cmp67 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Backstory (sorry if this is long, feel free to skim): Last week my boyfriend and I broke up. We'd been dating for five months. The first four months were perfect. We just got along so well, I liked everything about him, and it felt like he brought out a good side of me. Then things took a turn the fifth month. He became increasingly critical and negative, picking arguments about the most insignificant things, pointing out the negative aspects of most things he saw or we did. He wasn't just critical of me, he was critical about pretty much the entire world around him. He also stopped paying as much attention to what I said - not really asking follow up questions, not really caring it seemed. So I talked to him about it. I asked if anything had been bothering him lately, hoping that there was something he was upset about or something going on that would explain his unpleasant behavior. He said no, that he'd always been a more critical person, that he guessed he was just more comfortable with me and was showing that side of him more. He said he could try to change, but I don't know if it's really possible to change what he claims is a core part of his personality. My theory is that he's unhappy with his life and therefore feels the need to bring everyone down with him. Which would be too bad, but would also suggest that maybe he could change his attitude. Fast forward a few days, we hadn't talked, I thought it was weird, I texted him, he called me, he thought I'd broken up with him during our talk, I told him I hadn't, he said he'd thought about it for a few days and come to realize breaking up was for the best anyway. He also changed his story and said he thought the reason why he'd been acting differently was that the relationship had just run its course. I know he's probably right. It probably is for the best. I don't want to be with someone who sees the world so negatively and is so wrapped up in himself. He also recently got out of a very long term relationship, so I worry that I was just a rebound for him. But I keep thinking about how unbelievably great the first four months were. And I really grew to care about him, which rarely happens for me. I just really miss him. All I can think about is texting him. I know I'll never run into him again - we don't run in the same circles. And it makes me so sad to think I could never speak to him again or see him again. I keep thinking about how we could maybe get back together or even just sleep together again. Intellectually I know that this is all ridiculous, but I can't help feeling this way. I also have a bad track record of never truly ending a relationship. It's always ended because of distance or lack of strong connection, no hard feelings, so there's always been the possibility of picking up where we left off (which sometimes has happened). So it makes it hard for me to accept the idea that this is truly over, forever. I don't even know what I'm asking. I guess what should I do? How do I get over this? Is there a chance that this can be salvaged? Can I see him again? I'm just so sad.
quattrob Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 Sorry to hear what you're going through, like you and him said, the relationship has ran it's course.. as always in all relationships, the beginning is always magical and in your case unfortunately he just felt different about the relationship with you after 5-6 months. It sounds like he just wasn't into you or the relationship anymore so that's why he was acting the way he was. What should you do? Try to slowly forget about him, he is gone. Hang out with other people who care about you like your friends and family. Do other things that make you happy. Time will help you get over this and going NC will help you with that. Do not text or contact or check his social media. There is no salvaging it and even if there was, it's not in your control.. it's totally only up to him.
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