BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, I'll keep it short. Straight up, yes, I work with this girl. (I know I know). But she's amazing. Bit of background, I'm a regular, 32 year old guy, she's 23, funny, smart and eye-meltingly gorgeous and has had her fair share of jerk boyfriends, however, I'm not a jerk. I think we'd have a great time together if this was to go any further! For now, nothing heavy, I'm not proposing marriage I just wanna spend time with her and see what happens. I've been having back and fourth with her for a while, emails, smokes, getting along great at work in general, but because we work together I've always thought ehhh she won't be interested. However, recently things have been kinda getting more exciting and I'm flirting A LOT with her over email throughout the day. Anyway, last weekend she finally she came round to my place (without me prompting!), had a great time, I gave her a massage, we made out, I tried to take her pants off, she said no she wants to be good and one thing at a time, I said that's cool no pressure, she didn't freak out or immediately leave, and she said we should do this again, hang out more and can she come up for tea sometime? Pretty cool, right?? After that she was on her way and I felt good about the whole thing, I know she enjoyed it, so other than me trying to go down on her and being rejected, it was a great day haha. I had Monday and Tuesday off so knew I wouldn't see her until today, and I didn't text her at all during that time coz hey, I didn't wanna be like "OMG WE KISSED I LOVE U", I just played it cool and sweet, I knew I'd see her today. All good. So, back today, there she is, and she was normal to me, I was normal to her (outwardly, inside I was racing!), yet there was no mention or recognition of the kiss or the weekend or anything really... I didn't get an email from her this morning (not that it's every morning, but after what happened I thought I might?) And I dunno if I'm over thinking it but I have this gut instinct, for some reason, that she's just totally gonna go cold now. I'm worried I gave her too much tongue, or that she'll realize she's not actually into me, or any other number of inexplicable things I could do to turn her off. Normally I'm happy, confident and on fire with her. Now i'm like s*********t!!! Because, damn.. She's great. I've been wanting this for soo long, now it's kinda happened, and I have no idea what to do next, which is really out of character of me. (The overthinking and dreaming about all the romantic possibilities isn't, unfortunately). I'm so excited for what MIGHT happen with her that I'm afraid I'm gonna ruin everything. It's like being in this weird limbo. Do I go on what I know from her which seemed mostly positive and ask her around to mine again (her suggestion!) now? Or just keep doing what i've been doing all year which is just being myself, chilled out and let it happen, don't get all up in her grill about hanging out again? Do I turn the long game around now that we've had that moment and hit the ground running with this or do I back the hell off and let her see I'm still the same dude I was last week? (I think I am..haha). Why is it now that somethings happened, I'm feeling way more reluctant to push anything, when really shouldn't that be the sign I need to step up, be assertive about what I want and keep the momentum going? I thought I'd know how to handle this insane moment finally happening, but I reckon I'm gonna hand grenade everything from second guessing myself and how I take it from here. Thanks for any advice I may receive. Edited July 15, 2015 by zer0entity
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Was there anymore kissing after you tried to get her pants off? I'd stay cool for now. Keep up the work-flirting like normal but don't do any next level stuff. Let it happen.
spiderowl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 If you want to maintain a relationship with her, then do things that maintain it. One of those would be texting her regularly but not so regularly that she thinks you are a stalker. Not texting her for two days after kissing her the night before is really a bad move. If she enjoyed herself that night, she will want to feel you like her and care about her. Apparently ignoring her for two days is not the way to show that. In fact, if you now go and invite her round to your place, she is likely to think 'Oh, so he's only interested when he thinks he's going to get some, the rest of the time he's going to ignore me.' There are guys that do that, you know - only getting in touch when they think a night of fun is getting close. Women are pretty good at filtering them out. If you speak to her, mention the lack of texts and perhaps say you didn't want to hassle her but wondered if she was OK. That way, she'll get an idea of why you didn't maintain contact when you were apparently eager to be in contact the night before!
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Ah dammit, yeah, I did wonder if I should've texted her in the days after, I just reeeallly didn't wanna seem either too clingy or ruin the good time we had texting her then not hearing anything back, I would've driven myself nuts over that. But I can see your point, and now the moments past I guess... Jen, there wasn't any more kissing after I tried to take her pants off, no. That's not great, is it? Ohhhman, this is difficult.
