Ex gf push v pull

[candie13]

This thread is better than any soap opera :popcorn: !

 

Calvin: pick a side & stick to it! Rs aren't always nice & fun, they can be & need loads of work. You either Stick with ur ex and stop looking for a safety net or dump the ex and Start dating.

 

I understand that u wanted to get a reaction from your ex, even hurt her. We've allllll been there ! You live & grow... and hope really hard you'll Never have to go through it again.

 

Soooooo.... Grow a spine & stop your silly games & man up or bloody end this sharade & leave. You can't live like that.

 

 

 

 

The real Real question is, Calvin, what do YOU want ? Not her. YOU !!!

[Itspointless]

My ex and I we talked. I showed weakness, was vulnerable (beta, I know). I still love her. I apologized, but said I am who I am.

Is that a weakness?

[CalvinM]

This thread is better than any soap opera :popcorn: !

 

Calvin: pick a side & stick to it! Rs aren't always nice & fun, they can be & need loads of work. You either Stick with ur ex and stop looking for a safety net or dump the ex and Start dating.

 

I understand that u wanted to get a reaction from your ex, even hurt her. We've allllll been there ! You live & grow... and hope really hard you'll Never have to go through it again.

 

Soooooo.... Grow a spine & stop your silly games & man up or bloody end this sharade & leave. You can't live like that.

 

 

 

 

The real Real question is, Calvin, what do YOU want ? Not her. YOU !!!

I'm not convinced I want either, tbh.

 

But my ex is closest to my match. I think after the texting and flirting with the other girl, I don't have her as snoot ion anymore.

[mightycpa]

I ended things tonight with the new one.

 

My ex and I we talked. I showed weakness, was vulnerable (beta, I know). I still love her. I apologized, but said I am who I am.

 

Her mom and dad are here to help fix our pool. I came out to kiss her mom on the cheek and shake her dad's hand. I felt like a bitch, but it is what it is.

I hope you brushed your teeth after you gave her daughter a fierce tongue lashing.

 

Hi Ms. Matilda. So good to see you again! SMAAACK!

 

Is there any of that tuna salad left?

 

This is not going to end well for you Calvin. First she dumps you, and then spies on you and then when you demonstrate that you're moving on, THAT IS WHEN she gets all possessive about your attention. Don't forget that right before that, she's all nice and perfectly willing to help you pack your **** to move. But as soon as Ms. Next comes into the picture, she reverts into a jealous she-bitch fighting for her man.

 

Unlike many of the posters here, I say you owed her nothing. There was no disrespect. She let you go. She had no claims on you and you had no duty to her. That's what breakup means. She's just like everybody else now, by her own affirmative choice. Oh, so she's going to feel bad about seeing that? Too bad. Feeling bad is what happens in breakups too. Goes with the territory. She brought this on herself, and if she wasn't prepared to feel bad, she was definitely prepared for you to feel bad, and she decided that it would be ok if you did. Hell, you even had to move.

 

The only trouble I see is that you fell for her rubber-band reaction. Nope, this is not going to end well for you, not at all.

Edited July 23, 2015 by mightycpa

[CalvinM]

I hope you brushed your teeth after you gave her daughter a fierce tongue lashing.

 

 

 

 

This is not going to end well for you Calvin. First she dumps you, and then spies on you and then when you demonstrate that you're moving on, THAT IS WHEN she gets all possessive about your attention. Don't forget that right before that, she's all nice and perfectly willing to help you pack your **** to move. But as soon as Ms. Next comes into the picture, she reverts into a jealous she-bitch fighting for her man.

 

Unlike many of the posters here, I say you owed her nothing. There was no disrespect. She let you go. She had no claims on you and you had no duty to her. That's what breakup means. She's just like everybody else now, by her own affirmative choice. Oh, so she's going to feel bad about seeing that? Too bad. Feeling bad is what happens in breakups too. Goes with the territory. She brought this on herself, and if she wasn't prepared to feel bad, she was definitely prepared for you to feel bad, and she decided that it would be ok if you did. Hell, you even had to move.

 

The only trouble I see is that you fell for her rubber-band reaction. Nope, this is not going to end well for you, not at all.

 

Care to elaborate on how you see the next 8 days going?

 

Should I completely avoid her?

[CalvinM]

I have been thinking most of yesterday that I wouldn't have agreed to date if things with my ex met all of my needs.

 

That the emotion she has been showing was less than what I needed to feel secure and even with her wanting to reconcile, it was just empty words with no actions.

