phineas Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Some of you people are harsh. He said she ended it. Sooooo.....she can screw off as far as getting mad at him for going out with somebody else. It takes a special kind of psycho to break up with a guy and then get mad at him for going out on a date, regardless of the living arrangement. She can screw off but when has anyone ever done that in this situation? no-one I know. Whether its the man or woman who does the dumping they still freak out when their ex moves on ASAP. no way i'd even try to date in that situation. but if I did, i'd password protect my computer.
aloneinaz Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I'm trying to see both sides to this debate. Yes, he probably should have waited till he moved out to his own pad. At the same time, she DUMPED him. I don't see why if he felt like some female companionship, he'd go have a drink with someone new. It's not like he's marrying this new person one month post break up. To the OP.. why did you NOT change your passwords on YOUR electronics? That seems like a big oversight to me. I've never heard of a rule book that says you have to wait for X amount of time before you start dating again. When someone kicks your butt to the curb, you have all the right in the world to explore new opportunities. Some require months and months of healing to "get over it" and others don't. 3
MoreAmore Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 I don't think she is crazy for feeling jealousy in this situation. I think she's crazy for expressing it to him or thinking she has any room to judge for this.. I think OP better hide that he's not living on his own yet and is so recently out of a live in relationship and hope the girl isn't someone amazing that he foresees anything actually happening with, because starting like this is asking for disaster. But, getting out to have some fun and be casual isn't wrong by any means in this situation.
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 tl;dr all the responses. Calvin my friend, she sounds hurt that she didn't affect you more and probably jealous that you've moved on so quickly and have a date well before her. I support you in this by the way. All these other nay sayers, eff them. You owe your ex nothing, she broke up with you. You don't even have to tip toe around her feelings. As far as living with her, I also support that. Just because she broke up with you doesn't mean she can throw you on the street. I would have said I'll move out now if you reimburse my rent though. Just as another option. Anyway, at this point, you have only 10 days left. Who cares what your ex thinks in short. Tell her she has no right to that part of your life anymore. Move out in 2 weeks, go NC. 2
GravityMan Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 My ex and I still live together until Aug 1st when I move into my own place. That was your first mistake. If possible, you should have made immediate interim lodging plans to be away from the apartment from the day you two broke up until August 1st. I won't even touch the whole "dating while still living with your ex" bit. Many other posters have covered that awkward mess. What a minefield. I'm not against cohabitating, but your OP illustrates some of the risks and potential drama when things don't work out. 1
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Whew, now I did read the responses. Wow guys. He paid rent, as far as I know, he is legally entitled to live there while he sorts out his life. I know that when I'm dumped, I haven't had the chance to house shop and find a new place, apply, pay the ridiculous security fees, and organize a move. So it's not like she's doing him any favor to let him stay there out of the kindness of her heart. Especially at Mortenschild and Elaine, you guys can't be serious? She dumped him. Why does she have any right to be mad? He was nice about it, I probably wouldn't have concealed any of it. 2
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 Bit of an update. The date was yesterday afternoon / last night, it went well until my ex started messaging me, threatening to leave all my stuff outside on the lawn. I ignored her, but she continued texting and it was becoming clear that she wasn't going to leave it alone, so we had an appetizer, I walked my date back to the bus station and headed to my exes place. I told her the date had ended and that she clearly had a lot to say, so I was willing to listen. She told me she'd been thinking a lot about us. Asked if I was going to see the girl again. She said that begore I had read her phone she was "really doubting her decision" to break up. That she needed her space back, but still wanted to give us a chance. But after all that, there's no trust here. Ironically, she also admitted to reading my emails and messages on my computer on Sunday. Saturday I had deleted a lot of messages, and left a few that were less compromising, just friendly texts. She said her sister had given advice to try to reconcile. That I was a really good guy, and we all make mistakes. We talked for about three hours, are dinner and she had some questions about exes that I answered truthfully. She said she felt she had been open about herself and let me meet her friends, but that she felt I was holding back things. This morning I made her and I breakfast before she left for work.
