Assumptions placed on middle aged single guys

July 14, 2015

Its pretty sad that in the dating world if you are a single male, older than 35, with no kids, and no dog, many women "assume" negative thoughts about you and your situation. You are instantly looked at having issues, or having something wrong with you.

If I had a child or two, then I am looked at in a positive light. All of a sudden its assumed I'm a hard working single dad, mature, and doing my best to take care of my kids.

Even if I have a dog, then women connect that with someone that cares, someone that has responsibility, and knows how to take care of something.

But if I have no kids, no dog or other pet, then its open season on speculation. I'm compared to all the other cookie-cutter guys that have kids and dogs. The number one question that single moms have asked me when on a date..."How come you never had kids"? Like they have to verify that my answer fits neatly into their list of acceptable answers before we move forward.

July 14, 2015

The number one question that single moms have asked me when on a date..."How come you never had kids"? Like they have to verify that my answer fits neatly into their list of acceptable answers before we move forward.

It is a fair question especially coming from single moms. What possible future could you have if the answer is, "I hate kids!".

July 14, 2015

You're thinking too hard. And you're positioning yourself submissively, cause if you weren't, you wouldn't think about **** like this.

July 14, 2015

i think it happens to women too. just tell the truth: you haven't met your wife yet.

July 14, 2015

It is a fair question especially coming from single moms. What possible future could you have if the answer is, "I hate kids!".

Yes thats true...but that I would think would be common sense the way I look at it. If I hated kids why would I be meeting a single mom for a date in the first place?

July 14, 2015

...But if I have no kids, no dog or other pet, then its open season on speculation. I'm compared to all the other cookie-cutter guys that have kids and dogs. The number one question that single moms have asked me when on a date..."How come you never had kids"? Like they have to verify that my answer fits neatly into their list of acceptable answers before we move forward.

A single mother is basically looking for a partner for herself and a father-figure for her kids, so what does a single guy >35, who doesn't even know how to look after a pet have to bring to the party...

The assumption is that he is most likely going to be selfish, it is all about him, and he is unlikely to "get" what being a parent is about, having never been there.

And the other thing that crosses her mind "Why is is a guy with no kids, sniffing around mine..."

It can be an unfair accusation, but it is what some women wonder too.

July 14, 2015

Yes thats true...but that I would think would be common sense the way I look at it. If I hated kids why would I be meeting a single mom for a date in the first place?

To bang her like a screen door in a hurricane, then move on to the next one?

These women are trying to get a sense of you and trying to protect themselves (and their kids). Seems pretty reasonable to me.

July 14, 2015

Its pretty sad that in the dating world if you are a single male, older than 35, with no kids, and no dog, many women "assume" negative thoughts about you and your situation. You are instantly looked at having issues, or having something wrong with you.

Its pretty sad that in the dating world if you are a single female, older than 35, with no kids, and no dog, many men "assume" negative thoughts about you and your situation. You are instantly looked at having issues, or having something wrong with you.

See what I did there...

July 14, 2015

Its pretty sad that in the dating world if you are a single female, older than 35, with no kids, and no dog, many men "assume" negative thoughts about you and your situation. You are instantly looked at having issues, or having something wrong with you.

See what I did there...

Yep...its always easier to take that route than actually answer the question directly.

And for the record....most men could totally care less why a woman has no kids, or no pets....if they find her attractive they will date her regardless. Most men do not over analyze and nit-pick every little behind the scenes detail of the womans life.

July 14, 2015

Yep...its always easier to take that route than actually answer the question directly.

YOU didn't actually ask a question.

More of a moan about single mothers, which I had already replied to prior to my post you quoted.

July 14, 2015

To bang her like a screen door in a hurricane,

LOL!!! Sometimes you crack me up.

July 14, 2015

YOU didn't actually ask a question.
More of a moan about single mothers, which I had already replied to prior to my post you quoted.

