GooseChaser Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Or contact in general. Women: what is the longest amount that could pass after a date without a call before giving up on them for good and no longer consider them, and why? Would you be okay with a few days passing before the call? A week or two? A month? Or could they call again anytime and you would still be happy to date them, given you're available? Does it depend how many dates you've been on with the person? Also, if it takes a long time for them to get back to you, is that generally "bad" and it probably won't work out in the end anyway because if they really cared they would have kept in touch? Is it generally true that a fast response indicates higher interest and slower is lower? Men, what are your experiences with this? If a woman you dated disappeared and came back, by what point would you have lost interest? Edited July 15, 2015 by GooseChaser
casey.lives Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 because i don't like people who are shallow .. i could never appreciate a fast response. i like someone who is moderately interested in me, at the beginning. so i would say that i like a "timely" response.
empresario Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I think guys and girls are wayyyyy different in this. A guy will be interested in an attractive woman at any point in time. They would probably be impressed a female actually reached out to them. That's not exactly an every day occurrence. Women, on the other hand, get solicited daily. Every. Fricking. Day. I don't know how they do it. You would imagine it'd be a good problem to have. But it's like being famous. The idea of it is good, but in practice it leaves you annoyed and cynical. That's why, under normal circumstances, you should be very prudent in contacting a woman. If you wait a day you are yesterday's news. Information is too fast anymore, and there's no excuse for not being able to get in touch. 1
spiderowl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Or contact in general. Women: what is the longest amount that could pass after a date without a call before giving up on them for good and no longer consider them, and why? Would you be okay with a few days passing before the call? A week or two? A month? Or could they call again anytime and you would still be happy to date them, given you're available? Does it depend how many dates you've been on with the person? Also, if it takes a long time for them to get back to you, is that generally "bad" and it probably won't work out in the end anyway because if they really cared they would have kept in touch? Is it generally true that a fast response indicates higher interest and slower is lower? Men, what are your experiences with this? If a woman you dated disappeared and came back, by what point would you have lost interest? 24 hours would be too long. If he left it longer than that, I would be reluctant to meet again. I don't want a guy that cannot keep in touch - it is supposed to be a relationship after all. One guy I went out with contacted me about an hour after I got home. He wanted to check I was OK and to see how I felt about the date. I thought that was very endearing. I knew he was the kind of guy who only did things that mattered to him, not a clingy type. He didn't follow any silly rules about when he should/should not call, he just followed up in polite and warm way. I liked that 2
Author GooseChaser Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I think it's interesting so far how different all of you are on your approach to this and how it works for you.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Men know very fast whether or not they're interested. If he takes longer than a day to plan the next date, I lose interest and decline another date. 3
Toodaloo Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Or contact in general. Women: what is the longest amount that could pass after a date without a call before giving up on them for good and no longer consider them, and why? Would you be okay with a few days passing before the call? A week or two? A month? Or could they call again anytime and you would still be happy to date them, given you're available? Does it depend how many dates you've been on with the person? In general a couple of days, certainly no more than 2-3 unless I know they are going away for work or holiday or going to be rushed off their feet for a few days. I would expect them to call once they get back or have an agreed day when they will call if they are going to be busy. After that I move on. No point in crying over spilt milk and they do not owe me a lengthy discussion as to why they didn't call or didn't fancy me. Also, if it takes a long time for them to get back to you, is that generally "bad" and it probably won't work out in the end anyway because if they really cared they would have kept in touch? Is it generally true that a fast response indicates higher interest and slower is lower? If they are taking several days to get back to me after a couple of weeks I don't bother responding. Whats the point? If they are luke warm now there is no point in trying to warm them up. Sod it I am going to spend my time on people who are actually interested. Answers above. I know it sounds harsh but if you don't call within 48 hours max - this gal isn't playing ball. I am buggared if I am going to waste my time flopping about over some bloke when I could be out doing far better and more productive things with my time. Its not that I have hoards of men chasing after me its because I have a life so I am going to go out and live it and not end up as some pathetic old lady wearing angora hats that smell of cats pee bemoaning that I could have gone to that charity event, or done that fun run, or explored somewhere new or even just done my flipping ironing instead of sitting watching a phone. 1
introverted1 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Women: what is the longest amount that could pass after a date without a call before giving up on them for good and no longer consider them, and why? Would you be okay with a few days passing before the call? A week or two? A month? Or could they call again anytime and you would still be happy to date them, given you're available? Does it depend how many dates you've been on with the person? Is this after a first date? If so, I'd like to hear from him within 24 hours that he enjoyed himself (and I often initiate same through text), It would be nice at that point to set up plans for a next date but it isn't a deal breaker if he waits a couple of day. If it's a guy I've been dating a while then it doesn't really matter who reaches out first. But if one of us does and the other doesn't respond (within the same day), that would seem a little odd. The one advantage of text of the phone is its immediacy and the ability to send of something quickly. So someone who can't reply for several days is someone who's placed me v-e-r-r-r-y low on his priority list. A week or two or a month (!!) tells me he is not interested and has likely been trying on others for size and the circling back to me when they didn't work out. The only exception would be if he told me he was going to be unavailable and unreachable for a month, say, on a polar expedition.
