grokcahsevol Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 For those of you who don't know my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/536618-here-my-full-story-9-years-can-t-find-anyone-who-similar-situation For those who don't want to read it, heres a quick recap Met my gf 9 years ago (I'm a guy) . Before me, she was with a girl for 2 years. about 3 weeks ago, that girl and her started talking and I got the entire "i need space" and everything else. They fought a few times and my girlfriend drunk texted me saying I miss you and I need you. 2 days later she said sorry for texting that and she can't see me. Been NC 11 days and just checked my facebook and saw she liked a picture of ours.. I followed that breadcrumb and went to her profile and shes IN A RELATIONSHIP with the girl. I just got back from my therapist as well and this just happened! I'm so f*cken lost
PegNosePete Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 This is why the owners of facebook put in a BLOCK feature. Use it. 1
Ariess10 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 That sucks man I am sorry , at least now you know where you stand and knowing that you don't want her back after she can just get in another relationship so fast.. I am the type that I don't care who they dated before , but I'll never go back to a girl if we break up and she sleeps with someone else .. Just how I always been
ravfour4 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Seems as if she may have always been a lesbian and was just experimenting with you? But at the same time she's still confused because she said she missed you just a few weeks ago. I'm sure it hurts, but something about a woman moving to a woman seems less painful than a woman moving to another man since they're not really any competition to you, plus maybe you could get in on some 3some action she's still confused, who cares that she's in a relationship, don't sweat it.
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Seems as if she may have always been a lesbian and was just experimenting with you? But at the same time she's still confused because she said she missed you just a few weeks ago. I'm sure it hurts, but something about a woman moving to a woman seems less painful than a woman moving to another man since they're not really any competition to you, plus maybe you could get in on some 3some action she's still confused, who cares that she's in a relationship, don't sweat it. She experimented with me for 9 years? they have a huge background together and my ex I'm sure just got emotionally attached to her again. Also, yeah a 3some would be nice.. but this girl.. she's not a girly girl. To me, it only eases the pain a little, this girl is an "ex" She still moved on faster then I would had thought. Part of me is wondering how her and her dad are going to get along now.. This girl played a part in their divorce 11 years ago.. and shes back. In situations like these.. where did I go wrong? I must have done something to turn her off
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 In situations like these.. where did I go wrong? I must have done something to turn her off I hate reading things like this.. You did nothing wrong. At least nothing that forced her into her new R with this chick. She made this choice. Unless of course you told her to "go date someone else,while holding a gun to her cat",but I don't consider that wrong either.
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I hate reading things like this.. You did nothing wrong. At least nothing that forced her into her new R with this chick. She made this choice. Unless of course you told her to "go date someone else,while holding a gun to her cat",but I don't consider that wrong either. Absolutely not, and I love her cat. The last thing I said is, get in touch with me if you want to rekindle things. Part of me feels like I f*cked up somehow for her to go back with this girl. I do wish her happiness... but part of me also hopes she regrets it all
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Absolutely not, and I love her cat. The last thing I said is, get in touch with me if you want to rekindle things. Part of me feels like I f*cked up somehow for her to go back with this girl. I do wish her happiness... but part of me also hopes she regrets it all I didn't really know she had a cat .. There was nothing you did/didn't do though. She made this choice on her own.
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Absolutely not, and I love her cat. The last thing I said is, get in touch with me if you want to rekindle things. Part of me feels like I f*cked up somehow for her to go back with this girl. I do wish her happiness... but part of me also hopes she regrets it all Dude, there's a reason why our Ex's are our Ex's. She'll find that out. I mean, something broke them up in the past. Plus, if this butch girl played a part in her parents divorce, you can bet the farm, her family is not going to accept her with arms wide open. Thus, putting more strain on their relationship. But, here's the deal. IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE!! Start focusing on you! Start making positive changes in your life. Go have an adventure! Block her on ALL social Media INCLUDING FACEBOOK!! Go complete NC and start to heal from this! AND STAY NC! I speculate that her relationship is going to get really bumpy real soon. Don't be that shoulder to cry on for her! Move on with your life. Heal from this!
dumbass2 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Just tell yourself that you were always great her, never cheated, never physically abused or mistreated her in any way like that. You did nothing wrong that you can fix for this to have happened. In this case it is about her and her choice. She was confused and probably still is which is bad for anyone that she is with. It does not make it any easier because she left you for a woman, but do remember that you did find out that she was with her before, so this is nothing new that you did something to somehow caused her to change. She is who she is and she may regret it, but i think after spending 9 years with you, that if she did even try to come back it's only because she is still confused and you don't want that. You truly now need to move on from her and go NC because there is way to much baggage for this to ever work in the future.
CarrieT Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Grokcahsevol, I went through the same thing... I met a guy who told me he "experimented" in college. The difference was that we got married! Five years into the marriage I came home early from work with the flu to find him in a full-on orgy of male flesh on my living room floor. This was 25 years ago - before social media - but I can assure you that it is not your fault! There was nothing you could have done differently and it *will* get better. Don't want her back. She made her path and let her go upon it. You will find someone that deserves you and your love.
