Girlfriend shared a massive secret that has rocked my world

[the life of BRIAN]

Hey, I’m back. I posted here a year or so ago and I’m happy to say that I am still with the same woman and the relationship is more than I could have ever dreamed of.

 

The previous advice I got here was invaluable so I am going to try again.

 

My girlfriend decided to “come clean” and share something with me that she never thought she would share with anyone. I wont bore you with the details of how it came about but she decided to let me know that she had made some home-made sex videos with her ex and told me I was welcome to watch them if I wanted. We did watch one very briefly that night but after that I pretty much ignored them, not for any reason, I just never felt the desire to look at them.

 

She went away for a week long conference a while back and it was then that I did watch a few and to my surprise I was aroused watching someone else be with her. There’s actually a good many hours worth of videos and I couldn’t stop watching. There is one video where she is looking directly into the camera after he has finished on her face and that just is the most stimulating thing I have seen. There is even one where she is with another woman while her ex was filming!!

 

Now the problem (if it is even a problem) is that I can’t stop watching them, I’ve never been a watcher of much porn but these videos just do it for me. I don’t masturbate to ejaculation, I’m certainly not ignoring my girlfriend and she does know I am watching them and says she is perfectly ok with it. We have even watched them together. I guess the question is do people see this as an issue? I have read previously about porn addiction, do you think this falls into that category or is it different considering it’s my girlfriend?

 

Also do people think it’s weird that I am getting turned on watching my girlfriend with someone else? I am actually even playing with the idea that I would like to see it played out in a real life scenario. I did mention that to her and she said that if I did decide that I wanted to go down that road we could talk about it then, so she’s certainly not totally against the idea. Then at other times I chastise myself because how could I even want my girl with someone else? I am legitimately confused by my own feelings.

 

We have also started taking pictures mimicking what has been done in the videos and my girlfriend has mentioned she would like to post them of some amateur home made forum site she knows about because she’d love to read what people say about her. That sounds exciting and very very scary all at the same time, not so much the loading of the pictures onto the site but that she is so comfortable being an exhibitionist.

 

This whole relationship has been an incredible learning curve for me and it just seems to get better all the time but I never imagined that I would be looking at, doing, and considering the types of things that I am now.

 

As I said earlier, this forum presented me with some great advice previously and I’d like to open it up again to see what people think about this whole situation. I don’t know how to link to my old thread but if there is some way people can find it it might add a bit of context to this thread. In short I am 11 years older than my girlfriend but was relatively inexperienced, she taught me to open up. Now we’re heading to the stratosphere with new experiences it’s going to be hard to ever settle back in to the mundane if it ever comes to that.

[acrosstheuniverse]

You're stressing over nothing. While it may seem really counterintuitive to others, a fetish for watching your partner with someone else isn't exactly unusual. Search for cuckolding or hotwife stuff. If you like it and she is fine with it, where's the issue? Chances are once you've watched them all to desth they'll become pretty dull like other porn feels like right now. Enjoy the ride, enjoy the stimulation and the wild crazy sex I'm sure you're having. No need to feel guilty if everyone's cool with it, although I have to say I wonder whether her ex would be consenting to his ex's new partner jacking off to his sex tapes. Seems kinda sleazy and disrespectful to me. I assume when they made the tapes they were for their eyes only? If they planned to put them up online then it's fair.

 

Just remember to guard your identity with you life if you're pjtting tapes up online, once they're there there is absolutely no removing them. Remember if anyone recognised either of you it could have a major impact on your careers. Stay anonymous.

[LoveMachine67]

my girlfriend has mentioned she would like to post them of some amateur home made forum site she knows about because she’d love to read what people say about her.

 

What could possibly go wrong?

 

Sounds like you may have a cuckold fetish too, if you enjoy it, then run with it!

[salparadise]

I don't think there is anything wrong with watching and getting turned on by the videos, or even the fantasy of seeing her with other men. If this flips your switch and she's into playing along, use it to enhance your sex life with her. I also think her response, "that if I did decide that I wanted to go down that road we could talk about it then" is reasonable and prudent.

 

What I would caution you about is having assumptions such as, if the fantasy is good the reality is bound to be even better. You're having some ambivalence just thinking about it. Some fantasies just work as fantasies, but should not be acted out. As a fantasy you can enjoy it without much risk. It's relatively safe. Going down the cuckold path might be where you need to draw the line if you value your relationship. Many couples have lost good relationships this way. No one can tell you if you should or shouldn't. All I'm saying is that it's a huge leap and there is significant risk in crossing that line.