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Jen, there wasn't any more kissing after I tried to take her pants off, no. That's not great, is it? It just means it ended on the de-pantsing fail, which is all the more reason to be cool. You really don't want to follow up a fail with a move that looks desperate. Lucky for you you see/interact w/her regularly anyway so you can keep on with basic contact under the pretense of work and monitor the situation and her mindset that way. It'd be worse if calling/dating/hanging out was your only option.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Ok, so just keep doing what I've been doing but don't ask her for any more dates just yet? Would it be cool if over email I maybe like, said that I had a great time with her, and like there's no pressure and maybe make a lighthearted joke about trying to take her pants off? Like.. reference the weekend at all??
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Ok, so just keep doing what I've been doing but don't ask her for any more dates just yet? Would it be cool if over email I maybe like, said that I had a great time with her, and like there's no pressure and maybe make a lighthearted joke about trying to take her pants off? Like.. reference the weekend at all?? I wouldn't just yet. First just see how she treats you in general. Bear in mind that you're there and we're here and we really have no idea what's going on beyond a paragraph or two, so ....for all I know she's dying to get back w/you but all I can do is give you my general take. Which is just stay cool.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah she's been totally cool with me as far as I can tell, if I just go on what was said and not whats in my head then she's keen to hang out again! But Yep I get you're there and i'm in the thick of it, I think i'll just suss it out through the day, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me!
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Well she prob think you just want to bang her....but what the hell was she expecting if she makes out with you heavily ...like seriously. Anyways don't go cold on her, just say "sorry for being so aggressive the other night, I just find you really amazing and hope this can become something real". Ya gotta let her know she is more than a piece of ass. If you go cold on her, she's gonna think you didn't get what you wanted. 1
smackie9 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah she's been totally cool with me as far as I can tell, if I just go on what was said and not whats in my head then she's keen to hang out again! But Yep I get you're there and i'm in the thick of it, I think i'll just suss it out through the day, thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me! Best of luck. Hope it goes well for you.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Thank you! Yeah I agree it was a bit confusing especially since in our work flirting she was pretty much begging me to take her pants off.. but hey, i'm not gonna try work that one out. But I agree I need to let her know I dont just see her as an object, she's wicked I just wanna get to know her better!
yxalitis Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I'm not a jerk. We'll see... So far, trying to take a massage to sex on the first date seem a little jerky. 1
yxalitis Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 she was pretty much begging me to take her pants off.. Describe HOW she "Begged you"?
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Without being too explicit, she told me I'm making her umm.. aroused in her chair at work and that we should go into an empty office here and blow off some steam. So after this long, when it came to her actually being at my place I think I would've kicked myself if I at least didn't TRY, there's been a years worth of tension building up to this!
PogoStick Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I agree. Ask her on a real date to show you're legitimately interested. I say, use the "opportunity" approach. Then you don't seem desperate. "Hey my friend gave me 2 tickets to the baseball game (minor league, no need to blow a bunch of money!) on Friday that he can't use. Want to come with me?" If she says yes then hurry up and put a pair of tickets on will call.
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Yeah, don't ask her over. Ask her on a proper going-out date. She's afraid you just want sex, probably. Take her on a real date and keep taking her on real dates. And tea also.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Excellent idea yeah, hopefully that will show her i'm not just a sex crazed freak and that I actually wanna get to know her more and just have fun. I guess it's just now how and when do I put that to her without it sounding forced/creepy/desperate?
PogoStick Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 As soon as you figure out when the next baseball game is. sheesh!
yxalitis Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I agree. Ask her on a real date to show you're legitimately interested. I say, use the "opportunity" approach. Then you don't seem desperate. "Hey my friend gave me 2 tickets to the baseball game (minor league, no need to blow a bunch of money!) on Friday that he can't use. Want to come with me?" If she says yes then hurry up and put a pair of tickets on will call. Who takes a girl to a baseball game for a date?! I want to entertain and charm her, not have her fall asleep.
h0000 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 If someone invites me to his place, tries to have sex on the first date, then no messages for days after I leave, I'd think he just wants sex. Funny that is not what you just want, but you acted the opposite.
Author BelatedTrick79 Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 Hahahaha I take it as a metaphorical suggestion since i'm in Australia and we don't really have baseball here anyway. I think i'll take her to Inflatable World, you can just bounce around on stuff in a big gym thing like a couple of kids and it will totally take the pressure off of her and me and I can prove to her i'm not just a sex maniac haha.
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