Single mothers just happen to be an example I used from personal experience. The main point is that most women in general have a biased view towards middle aged single men that have no kids, and no pets. In other words, instead of taking time to actually get to know the guy as a person, they prejudge him, and assume he's not worthy.

July 14, 2015

Single mothers just happen to be an example I used from personal experience. The main point is that most women in general have a biased view towards middle aged single men that have no kids, and no pets. In other words, instead of taking time to actually get to know the guy as a person, they prejudge him, and assume he's not worthy.

If there's any truth to that, which I can't help but doubt, then get a f*cking dog or something. No guinea pigs, though. Those guys smell up the room.

July 14, 2015

This thread - like many threads here of people who are single - just subjectively reeks of negativity...Yet, any attempts to provide positive support/advice/experiences - gets argued with instead of being taken into account and put into practice.

An ex gf of mine - was going on 50 and still single. One day I looked her in the face and told her "if you wanted to be with someone, you would have long time ago" and she looked at me like she wanted to burn me with x-ray vision (if she had it).

So, in other words - IMO, a lot of people who are still single are doing "something" to remain single - yet are defensive if you dare tell them that.

But, back to topic...

Some women with kids don't care if you're single. Actually, some are more than happy they can find a guy with no baggage who is willing to take on their baggage. Two recent examples of real life?

1-Last nite on ID I was watching a old "Over My Dead Body" where this single mum was working late nites at a bar and met dude - who was single and no kids. She already had 2 kids. They clicked and got married (well, she literally got on one knee and proposed to him). He stepped up to the plate, got a better job and they weren't rich - but happy.

And, I gave her a big "kudos" for recognizing the treasure she found in him because every year she literally does a "feast" on EVERY Father's Day cuz she said that she wants her and the kids to recognize and honor "him" for being their provider. Unfortunately, when she went shopping for the food for the annual feast, is when she got kidnapped and had to fight for her and her kid's life. But she survived

I was so amazed to see that there are women who exist that think like I do - especially when the other day here on LS, we did not see "one" thread on/about Father's Day where a mum/wife actually did something to celebrate her husband/father of their kids.

2-Sunday on "Snapped". Dude got with this Krazy woman with one kid and she killed him for his life insurance money. Mind you, woman was married several times already and had "issues" - but he was a single guy w/o kids and thought he'd get an "instant" family (and probably the "Captain Save a Ho" complex going on here too).

So, my point in these two examples is - a lot of women with kids search for and actually "appreciate" a single, childless guy w/o his own baggage. And, these often are guys in their 30's and even older. The perpetual bachelor who wakes up one day and decides he's ready to settle down, and has no issue with inheriting an "instant family" (a woman with kids already). But, IMO, unlike the lady in example #1 that I used, more than likely it's a woman like in example #2 - where she just wants to be rescued and a guy to take care of her and her rugrats, rather than a husband and lover.

-Yes, as you appear to be alluding to, a lot of people with kids from previous RLs and/or marriages tend to seek out people who also have kids in some notion that the person can identify with their struggles as being a single/divorced parent, are experienced parents and better able to come together to create a family. But, problem is that over 75% of these RLs and/or marriages fail cuz of the exes and the drama with custody issues; the parent spoiling their kids cuz of their guilt from the divorce/failed RL; and/or the parent doesn't want their new SO to dictate to them how to raise their kids.

-And yes, when you see a guy at a certain age w/o kids, marriage and/or not even a pet - you can't help but wonder if dude has had any responsibility in his life and would be able/willing to take on the role/responsibility of a wife and/or kids. But, again, it takes people willing to take the time to know that person and see if he's like the guys I mentioned in my two examples - where he put off kids/wife and now is ready...cuz it "is" like that for some guys. But, since your thread started off on a generalized and negative tone - not sure if you're gonna even pay attention to my statement.

