Author Lovelorn00 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 I just happened by this thread accidentally, but Jejangles and Lovelorn00 sounds exactly like me as well. I guess I gotta get myself that book... Honestly, I didn't even know this was a thing. I didn't know it was a thing either until last week! Haha. Huge thanks to empresario for making me aware of the book and the theory in general. As Jejangles said, it's definitely been a game-changer and forces you to take a totally different perspective on why things keep going wrong in your relationships. I felt like you did, and I feel like a light bulb has gone on in my head. Mavendark, I've been seeing a therapist off and on for a couple of years now. While he's pretty good at helping me work through a lot of my issues, I can honestly say that I'm shocked he never mentioned this theory. I'm definitely planning on bringing it up the next time I see him. My goal is to finish the book over the weekend so I can be prepared to talk to him about it. It really feels like I've kinda been searching in the dark for answers, and this is the closest thing I've found. Just knowing about it has made a world of difference, because now I can accurately pinpoint the source of certain feelings and behaviors and focus my attention on fixing that. Welcome to the club, Mavendark! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book once you've had a chance to read it.
Author Lovelorn00 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 True. My new man is a rock. Nothing rattles him. At the worst, he gets quiet for a little while. Then he comes back around explaining in detail to me how everything's going to be OK, how his love for me is like the strong foundation of a well-built house, and I'm not capable of shaking it with any amount of drama, that he in fact loves all of me, including my drama. Does your new man have any equally-secure brothers you could send my way? Haha I love reading your descriptions of this dream man. Gives me a little hope!
Author Lovelorn00 Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Who you are in a relationship is not the same as who you are in general. Nor does it have to do with attraction. The whole premise of being an anxious type is admitting there's nothing wrong with it. Thanks, empresario, for this explanation! You're right - the person I am in a relationship is completely different than the person I am around my friends, family, or in my work life. That's why it feels like I'm going insane! I think I've only ever dated one other anxious person in my life. You're right - it's like a punch in the face. It's like looking in the mirror. On the one hand, you can kinda empathize with this person and understand them. On the other hand, you realize you're not equipped to deal with that kind of behavior. Not like a secure person would, anyway. All of my other relationships have been with avoidants, and that has taken a serious toll on my self-esteem and self-worth. Being with an avoidant tends to only reinforce the negative thoughts I have about myself. Now that I know what the issue is, though, I can stop blaming myself so much and begin healing. Side note: empresario, if you wrote a book on this, I'd totally buy it. haha 1
mavendark Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Welcome to the club, Mavendark! I'd love to hear your thoughts on the book once you've had a chance to read it. Will do! I'm getting the book by Monday and should speed through it relatively quickly. Does your new man have any equally-secure brothers you could send my way? Haha I love reading your descriptions of this dream man. Gives me a little hope! Seriously, he does sound lik ea dream man, haha.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 18, 2015 Posted July 18, 2015 Does your new man have any equally-secure brothers you could send my way? Haha I love reading your descriptions of this dream man. Gives me a little hope! Sorry, no on the brothers. He tells me all his brothers are emotionally erratic, prone to outbursts of temper. He's the oldest, the one that everybody in his family comes to with their troubles. But have hope! He's 44 and says it took him all this time to find what he was looking for. We both were starting to wonder if we'd ever find the right person - and then we met 1
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