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Five years into the marriage I came home early from work with the flu to find him in a full-on orgy of male flesh on my living room floor. . And...there...goes my breakfast. Damn! That's rough!
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I appreciate everyone's responses. A part of me knew this day will come, but I guess I wasn't prepared for it. A part of me feels like I let her down as a man and it's hurting me ego now. Her mother never had a problem, it was only her dad. I'm just getting a full rush of emotions and I don't know how to handle them. I felt like I was slowly getting over all of this. It baffles me cause when they did go on their few dates, they verbally fought, they almost physically fought AND the butch girl told my ex "You haven't changed one bit since you were young" Part of me feels bad, cause they probably talked and are better now, but I don't want my ex to get hurt again by her. It's funny though (not really) When they were fighting and my ex came back to me, she was going to send her this entire letter and one thing that caught me was she said this It's either you want this to work or you don't want us to work, I'm the one putting my 9 year relationship on the line the other girl said I don't and... their together now. It's just so hard cause I have such a strong emotional bond towards her
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I appreciate everyone's responses. A part of me knew this day will come, but I guess I wasn't prepared for it. A part of me feels like I let her down as a man and it's hurting me ego now. Her mother never had a problem, it was only her dad. I'm just getting a full rush of emotions and I don't know how to handle them. I felt like I was slowly getting over all of this. It baffles me cause when they did go on their few dates, they verbally fought, they almost physically fought AND the butch girl told my ex "You haven't changed one bit since you were young" Part of me feels bad, cause they probably talked and are better now, but I don't want my ex to get hurt again by her. It's funny though (not really) When they were fighting and my ex came back to me, she was going to send her this entire letter and one thing that caught me was she said this It's either you want this to work or you don't want us to work, I'm the one putting my 9 year relationship on the line the other girl said I don't and... their together now. It's just so hard cause I have such a strong emotional bond towards her Snap that "bond" in half and toss it away. Walk away with your head high and realize that your life goes on. Family,true friends,work,monthly bills,ect.. are still there. Focus on those and improving your own situation. Look at it like this: You no longer have to look over your shoulder wondering if she's going back to her GF..It's already happened. That's one less "stress" in your life.
HowMightI-live Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I appreciate everyone's responses. A part of me knew this day will come, but I guess I wasn't prepared for it. A part of me feels like I let her down as a man and it's hurting me ego now. Her mother never had a problem, it was only her dad. I'm just getting a full rush of emotions and I don't know how to handle them. I felt like I was slowly getting over all of this. It baffles me cause when they did go on their few dates, they verbally fought, they almost physically fought AND the butch girl told my ex "You haven't changed one bit since you were young" Part of me feels bad, cause they probably talked and are better now, but I don't want my ex to get hurt again by her. It's funny though (not really) When they were fighting and my ex came back to me, she was going to send her this entire letter and one thing that caught me was she said this It's either you want this to work or you don't want us to work, I'm the one putting my 9 year relationship on the line the other girl said I don't and... their together now. It's just so hard cause I have such a strong emotional bond towards her It has nothing to do with you or your manhood. She obviously loves this girl and got in a relationship with you while still in love with her. The girl decided to take her back and so she left you. She was probably waiting for her all this time. And you know.what? Chances are she'll hurt her again.and.your.ex will come knocking right back on your door. When she.does, dont answer.
Chi townD Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 [quote=grokcahsevol;6435626 It's either you want this to work or you don't want us to work, I'm the one putting my 9 year relationship on the line Dude, that would be enough for me. I mean, seriously read what she wrote and break it down for what it means. She say that she rather be with her; but if not, then she need to stay with her backup plan. Like, you're a consolation prize. THAT'S how she felt towards you. That's pretty black and white and you don't deserve that. And just remember what she wrote if butch girl doesn't work out for her.
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 It has nothing to do with you or your manhood. She obviously loves this girl and got in a relationship with you while still in love with her. The girl decided to take her back and so she left you. She was probably waiting for her all this time. And you know.what? Chances are she'll hurt her again.and.your.ex will come knocking right back on your door. When she.does, dont answer. I truly do hope she doesn't come back soon.. as I will be more incline to work out things with her. I need to somehow let go and move on.
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I truly do hope she doesn't come back soon.. as I will be more incline to work out things with her. I need to somehow let go and move on. If you take her back it'll happen again. Stop wasting time on her.
Author grokcahsevol Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Part of believes she won't come back, as she has the support of all of her friends, which some are gay as well.. so it will make her feel more comfortable about everything. Another part of me thinks she will be back in a few months (maybe just having some sort of hope) which I really don't want to think about. My mind is telling me just to say f*ck it and move on, someone better will come along.. but my heart and emotions are just getting the best of me. I think it'll take me a while for me to move on.. mainly due to the confusion of her getting back with her.. almost 11 years later and she told me she's in my past for a reason and I should have kept it at that Maybe the butch girl is just manipulating her somehow just as she did 11 years ago.
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