is it unhealthy to do so? Thoughts? No, that's just stupid. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 A way I remain private is not doing anything Facebook related. I did the friend add/official relationship announcement with one of my exes awhile back who was very into FB. All I can say is NEVER again..LOL 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 ....Notice that the advice comes from a person who, and I quote the article, "....came from a hurting place. The conversation came just months after he’d experienced the painful ending of a very public relationship." Sour grapes, resentment, anger. Forget the advice, it's loaded with personal bias. 2
S_A Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I love going on double dates tbh, so it'd have to be public!
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) privacy in a relationship means problems and sexuality stay in the volt... AT HOME!!!! it depends on the type of people. for me, it would have to be so. i protect the things i cherish. my love life is at the top of it. i hope that i'd have the kind of partner who can confide in me and trust my judgement and i his. if we did run into difficulty, i'd trust the Church... possible books and lastly family my elders. Edited July 16, 2015 by casey.lives 1
Author LookAtThisPOst Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 privacy in a relationship means problems and sexuality stay in the volt... AT HOME!!!! . I know of a woman on Facebook where her husband has fallen completely off the radar. No pictures of him with her anymore anywhere. She's very active on her FB and never once talks or refers to her husband nor even had pictures with him out at events Her "relationship status" changed from "Married to...." to "No relationship info to show". His profile, however, which hasn't been active since early this year (Feb. or March) has nothing. Completely went dark.
jen1447 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Read this article online The Private Relationship vs. The "Secret" Relationship | MadameNoire Very interesting read...and this is advice coming from a minister. Seems to ensure the success of your relationship is to keep it on the down low. “Don’t let anybody around here know about your relationship until things are official and you guys have set a wedding date,” a minister from my church told me several years ago. " Until the wedding date?! That doesn't make sense, but I figured there'd be a point where I'd be alright to let people know your dating someone seriously, but until the wedding date? The article goes onto how celebrities have gone YEARS keeping a relationship secret...but, we're comparing celebrities to average Joes. So thoughts? Is it best to keep whoever you're dating on the downlow to ensure a successful relationship? Is it unhealthy to do so? Thoughts? Personally I'd tend to associate 'private' too much with 'closet,' so it'd be a no-go for me. I don't hide.
No_Go Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Keeping relationships have pros and cons (I experimented a lot with these ): Pros: 1) creates a special undisturbed intimate connection 2) no ungrounded negative (or positive!) influence from friends and family 3) no explanations to give if it falls apart Cons: 1) side observers can notice red flags earlier... 2) thriving media for abusers... 3) can't fully connect to the other without knowing their circles Read this article online The Private Relationship vs. The "Secret" Relationship | MadameNoire Very interesting read...and this is advice coming from a minister. Seems to ensure the success of your relationship is to keep it on the down low. “Don’t let anybody around here know about your relationship until things are official and you guys have set a wedding date,” a minister from my church told me several years ago. " Until the wedding date?! That doesn't make sense, but I figured there'd be a point where I'd be alright to let people know your dating someone seriously, but until the wedding date? The article goes onto how celebrities have gone YEARS keeping a relationship secret...but, we're comparing celebrities to average Joes. So thoughts? Is it best to keep whoever you're dating on the downlow to ensure a successful relationship? Is it unhealthy to do so? Thoughts?