ChicagoSparty Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) She can screw off but when has anyone ever done that in this situation? no-one I know. Whether its the man or woman who does the dumping they still freak out when their ex moves on ASAP. no way i'd even try to date in that situation. but if I did, i'd password protect my computer. Tough sh*t for her. The thing that makes this a little different from most other break-ups is that they're stuck living together for a month. Seriously. First of all, I would bet green money that she has already gone out with other guys. Secondly, the dumper forfeits any rights of ownership to the life the dumpee lives. That's the nature of the contract. She broke up with him, he can do whatever he wants and doesn't have to take her feelings into consideration. She broke up with him. He can do whatever the hell he wants. If it hurts her feelings to see the guy she dumped go out with another girl, then maybe she should have thought this situation through a little better. I'll tell you one thing....Calvin is a MUCH nicer guy than I am. If I lived with a girl, and she broke up with me, and then got all pissy with me about going out on a date with another girl, I would summarily tell her to f*ck herself, and that would be the end of the conversation. * I should add that the above would not apply to a situation where she broke up with him because he was up to sh*tbag stuff and out messing around with other girls while they were together. Edited July 21, 2015 by ChicagoSparty 2
elaine567 Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 * I should add that the above would not apply to a situation where she broke up with him because he was up to sh*tbag stuff and out messing around with other girls while they were together. but... Ironically, she also admitted to reading my emails and messages on my computer on Sunday. Saturday I had deleted a lot of messages, and left a few that were less compromising, just friendly texts. Wasn't that lucky... And now you are sort of reconciled. Poor girl.
darkmoon Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) she might even have ended it with you, and not really meant it, like you were supposed to promise better behaviour in the future to win her back yada yada, seen that before now Edited July 21, 2015 by darkmoon
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 From reading your other thread regarding the lease it appears this relationship is deader than a door nail and has been for a short while. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you were having or had sex with her after the breakup from the way you worded your introduction. You're a free agent so what you do is your business. Having said that, it would have shown sensitivity to set up dates after you had moved out, not while you're still living with her. Setting up dates right now while she's around only inflames the situation and isn't going to help your prospects with new women if they question your living arrangements. You don't have any privacy so the sooner you're out of there the better for all concerned. And it really doesn't matter why she flipped out when she found out about your date. Some good advice in this thread that is worth considering and following. Good luck. We only slept together one (July 1st) in the past few weeks. I sleep on the couch, she sleeps in the bed. If you read my other thread about her initiating cuddling last Monday, it's clear she still has/had feelings, but I didn't want to wait around for that to go either way.
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 I'm trying to see both sides to this debate. Yes, he probably should have waited till he moved out to his own pad. At the same time, she DUMPED him. I don't see why if he felt like some female companionship, he'd go have a drink with someone new. It's not like he's marrying this new person one month post break up. To the OP.. why did you NOT change your passwords on YOUR electronics? That seems like a big oversight to me. I've never heard of a rule book that says you have to wait for X amount of time before you start dating again. When someone kicks your butt to the curb, you have all the right in the world to explore new opportunities. Some require months and months of healing to "get over it" and others don't. I think a part of me wanted her to read it. I've been completely honest with the other woman, and I wanted my ex to know that.
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 I'm confused.. do you just happen to live in the same apartment until you move, or is there more to it? Are you still hooking up with her? If you're just living with her temporarily but nothing is going on, I don't see why everyone is freaking out. You have no obligation to even tell your new dates you're there since you will move out very soon. We haven't been intimate in almost three weeks. I sleep on the couch.
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 but... Wasn't that lucky... And now you are sort of reconciled. Poor girl. Are we? I don't think we are, actually. And I've been wonderful to her. I'm not a doormat for her to walk on.
kendahke Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 but... Wasn't that lucky... And now you are sort of reconciled. Poor girl. OP didn't indicate when those texts took place, so you're assuming something about which you have no evidence. She broke up with him a month ago, so anything he said which took place after 6/18/15, he was free to do. 1
ChicagoSparty Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 Why did she break up with you in the first place?
