soulseek Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I hope this is the appropriate place to post this. I worked a week long festival and suddenly developed an attraction For one of my managers. Since we worked in such a fast paced environment there was no down time, and no opportunity to converse. It was our last weekend working, and so a few of us went clubbing. suddenly me and my crush began talking, and had a great conversation for an hour straight. He asked to dance, then tried making out with me, followed by asking me if I wanted to leave. I ended up staying over but said no to sex and just kissed and cuddled the entire night. Next morning he drove me home and asked that I not talk about our night with team members. He showed up at work, and we were back to how things were before. Super professional, yet I could see that he was giving me special treatment subtlety. He texted me while I was at work saying he had an extra ticket to a concert.. I said yes and again met up with Him, another manager and one other employee to go to the show. Around people we work with, he's very reserved and doesn't go out of his way to break those boundaries. As we got into a more busy environment, he would protect me from getting pushed around, and would often graze his hand on my back or legs as we stood. Again, asked me if I wanted to leave.. And we left. Had sex, then again in the morning. Next night was his last night in town, I came over and hung out with him, the other manager, and an employee. we ordered food, watched tv, waited for everyone to leave, then literally stayed up til 4am talking. I ended up not staying the remainder of the night. He was half asleep, said goodbye and said I was welcome to visit him anytime. Prior to all of this, I knew nothing would come of this knowing he's a 10 hour drive away. This conversation took things to a new level for me, and his interests, hobbies, and life style got me extremely interested. I have never met such an amazing guy. Although I understand to him it was probably just a hook up, he demonstrated great respect for me during these moments. There were times where he would just lay there while we cuddled and look at me, and I just don't understand how guys can just hook up and not feel anything. He added me to Facebook, and he's been gone one day. Haven't heard from him, wish I had but I can't stop obsessing over him. Currently, I feel the need to talk to him, I don't even know what to say, at this moment I'm kind of hurt and I'm driving myself crazy. Is it appropriate for me to message him? Or should I just cut my loses now? How would one know how he's feeling? How can one not feel after all that? Any comments or advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 If he really was interested in more than a fling he would definitely have taken the step to let you know. But that's my take on it. plus a 10 hour drive??? nnnnnah not really worth the hassle. If you want more, then you just tell him straight up but in person if YOU think it's worth it.
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 He could be married or with someone and just have had a fling while he had the chance. You don't know the guy. Usually a vacation or this type fling are just a fling and you don't try to keep the person. If he is a really special guy and he has any special feelings for you, you will hear from him without any prompting. If you go ahead and reach out, then you will never know if he ever would have and won't have a clue if he really gives a crap or not. So leave it alone so you know if it was important to him or not.
PogoStick Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 One thing you can do is take this experience as a standard for future relationships. You've seen what connection is possible and now have something to look for in the future. How do you know he didn't feel anything? The encounter sounded genuine. Maybe he's just capable of managing his feelings and expectations. Of course you can contact him. Try to get him on the phone and discuss what you both experienced. Ask him any questions that come to your mind. There are no rules to relationships. 1
Author soulseek Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I feel like I may only have a few days to send a message before too much time has passed. I'm not entirely sure a long distance relationship would even work. A 10 hour drive is a long drive, but it's only a 40 minute flight at a super cheap price. I don't think I'm looking to make that commitment. My biggest thing is I want to know where his head was at. At the same time, I'm afraid to ask because what if it really was just for sex.. And in my head I felt something else. Is it worth it to have that awkward conversation.. What does one say to him ?
ExpatInItaly Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 He will message you if he wants to keep in touch. Don't ask him where his head is at. You barely know him. That would indeed make the conversation very awkward and it's far too early. And a lot of people can have sex and enjoy the experience, but also realize that it was really only a fun moment and move on. It doesn't mean he felt nothing or that he wants to hurt you; it would simply mean he will look back on it as a fond memory. If you really feel the need to reach out to him, you could send a casual "Hey! how was the trip back home?" - type message. See how and if he responds. Build up some communication and do not ask him about his feelings.If he wants something more, you will know. 4
toml Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Can i ask why are you so quick to sleep with him? Why didnt you say " woah wait you only want to sleep with me?!" Why werent you turned off by a guu wanting to sleep woth you so quickly?