[Itspointless]

Calvin, I am just wondering have you ever been swept of your feet by a gal? Perhaps it is my blindness, for me you write like you do not really like (with capitals) the women you are dating, just want them to be convenient for you and vice versa. Just curious. I also read some posts in your other threads by as I tried to understand, but apparently I do not.

[mightycpa]

Care to elaborate on how you see the next 8 days going?

 

Should I completely avoid her?

I have no idea if things will go south in the next 8 minutes, 8 hours, 8 days or 8 months. What I do think, however, is that unless you plan to do things that make her perpetually jealous with just the right timing, she's going to return to Plan A, which was to breakup.

 

Whatever made her dump you before will make her do it again, sister or no sister, mistake or no mistake, regrets or no regrets. And I have to believe she'll blame it on you, too.

[CalvinM]

Calvin, I am just wondering have you ever been swept of your feet by a gal? Perhaps it is my blindness, for me you write like you do not really like (with capitals) the women you are dating, just want them to be convenient for you and vice versa. Just curious. I also read some posts in your other threads by as I tried to understand, but apparently I do not.

Yes, I have. Only once, but it was both overwhelming and life changing.

 

"Many of this generation are horribly selfish. She was of no such ilk. Wonderfully warm and radiant. The type of love and loyalty I see in the eyes of people who stay together for thirty years.

It's a great undertaking being loved like that. For which I experienced for but a brief moment in time.

If I'm being honest, her love blindsided me. Looking back, aspects of it still do. No push vs pull, no walls to overcome. Just pure, honest love.

As the train pulled in to Central station and I slowly climbed those stairs, my hands were clammy. Romance of the Telescope filling my ears.

A wet April evening greeted us, as we walked towards a piano bar near Station Guy-Concordia, it beckoned us in. I was shy, reserved. Her eyes focused on me. I ordered a single malt to shake my nerves.

She was initially not what I would consider my type. True enough though, there were the usual characteristics I suppose.

She was a Francophone, freckles, and brunette. But she was slightly high strung, or perhaps looking back, just happy to finally meet.

We would spend alternating weekends visiting. The sex, vanilla, but still quite good.

A culmination of almost six and a half months would come to a boil shortly before her overseas trip.

Angry words, mostly mine. And tear filled phone calls, mostly hers would undo most of what we had built.

It would be mere days before I'd learn the truths. Our conflicting schedules, although a nuisance - resolvable. My issues (and thus shortcomings) to her outward affections, not so much.

I fell on my sword before she left. Poured out my heart, but words only stretch so far. Love comes in waves. Lightning in a bottle follows suit. And if you're not willing to walk in with your clothes on, or step out in the rain, it'll likely pass you by."

[CalvinM]

She was still pretty walled off when I left for work. I said "Have a good night", she didn't even look at me and just said "Bye".

 

This is the same frosty demeanour that encouraged me to reactivate my okcupid profile. I can't hear any hope in her voice, just disconnect.

 

I made us dinner tonight, she made her own and ate it in the backyard. I did the dishes, swept the floor (covered in her dogs hair). Both "her chores". Not even a thank you.

 

I don't even know what I'm holding into here. Not even faint hope.

[CalvinM]

It's difficult to remember what I've said on here. Mods are monitoring/editing posts and if there isn't a clear indication on when that's going to stop, I'll be going NC on this forum.

 

Yesterday before I left for work she said "I've been thinking if we had kids, after I gave birth, would you just cheat on me if the affection momentarily stopped?" I found that to be an incredibly manipulative thing to say, given that she dumped me and told me to let go/move on.

 

The flow to this thread and thus, helpful advice has trickled down. Posts I made this afternoon still have yet to show up. Please advise, Mods.

[NoLeafClover]

Calvin I think you are slacking big time.

 

 

Your ex doesn't need to know or didn't need to know.

You are always better off and winning when you don't tell anything to an ex or soon to be ex that is treating you crappy.

 

Same thing with the other woman. Some things are not to be told to someone you don't know that well. Besides, considering you are into a complicated situation with your ex where you both are living in the same roof....the last thing you want to do is tell the other woman your crazy ex situation.

 

Perhaps you like to have your ex know so that she can hurt but in all true honesty, it is more of a weak play if you think about it.

 

The less she knows, the more she has to think about you and what you're up to = more power to you.

 

Let her @$$ figure it out herself and if she asks blow it off like you are just busy and meeting some friends.

 

Also, nothing better than having a backup plan or a backup woman to keep your mind away and move on.

