AnInvisiblboy Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) I don't know what I expect from posting on here. Hoping maybe to hear from others that have been through the similar situation. This might be long, but I would really appreciate some honest opinions... Shes 21...I'm 27. We both are a bit weird, not average people. We instantly connected. She was my morticia, and I her gomez So I met my recent ex on a popular dating site, we had both actually signed up around the same time. She was really the only girl on the site that caught my interest. She was very beautiful and unique, and I assumed she was way out of my league...so I pluck up the courage and send her a short message, and she actually REPLIES! We talk back and forth for a while, then I had to go off to work, so I told her my messages might be late...and she gave me her number(first time that has happened to me). We hit things off very well, our personalities seemed to mesh so well. She said she was serious about finding someone and knew what she wanted for her future. I asked her on a date, which our schedules finally allowed about a month later. We decided to meet at an outdoor mall...I still remember walking to go and find her and turning that corner...she was so gorgeous. Our relationship was absolutely perfect, her family loved me and gave me their approval, and we both were talking about long term commitment. I would go visit her and cook together and we would always cuddle and kiss. Sometimes during the week I would surprise her with flowers on her car before work, or go and have lunch with her while she was at work. It was just so amazing. We had been together for about 4 months and her birthday was coming up...I surprised her with a romantic trip to nyc...our last night there, I surprised her with a pre-engagement ring. I am still in the process of finishing college, and I wanted to show her how serious I was about her, and she said she did not mind the wait for us. It was the perfect moment, like something in a movie. We were all over each other and utterly happy. So a few months pass and everything is going great, we were making date night plans and planning on visiting her family on the weekend together...then one night she seemed a little depressed. She went to shower, just her usual routine, and we sent our usual silly kinky texts...then right after she said she is just thinking about things...My world came crashing to a halt. I knew what that meant, it has happened to me before. Sure enough, she went on to say that she has been thinking for awhile and thinks we should break up. Says she needs time to think about things and that she still loves me and she feels horrible. So i give her some space, limiting my texts for a few days...and then I ask how she is doing. She keeps saying she just needs to think about things, how she thought I would be farther in school and wants to save for a condo next year. My heart completely broke...I thought we were going to move together and get married. I still feel she is the one for me. She gave me an entire new outlook for my future which I never had before. I am old enough to know what I want in my future, and I chose her. I kept asking her why? What changed? And she really couldn't give me a definitive answer. I came up with several reasons in my head, each worse than the last. I really don't feel in was due to me still going through college, or that I didn't make enough money working a crappy job. I was completely honest with her from day one, she knew everything about me and my situation. So against my better judgement, I search through the few social media sites we shared together....and found her liking pictures of "Mr sexy muscle guy" that went to her high school...I couldn't believe it. I would never had suspected her of doing this, or even be attracted to that type of guy. You know the type, always flexing and talking about family and ethics and posting bs wordy quotes followed by talking about woman asses. Just your average gym douche. I am definitely a smaller skinnier guy, and I have always had self esteem issues...but when I was with her, I felt like I won at life. She made me feel like I was a much better guy than I ever thought myself. We had been intimate several times, and it was amazing...I never felt like she wasn't attracted to me, and I sure as hell was attracted to her. So this has all come as a huge shock to me. I am in No Contact now, still holding onto hope that she will realize how special we were together and tries again...I still feel things could be worked out. I know everyone will tell me to just move on, but I'm not sure how I can. I don't know how I am supposed to ever meet someone like her again. I am a pretty quiet and shy type of guy lol I am in the process of getting another job, and signing up for more college classes this fall....and trying to work out of course. I feel so scrawny and ugly now. Like I'm a complete failure...I have never gotten much attention from girls lol...and I feel I just lost my dream woman. I would like to her other girls opinions too! Is this just a simple "grass is greener" thing? Her just testing to see what its like with a old crush maybe? I still find myself wondering if she will come back...and how I would respond. I know the chance is slim to none though. And coming face-to-face with these truths, there is no catharsis. I gain no deeper knowledge about myself, no new understanding can be extracted from my telling. There has been no reason for me to tell you any of this. This confession has meant nothing…. Edited July 14, 2015 by AnInvisiblboy 1
hotmrw Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Hi buddy, you sound like a straight up guy to me, it sounds to me that for one reason or another she seems very confused, I know how you are feeling been blindsided, it is not nice, but you was god to her she wont forget this trust me, sadly I never treated my ex very good, and I have now lost her, I would not look in to her liking roid head pictures to much, women are women they like all that crap, if she really loves you she will be back, she certainly will remember a lot of good times by what you have wrote here, no contact is the way forward, make her miss all those special things you did for her, and she will, I wish I had been like that with my ex, I messed up, you never, I think she will have a wake up call sooner or later, stay NC, what is yours will come to you 2
