ss284 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 There is this girl who I am pretty good friends with in my grad school program. She is also very attractive. Over the past few months, I've developed some feelings for her. However, I haven't been sure on whether to act on it or not. I didn't want to negatively affect the friendship, and I'm not positive we'd be compatible. We text every so often and I texted her Sunday night, and when she responded, she told me how great I was and what a great friend I am. When I responded, I mentioned that we should get lunch sometime this week because we hadn't talked in person for awhile. It's been nearly two days and no response. I'm concerned because this is the first time she's never returned one of my texts. At this point, I'm mostly concerned about the friendship. Have I ruined our friendship by doing this? I feel that I've made a big mistake. I should add that she is an absolute sweetheart who is prone to indecision and disdains confrontation.
Gloria25 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Gosh, you remind me of "me"...lol I often have a "delayed" reaction to someone that either I'm interested in and/or may be interested in me and by the time I try to make a move it comes off as "awkward" to say the least:lmao: Anywho, I read your other thread about adding her to FB and yes, think you're going about it all wrong. BTW? Did she ever accept your FB request? Well, regardless if she did or not, if I'm correct since you're done with school it's harder to see her now - hence, you asking her out for lunch? Well dude, the way you left her probably has her looking at your text to hang out and asking herself "Why?" "What does he want?"...Cuz you sent her the FB request stating that she made your time at school "memorable" and what does that mean? Also, like you stating you're not ready for a romantic RL right now, but would like to keep in touch, she may be saying "why is this guy contacting me when he's moved on from school and I'm just some chick he met before he left?" So, you're probably not high on her priority list - not even a "friend", more of an "acquaintance". I think you can repair this and probably get her attention, but I think it's gonna require telling her pretty much what you told us - which is: 'You like her and would like to get to know her, but since you met her on your way out of school and now are concentrating on your "post-school" life, you wanna keep in touch and see where it goes'. Good luck
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 It's grad school. People are busy. If she didn't like you at all, she wouldn't take the time to tell you how great she thinks you are. She sounds shy and may likely not know what she wants as far as a romantic life in grad school. I wouldn't worry about the friendship just because she didn't respond to an ask for lunch. Keep chatting her up and then at some point make a move. Just be mindful that grad school relationships can be awkward especially if you have class together. Play it cool. 2
Male Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 If she didn't like you at all, she wouldn't take the time to tell you how great she thinks you are. She could have purposely told him that phrase using the keyword FRIEND to get her point across, maybe because thats all she sees him as. You have to learn to read between the lines when dealing with women. They rarely if ever come out and say exactly what they mean. Maybe some other women can chime in about this, but I would think that if a woman likes a guy, she will do her best not to use the term "friend" when she talks to him.
Gloria25 Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 She could have purposely told him that phrase using the keyword FRIEND to get her point across, maybe because thats all she sees him as. You have to learn to read between the lines when dealing with women. They rarely if ever come out and say exactly what they mean. Maybe some other women can chime in about this, but I would think that if a woman likes a guy, she will do her best not to use the term "friend" when she talks to him. Well see the thing with women is, they'll pretend that they're soooo naive and don't think that the guy buzzing around them wants more than just friends. But, the females love the attention and quite frankly, a castrated male that is more like one of their girlfriends - who will be there at her beck and call, and that they don't have to have sex with is what they really want in a "mate". So, they won't tell him "he's just a friend", cuz he'll fly away and they'll have to find another castrated male to follow them around like a little doggy. So, sometimes it's hard to tell if he's been friendzoned cuz she's not gonna be frank with him.
Author ss284 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Gosh, you remind me of "me"...lol I often have a "delayed" reaction to someone that either I'm interested in and/or may be interested in me and by the time I try to make a move it comes off as "awkward" to say the least:lmao: Anywho, I read your other thread about adding her to FB and yes, think you're going about it all wrong. BTW? Did she ever accept your FB request? Well, regardless if she did or not, if I'm correct since you're done with school it's harder to see her now - hence, you asking her out for lunch? Well dude, the way you left her probably has her looking at your text to hang out and asking herself "Why?" "What does he want?"...Cuz you sent her the FB request stating that she made your time at school "memorable" and what does that mean? Also, like you stating you're not ready for a romantic RL right now, but would like to keep in touch, she may be saying "why is this guy contacting me when he's moved on from school and I'm just some chick he met before he left?" So, you're probably not high on her priority list - not even a "friend", more of an "acquaintance". I think you can repair this and probably get her attention, but I think it's gonna require telling her pretty much what you told us - which is: 'You like her and would like to get to know her, but since you met her on your way out of school and now are concentrating on your "post-school" life, you wanna keep in touch and see where it goes'. Good luck Actually, the girl in this thread is completely different from the girl in the other thread. I'm much closer to this girl than the one in the thread from a few years ago. Still, you raise some good points. 1
Author ss284 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 She could have purposely told him that phrase using the keyword FRIEND to get her point across, maybe because thats all she sees him as. You have to learn to read between the lines when dealing with women. They rarely if ever come out and say exactly what they mean. Maybe some other women can chime in about this, but I would think that if a woman likes a guy, she will do her best not to use the term "friend" when she talks to him. Oh, it definitely crossed my mind that she said friend for that reason. I thought I asked her in more of a friend fashion, but the message might have been lost in translation. I've been conflicted for some time about her. I'm attracted to her and love her as a friend, but I'm not sure whether to pursue anything or not.
Author ss284 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 It's grad school. People are busy. If she didn't like you at all, she wouldn't take the time to tell you how great she thinks you are. She sounds shy and may likely not know what she wants as far as a romantic life in grad school. I wouldn't worry about the friendship just because she didn't respond to an ask for lunch. Keep chatting her up and then at some point make a move. Just be mindful that grad school relationships can be awkward especially if you have class together. Play it cool. I agree with almost everything you said, especially about the potential diceyness of a grad school relationship. Yes, we will have multiple classes together in the fall. The only part you got wrong was that she might be shy. Actually, she is quite outgoing. I'm afraid me asking her to lunch might have thrown her off.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 A woman person can be outgoing socially and still be shy about relationships. Do you know of any past relationships? A lot of women will talk about ex-boyfriends and if they don't you can try to make inferences based upon any other knowledge you have of their past. As to the use of friend, it's an accurate term at this point, they're friends from what it sounds not just acquaintances. You can read between the lines either way given the context. If you get it over and over again, then yeah she's probably trying to send a signal, the same with conversations of relationships. Try to get to know the girl more and where she's at in all this and then consider your move well since you will have to see her in a professional context. I just finished two years of grad school, I don't know what your program is but if you think you will have to do work with her consider that situation. If you don't see serious competition on the horizon, take your time and have a real sense of how a move might be received.
Author ss284 Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 A woman person can be outgoing socially and still be shy about relationships. Do you know of any past relationships? A lot of women will talk about ex-boyfriends and if they don't you can try to make inferences based upon any other knowledge you have of their past. As to the use of friend, it's an accurate term at this point, they're friends from what it sounds not just acquaintances. You can read between the lines either way given the context. If you get it over and over again, then yeah she's probably trying to send a signal, the same with conversations of relationships. Try to get to know the girl more and where she's at in all this and then consider your move well since you will have to see her in a professional context. I just finished two years of grad school, I don't know what your program is but if you think you will have to do work with her consider that situation. If you don't see serious competition on the horizon, take your time and have a real sense of how a move might be received. Thanks for the advice. I worry that I made a major mistake by making a move, although I'm not sure it was really a move. I actually asked her in more of a social context rather than a romantic one, but I'm afraid she might not have interpreted it that way.
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