 

You keep telling her stuff, she will be upping your every move the second you say something. Next thing you know she already has a man or two and she is not even going to tell you.

 

Forget about things going back to normal. This isn't going to work and you are only going to stress yourself out the more you keep thinking about this situation. There is no easy way out and you have to simply not play by her rules.

So do your thing, date whoever you want to and DO NOT FEEL GUIITY ONE BIT.

Edited July 24, 2015 by NoLeafClover

[Itspointless]

Yes, I have. Only once, but it was both overwhelming and life changing.

 

"Many of this generation are horribly selfish. She was of no such ilk. Wonderfully warm and radiant. The type of love and loyalty I see in the eyes of people who stay together for thirty years.

It's a great undertaking being loved like that. For which I experienced for but a brief moment in time.

If I'm being honest, her love blindsided me. Looking back, aspects of it still do. No push vs pull, no walls to overcome. Just pure, honest love.

As the train pulled in to Central station and I slowly climbed those stairs, my hands were clammy. Romance of the Telescope filling my ears.

A wet April evening greeted us, as we walked towards a piano bar near Station Guy-Concordia, it beckoned us in. I was shy, reserved. Her eyes focused on me. I ordered a single malt to shake my nerves.

She was initially not what I would consider my type. True enough though, there were the usual characteristics I suppose.

She was a Francophone, freckles, and brunette. But she was slightly high strung, or perhaps looking back, just happy to finally meet.

We would spend alternating weekends visiting. The sex, vanilla, but still quite good.

A culmination of almost six and a half months would come to a boil shortly before her overseas trip.

Angry words, mostly mine. And tear filled phone calls, mostly hers would undo most of what we had built.

It would be mere days before I'd learn the truths. Our conflicting schedules, although a nuisance - resolvable. My issues (and thus shortcomings) to her outward affections, not so much.

I fell on my sword before she left. Poured out my heart, but words only stretch so far. Love comes in waves. Lightning in a bottle follows suit. And if you're not willing to walk in with your clothes on, or step out in the rain, it'll likely pass you by."

Enjoyed reading your answer. I think that feeling -certainly at first - is what you need to feel if you decide to share your life with someone. I never have been able to pursue someone that I did not feel overwhelmed by. Good luck with the choices you are up to.

[elaine567]

GF was not happy, things not going well, decided to go on a break, to test how deeply he really felt.

All the drama, "Out you go." but in reality was hoping for the eventual "I love you so much, lets give this a real go".

 

The longer he stayed around in her apartment, the more hopeful I guess she got that things would eventually work out, but CalvinM was not very classy, he was already on the OKCupid trail and he had already snared another woman.

 

Gf finds out, hurt to the quick, he was supposed to be reconciling with her, trying to get her back on board, NOT dating other women - drastic measures need put in place - OK let's get back together NOW. Great! Phew, got him back before any real damage was done!

 

BUT CalvinM was a liar, gf finds his messages to the new woman, she is devastated.

NOT only did he not respect her enough to not date other women whilst he was still living with her and whilst the whole situation was raw and upsetting, he was also lying to her too....

 

Ugh, just ugh!

[CalvinM]

She invited me to a pool party (in our backyard for Sunday), this morning she sent me this "I think you should make other plans on sunday...it's going to be weird with you around."

 

I'm sticking a fork in it and doing nc.

[mightycpa]

GF was not happy, things not going well, decided to go on a break, to test how deeply he really felt.

All the drama, "Out you go." but in reality was hoping for the eventual "I love you so much, lets give this a real go".

 

The longer he stayed around in her apartment, the more hopeful I guess she got that things would eventually work out, but CalvinM was not very classy, he was already on the OKCupid trail and he had already snared another woman.

 

Gf finds out, hurt to the quick, he was supposed to be reconciling with her, trying to get her back on board, NOT dating other women - drastic measures need put in place - OK let's get back together NOW. Great! Phew, got him back before any real damage was done!

 

BUT CalvinM was a liar, gf finds his messages to the new woman, she is devastated.

NOT only did he not respect her enough to not date other women whilst he was still living with her and whilst the whole situation was raw and upsetting, he was also lying to her too....

 

Ugh, just ugh!

That's the Ugh! part... in bold, right there. That's when she stopped dealing in good faith. She deserved everything that happened after that. She destroyed the RS to see if it could withstand her destruction. Then she found out Calvin wasn't a doormat, and having proven herself untrustworthy (bad faith) he treated her accordingly.