Redhead14 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Or contact in general. Women: what is the longest amount that could pass after a date without a call before giving up on them for good and no longer consider them, and why? Would you be okay with a few days passing before the call? A week or two? A month? Or could they call again anytime and you would still be happy to date them, given you're available? Does it depend how many dates you've been on with the person? Also, if it takes a long time for them to get back to you, is that generally "bad" and it probably won't work out in the end anyway because if they really cared they would have kept in touch? Is it generally true that a fast response indicates higher interest and slower is lower? Men, what are your experiences with this? If a woman you dated disappeared and came back, by what point would you have lost interest? How long would I be receptive to a call? Until I wasn't anymore and that would happen pretty darn quickly. I am not going to sit around waiting for a call . . . I'm living my life. If I'm doing that, it's about a day, maybe 3 (if I really liked him and maybe he lives by the 3 day rule) and I've already forgotten about him.
LivingDeadGrl Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 After an awesome date, it would be nice to get some kind of communication that night as a follow up. I usually get these within an hour or two of departing. There really are no rules, imo play it how you're comfortable and if the person is receptive, great.
katiegrl Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) Assuming I really REALLY clicked with him (mutual click and chemistry)...I would give him one week tops. People get busy but more importantly, often times after a super awesome date, where you know this woman (me!) has the ability to change your LIFE... I have found that some guys need to marinate about it for awhile.....you know overthinking the whole thing...LOL Running the date by his friends, what should he do, should he call now, wait a few days, you know the usual crap we all go through after a fabulous date.... So I will cut him some slack there....ONE WEEK. Edited July 16, 2015 by katiegrl
RoseVille Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 5 days if I'm reeeeeally into him. But experience has shown I never have to wait more than 48 hours to hear from a guy who's into me.
regine_phalange Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 The amount of tolerance would be inversely proportional to the amount of attraction. 1
katiegrl Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) 5 days if I'm reeeeeally into him. But experience has shown I never have to wait more than 48 hours to hear from a guy who's into me. My second boyfriend (whom I was with for four years) took one week. He said after our date he was scared shytless as he KNEW getting involved with me would change his life (which it did)....and being only 25, he freaked. I left him alone and he called one week later, and that was it. Since we had clicked so well, had such an awesome time, and I was so into him (and vice versa as it turned out), there was no way in hell I would have forgotten about him in only one week. That is crazy and IMO women who play that card (game) are not being truthful...unless they have super bad memories which is always possible I suppose.....lol Anyway, we dated for four years, even got engaged. I broke the engagement though....for reasons I will refrain from going into now. Edited July 16, 2015 by katiegrl
Author GooseChaser Posted July 20, 2015 Author Posted July 20, 2015 Thank you all. I can see how after a certain amount of time interest would just dissipate naturally with a lack of contact. It's good to set standards for stuff like this too. Well this question was sorta inspired by this one guy I went on a date with two weeks ago. He claimed he was looking for a relationship. There was good communication before the first date. He told me he liked me and based on his behavior I believed him and I was sure I'd see him again. I thought it went really well and that we got along. He sent me a text a few hours after, which seemed like a good sign. I sent him a text a day later just to tell him good news and initiated a text two days after that later asking how he was because I didn't hear from him and we exchanged some texts. He said he was "just busy." Beyond that, nothing. (If my texts scared him off, I don't care. Good.) The contrast between his (misleading) affectionate behavior before and the cold silence told all I needed to know about what kind of person he really is, what he's really looking for. I may have dodged a bullet... though it still hurt. After some thought I think I may have gotten played; he was just plain too aggressive. I allowed more than I should have before having him "prove himself," so to speak, I can see now... though I did put my foot down when I definitely wasn't comfortable with something. *self-back pat* I understand now that a serious first date should be mostly getting to know each other verbally. If they're going too fast, RED FLAG. I actually stumbled upon a PUA page one or two days ago that described a technique that sounded a lot like how he acted. Cavemanning. Caveman | Pick Up Artist and PUA Lingo Ugh. It might seem weird that I don't understand this stuff well yet, but I don't really have much experience with serious relationships unfortunately. I hope to change this. Even my last short-term "boyfriend"-- my first one ever-- after thinking back, years later, I now believe he was actually yet another FWB and I didn't realize! (Help... me.... ;_; I want to be a classy person, I really do. ) After this amount of time-- two weeks-- whatever feelings I developed are fading fast, especially considering the circumstances. I know I can find better. It just is another reminder to me that while I do have some experience now, I still have a lot to learn. I think this stuff's fascinating though, so there's a silver lining.
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