jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I hear ya....BOTH genders do it. Why do you think that is? Arrogance? What? Boggles the mind.... With regard to no one specifically in this thread, it's just human nature to think we have all the answers. Throw in a dash of transference (my emotional state and/or thinking must equals yours) and it becomes almost irresistible. 2
GemmaUK Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 In the very early stage of a new dating scenario, it really is best to let them initiate. This is not being passive, it's coming from a position of power. They want you, they come to you and you decide whether or not you want to see them. If you initiate, you don't know if they would have asked you and we see it all the time. The woman intiates and then feels slighted because she not feeling the pursuit and wondering what his interest level really is. This is where the power is. Knowing whats going on with a guy. I disagree. I haven't read any further posts here to be fair. In all - yes all of the good relationships that I have had I have given interest and noted his and I have approached for a conversation. I have also asked out - I can't remember who asked who with two relationships to be honest but one I asked him out. The one I asked out I was with for 14 years. He had been making me a priority when we bumped into each other since we had first met and I went to talk to him when he was a total stranger to me 4 months prior.
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 With regard to no one specifically in this thread, it's just human nature to think we have all the answers. Throw in a dash of transference (my emotional state and/or thinking must equals yours) and it becomes almost irresistible. Oh I hear ya about thinking we all have the answers! I for one am probably one of the most opinionated posters on this board. LOL But to assume to know better .... the needs and desires of another gender other than one's own? And what actually works for certain members of that gender? When they are straight up telling you what they need, desire and what works for them? I know both genders do it.... perhaps men even more than women. I just don't agree with it and will never understand it.
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Oh I hear ya about thinking we all have the answers! I for one am probably one of the most opinionated posters on this board. LOL But to assume to know better .... the needs and desires of another gender other than one's own? And what actually works for certain members of that gender? When they are straight up telling you what they need, desire and what works for them? I know both genders do it.... perhaps men even more than women. I just don't agree with it and will never understand it. I think the lines get blurred from over-indulgence on forums like this among other things. People come here asking for advice all the time, we get used to giving it, and ....next thing you know we think we're authorities on world politics, nevermind the minds of men/women/children/anilmals/etc. (That's not an excuse btw, just a half-assed explanation.) 2
Imported Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Get back in the kitchen and don't come out unless I call! 1
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I think the lines get blurred from over-indulgence on forums like this among other things. People come here asking for advice all the time, we get used to giving it, and ....next thing you know we think we're authorities on world politics, nevermind the minds of men/women/children/anilmals/etc. (That's not an excuse btw, just a half-assed explanation.) No actually that was a darn good explanation! You remind me of my late dad.....who always tried to be FAIR and partial in just about any subject we discussed (argued about ...LOL) He usually won our arguments too by the way.... I miss arguing with him! 1
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 No actually that was a darn good explanation! You remind me of my late dad.....who always tried to be FAIR and partial in just about any subject we discussed (argued about ...LOL) He usually won our arguments too by the way.... I miss arguing with him! Aw thank you Katie. That actually means more to me than you probably realize.
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Aw thank you Katie. That actually means more to me than you probably realize. You're very welcome..... I was gonna get all mushy on you too....but thought I'd hold back on that. Luv ya back!
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I think the lines get blurred from over-indulgence on forums like this among other things. People come here asking for advice all the time, we get used to giving it, and ....next thing you know we think we're authorities on world politics, nevermind the minds of men/women/children/anilmals/etc. (That's not an excuse btw, just a half-assed explanation.) There's no need for anyone to stop being a "lady" here. Everyone has their views and opinions. People can take what they want from them. No one is an expert. They just have their convictions and if that comes across as being an authority, so be it. It is what it is -- a little spirited volleying. Edited July 15, 2015 by Redhead14
jen1447 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 You're very welcome..... I was gonna get all mushy on you too....but thought I'd hold back on that. Luv ya back! Kisses! (platonic ones lol).
phineas Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Ha ha, i roll my eyes when i hear women defining what a real man is. No doubt women do the same when they hear men defining what a real woman is too. I see very few men define what a real woman is & those men are usually the "a woman should be seen & not heard" type of men.
