lehcar Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 So, I've been dating someone for two months now, but we've been good friends for about a year. Everything has been going amazingly well - we get along perfectly, he treats me wonderfully, we have loads of fun and the sex is great. I had asked him when we first started having sex if he'd ever been diagnosed with anything, when his last STD test was, etc. and it all checked out. I prefaced my asking by saying, I wanted to be extra careful because I'm afraid of getting something like herpes... We've been using condoms this whole time, but the plan was that we were going to get tested soon and stop using condoms. This morning he tells me that he has herpes & has had it for years. He said he didn't say anything before because he knew I'd freak out and leave him and then every day he continued not to say it it just became harder and harder, but he couldn't stand lying to me so he wanted to tell me and if I hated him and never wanted to speak to him again then that would be okay because he understands that what he did was super ****ty. Strangely, even though what he told me terrified me, I didn't get pissed off at him since he confessed it so sincerely. But now I'm thinking I didn't react the way I was supposed to and was probably stupid for not getting angry with him and leaving him... So my question really is - if you really care about someone and could see a future with them, would you stay with them knowing they have Herpes? Even if they are on Valtrex, haven't had an outbreak in years and you are always using condoms? Was I crazy not to freak out and run away from this man who in all other respects has been wonderful and loving and open with me
mystikmind2005 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 My advice, go and have a talk with your doctor. Find out about the implications of a sexual relationship in this situation. In a long term relationship, i would not think i would want to have to use condoms forever, so i don't know why he did not simply look for a woman that already has it?
deathandtaxes Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I'd be really pissed at the guy for lying to me. 1
Hopeful30 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 If I truly loved someone, yes. But ask yourself: is he as caring about you if he lied about something you made ABUNDANTLY clear is very important to you? 1
casey.lives Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 how can someone be so wonderful if they lie to you and take away your right to make a life altering decision with said lie. being a wonderful caring person is not simply a matter of affection, it's a matter of putting your personal interest (ie health) in the forefront. caring people CARE ABOUT AND FOR YOU. Having already contracted the disease, i would probably not care as much.. now.. but two months is not commitment guaranteed and that might stress me out more. this person has made me a health hazard to others. seriously not cool. but im in deep already.. a year talking and two months relations and we're happy...hmm i might work around it. it just shows some serious selfish tendencies* **SEEEERIOUS!!!!!!!!
Jejangles Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I would be hugely pissed and spending some time thinking about whether I would want a relationship with him. While I know it's not easy to walk away from someone you really like, I hope I would be strong enough to end it because on paper that is a huge dealbreaker. The problem is he made your choice for you. You were a grown up and asked all the right questions, and he decided to lie and by lying put you at risk for the very thing you were most concerned about. So how can you ever trust him in the future? Knowing he puts his own desires and needs above yours? The dumb thing is, if he had disclosed, there's every chance you would have continued forward once you had checked out the risk. I dated a guy for about four months last year who stopped me the first time I went to reach "down there" and told me about a wart he'd had checked out and how the doctor was pretty sure it wasn't hpv but he just wanted me to know. He gave the choice to me, and we held off that night, I did some research and decided I was comfortable to move forward as long as we used condoms. Your guy took that choice away from you. Are you ok with him making your decisions? And possibly leaving you with a permanent reminder of that?
fitnessfan365 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 The dishonesty would be the killer for me. If he lied about this, what else would he lie about? This topic hits close to home on two different levels. My GF was involved with a guy years and yeas ago that had herpes who lied to her. She caught it from him. She was very honest about it on our second date. I've researched it. When a person has had it as long as her, takes Valtrex daily, and is outbreak free (she's never had one), the chances of contracting it are less than 2%. That's why I didn't let it stop me from seeing her. What actually won me over about her was her honesty and vulnerability in that moment. She's not the type to let people in easily.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 He lied. About something very important. He'd be eating my dust by now. 1
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