phineas Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) Bit of an update. The date was yesterday afternoon / last night, it went well until my ex started messaging me, threatening to leave all my stuff outside on the lawn. I ignored her, but she continued texting and it was becoming clear that she wasn't going to leave it alone, so we had an appetizer, I walked my date back to the bus station and headed to my exes place. I told her the date had ended and that she clearly had a lot to say, so I was willing to listen. She told me she'd been thinking a lot about us. Asked if I was going to see the girl again. She said that begore I had read her phone she was "really doubting her decision" to break up. That she needed her space back, but still wanted to give us a chance. But after all that, there's no trust here. Ironically, she also admitted to reading my emails and messages on my computer on Sunday. Saturday I had deleted a lot of messages, and left a few that were less compromising, just friendly texts. She said her sister had given advice to try to reconcile. That I was a really good guy, and we all make mistakes. We talked for about three hours, are dinner and she had some questions about exes that I answered truthfully. She said she felt she had been open about herself and let me meet her friends, but that she felt I was holding back things. This morning I made her and I breakfast before she left for work. when my ex did this crap after she left me for her BF I just turned my phone off. was not going to let her mess up my date nights. Edited July 21, 2015 by phineas
ChicagoSparty Posted July 21, 2015 Posted July 21, 2015 ONce a woman ends it there is NO going back. I disagree. I once had a girlfriend who broke up with me. I moved out, she started dating another guy right away. I wish I could say that was the end of it, but we ended up getting married and having 3 kids together. Of course, we're now divorced, but ended up getting 13 more years out of it after the break-up. But....looking back on it, I wish we had just stayed broken up.
Author CalvinM Posted July 21, 2015 Author Posted July 21, 2015 (edited) She wants me to stop dating, fine. She just admitted she loves the way I eat her out. I made her enjoy oral again, and I loved it again too. F the girl I dated yesterday. I want her back, but I'm not going to pine or beg like a bitch. 10 days left. If she wants my tongue, or cock, she knows where it is. Edited July 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edited for bucking moderation. 1
Author CalvinM Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I ended things tonight with the new one. My ex and I we talked. I showed weakness, was vulnerable (beta, I know). I still love her. I apologized, but said I am who I am. Her mom and dad are here to help fix our pool. I came out to kiss her mom on the cheek and shake her dad's hand. I felt like a bitch, but it is what it is.
IronZ Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 I'm trying to see both sides to this debate. Yes, he probably should have waited till he moved out to his own pad. At the same time, she DUMPED him. I don't see why if he felt like some female companionship, he'd go have a drink with someone new. It's not like he's marrying this new person one month post break up. He owes her nothing. It doesn't matter what the living arrangement is. If she chooses to end the relationship she has no more say in what he does as a single human being. The fact that she's still trying to control him is weird. It's like trying to have your cake and eat it too. Can't have it both ways.
Author CalvinM Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 I made us dinner tonight. We sat in the backyard. She told me she was upset because she was regretting her decision. She was sad that we didn't go out when we were together. She wanted us to go for Thai. She wanted me to tell her I enjoyed our loud sex. She's throwing me for a loop and I can't tell if it's intentional or not.
Author CalvinM Posted July 22, 2015 Author Posted July 22, 2015 My ex and I have been broken up for a month and a half, but we still live together until the end of the month when I move out of our shared apartment and into my own place. She had said that she needs her space and would perhaps like us to try dating when I move out. Unfortunately it's been off and on, so in the interest (stupidity) of not losing my mind, I went on a date Monday afternoon/night. My ex found by reading my texts and emails. Keep in mind we're broken up. Monday night I came back to the shared place. She wanted to talk. I mostly lietened. She asked if I wanted to see the other woman again, I said no. That was a lie. I do, but I don't think it's romantic feelings. I'm trying to reconcile with my ex and we made progress last night, but she found messages I sent to the date and now my ex is angry. "But after our convo you still tried to have sex with her in mtl! After everything we talked about. You would of dated her again. Told me you wouldnt. You lie like it's breathing" "And what's bothering is that I don't believe a thing that comes out of ur mouth. I trie but everytime I close to believe something it's ruined." Comments, criticisms, suggestions?
Simon Phoenix Posted July 22, 2015 Posted July 22, 2015 Stop trying to recycle old relationships, move the hell out of your apartment and decompress. You're pursuing two exes right now and making an ass out of yourself in the process. You need to separate from the drama. No more doing date things with your current ex, stop trying to rekindle with your Montreal ex, lock it up and get your s--t together.
VengeanceGuidesMe Posted July 23, 2015 Posted July 23, 2015 She wants me to stop dating, fine. She just admitted she loves the way I eat her out. I made her enjoy oral again, and I loved it again too. F the girl I dated yesterday. I want her back, but I'm not going to pine or beg like a bitch. 10 days left. If she wants my tongue, or cock, she knows where it is. I just gotta say, I love this thread and this post. Solely for the moderators comment. Even William has a sense of humor after all.
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