CalvinM Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 After spending a really great night together on Monday, where we spooned and watched a movie together, my ex (who I live with until the end of the month) has stated she wants to be home when I move so I don't take anything that belongs to her. I had hoped that we could reconcile things, but that seems unlikely now. When I asked her why she felt the need to take off work she said "I've been ****ed over so many times, I don't want to take chances with you." As far as I know, I haven't done anything to make her question my character, so I'm a bit surprised by this. I've even been doing more than my share of chores around the house (her language of love is acts of service). Is this reactionary to something I might have done, or indicative of past relationships?
Author CalvinM Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Her and her ex ran up a lot of debt together. He owes her a lot of money that he had made little effort to pay. She has trust issues. But no reason to have any with me. Monday she apologized for how she'd been treating me, but after a couple days she reverts back to the original behaviour. I owe her $200, which is a small amount for me when I don't have to move out and pay for a moving truck. I told her I would pay her back in full, but because of the circumstances (she asked me to move out, saying she needed her space back), my security is the first priority at this point. I need to pay first and last at my new place, so that's a fairly large chunk of my income. Edited July 15, 2015 by CalvinM
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 then, as much as you don't want to think this, it could be a precursor to her ****ing you good. She has to pay you the security deposit, doesn't she? The landlord won't.
Author CalvinM Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 No, I'm paid up until the end of July and I move out on the 1st of August. I only paid month to month, because I moved into a place she's been living in since October so I didn't pay a security deposit.
Author CalvinM Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 We've been broken up for just over a month and haven't been intimate in a few weeks. I recently reactivated my profile and wasn't actively looking, but while searching through the quick match results on okcupid, I saw a profile that caught my eye. We both have fairly busy schedules, but are also quite flexible during the early afternoon. We started talking on site and as of this week through text. She suggested we meet for dinner early next week. My ex and I still live together until Aug 1st when I move into my own place. She's 30, I'm 33 and the new lady I'm seeing next week is 32. My ex asked me tonight if I wanted to go clean out the storage (she had plans with friends, but it was moved to Sunday), I assumed she wasn't free, so I switched my days off (Sat in for Sun/Mon off so I can go to a concert on Sun and dinner on Mon). She asked if I was free Monday, and I said "I have plans". She asked if it was a date and it was clear to me she'd been either reading my texts or put two and two together. Long story short, she flipped out and called me an *******. It had been her contention that we try dating after I moved out (her idea). I on the other hand planned to go NC for at least a month. Is she mad because I'm moving on (she told me to let her go), or is there something else I'm missing here? I've done my best to be honest, but it's really none of her business since she ended things with me.
phineas Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 dude. GTFO of your apartment before you try dating. seriously. What woman is not going to run if she hears you are still living with your ex? and just go get your own place now. There is no reason whatsoever that you need to stay in the same apartment as her. 7
babycakees Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Whyyyyyyyy are you dating if you are still living with your ex? 2
Omei Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Tbh id just cancel the Monday date you're not ready. When she finds out you've only been single for a month and are still living with your ex she will cancel on you.....unless shes into drama. 6
Author CalvinM Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 dude. GTFO of your apartment before you try dating. seriously. What woman is not going to run if she hears you are still living with your ex? and just go get your own place now. There is no reason whatsoever that you need to stay in the same apartment as her. I have a place lined up for August. Thanks.
phineas Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I have a place lined up for August. Thanks. you couldn't wait two weeks? 5
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 CalvinM, this might help. Sounds as if you're totally unaware of how best to deal with the aftermath of a break-up. And with reference to your other thread, as it's completely relevant... Can you blame her? Really?! 1
PogoStick Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Why do you care what your now ex thinks? It's over right? You were discreet and weren't rubbing it in her face. I felt justified when divorcing to start dating while we still lived together. We had a house to sell which took about 5 months, and the relationship was already dying for months before that, plus years of built up neglect. No, I wasn't going to be guilted into waiting another half year to start enjoying life again. It was strange the first night I stayed out late when my ex-wife started sending angry texts. She had no idea where i was or whether I was even with guy friends, but she simply assumed the worst. That's just part of life, my friend. And yes, it was the worst It's not as uncommon of a situation as you might expect. I had little trouble finding women to date and I've met several women in the same situation. I know a woman who's been living for 3+ years with her ex to raise the children. Sure that is unusual, but it works out pretty well since one can stay home to watch the kids while the other is out on a date. 2
kendahke Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 I've done my best to be honest, but it's really none of her business since she ended things with me. and you told her that, right? change your passcode on your phone and all your social media. It's time for her to get out of your business. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Are you still sleeping in the same bed as your ex? Are you still having sex with your ex?
elaine567 Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Is there something else I'm missing here? Are you really that dense? You are still staying in HER apartment and you have plans to date someone else.... Wow just wow!!!! I guess she didn't need to look at your phone, "I have plans" says it all, she obviously has a brain... MY GOD, did she dodge a bullet or what?
longjohn Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 So bottom line is your still shacked up with your ex... your relationship's body isn't even cold yet and your trying to get with another woman. Your a clueless ballbag is what you are. Seriously what did you expect your ex to do? The other woman will run a ***in mile when/if she figures out what kind of a tool you are.
babycakees Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Starting a new relationship while still getting over or recovering from an old one shows relationship dependency. You didn't even wait until you moved in your new place before you began dating. 2
phineas Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Are you really that dense? You are still staying in HER apartment and you have plans to date someone else.... Wow just wow!!!! I guess she didn't need to look at your phone, "I have plans" says it all, she obviously has a brain... MY GOD, did she dodge a bullet or what? you sound about as stable as his ex. 5
Amalyn Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Does this girl you are going on a date with tomorrow know you still live with your ex? You have no business dating right now. You should have waited at least until August.
mortensorchid Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Guy, you can't be serious. You are getting out back into circulation and you don't know why your former gf who you STILL LIVE WITH IS NOT COOL FOR YOUR WANTING TO GO DATE OTHER WOMEN? If you don't know how/why this a bad idea, you really need to see a shrink. 2
xcupid Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 From reading your other thread regarding the lease it appears this relationship is deader than a door nail and has been for a short while. Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds like you were having or had sex with her after the breakup from the way you worded your introduction. You're a free agent so what you do is your business. Having said that, it would have shown sensitivity to set up dates after you had moved out, not while you're still living with her. Setting up dates right now while she's around only inflames the situation and isn't going to help your prospects with new women if they question your living arrangements. You don't have any privacy so the sooner you're out of there the better for all concerned. And it really doesn't matter why she flipped out when she found out about your date. Some good advice in this thread that is worth considering and following. Good luck.
IronZ Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 I'm confused.. do you just happen to live in the same apartment until you move, or is there more to it? Are you still hooking up with her? If you're just living with her temporarily but nothing is going on, I don't see why everyone is freaking out. You have no obligation to even tell your new dates you're there since you will move out very soon.
jay1983 Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 You don't have to tell her you're staying with your ex. Just tell her you're moving soon and blah blah blah for a couple weeks till it's done.
ChicagoSparty Posted July 20, 2015 Posted July 20, 2015 Some of you people are harsh. He said she ended it. Sooooo.....she can screw off as far as getting mad at him for going out with somebody else. It takes a special kind of psycho to break up with a guy and then get mad at him for going out on a date, regardless of the living arrangement. 4
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