I mean, I was on OLD the other day and saw a profile of a dude like late 30's and he literally said 'I'm dating to get married - not just to date'. Did I think he's some perpetual bachelor who didn't know what he was about to get into by finally desiring marriage? Nope, I took him seriously, cuz yes, some men and women put off family/kids and realize later in life that they are ready - and IMO, often make better spouses/parents because they took the time to live their lives, didn't marry/have kids cuz of pressures of age/society/etc, and are in a better place (emotionally/financially) to take on a family at their older age rather than people who just jumped into it when younger and spent their youth struggling to pay bills and take care of rugrats.

Me, when I see guys with kids it more makes me worry rather than jump to get with them instead of a guy at his 30's w/o kids. Why? Cuz, I gotta wonder if he's looking for a "maid/babysitter" rather than a wife and lover. I gotta wonder if the kids will hate me cuz they think I wanna be their new mommy. I gotta wonder if his ex is gonna get mean and use the kids to f-with him and me cuz he's moved on to me. I gotta wonder if he's gonna spoil his kids out of guilt and mess up our marriage/finances.

So, while you may have some notion that a guy with kids and/or a dog is a "hot commodity" for women - I do not see it like that. I've tried to date guys with kids and tried to just be a "friend" that he can have hamburgers with on the weekend w/o disrupting his attention to his kids and/or riling up an ex - but, didn't work out for me cuz IMO, the guys were looking more for a maid/babysitter than a wife/lover and think it's a-o.k. to just drag each/every woman they date in front of their kids w/o considering the impact it has on the kids.

So, at the end of the day - if a woman runs across a guy in his 30's or older w/o kids, ever being married, and/or not even a pet - it would be in her best interest to get to know him and look at his lifestyle. If he's out running the streets partying, spends more time in the mirror than she does and/or is not emotionally available - then yes, she probably met someone who is waiving a bunch of red flags. But, let's say he was in the military and didn't wanna abandon a wife/kids to do his work and now that he's done with that, got roots somewhere and is financially/mentally stable and ready for a family - then there you go - no red flags.

Sorry for the long rant, but I really wanted to make some significant points here.

Edited July 14, 2015 by Gloria25

July 14, 2015

Its pretty sad that in the dating world if you are a single male, older than 35, with no kids, and no dog, many women "assume" negative thoughts about you and your situation. You are instantly looked at having issues, or having something wrong with you.

If I had a child or two, then I am looked at in a positive light. All of a sudden its assumed I'm a hard working single dad, mature, and doing my best to take care of my kids.

Even if I have a dog, then women connect that with someone that cares, someone that has responsibility, and knows how to take care of something.

But if I have no kids, no dog or other pet, then its open season on speculation. I'm compared to all the other cookie-cutter guys that have kids and dogs. The number one question that single moms have asked me when on a date..."How come you never had kids"? Like they have to verify that my answer fits neatly into their list of acceptable answers before we move forward.

My experience was the exact opposite of yours. IME 35-45 are the glory days for male dating. You can date down into the 20s and up into the 40s. Plus, you're established and have money and a career. Men in their 20s are a pain in the ass to date.

And IME, having kids is just baggage to most single women, especially the ones without kids. Relationships are a lot easier if neither person has ex-spouses and kids.

July 14, 2015

A few months ago, I was single, over 38, no kids and no pets. I had a few comments but nothing that stopped me from dating intelligent, open-minded, serious, interesting guys whether they had children or not. When I met my BF (single father, divorced, over 40), the first couple of questions he asked once we got to know each other were:

1. how come you're single at your age with no kids? I told him the truth:I do like children in general but have no real maternal instincts to have my own kids, a series of Rs with the wrong guys, career-minded.

2. Why is a single woman with no responsibilities interested in a divorced father of 2 teenage boys? I also told him the truth: I really liked him. I still do.

It didn't put him off.

It only takes one, man .

July 14, 2015

Male you really should stop thinking about all of this, it's probably hurting your chances, you should just be who you are, where you actually ARE in your life and the women who are accepting and like you for that are the ones you might have a relationship with. Don't even spend anymore of your head space on this ok??!

July 14, 2015

Men in their 20s are a pain in the ass to date.

Newsflash...so are women.

having kids is just baggage to most single women, especially the ones without kids. Relationships are a lot easier if neither person has ex-spouses and kids.