MissBee Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I think there is a difference between private and secret. Secret for me is a problem, private is common sense. Not telling anyone you're dating until the wedding date is absurd and that to me is secrecy not privacy. Private for me means for example: not broadcasting every detail of your relationship on FB. I ABHOR this! People shouldn't be able to watch your relationship unfold like a soap opera through FB. I have seen the rise and demise of relationships via those who incessantly post pictures, statuses, etc. That to me isn't conducive to a healthy relationship. Outside of social media, introducing someone too quickly to your family, especially your kids, and friends and intertwining them in your lives too soon may also fast-forward things before they are fully ready to be at a certain level. Private for me means allowing an intimacy between JUST YOU TWO to develop and solidify before publicly parading the person around every chance you get it also means not making your issues and other aspects fodder for gossip or where friends, family, random strangers you barely speak to know your every problem and issue or your every move. For me, for example: I don't have a relationship status on FB. Regardless of if I'm single or not. Why? No reason to. FB is not a place for people to gather info about my romantic relationship, that's no one's business, it's not a dating site. My actual friends and family know if I'm single or taken. I don't plan to have my status on there until I am married to someone probably. When I'm in a relationship I don't broadcast any of our issues for public consumption on any social media, likewise I don't really put up any of our joys either, simply because I am not fond of the whole world commenting on my romantic relationship. When I'm dating, I take time before I start bringing the guy around my friends, as a date to events etc. Why? I don't want people to start talking or assuming before it's more serious. He is not a secret, again my friends, sister, etc will know I am dating someone, I will show them his picture, talk to them about him, they may even meet him, but I don't "publicly display" him until things are more concrete. Likewise, something I had to learn was that while it's fine to vent or ask for advice you shouldn't bring every detail of your relationship to friends for scrutiny (or family) especially without checking with your SO (that's one thing that's good about Loveshack is that it's a space where you can vent or seek some feedback in anonymity without your real life friends or family now having certain "dirt" on your SO). I think that's what privacy is...it means your relationship is an intimate and sacred space for just you two, not for every person you ever met and added on FB or for your friends and family to all have their finger in the pie, and where you try to create a foundation together where you both protect that sacred space. If you ever need outside input or help, you manage that carefully, but from day one it isn't this wide open display where every detail, every joy, every argument, every kiss, everything is documented on social media or told to friends and family. 1
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I know of a woman on Facebook where her husband has fallen completely off the radar. No pictures of him with her anymore anywhere. She's very active on her FB and never once talks or refers to her husband nor even had pictures with him out at events Her "relationship status" changed from "Married to...." to "No relationship info to show". His profile, however, which hasn't been active since early this year (Feb. or March) has nothing. Completely went dark. Well they may have broken up, why is their facebook behavior your business tho??:confused:
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Read this article online The Private Relationship vs. The "Secret" Relationship | MadameNoire Very interesting read...and this is advice coming from a minister. Seems to ensure the success of your relationship is to keep it on the down low. “Don’t let anybody around here know about your relationship until things are official and you guys have set a wedding date,” a minister from my church told me several years ago. " Until the wedding date?! That doesn't make sense, but I figured there'd be a point where I'd be alright to let people know your dating someone seriously, but until the wedding date? The article goes onto how celebrities have gone YEARS keeping a relationship secret...but, we're comparing celebrities to average Joes. So thoughts? Is it best to keep whoever you're dating on the downlow to ensure a successful relationship? Is it unhealthy to do so? Thoughts? I am of the opinion that a relationship should be kept on the down low in the early stages at least. Family and friends are influential sometimes and that makes it more difficult to remain objective in evaluating a dating partner for qualities that make them a good candidate for the long-term. I don't advocate that for the entire relationship to point of commitment. That's silly. Most people want the world to know they have someone important in their lives. If they are keeping it a secret, they are not fully enjoying it. 1
GravityMan Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 That article goes way too far. Waiting until a wedding day is set to acknowledge the existence of your relationship is absurd. Only weird or extremely insecure people do that. It is usually wise to refrain from publicly airing relationship-related dirty laundry and other sensitive stuff, or at least use discretion about who you air that stuff to. That's common sense, and is key to respecting the privacy of the relationship. However it's usually still a good idea to meet each other's friends within the first few months or so, and eventually meet each other's families. A person who is confident and secure with himself and the relationship is not shy about introducing his SO to his friends, and doing various fun group social activities (group/double-dates, parties, etc.) It is not difficult for a couple to keep some things on the down low while still being reasonably social and visible amongst friends and others. Many couples manage that just fine, and are very happy in their relationships and their friendships. Celebrities of course are a different story. Can't compare a celebrity relationship to an "average joe/jane" relationship. That minister is allowing his hurtful past to shape his bias, and is overcompensating and is projecting on others. Guy needs to open his mind a bit. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 No, that's weird as hell. How are you supposed to know you want to marry someone until you've seen how they interact with your friends and family? Not to mention the lying to people you love for months or years on end that you're single when you're actually dating somebody seriously. Jokes.
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