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I see very few men define what a real woman is & those men are usually the "a woman should be seen & not heard" type of men. Not so much here on this forum...but I notice it IRL, and on other forums...
Grumpybutfun Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I do not discount your attitude or theory. However, it is filled with masculine energy which is intended to negate rather than compliment the feminine energy and perspective. Receptivity is not passiveness. Receptivity comes from a point of being centered and focused on a womans needs and she evaluates whether her needs are being met by the man. Part of that is about his masculinity. I never said a woman shouldn't initiate. I said she should do that if she is so inclined, but she shouldn't overshadow his masculinity. She should compliment and balance it by giving the control back to him at some point soon after the initiation. Balance. If you want to build a fire you need a fuel source (wood , heat, and Oxygen. If the man brings the fuel source and the heat, she will give you all the Oxygen you need. It wasn't a theory...it is my personal experience. I was solely speaking for myself and realize that not all men feel as I do. As for the other comments.... Well, you know, my masculine energy is probably because I'm a, you know, a man...and if you think masculine energy negates a woman's feminine energy.... I'm at a loss as to why you think masculine energy should be so dominant in the pursuance of a relationship. That is a stumper for me. You think it detracts from a woman and yet you want it to be the lead in a romantic relationship? I think you think balance is somehow where a man pursues a woman and does all of the work making sure she feels ok and valued while receiving his attentions with a pasted on smile and internally fearing that if she makes a move, or shows more interest than what is allowed by her fears, she might scare him off. It goes along with your lion theory though if you want women to be likened to a gazelle. Huge eyes, fear radiating off them in short energy bursts.....sounds fun.... Yeah, that's not balance, that is what we like to call fear/insecurity in the real world. However, if this idea about men and women you have has served you well, and you are in a loving and long term relationship then good for you. I was just giving you my opinion, as a, you know, a man since it didn't correlate with your opinion of what all men are really like. Best, G 3
autumnnight Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Women who do not initiate are Borderline , the worse are men who don't initiate . I believe venus is in the sex field is more powerful than man , she can initiate without even moving , she is the one who has the power to seduce and raise the hot air Where did this come from??? Scientific data please?
Timshel Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I'm late to the thread, pls forgive repetition......I'm submissive but not passive/submissive, definitely passionate. Passionate, as in, you are sooooo gonna be a happy, happy fella.... Masculine , confident men turn me on. I get Redhead14 and also that there must be mutual chemistry to move forward. If we do, the man will not be confused about my interest. I see the difference in opinion only in the timing of assertiveness really, not in the level of reciprocity. I really don't know any passive women tbh. Every woman I know sure as sh*t knows how to achieve, give and get with a man she wants. Submissive or no. Who/where are these women that are being spoken of here? If a woman likes/wants a man, I have never met one who did not in some way make it resoundingly clear. Maybe these snooze fests are just not into the guy? Edited July 15, 2015 by Timshel
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) I'm late to the thread, pls forgive repetition......I'm submissive but not passive/submissive, definitely passionate. Passionate, as in, you are sooooo gonna be a happy, happy fella.... Masculine , confident men turn me on. I get Redhead14 and also that there must be mutual chemistry to move forward. If we do, the man will not be confused about my interest. I see the difference in opinion only in the timing of assertiveness really, not in the level of reciprocity. I really don't know any passive women tbh. Every woman I know sure as sh*t knows how to achieve, give and get with a man she wants. Submissive or no. Who/where are these women that are being spoken of here? If a woman likes/wants a man, I have never met one who did not in some way make it resoundingly clear. Maybe these snooze fests are just not into the guy? Me too!!! I also agree there MUST be mutual chemistry, and when there IS mutual chemistry.... I don't think it matters much who the hell is doing the initiating. As long as it's balanced....an equal give and take, based on however they want to define what that give and take will be for THEM -- what works for THEM and their relationship....(see fitness fan's earlier post which he defined perfectly for HIMSELF and the women HE dates). No two relationships are the same and what works for one couple may not work for another.. Edited July 15, 2015 by katiegrl 1
Timshel Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Where for art thou......dead lay? Wet blanket woman?
ascendotum Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 How direct? "Wanna f*ck?" ?LOL I would sooo love to get that sort of IOI from women. When you hang out with very good looking guys you do see things happen differently. Some women initiate and some don't but they flirt full on, so its really easy to see they are a sure thing, so the guy just has to close the deal. I've actually heard them get the line Ive quoted from you on a number of occasions. Even seen women beg to be taken home and f****** (serious).
