mettoo Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 My husbands friends had an affair and he hid it from me for a year. He said he was disgusted when he found out but now that it's over he is willing to forget about it and is happy enough to go on with the wife never finding out. My problem is that I hate that he is hanging out with them and it's causing a lot of arguments. He doesn't have many friends so he doesn't have another group of people to hang out with but he is after getting very close with the girl who was the 'other woman' after the fact. They go out drinking together as a group while the wife is at home with their baby and it disgusts me. At the time I didn't suspect that they were having an affair as they hid it well or I didn’t want to see it and now that it's supposedly over it is obvious to me that they are still flirting and the guy involved even makes moves on me! Subtle moves and in front of my husband. I don’t know why I can’t get over it, I know I wasn’t cheated on but I can’t seem to get passed the fact that my husband knew all along and lied when I asked him if this guy cheated (I don’t know why but I suspected he might be that kind of guy). I didn’t think I had reason to be jealous but I noticed that he mentions her a lot more than anyone else and this will sound silly but he chose a restaurant for us to go to on her suggestion even though if I suggested it he never would have agreed to it (not his type of place) and bought a product he hates because she said she liked it. It worries me how much she influences him and he only blames the man not her as she isn’t the married one. If he blamed her equally I would feel better but I can’t make him feel any different so I know I have to move passed it. My question is how do I do that? It’s been over a month since I found everything out. I love my husband but he’s lying to cover for them has upset me given that they are relatively new friends and he’s been with me for so long.
casey.lives Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 what might be bothering you is the birds of a feather flock together idea.. you have a right to be concerned 1
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 If he blamed her equally I would feel better but I can’t make him feel any different so I know I have to move passed it. Exactly. You can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. My question is how do I do that? It’s been over a month since I found everything out. I love my husband but he’s lying to cover for them has upset me given that they are relatively new friends and he’s been with me for so long. If it's bothering you that much, and since you feel right is so on your side, why dont' you just call the wife and tell her what is going on? Your husband's not going to do that and you somehow feel a wrong needs righting, so what are you waiting for? Right is on your side, right? You should fear nothing.
Author mettoo Posted July 14, 2015 Author Posted July 14, 2015 birds of a feather flock together and this isn't the first, the conversation started because friends of his broke up as the guy left his wife for the girl he was cheating with why dont' you just call the wife and tell her what is going on? I don't think it's a great idea because if it is over it will only hurt her finding out now that it's done and dusted. Also I feel so terrible after finding out I don't want her to feel this pain if there is any chance it's not necessary but I find it so hard to do another woman wrong this way too. I always thought I would say it if I found out someone was doing it but the truth is also I don't really know the wife, I've only met her a few times and she doesn't come out at all anymore so I have no contact with her or at least I haven't since.
kendahke Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I love my husband but he’s lying to cover for them Cover up to whom? The wife? I thought you wanted his wife told that her husband was having an affair? If it's over, then it's over. I think your energy would be better spent keeping an eye on your husband because he's green-lighting this friend of his boy's a little too much
Mr. Lucky Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 They go out drinking together as a group while the wife is at home with their baby and it disgusts me. Are you part of this group? People of integrity aren't afraid to disassociate themselves from those acting unethically or immorally. Have you asked your husband if he thinks his friend is wrong in what he's doing? His answer might be revealing... Mr. Lucky 2
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 Can your husband hang out with his friend but not make you be there? It's probably more of an "I don't want to get involved" scenario then a full on approval of the other guy's cheating.
pondhawk Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 and this isn't the first, the conversation started because friends of his broke up as the guy left his wife for the girl he was cheating with Do you know this wife that was cheated on, whose husband left? Is she in your circle of friends? Maybe she can reveal to your husband's friend's wife that she is being cheated on too. It would be better coming from someone who went through the ordeal, so they can bond. I would hate knowing that this woman is going to waste YEARS of her life on a man who isn't true to her. She deserves a real man. Not a fake husband. As far as your husband goes, I would watch the situation. This woman obviously has no problems sleeping with married men. Your husband's been talking about her lately? Like a fascination, in things she likes?? Red flag. She wants to hang out with them? OK, but not without you around. Let them come over to your house when you're home. If your husband is invited somewhere and she will be there then you better be too. Set some healthy boundaries when you're dealing with a loose woman attracted to married men.
MuddyRock Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 You know you have to tell the wife. You are not the one causing the hurt. Her husband didnthat. The affair is NOT over. If they still talk to each other and hang out its not done. Sorry. Even if they aren't sleeping together it's still an emotional affair. Plus it is more like they are still involved. If someone gets away with a. Affair with no consequences they will do it again. 2
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