loneyBird Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Things to do to get over your ex.......According to Caroline Emergency Ex Detox. 1. Yell, cry, scream get it all out. Weep in a pillow..hit the pillow...make a voodoo doll and poke holes in it....the main thing is to get out your emotions. Acknowledge your emotions and don't deny them. 2. Creatively express your relationship in any way you feel fit. Write poetry...write a story, paint a picture, write unsent letters, grieve and express what you feel in a productive manner. Allow yourself to feel sentimental about the relationship or angry.....learn to take the beauty of what once was and make it your own creation. 3. Now try (key word ... try) to look at the relationship from an objective, non-emotional or romantic point of view. Where you really happy? Was this person an active positive influence in your life, or negative? What would you do differently in the future? Write this all down on a piece of paper as if you were writing a scientific report. Be honest with yourself. 4. Take a knife...and instead of cutting your wrists or theirs....I know its tempting!...do this simple ritual..... *block your number from them, e-mail...anyway they can contact you * light a candle *write his/her name on a piece of paper * Sit down and think for a very long time...are you truly ready to let this person go? Do you need more time? Are you able to accept that you are able to give yourself closure at this time? *if you are ready...and have made the conscious decision to "cut" them from your life, soul, heart, body, mind....take the knife and listen to your body. Which parts of your body ache for this person, where does your body miss them? Imagine or feel the ties this person has on you, and with the knife without touching yourself...metaphorically "cut" the cords that attach this person to you by chopping at the air around you. If your heart aches, envision a cord that need to be cut and "chop" it off. I know it sounds silly....but it can work if you are serious about it. * after you cut the "invisible ties that tie you to X" take the piece of paper and burn it with the candle, and as it burns imagine them growing smaller in your brain...or fading away. *blow out the candle and don't talk to them, because "new cords" could be formed....but forgive yourself if you do, and just do the ritual over again until you are ready to move on. 5. Once you have cut them from your life entirely...take all the love you WISH you could give them...and give it to YOU. Meaning...when you feel sad...give yourself positive self talk, like "it will be ok baby doll...your sweet as pie". I know it sounds really silly....but this really can work....the sweeter you are to yourself ..the more you learn to enjoy it and the more you can expect other people to be sweet back. If you feel sorry..or sad...or want to call them....kiss the back of your hand and say " i love me....it would be silly to call that fruitcake...." and smile. Be gentle and use humor. 6. Surround yourself with friends...new and old....now is the time to branch out and grow. If you find yourself bored...below is a list of things to do to help you get over them for good. Things to do to move on and find joy without them *Take a class...any class....and talk to the person sitting next to you, don't be shy. *Read a book you always wanted to read *take your friends for Thai food *paint a picture *go to the beach and have a picnic by yourself with a good book...enjoy the grass *take a friend with you and crash a wedding, use fake names *Treat yourself to a bunch of good new CDs...a tribute to your new life! No sad music! *do all the things you couldn't do while you were with them...and do it with pleasure *Hang out with only good kind people....and those who know how to have a good time. *make a list of all the people you avoided while you were with them..and call them one by one. *Buy a trashy beauty magazine and go to a spa if your a girl...and if you a guy spas can be a great place to meet new prospects. redecorate your pad. *Buy a plant, name it ...and talk to it when your lonely. *If you have a hobby...that you are quite good at, get a friend or two and try to start a small business. Its a great way to kill time if your doing what you love, and you might make extra cash. *Work out, dance, do yoga, sing....skip...be active. If you want to add to the list of things to do to move on....that would be great! There are so many possiblities....
ConfusedInOC Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Good stuff. I am already doing most of this. Nemesis, are you reading this? Not to single you out but there's some good ideas in here.
HotCaliGirl Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by loneyBird 3. Now try (key word ... try) to look at the relationship from an objective, non-emotional or romantic point of view. Where you really happy? Was this person an active positive influence in your life, or negative? What would you do differently in the future? Write this all down on a piece of paper as if you were writing a scientific report. Be honest with yourself. This is an especailly helpful exercise - especially the "what would you differently in the future" I am making a list of what I did, following each item with "In the future I will..." Thanks for these helpful tools...(I don't think I could trust myself around a knife just yet)
UCFKevin Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Yeah, the knife thing threw me for a loop. How about a popsicle instead?
ConfusedInOC Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by HotCaliGirl This is an especailly helpful exercise - especially the "what would you differently in the future" I am making a list of what I did, following each item with "In the future I will..." Thanks for these helpful tools...(I don't think I could trust myself around a knife just yet) I've been doing that since the day we broke up.
ltomlinson81 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I think it is unhealthy to call the "what did I do wrong" or "what can I do differently" point "objective." Don't think that taking all of the blame makes you objective. Breakups hurt, and both parties are at fault for the demise of any relationship.
NTB Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 what if when your cutting the chords with the knife you get all emotional and end up cutting yourself? oh well i guess right about now i will try anything
ConfusedInOC Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by ltomlinson81 I think it is unhealthy to call the "what did I do wrong" or "what can I do differently" point "objective." Don't think that taking all of the blame makes you objective. Breakups hurt, and both parties are at fault for the demise of any relationship. But you can't fix what the other person did wrong, you can only focus on improving yourself and learning from your past mistakes. I believe that's why the focus is on what YOU did wrong. You have to understand your mistakes, accept them and learn from them.
ltomlinson81 Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I still disagree. It takes 2 to tango. Yes, learn from your mistakes. But be real with yourself. No one can take ALL the blame for a breakup. If you go in and out of relationships constantly believeing you did EVERYTHING wrong, you are going to sabotage every relationship you have. It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
YouGotServed Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 Originally posted by ltomlinson81 I still disagree. It takes 2 to tango. Yes, learn from your mistakes. But be real with yourself. No one can take ALL the blame for a breakup. If you go in and out of relationships constantly believeing you did EVERYTHING wrong, you are going to sabotage every relationship you have. It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. It does take 2 people to tango. I hear that from everyone who says that to me too. You make mistakes and you "self-reflect upon them" but you shouldn't be the one to blame completely. The other person also has to take blame as well. If that person doesn't take the blame or self-reflect, then that person might as well hit themselves on the head. . It will become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
ConfusedInOC Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 I'm not saying take all the fault for the breakup. Just recognize what you did wrong and fix it. As I said, you can't fix the other person's issues or change what they did. Just focus on yourself because once the relationship is over, that's all you have left.
Author loneyBird Posted May 5, 2005 Author Posted May 5, 2005 just for the record...i didn't say to take all the blame. I meant to try and learn from your mistakes
The Prototype Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 One thing I recommend is (and not part of breaking up per se) is to do the following: When you are not romantically involved with anyone, and have no feelings for anyone (i.e., you are of a right state of mind), make a list of the must-have things you need in a person and relationship. Your mind will not be blinded by emotion, and you can be honest. THEN (and this is the important part), when you are involved with someone, whip out your list and see if they fit. If they don't, something is wrong. We often overlook ( I know I have) flaw and things that are problems with people because "we are in love..." Well, unfortunately, love does NOT conquer all. We need to protect ourselves from rash, emotion based decisions. I have dated many people looking back where I am like "what the hell was I thinking?!!?" Seems so clear now, since I have no emotions running high any more... Reminds me of the Chris Rock skit where he laments messing around with a nasty stripper from Vegas. "What the hell was I thinking???? She didn't even have teeth!"
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