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 deal with your self esteem issues. a man is a band aid and the band aid falls off eventually.. 1
Author AnInvisiblboy Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) I have been dealing with my self esteem issues...I am obviously somewhat good looking to even have gotten her attention in the first place! I sure as hell am not a band aid :/ @hotmrw Thanks man, I treated her the absolute best I could. I always cherish the woman I am with, as they hold most of the power in a relationship. I consider myself a very loyal, old fashioned type of guy. There is nothing more I can do right now I guess, then to wait and see what her decision will ultimately be. Edited July 14, 2015 by AnInvisiblboy 1
hotmrw Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I think you have a good chance, when I asked my ex why she dumped me ( for another guy ) she said because you never showed me love and attention, I just took her for granted and kept pushing her away, I have to live with this regret, and we have a 13 month old child together your ex can only think of you with good memories, I doubt there will be many men who can stack up against you, if/when she does come back please let us know, I can see you are a straight up guy and did everything right ( unlike me ) so I really send you my best wishes and hope it ends up right for you. 2
Satu Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I don't know if you will get back together or not, but I'd like to say this: In anyone's life there are things which work out and things that don't. We can't avoid that. So we need to learn how to deal with loss and disappointment. Sometimes we feel like the whole world has come crashing down around us, and there is no possibility of any more happiness in life, but that's just a feeling, not reality as it actually is. If it doesn't work out with your ex, you'll be very unhappy for a while, but you will be happy again further down the line. She isn't and never was, your only chance. Your life will go on, and you will come to a point of acceptance regarding your ex, no matter how it turns out. Keep believing in yourself and move forward. You'll be ok. Take care. 5
Author AnInvisiblboy Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Thank you everyone for your support...I'm still feeling pretty wounded though. I can't help but keep thinking about all the memories we had together...I miss the smallest things about her, like the little noises she would make as she was getting comfortable in bed next to me. Or the way she would turn to me and say "give me a kiss" in that beautiful voice of hers. Nights are the hardest...I'm just releasing my thoughts here to prevent myself from texting her I still feel we were perfect together...no matter how many times I run everything through my mind 1
Gus Grimly Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 I don't know if you will get back together or not, but I'd like to say this: In anyone's life there are things which work out and things that don't. We can't avoid that. So we need to learn how to deal with loss and disappointment. Sometimes we feel like the whole world has come crashing down around us, and there is no possibility of any more happiness in life, but that's just a feeling, not reality as it actually is. If it doesn't work out with your ex, you'll be very unhappy for a while, but you will be happy again further down the line. She isn't and never was, your only chance. Your life will go on, and you will come to a point of acceptance regarding your ex, no matter how it turns out. Keep believing in yourself and move forward. You'll be ok. Take care. Whoa, that hit home. You have some really good understanding about these affairs of the heart. Thanks for all your awesome advice.
Gus Grimly Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 ...I miss the smallest things about her, like the little noises she would make as she was getting comfortable in bed next to me. Or the way she would turn to me and say "give me a kiss" in that beautiful voice of hers. I feel you. Those "precious moments" can eat a man up from inside. Especially the cute and endearing mannerisms of our Exs, the affection that was shown, the looks they gave us. It can be soul crushing to think we'll never get to have that again. The constant recycling of memories is a bitter pill. I've almost broke NC because of it. Gotta remain vigilant and strong. You can do it! 2
Author AnInvisiblboy Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 @Gus Grimly Thanks...I've been holding onto hope that NC will have her realize how great we were together, and if I heal in the process then great. Us nice guys have it the hardest...
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 @Gus Grimly Thanks...I've been holding onto hope that NC will have her realize how great we were together, and if I heal in the process then great. Us nice guys have it the hardest... I was with you up until that bit. Like Satu says, you are understandably sad now and will be for a while, but this won't last. There will be someone else for you, someone more compatible, because there always is; or maybe you will find happiness in other ways. She had her own reasons for breaking up, and if I know anything about Rs, those reasons did not come to her one day in her sleep; she will have given it thought and considered it the best course of action for you both. You may feel blindsided but more likely, you didn't read or chose to ignore the signs; when someone is about to go, there are always a few of them. Keep the spirits up but don't think you have it the hardest because you're nice. Self-described nice guys are my personal bug bear, sorry OP.
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