Eternal Sunshine Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I think I disagree with this. If you let the man take a lead and you are just being receptive, you are allowing the man to have all the power. For cheaters for example this is really convenient. They call you and text you when it's suitable for them since you never initiate contact. I also think that coming across as passive doesn't look that good. All confident woman I know are not afraid to initiate contact. The only thing is that a man has to be receptive and enthusiastic when you initiate. Obviously you shouldnt text him multiple times if he is not responding. One of good ways to test a man in early dating stages is how responsive he is to your random contact. I just see not initiating advice often on LS... Agree or disagree? 2
Grumpybutfun Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Hi, ES. As a confident and equality minded man.....I think women who initiate are lovely, independent, know what they want, have moxie and aren't lemmings. I was pursued by some amazing ladies, including my now wife. I felt/feel valued and respected when a woman (my wife these days) thinks enough of me to intiate anything with me...and I'm glad my wife has no hang ups about being bold. Passive and waiting for me to make the moves all the time would get dull for me. I have no idea who these people are who say women shouldn't intiate but it isn't an absolute by any means. Best, Grumps 9
ZA Dater Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My theory about this is simple, ladies want to be the one who rejects the guy and not vice versa, hence the reason they never approach, approaching has a stupidly high failure rate so its just not worth the risk to them. I am sure this will get some fairly interesting responses. 2
Phoenician Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Women who do not initiate are Borderline , the worse are men who don't initiate . I believe venus is in the sex field is more powerful than man , she can initiate without even moving , she is the one who has the power to seduce and raise the hot air 1
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I think I disagree with this. If you let the man take a lead and you are just being receptive, you are allowing the man to have all the power. For cheaters for example this is really convenient. They call you and text you when it's suitable for them since you never initiate contact. I also think that coming across as passive doesn't look that good. All confident woman I know are not afraid to initiate contact. The only thing is that a man has to be receptive and enthusiastic when you initiate. Obviously you shouldnt text him multiple times if he is not responding. One of good ways to test a man in early dating stages is how responsive he is to your random contact. I just see not initiating advice often on LS... Agree or disagree? In the very early stage of a new dating scenario, it really is best to let them initiate. This is not being passive, it's coming from a position of power. They want you, they come to you and you decide whether or not you want to see them. If you initiate, you don't know if they would have asked you and we see it all the time. The woman intiates and then feels slighted because she not feeling the pursuit and wondering what his interest level really is. This is where the power is. Knowing whats going on with a guy. After the relationship has some legs, the woman can and should initiate some. But when she does, she gives the reins back to him so to speak. If you let the man lead, you also get a heads up sooner when/if he's losing interest. He calls less frequently etc. You cant really tell if the initiating is mixed. And, it's ok for a woman to initiate a first date. But after the date, the ball is in his court and he should lead from there. If you're fully receptive the man understands that you are interested enough. A woman is not being fully receptive if she's playing games or hard to get. So there's confusion. 2
S_A Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 My theory about this is simple, ladies want to be the one who rejects the guy and not vice versa, hence the reason they never approach, approaching has a stupidly high failure rate so its just not worth the risk to them. I am sure this will get some fairly interesting responses. Totally disagree. You're saying that women who approach have a high failure rate? That they get rejected? Pfft... No. Also, confident women don't fear rejection. If they do, it's outweighed by their desire to get what they want, which is the guy they decided to approach. 1
h0000 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) Women don't have to initiate because men will. But women can initiate of course. I don't think it will increase or decrease your chance with the man. But one thing I dont agree with you..Who is taking the led has nothing to do with who initiates. Whoever is less emotionally invested, takes the lead Edited July 15, 2015 by h0000 3
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Women don't have to initiate because men will. But women can initiate of course. I don't think it will increase or decrease your chance with the man. But one thing I dont agree with you..Who is taking the led has nothing to do with who initiates. Whoever is less emotionally invested, takes the lead That's my point. People are too focused on who initiates contact where it doesn't always mean that the guy is that interested....
h0000 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 That's my point. People are too focused on who initiates contact where it doesn't always mean that the guy is that interested.... Generally, the one initiates contact is more interested. It's just that there are all types of interests. Love interests, or just sex interests..They initiate contact could just mean they want a FWB with you. But if they don't initiate, usually means they want nothing from you. 2
ZA Dater Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Totally disagree. You're saying that women who approach have a high failure rate? That they get rejected? Pfft... No. Also, confident women don't fear rejection. If they do, it's outweighed by their desire to get what they want, which is the guy they decided to approach. No I am saying women don't approach because they don't want to fail and they want to be in a position to reject not to be rejected.
Toodaloo Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I initiate a lot. I initiate conversations and talk to people regardless of gender. But I leave it to the guy to ask me out. 4
candie13 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 hum... tough one. I think this might work better in real life compared to online. I look rather unapproachable and I am rather sensitive, so to me, the hardest part is to create a link with people so that they can feel that they can come talk to me. Once I do that, I swear it's in the pocket and I have loads of men asking me out. The real tough part is to be able to create that contact in a natural, non invasive way, without giving them the feel that I am hitting on them. After that, it's smooth sailing. 2
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 That's my point. People are too focused on who initiates contact where it doesn't always mean that the guy is that interested.... People are too hung up on the stigma of being rejected. Male and female. Basically both sexes have become scared pvssy's and are afraid to make a move. Glad I'm not one of them! One life...Just live it! What's the worst that happens a "no"?....on to the next.
candie13 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 online's different, though. I feel that I am losing my edge if I do the approaching, at the beginning. I actually play more difficult online - that usually holds with more intelligent men. I feel men have a lot of options online, harder to hold their attention if I do the approaching first.