Phoe Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 My theory about this is simple, ladies want to be the one who rejects the guy and not vice versa, hence the reason they never approach, approaching has a stupidly high failure rate so its just not worth the risk to them. I am sure this will get some fairly interesting responses. For the most part, I agree! Not about the "wanting to be the one who rejects" bit, but the risky bit and the high failure rate bit. Approaching is a risky endeavor and is nervewracking and hard to do correctly.
Leigh 87 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I initiate. But only after the first few dates. Men who aren't that into you will respond and try to then maintain contact in order to set up a FWB scenario. Many men will use the fact a woman who they are not interested in, is indeed crushing on them. Where as all the men who have been into me have ALL been the ones to initiate contact and " text first " after the first and second dates..... yes one or two were players despite them initiating first contact the via texts daily, however; 100% of the men who WERE into me, ALL initiated texts. I never had to be the one to initiate in the beginning at least...... Right now I initiate because I have let the guy dictate and I am merely mirroring him. After letting HIM be the one who initiated not just the first post date texts, but also the relationship " do you want to be exclusive " talks it is now MY turn to initiate some good morning texts. I like to let him initiate a little over half the time just to ensure he is still into keeping regular contact with me (rather than merely responding out of obligation). But I just love the feeling of knowing a guy is into you and feeling secure enough shoot off random texts or in my case, cool pictures or quotes, after a few hours of non texting. I just love the feeling of making my man feel special by initiating texts that, I feel, excite him because he feels high and happy that I have reached out to him..... So sure I prefer a man to fulfill the more traditional gender role of "initiating" contact... But spoiling my men with direct signs that I am thinking of them works a treat ( men wan a feel that you're into them too !) 1
phineas Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) Not so much here on this forum...but I notice it IRL, and on other forums... I notice it also on some other sites. They are the same men you want to sleep around yet expect a woman's number to be somewhere between 1 guy & virginity or they consider her a slut. Most of them are virgins. real life? I don't think i've met many single guys I could consider real men. I was at lunch with a few younger guys from work. I was ready to break out the vaginal wipes for them after 5 mins. of listening to them talk about their women problems. Guys my age? They act like they're back in college and hit on women to the point of embarrassment. Edited July 16, 2015 by phineas 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 well women don't have to, why bother doing something they don't have to do?
LookAtThisPOst Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Funny..a friend of mine had dealt with a few women, although they were initiators, wouldn't return his phone calls after they could call him or after they'd ask HIM out. He would usually give up after a couple of unreturned phone calls...but when he'd bump into them in person, they'd be like, "You give up too easy!" Apparently, women tend to call back after so many phone calls and voice mails left in order to gauge a man's level of interest. Example: Guy calls 1 to 2 times, leaves voice mail for her to call back, she doesn't call back...he doesn't try for a 3rd time = NOT interested in her. Perhaps beyond 3 times a guy calls back (means resorting to being stalkerish in nature) = shows that HIS his interest is GENUINE!
Timshel Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Funny..a friend of mine had dealt with a few women, although they were initiators, wouldn't return his phone calls after they could call him or after they'd ask HIM out. He would usually give up after a couple of unreturned phone calls...but when he'd bump into them in person, they'd be like, "You give up too easy!" Apparently, women tend to call back after so many phone calls and voice mails left in order to gauge a man's level of interest. Example: Guy calls 1 to 2 times, leaves voice mail for her to call back, she doesn't call back...he doesn't try for a 3rd time = NOT interested in her. Perhaps beyond 3 times a guy calls back (means resorting to being stalkerish in nature) = shows that HIS his interest is GENUINE! Nah, they are saving face because they are face to face. They weren't interested. No chick into a guy does this. 2
Toodaloo Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Nah, they are saving face because they are face to face. They weren't interested. No chick into a guy does this. She is onto that phone like a rash. 1
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