[preraph]

I don't see a problem with watching or making them for yourselves, but I am very concerned about your girlfriend wanting to share them on the internet and basically make herself into a porn star. How is this going to benefit her career down the road and what kind of impression will that be for your children. Your gf is making some bad decisions and likes some attention that isn't going to stop with someone watching her films. If someone said this to me "I want to post them on the internet and see how people react," which is simple fishing for compliments to validates herself, I'd realize she has very low self-esteem and it's unhealthy and she isn't thinking about the future -- and it would be a dealbreaker for me. I wouldn't stay with anyone who would post porn of themselves on the internet, period.

[Gloria25]

Well, I guess you and your gf are a "match"...

 

You like to watch and she likes to show.

 

Yes, I've had fantasies of seeing dude with other women, but would I want that in real life? Eh, don't think so.

 

I mean, that's why fantasies have their place. Cuz, the day you bring certain things and cross that line - it can't be good.

 

I mean, like a 3 some. Usually when someone proposes that, it means they wanna open the door to see other people - but they start off with the 3 some. So, while you may get your fantasy fulfilled - your partner just cheated on you by sleeping with another person.

 

So, while you may be getting your fantasy fulfilled - other guys are having their way with your gf. Is fulfilling your fantasies "that" worth it?

[jen1447]

As to the "why do I like this?" question, I've heard a convincing biological explanation, which is simply genetic competition. Males are hardwired to have their genes compete with other males for mating, so seeing a rival mate with your mate inspires you to compete with that male by mating as well in the hope that your sperm will defeat/outnumber/win out over/whatever his, which manifests as arousal to facilitate the mating. Pretty simple really.

 

I think it's pretty common for cuckolds to get to have sex with the 'hotwife' after the interloper has had his.

[ConfusedTrixie]

Boy, what an amazing post.

[darkmoon]

the photos can be reproduced anytime anywhere, any crank could see them and also then find her if he is good at tech

 

i think she needs to think this thru, or disguise herself

[Radu]

As to the "why do I like this?" question, I've heard a convincing biological explanation, which is simply genetic competition. Males are hardwired to have their genes compete with other males for mating, so seeing a rival mate with your mate inspires you to compete with that male by mating as well in the hope that your sperm will defeat/outnumber/win out over/whatever his, which manifests as arousal to facilitate the mating. Pretty simple really.

 

I think it's pretty common for cuckolds to get to have sex with the 'hotwife' after the interloper has had his.

 

To add to this, cuckolding has 2 general forms.

1 - humiliation to the world of the bf/husband; she goes out and has sex with others, ignoring him or telling him how much better they are, or implying that she needs all of them to get off ... the point is that it involves humiliation.

The extreme is white female in relationship with white male getting impregnated [planned] by black stud.

2 - no humiliation, the competition mentioned by jen.

 

Also, i guess you could count polyamory and open relationships amongst the posibilities of a framework in which this could happen.

 

PS: Google hotwife and blog.

[the life of BRIAN]

i think she needs to think this thru, or disguise herself

 

I probably should have added that, honestly things like this just don't cross my mind, I'm quite naive aren't I? Yes she is absolutely going to disguise herself, she has showed me her handywork where she can pixelate her face but leave everything else perfect.

 

I'm quite amazed that every different fantasy/act seems to have a name. I have never heard 'hotwife' before and while I had heard the term 'cuckold' before I wasn't aware of all that it involved. I can assure you that I don't fit either of these scenarios, I realise that is a little contradictory to my original post but I think I just like the idea that one day it could become real but not actually wanting that day to ever come. I hope that makes sense.

 

At least I can watch the videos without worrying that I'm turning into some deviate. I love coming to this place, I always lean something. Which in another way is also sad that I have lived a life not knowing about these things. All I can say is that I'm thankful that I have a great girlfriend that is teaching me all these things (even if it is years too late).

 

Which reminded me of a quote (that I couldn't quite remember so I Googled it)

 

“Do not indulge in dreams of having what you have not, but reckon up the chief of the blessings you do possess, and then thankfully remember how you would crave for them if they were not yours."

- Marcus Aurelius

[autumnnight]

I am wondering if the reason you can find this hot is because it is over, in the past. That makes a big difference. I would imagine that a video of her with someone else in the present wouldn't have the same effect.

 

Just a thought

[jen1447]

I can assure you that I don't fit either of these scenarios, I realise that is a little contradictory to my original post but I think I just like the idea that one day it could become real but not actually wanting that day to ever come. I hope that makes sense.

I think that's actually the most common way the fantasy/fetish plays out.