Author soulseek Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I guess you could say that I was naive about the situation. Did a good job the first night of sticking to my guns, but as time went on I felt like sadly maybe that was my only way in to spend time with him. I wouldn't say I regret it, because ultimately I enjoyed every moment with him. But at the same time, the way that I feel added with knowing he's probably just picked up and moved on is what bothers me the most. I'll never understand how people can do that and not feel
fred123 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I guess you could say that I was naive about the situation. Did a good job the first night of sticking to my guns, but as time went on I felt like sadly maybe that was my only way in to spend time with him. I wouldn't say I regret it, because ultimately I enjoyed every moment with him. But at the same time, the way that I feel added with knowing he's probably just picked up and moved on is what bothers me the most. I'll never understand how people can do that and not feel you thought by having sex with him was the only way to spend time with him? wow i wish girls thought about that with me and not just friend zoned me. now i know what a girl acts/does when she's interested in a guy so i can't get friend zoned anymore! i would move on. he wanted fun nothing more. he didnt even want a friendship. lucky guy me thinks lol
Author soulseek Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 you thought by having sex with him was the only way to spend time with him? wow i wish girls thought about that with me and not just friend zoned me. now i know what a girl acts/does when she's interested in a guy so i can't get friend zoned anymore! i would move on. he wanted fun nothing more. he didnt even want a friendship. lucky guy me thinks lol Hahaha that sounds so bad, but to be honest in the back of my mind I knew this wasn't going to turn into a long term/ long distance relationship. I literally ONLY spent 3 evenings with him. It was a now or never thing. I think that's a little different than you getting friend zoned. We are texting now, and I think that if it wasn't for distance there may have been a chance
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Everyone agrees you shouldn't reach out first on this thing. If you do, you'll never know if he would have. I mean, just because he responds won't mean anything because he'll be safely at a long distance and you could just be one more facebook friend. If you just wait and see if he contacts you, then you'll know he thought it was worth keeping in contact over.
mapofyourhead Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 soulseek, Your post totally resonates with me! I went on a trip a few weeks ago (1 hour flight, ~6 hour drive hour drive) and met a guy that I connected amazingly well with. We saw each other 3 times before I left, which involved going on a date, an event with his friends, and then the morning after I stayed over. I was totally infatuated for about 2 weeks after that. Could not stop thinking about him and how great he was, and wishing it could've been something more, all the while thinking he just wanted a quick lay and didn't think anything of it. We did talk sporadically but eventually the high faded and I realized it was just a fling. I did see him again recently, and I've come to the conclusion that nothing is going to come of it. But we both genuinely like each other's company in addition to the sex. My feeling is that if we lived closer, we would give things a shot, but we don't, and that's that. I also debating bringing up where we stand, but it's not appropriate given that we've seen each other for all of 5 days. I don't think the guy you met didn't feel anything -- he was just being realistic about the situation. 1
S_A Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 How cruel... that out of all the things that can keep two people from being in what might be a great relationship, it has to be a commute.
Author soulseek Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I really appreciate all the advice. I spoke to him via text throughout the majority of the day. The conversation was great. He did mention meeting up again at some point, although I know we both have busy summers. I understand that some of you have experienced similar situations, but in this case I think I'm just going to ride this one out and see what comes of it. If it dies, it dies but regret is a beeeep.
beach Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 At least spend $50 and do a back ground check on him. Find out if he's married or been married and/or has had any criminal charges in his past. You only know what he told you - it's wise to check if his info matches his history first. He's virtually a stranger you need more info on. If he checks out clean - then continue communicating. If not, cut him loose. 1
PogoStick Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I really appreciate all the advice. I spoke to him via text throughout the majority of the day. The conversation was great. He did mention meeting up again at some point, although I know we both have busy summers. I understand that some of you have experienced similar situations, but in this case I think I'm just going to ride this one out and see what comes of it. If it dies, it dies but regret is a beeeep. As I said earlier. Why regret it? You had a great experience so why not appreciate it? He could turn into a long time friend. Maybe you only see each other a handful of times throughout your life but imagine how exciting each time will be. 1
Zippy2000 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Tread carefully if he is you manager. I have a colleague who had an affair with a manager at work. She now has to face a whole building of 3 floors of people talking behind her back. We all know the manaager she is seeing has 2 kids and his wife found out and kicked him out. The moral of the story? Shes now pregnant and is not so keen on the manager anymore after a brief fling of 6 months. Sure you like this guy but he is just your manager.
smackie9 Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I think you felt it was more because the sex was great...and well some relate that to being connected. Guys and even women can just enjoy sex and not have emotions over it. Been there done that. If he is just "talking" about meeting up again...then you know it's just a booty call.
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