Good chance at finding single women with no kids in NE Ohio. This is baby/bible country. Most women in this area got married and pregnant right out of high school. The few that dont have kids, are the independent, professional types that only date Dr's, lawyers, and other professionals.

A few months ago, I was single, over 38, no kids and no pets. I had a few comments but nothing that stopped me from dating intelligent, open-minded, serious, interesting guys.

You CANNOT compare the two situations.

Most men if they find the woman attractive do not care about backround info. They accept you at face value. They accept you as you are now.

Many women on the other hand are like tabloid journalists scrounging around for every piece of dirt that they can find on the guy so they can make snap judgments.

July 14, 2015

Newsflash...so are women.

Good chance at finding single women with no kids in NE Ohio. This is baby/bible country. Most women in this area got married and pregnant right out of high school. The few that dont have kids, are the independent, professional types that only date Dr's, lawyers, and other professionals.

You CANNOT compare the two situations.

Most men if they find the woman attractive do not care about backround info. They accept you at face value. They accept you as you are now.

Many women on the other hand are like tabloid journalists scrounging around for every piece of dirt that they can find on the guy so they can make snap judgments.

If our entire gender is so awful, why do you want to date one of us?

July 14, 2015

If our entire gender is so awful, why do you want to date one of us?

Its the same as women having the outlook that most men are just out for sex. Theres some good guys out there but its not a lie to say majority are bad.

I never said all women are awful. I will say many of them are as far as dating practices go, and being down right catty and backstabbing, but there are a small percentage that are good.

Edited July 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

July 14, 2015

You CANNOT compare the two situations.

Most men if they find the woman attractive do not care about backround info. They accept you at face value. They accept you as you are now.

Many women on the other hand are like tabloid journalists scrounging around for every piece of dirt that they can find on the guy so they can make snap judgments.

Actually, most serious, LTR-minded guys do care a lot about background info IME. I wouldn't be with one who doesn't care.

July 14, 2015

Actually, most serious, LTR-minded guys do care a lot about background info IME. I wouldn't be with one who doesn't care.

I disagree. I think its much more important who is a person is now, and how they live their life now. Who she was or what she did in the past usually isnt relevant for most cases.

July 14, 2015

Single mothers just happen to be an example I used from personal experience. The main point is that most women in general have a biased view towards middle aged single men that have no kids, and no pets. In other words, instead of taking time to actually get to know the guy as a person, they prejudge him, and assume he's not worthy.

Rather than view it as bias or negative in any way, view it as their discovering what you are like inside, what you value, prioritize, and how you've been living since you left home. She might be curious and nothing more than that. Or just considering who is likely to fit her and her life, without making a general conclusions about good or bad.

Most men if they find the woman attractive do not care about backround info. They accept you at face value. They accept you as you are now.

Many women on the other hand are like tabloid journalists scrounging around for every piece of dirt that they can find on the guy so they can make snap judgments.

While I'd assume that everyone, men and women, would want to know these things about a prospective partner, but you’re saying “most men” don’t care about background. I don’t think that “most men” see things that way. Some do. Maybe you do if you think that’s the norm, but I doubt that most men do.

I think you’re being overly sensitive and emotional about this. Don’t assume that someone who asks you about yourself is “scrounging around for every piece of dirt.” Such defensiveness or paranoia or cynicism, or whatever it is, is itself a bit high-strung. Try to relax and enjoy the dates and explore what this person is like inside and try to assume she's thinking bad things about you.

July 14, 2015

I disagree. I think its much more important who is a person is now, and how they live their life now. Who she was or what she did in the past usually isnt relevant for most cases.

Other people feel differently. That doesn't make them wrong.

July 14, 2015

Most women connect and have a soft spot for a single guy they see that has kids. Go to any little league game on the weekend and see the way women swoon over single dads and their kids. Its also portrayed in countless movies and TV shows. (Art typically imitates life in case you didnt know)

Edited July 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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