BBAKER Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Hello everyone, i'm new to this and have no idea if this will get any responses but maybe opening up will help with my situation. I apologise for the length of this! To give some background i started to see this guy for 9 months, we started simply as a hookup (please don't judge!) and from there on we started to see eachother more and more. This guy was my very first, in eveything, and it didnt take me long to develop new feelings which I had never felt for anyone before. In November we suddenly stopped talking and it hit me very hard. I started to realise this guy meant a hell of a lot to me despite only a month of hanging out together! This guy told me he really liked me, and that he wanted his friends to meet me etc...but for some reason this ended. In January this year he suddenly got back in touch with me to my happiness, however he explained he was going through a rough time with depression. Fast forward, i gave him all my support, we met regularly, spent weeks together, i gave him everything. In April we finally began dating and i have never been so happy. I visited his family, i basically was head over heels in love. Now this guy before meeting me had come out of a very serious relationship, and took it hard. They were very much in love. Unfortunately he never could let it go, and never moved on, despite his ex having a new partner, again which killed him inside. Long story short he was breaking down so often that i had to say "do you still have feelings for your ex?" he said yes, and this was so painful to me. I decided to break up with him. It killed me and two days later i begged him to be friends with me atleast. For about a month later i was the unhappiest i'd ever been. We were still meeting everyday, we had sex again, went out for meals, slept over eachothers every night. Basically we were everything a relationship is BUT we were not together. We were friends with benefits. I of course saw this as "he still loves me we are getting back together!" this was not the case. Finally after a month of this i messaged him and explained i physically couldnt go on with this as i am still deeply in love with him. I poured my heart out but unfortunately he said he just didnt know how he felt and his head was very confused. I did NC for three weeks. He literally did nothing to get me back. A few days ago i finally caved and once again poured my heart out and explained i needed to remove him from everything. He apologised, and agreed, and we parted well. Its now day 2 of this breakup. I am so shattered and heartbroken and i honestly cannot function. I am in need of advice, personal experience, and reassurance. I feel like i have died. Every single thing reminds me of him. The memories of us together are playing in my head every second of the day. Please can someone give me advice? I am doing NC, and i have removed him off everything. I refuse to delete photos however as i want to keep my memories for a later date. I guess i just want to know that i will survive this. I feel so alone and hurt and knowing he doesnt care is KILLING me. Please help me!
54JA Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 You will survive this!! It is going to be hell, but if you allow yourself and do everything you can to maintain NC, you will be OK. I know you went back and forth a bit, but I am hopeful because you, despite your mistakes, know you want more and acknowledged that he wasn't giving you what you wanted. I would be more worried if you continued to see him and accept FWB status, which is no longer the case. Please be kind to yourself. Don't rush. Many of us have gone through this and came out OK. I say this all the time, but it helps to learn about the stages of grieving a lost love (google it) not only because you can validate your emotions, but also because you will know that the pain will end someday. I'm sorry this post sounds so generic but it's because the initial pain is almost universal. Hang in there.
d0nnivain Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Break ups suck. They emotionally hurt like hell but you will survive. Hang in there. Take one day at a time. Have something you know you will do instead of contacting him when the desire strikes: post here, call your BFF, go for a run. As for the photos, save them someplace on a thumb drive, to a cloud, somewhere that you have to work to see them. Out of sight out of mind for at least a year then it won't hurt so much to look at them. Meanwhile do things that make you happy. Hang out with good friends who are supportive. Take a class. Change your hair. Keep yourself moving.
theredpill Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Absolutely, understand there will be moments, but you will... guaranteed:)
mightycpa Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I would only add this - as uncontrollably attracted as you are to him, he feels the same way about his ex. You can't help it, and neither can he. So whenever NC feels like it is too much, remember that. What you want is probably not going to happen. He may even contact you... don't fall for it. He's already proven himself capable of capturing your heart when he had no real interest in it. Remember that too. You want him to change, but he won't, not quickly enough.
yxalitis Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I only read the subject, and no matter what else you wrote, the answer is: Yes.
cipd11 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I know right now it probably doesn't feel like it....but you will survive. I felt exactly the same 2 and a half weeks ago, If someone told me I'd feel as ok as I do now I'd never have believed it at the time. You are going through the hardest part right now, each day will get easier. You HAVE to keep to NC! I broke this after a week and it was the worst thing and I regretted it straight away - It felt like being broken up with all over again. Use this time to grieve, I cried a lot and spent a lot of time in bed! I felt a bit pathetic really but I couldn't even face getting out of bed. But Its ok to let it out. I totally lost my appetite but thankfully I have a very caring mum who forced me to eat! Make sure you do too, you don't want to make yourself ill. I couldn't even sleep on my own - I really was a mess!!! I think you have done the right thing for yourself, this was an unhealthy relationship and being with someone who still has feelings for someone else is never a good idea. I think you are stronger than you think, you knew you couldn't carry on like that and you have removed yourself from the situation. You did the right thing and it sounds like you ended things in a very dignified way The best thing you can do now is focus on YOU, do things that make you HAPPY! Set yourself some goals to achieve. The weekend after my breakup I had to walk 24.5 miles for charity, it was an amazing achievement and it made me feel so empowered. Also make plans so you have things to look forward to! Do you have friends and family you can speak to? Bottom line is you WILL get through this and you will come out the other side a much stronger and better person. The only thing I would say is do not go back to him....you will only end up getting hurt again. Good luck
BriNyc82 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Sometimes it's a sign of strength to let go than hold on
Author BBAKER Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Thankyou everyone for your words and advice, it means so much! I am definitely going to keep NC up this time as as an above replier said, it really did feel as if i went through the breakup again. My NC last time wasn't even really NC as i still had him on social media and could see everything he was doing despite not talking. Another question i have though, is what techniques can i use to stop these horrible memory flashbacks i keep having about the relationship? Every little thing reminds me of him and it's destroying attempts at moving on. Will these ease with time? Thankyou
Gus Grimly Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Another question i have though, is what techniques can i use to stop these horrible memory flashbacks i keep having about the relationship? Every little thing reminds me of him and it's destroying attempts at moving on. Will these ease with time? I put everything in a box that my ex gave me or reminded me of her. Also put anything that was on my computer related to my ex onto a USB thumb dive. Threw that into the box as well and gave it to my parents to hang on to. Other than that meditation works wonders. Watch a movie, play a video game, talk to someone. Nothing is gonna stop the memories. It's not gonna happen. Time is the only thing that will heal those wounds. Just like a real physical injury.
foolinlove79 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 It sounds like you were a bit of a rebound. A distraction to him so he wasnt thinking of his ex. For some people even though they are not over someone they get involved with someone else. It is a selfish thing to do and i am sorry you are hurt. Regardless break ups suck. You will get through it. And you deserve something better too. You deserve someone who is crazy about you and not stuck on someone else. It does get better
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