 

The RS was over the minute she blew it up. Not sure how she expected any different.

[Simon Phoenix]

GF was not happy, things not going well, decided to go on a break, to test how deeply he really felt.

All the drama, "Out you go." but in reality was hoping for the eventual "I love you so much, lets give this a real go".

 

The longer he stayed around in her apartment, the more hopeful I guess she got that things would eventually work out, but CalvinM was not very classy, he was already on the OKCupid trail and he had already snared another woman.

 

Gf finds out, hurt to the quick, he was supposed to be reconciling with her, trying to get her back on board, NOT dating other women - drastic measures need put in place - OK let's get back together NOW. Great! Phew, got him back before any real damage was done!

 

BUT CalvinM was a liar, gf finds his messages to the new woman, she is devastated.

NOT only did he not respect her enough to not date other women whilst he was still living with her and whilst the whole situation was raw and upsetting, he was also lying to her too....

 

Ugh, just ugh!

 

While I'm not a fan of Calvin trying to play house with his ex-girlfriend, this is a completely ridiculous post. She doesn't get to test-drive a breakup to test him and doesn't get to be angry when he starts acting like the single person she made him when she broke up with him. His ex is playing dirty and, quite frankly, if I were him I wouldn't be trying so hard to get back in her good graces on any level. You don't get to have a break then get mad when he acts like he's broken up. That's bulls--t.

[mightycpa]

While I'm not a fan of Calvin trying to play house with his ex-girlfriend, this is a completely ridiculous post. She doesn't get to test-drive a breakup to test him and doesn't get to be angry when he starts acting like the single person she made him when she broke up with him. His ex is playing dirty and, quite frankly, if I were him I wouldn't be trying so hard to get back in her good graces on any level. You don't get to have a break then get mad when he acts like he's broken up. That's bulls--t.

great minds, and all that

[CalvinM]

At this point I'm so disgusted with this entire situation, I don't even want to look at her.

 

She's been controlling and manipulative the entire time and I believe she's deeply damaged, which is causing her to be vindictive towards me. Her jealousy and her outward display of emotion/reading my text messages and emails while I was at work were a total invasion of my privacy, but what bothers me the most is her messaging and threatening me while I was on the date, which shows a level of crazy that I can't even begin to comprehend.

 

She asked me to move on and let go, so beyond dating under her nose, I've done absolutely nothing wrong.

[CalvinM]

I made a pizza tonight (because tbh, this week has been exhausting and I just wanted to relax). She came home around 4 and we exchanged pleasantries.

 

I grabbed my pizza slice and headed to the backyard. She came out shortly after wearing her bikini, and asked if I wanted to join her for a swim.

 

We were in the pool laughing and having a good time with her dog and she said “It was pretty rude of me this morning to tell you to not come on Sun (to the pool party). If you’re around, come for a hot dog and say hello to my family.”

[ravfour4]

When trying to reconcile my ex read my phone and saw my messages to other women. They meant nothing and I was doing it for a confidence boost. She flipped out and a few days later went back to the married man she left me for, whom she later broke up with. Ah, the distrastous world of break ups.

 

If you break up with someone and they hop on a dating site because they're sad, you CANT be mad! YOU did it.

[candie13]

Calvin... looks like you're inlove and not ready to give up on her . Love is beautiful. And scary.

 

Will you be moving out in August ?

[CalvinM]

That went well. She are some of the pizza I made and said "Just for next time I prefer pepperoni instead of chicken.", but in a fun way.

 

She also added a few items like "snacks for us" and popcorn to my grocery list. Then as I was leaving for work she said "hope you have a good night", and asked if I could get us some frozen juice. Using "us" again.

 

[CalvinM]

Yes. I signed my lease today. I move in August 1st.

 

And I don't expect ppl to understand it, but she can be incredibly warm and loving, but also a cold abrasive b**ch.

 

That said, I'm aware that I have to own any heartache I endure between now and end of month trying to pursue this.

[Simon Phoenix]

That went well. She are some of the pizza I made and said "Just for next time I prefer pepperoni instead of chicken.", but in a fun way.

 

She also added a few items like "snacks for us" and popcorn to my grocery list. Then as I was leaving for work she said "hope you have a good night", and asked if I could get us some frozen juice. Using "us" again.

 

��

 

This is a fool's errand. Just move out and cut this cord. You both need separation time away. Instead of clumsily trying to work your way back in, why not spend time with friends and get out of the house? This is just foolish. You're overanalyzing the crap out of everything.