fiance of 4 years broke up with me. I'm stuck. (lesbian couple) Long ...

[Luna21]

Hi everybody,

 

I would like some input about my currenot situation..my fiance of 4 years (we lived together) left me last week. she said she couldn't do this anymore because we weren't doing good. I didn't trust her and that if it wasn't now she felt that it would eventually happens anyway. She called her aunt asking if she could spend the night packed almost EVERYTHING in laundry bags and plastic bags, called a friend for help and left. I tried to stop her while she was packing but she said the same thing, shesaid she didn't want to be here anymore and that I'll see it will be the right thing eventually. She offer to help me with money since Im not working, I said no. Before she left she asked for a hug and told me she never meant to hurt me and that she always tried to give me the best of her.

A week after that I still wasn't able to find a job so I called her. (She had found me a job the week before she left that required me to work Saturday. She asked me to think about this because saturday was her day off and it was "our day" so I didn't take it) I asked her if she was willing to still help me with the job and she said yes of course (it wasn't at her workplace it was somewhere else) I couldn't help it, I asked her to reconsider and I told her that this was her home, I said I know we made mistakes but we love each other and we care abortion each other. She seemed irritated and said no, she promised herself the day she left that she was going to start a new life, by herself. She said that I called her about the job and now I'm talking about us and it's only been a weeknow then she said "I don't want to get back together, I moved in with my sister and I want to do me. I felt like a bird in a cage. I want to do things my way on my own. I need to love myself before I love anyone else. I'm not seeing anyone I'm not talking to anyone I just want to do things my way and be alone" I told her I understand and that I loved her and I wish her the best that I hoped she only finds good people in her life and that she's happy. I didn't want her to leave I wanted to stay with her for a little longer but she kept hurrying me and telling me she needed to leave. I told her I feel this is the last time I'll see you. We were together for 4 years and she just said I don't know. I hugged her and she didn't really hugged me back so I just told her I hope you are happy and left.

Before she left. We were having problems because I found her texting some girl about being in love and wanting to give her all her time but she couldn't. I told her and she said she was just playing around I forgave her. But I kept mentioned it and fighting about it. I couldn't help it I just wanted her to see how she hurt me. Iwe fought almost every day. I caught her lying about going with her sister when she actually went someplace else and the Sunday before she left she told me she was going to work but I found out she was someplace else using her iPhone location that she had it on fb messenger and asked her about it that's when she got irritated she always denied it until the very last min she left and said that there wasn't any trust and that we were never going to move past it.

I still love her and care deeply about her I want her back and I feel like this week and a half since she left has been the most horrible of my life. We were going to get married. We had plans And now everything is gone.when I went to see her last Sunday I asked her to give us another chance because I spoke to her sister and she told me my ex said "I might reconsider and get back together with her"so that gave me hope to ask her back . Now I think it was a mistake.

what do you think?

I'm sorry if this was sooo long.

[Satu]

Welcome to LS.

 

Sorry to hear that you're hurting so.

 

 

Here is something I put together for myself. Some of it might be helpful for you.

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres a day for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to.

 

 

Take care.