NopeNah Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 online's different, though. I feel that I am losing my edge if I do the approaching, at the beginning. I actually play more difficult online - that usually holds with more intelligent men. I feel men have a lot of options online, harder to hold their attention if I do the approaching first. I don't do online dating...Never have. To me it's fake. Just my opinion. Have a great friend that met a great girl(so far) from it. Not my thing though.
ZA Dater Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I don't do online dating...Never have. To me it's fake. Just my opinion. Have a great friend that met a great girl(so far) from it. Not my thing though. Knowing what I know now I would never have signed up for online.
lino Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Women initiate less because society places the responsibility of approaching (as well as initiating everything else) on men. That's the sole reason. Reverse that expectation and so will who initiates. In this society women simply say yes or no. Women who take on some of that responsibility on their own will are commendable IMO but they're unfortunately very rare.
phineas Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I think I disagree with this. If you let the man take a lead and you are just being receptive, you are allowing the man to have all the power. For cheaters for example this is really convenient. They call you and text you when it's suitable for them since you never initiate contact. I also think that coming across as passive doesn't look that good. All confident woman I know are not afraid to initiate contact. The only thing is that a man has to be receptive and enthusiastic when you initiate. Obviously you shouldnt text him multiple times if he is not responding. One of good ways to test a man in early dating stages is how responsive he is to your random contact. I just see not initiating advice often on LS... Agree or disagree? I actually agree with this. Every female I know mid 30s to late 40s who never initiates constantly dates one d-bag after the other that treats them badly and cheats on them. Why? Because those guys just want sex and don't care if a woman shows interest or not and just keep hitting on them until they give in. A decent guy will just move on if a woman never initiates or shows outward interest so d-bags are really all she has for options. Ive been out with women who, If they like a guy they will not do anything. They will literally just stand in the middle of the bar alone hoping the guy their interested in will notice them and come talk to them. Lol. 2
casey.lives Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 a women can do anything a man can do... in her own way. Acting like a man doesn't make you more confident. of course women initiate all the time. it's called flirting 2
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 I actually agree with this. Every female I know mid 30s to late 40s who never initiates constantly dates one d-bag after the other that treats them badly and cheats on them. Why? Because those guys just want sex and don't care if a woman shows interest or not and just keep hitting on them until they give in. A decent guy will just move on if a woman never initiates or shows outward interest so d-bags are really all she has for options. Ive been out with women who, If they like a guy they will not do anything. They will literally just stand in the middle of the bar alone hoping the guy their interested in will notice them and come talk to them. Lol. If a guy is a player, he couldn't care less if he initiates 100% of the time. In fact, it's much more convinient to do so. He has no issue with rejections as he is not invested and has plenty more where that came from. If a guy is sincere, he is likely to feel a bit hurt if he has to do all the initiating. Sure a woman can be receptive but he will wonder if this woman never randomly thinks of him or desires contact. It's going to be a turn off and can actually kill the spark while a clearly expressed interest would fuel it. It's actually a lose-lose proposition for women. My dad was the one who offered this insight 2
central Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 If women don't initiate, all they can do is reject someone or something they do NOT want. They cannot obtain who or what they DO want, unless they are fortunate enough to have it offered. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 If a guy is a player, he couldn't care less if he initiates 100% of the time. In fact, it's much more convinient to do so. He has no issue with rejections as he is not invested and has plenty more where that came from. If a guy is sincere, he is likely to feel a bit hurt if he has to do all the initiating. Sure a woman can be receptive but he will wonder if this woman never randomly thinks of him or desires contact. It's going to be a turn off and can actually kill the spark while a clearly expressed interest would fuel it. It's actually a lose-lose proposition for women. My dad was the one who offered this insight If a guy is sincere, he is likely to feel a bit hurt if he has to do all the initiating. -- A woman shouldn't only be receptive, she needs to reciprocate some as well. Just not too early. Not until it's clearer what the man's interest level is. A few dates or so. Then she pays, suggests something fun to do, etc. She shouldn't drag that out. But, really the man shouldn't be questioning her interest if she is fully receptive. If she's not, he should move on. If it isn't clear to him, he shouldn't agonize over or read her. She will be clear enough. She can and should initiate things here and there, just don't over do it so as to pre-empt him all the time. It needs to be somewhat balanced.
Shining One Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 A woman shouldn't only be receptive, she needs to reciprocate some as well. Just not too early. Not until it's clearer what the man's interest level is.What's wrong with a woman reciprocating early? I love it when a woman reciprocates on the second date.But, really the man shouldn't be questioning her interest if she is fully receptive.What does fully receptive mean? 1
candie13 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 What's wrong with a woman reciprocating early? I love it when a woman reciprocates on the second date. I think I start to reciprocate after the 3rd date. I do make good conversation and say yes to future plans, but I will not initiate any of those first dates, until I feel comfortable with the man and know he is interested in me / seeing me. 1
katiegrl Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 (edited) What's wrong with a woman reciprocating early? I love it when a woman reciprocates on the second date. I have found that to be true as well....from the men I know as well as my brothers. Times, they are a changing, that's for sure. Roles are not as clearly defined anymore, and more and more men are expecting from women exactly what the men are giving to the women. I also agree that a man doing the initiating in no way guarantees he is into her or even sincere. In fact to the contrary, a man who expects no initiating from the woman early on may NOT be that invested in her, otherwise he would feel somewhat hurt and confused that she does not care enough to initiate. And as a result, he will pull back. Got that little gem from one of my brothers. One of my other brothers is a huge player, and prefers calling all the shots (doing all the initiating) precisely because it does allow him to call all the shots, and see a particular woman only when it suits him... He also admitted he will initiate many dates early on because he wants sex. Said he will determine after that (sex) whether or not he wishes to see her again. Edited July 15, 2015 by katiegrl
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