How should I go from here? I want to leave an impact

[WhatIsLove777]

Hello everybody,

I will be moving out of my ex boyfriends house in five days and I do indeed want him back but have realized that we have been incapable of making progress while living together. I believe he still has enough of me to be content for now because we speak often and see each other.

 

I have decided that after I move out I will begin complete no contact but before I leave I would like to figure out how I can leave a positive impact on him in the hopes that one day we can reconcile. Initially I broke up with him and he begged for me back but I was too hurt by his actions to consider reconciliation. Or to want to try to talk. After awhile I began to miss him and we started hanging out and having good times again but I would mention getting back together and because it was no ME who wanted to get back together he seemed to enjoy the power and would resist. Later he'd want me back again and we'd flip flop, get into pretty bad arguments then sometimes decide to work it out.. basically we never could get on the same page and stay there.

 

At the final discussion I said I believe if two people really want to make it work they will and he said he agreed but we shouldn't force this and once we are on our own and paying our own bills etc. we will learn where are hearts truly lie. We both are still in love with each other but after that final talk it became clear to me that getting back together right now seems impossible while living together and I decided moving out seems to be the only way for a future. Do you think it would be smart for me to make it very clear one final time that I am doing this with hopes for a future together or does that seem needy? Should I say that I love him and in the future if he wants to make it work to contact me? Should I not mention any of the prior and just be friendly and kind and tell him I enjoyed our time and depart?

 

My goal is to leave a door open for the future with him and to make him realize this COULD have worked but that because he wasn't interested in trying at this time that I am moving forward. He thinks I will contact him after the breakup and he actually said this before that he knows I won't be able to not contact him. This is why I feel it is smartest for me to do the opposite of what he expects to realize he could lose me for good because I was the girl that ALWAYS wanted him back. What will leave the greatest impression and the most hope for a future together before I depart

[d0nnivain]

What a mess. You two are both playing games. If you want this to work, do not move out & work with each other to fix your problems. If you can't work through things together as a team you have no hope for a future. In that case, just move out & move forward with your individual lives. Going NC, hoping you will miss each other & not addressing your issues together are not healing actions.

[mightycpa]

Hello everybody,

I will be moving out of my ex boyfriends house in five days and I do indeed want him back but have realized that we have been incapable of making progress while living together. I believe he still has enough of me to be content for now because we speak often and see each other.

 

I have decided that after I move out I will begin complete no contact but before I leave I would like to figure out how I can leave a positive impact on him in the hopes that one day we can reconcile. Initially I broke up with him and he begged for me back but I was too hurt by his actions to consider reconciliation. Or to want to try to talk. After awhile I began to miss him and we started hanging out and having good times again but I would mention getting back together and because it was no ME who wanted to get back together he seemed to enjoy the power and would resist. Later he'd want me back again and we'd flip flop, get into pretty bad arguments then sometimes decide to work it out.. basically we never could get on the same page and stay there.

 

At the final discussion I said I believe if two people really want to make it work they will and he said he agreed but we shouldn't force this and once we are on our own and paying our own bills etc. we will learn where are hearts truly lie. We both are still in love with each other but after that final talk it became clear to me that getting back together right now seems impossible while living together and I decided moving out seems to be the only way for a future. Do you think it would be smart for me to make it very clear one final time that I am doing this with hopes for a future together or does that seem needy? Should I say that I love him and in the future if he wants to make it work to contact me? Should I not mention any of the prior and just be friendly and kind and tell him I enjoyed our time and depart?

 

My goal is to leave a door open for the future with him and to make him realize this COULD have worked but that because he wasn't interested in trying at this time that I am moving forward. He thinks I will contact him after the breakup and he actually said this before that he knows I won't be able to not contact him. This is why I feel it is smartest for me to do the opposite of what he expects to realize he could lose me for good because I was the girl that ALWAYS wanted him back. What will leave the greatest impression and the most hope for a future together before I depart

You are hoping that he will change because he misses you. He is betting you'll miss him more.

 

He won't change, at least, not for the long term. That only happens when you're self-motivated, and he won't be that way until he knows he's actually lost you. Even then, it's not a given.

 

So, you'd do wisely if you read up on NC and moving on.

[CalvinM]

I'm going through something similar to this. No contact isn't a way to win someone back. It's a way to move forward.