bambootreez Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Hey Guys So I've been dating this girl for 8 months now and shes a gamer (I am too). Everything has been going great, but lately, things have been a little off. I put together a team for us in a game (her and a couple of my friends), and we play together every now and then. We used to play this game together by ourselves, but decided to create a bigger team (her idea). The problem is that ever since we have been playing with others, she has been treating me a little different. We're both really competitive, so we try to do anything to win. But lately, we have been snapping at each other in the game. If I make a call to do something for the team, I'm hit with heavy resistance or an "I don't know if we should do that" kind of comment from her. But, if one of my friends were to make the same comment, shes totally on board with it and happy. Another thing that made me a little upset is that she was so motivated on getting to a certain rank and I've committed a lot of hours and support in trying to get here there. But then, out of the blue, shes talking to one of my friends and ends up just giving him her password and says to level her up. I know that doesn't seem like much because it's just a game, but it really upset me because it's kind of something we've both been working towards, and then after talking to my friend for 2 minutes, she just gives up and asks him to level up her account (which I could've done a long time ago). I might just be bitter because she didn't ask me to do it, but I'm more upset because she just dropped everything we worked for because my friend said he could level her up. I realize this is just a game, but I feel like it's a little more than that. Any serious advice/feedback is welcome. Thanks everyone
Keenly Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 The undermining and questioning of your calls seems odd. Is this a one time thing or is this now happening frequently?
Radu Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 How old are you two ? Taken out of context, both of those actions you describe are emasculating. She either is too young to figure it out, or is the kind who wants to create the effects of emasculation and maybe jealousy.
Gloria25 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Some things to do with our SO's simply don't "mix"... I mean, I'd hate to go running with someone I'm dating cuz I'm afraid "what if" I run faster than him and/or he's better than me Like dual working couples - believe it or not, sometimes it gets competitive for some couples. I've seen husbands get jealous cuz the wife earns more. And, me, myself I've had times I've felt sorta insecure if the guy I was dating was like waaay higher than me professionally (i.e. a doctor, lawyer) - as if I wasn't good enough for him. So maybe it's time for you to consider not gaming with your gf cuz she seems to be very aggressive and seeing her kick butt is probably something you should not be seeing. 1
Author bambootreez Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 The undermining and questioning of your calls seems odd. Is this a one time thing or is this now happening frequently? It's been pretty frequent. I feel like she might be losing respect for me because we play so much (too available)
Gloria25 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 It's been pretty frequent. I feel like she might be losing respect for me because we play so much (too available) Well, do you think she should not play as hard and/or aggressive as she normally would cuz you are part of the game? It's not like you're a team on the game. So, again, maybe you two shouldn't share this activity and/or particular games. I'm a very "take charge" woman and I don't think I'd like to be part of something with a guy I'm dating cuz when I take the lead, I take it....especially when I was in the military. He would "not" want to serve on my platoon. 1
Author bambootreez Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 How old are you two ? Taken out of context, both of those actions you describe are emasculating. She either is too young to figure it out, or is the kind who wants to create the effects of emasculation and maybe jealousy. We're both in our mid twenties. It does feel emasculating. She's pretty amazing though and would do anything for me, so I'm a little confused why she's getting snappy at me and happy cheerful at my friends. I just don't want anything (especially a game) to come between us. But, then again, were both game developers as well.
Author bambootreez Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Well, do you think she should not play as hard and/or aggressive as she normally would cuz you are part of the game? It's not like you're a team on the game. So, again, maybe you two shouldn't share this activity and/or particular games. I'm a very "take charge" woman and I don't think I'd like to be part of something with a guy I'm dating cuz when I take the lead, I take it....especially when I was in the military. He would "not" want to serve on my platoon. Sound advice in both your posts, thank you . We play on the same team in the game and always play our best. She is a very strong, independent woman and I love her for it. I forgot to mention in my original post that I have abandonment issues that I'm working on, and I currently get jealous pretty easily if someone I love displays affection towards others and not me. It makes me feel like I am not good enough (long story, working on it). That's why I wanted to get an outside perspective and see if it wasn't just me over reacting again.
Gloria25 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Sound advice in both your posts, thank you . We play on the same team in the game and always play our best. She is a very strong, independent woman and I love her for it. I forgot to mention in my original post that I have abandonment issues that I'm working on, and I currently get jealous pretty easily if someone I love displays affection towards others and not me. It makes me feel like I am not good enough (long story, working on it). That's why I wanted to get an outside perspective and see if it wasn't just me over reacting again. Well, regardless of the polarities between you two - she's gotta learn how/when to be strong - but strong as your woman too. I mean, one time I was sorta doing the "navigating" with my FWB when we were driving to get some parts for his vehicle and he was f-ing it up big time. The old me would have told him pretty much "you're fing it up, listen to me!!!". But the "wiser" me let him do what he had to do and I softly said "well, maybe we can try this way" (which worked) and did I rub it in his face? No, I simply said something like "geesh, those GPS can be darn X,Y,Z". But still, hopefully we have been able to give you some perspective cuz yes, regardless of the polarities between you two - IMO, some activities should not be shared by couples because it can evoke issues between the two. Lol...like me and one of my gfs. She invited me to play like a scramble type game on our smartphones and she's kicking my butt!!! And yep, it does make me fell kinda "dumb"...lol
Radu Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Then it sounds like her emasculating you is a by-product of her competitiveness at this. One of you has to fold, if i was in your shoes, i'd do it. However, i would have a talk with her about how it feels for you, and why this decision is one you want to pursue. Maybe even read up on emasculation and the effect it has on men, so you know how to explain it to her and why it's important.
Author bambootreez Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Then it sounds like her emasculating you is a by-product of her competitiveness at this. One of you has to fold, if i was in your shoes, i'd do it. However, i would have a talk with her about how it feels for you, and why this decision is one you want to pursue. Maybe even read up on emasculation and the effect it has on men, so you know how to explain it to her and why it's important. I think you are right, but this is a very tough spot. So, shes from the east coast, and the only reason she wanted me to make a team is because her friends go to bed before us. So I made a team with her and my friends so we could play on our time. We have 5 players, you need 5 to play this game and I'm one of them. We can't find another. If I stop playing, they can't play, and shes really enjoying it. I don't want to take away something that makes her happy. After were done playing and everyone leaves our call, we usually talk for a bit and say we love each other and that's it. And we get along amazing in person (she mentioned that I could move in with her at some point in the near future). It's just in game with everyone talking when we kind of take each other for granted.
Recommended Posts